thread of lobster moral support

so, i really want to get lobsters. you can get live ones straight up delivered so i don't even have to go thru the picking-one-out-for-death agony at chelsea market (some rudimentary research reveals fresh direct seems to be getting theirs from same place). but i'm absolutely certain that the end result of this will be to place the lobsters on the floor to run around and harass the cats, and then will be too shamed and in love to actually put them in a pot. then i'll just have pet lobsters.

keep in mind i have no issues shucking and eating raw fresh oysters, throwing live mussels into a pot, or cleaning fresh wiggly soft-shell crabs and throwing them into a fryer so i have no idea where my lobster moral dilemma is stemming from.

so i'm asking you -- what do you do with lobsters? am i the only one with a specific dilemma about lobsters? tales and tips and recipes (? really there is one recipe isn't there?) here.

http://i213.photobucket.com/albums/cc217/missmitsu/violets.jpg

oh fuck - hang on a sec . . .

http://forums.armagetronad.net/files/thumbs/t_pinchy.jpg

That's better.

that'll help

if you're squeamish, the easiest way to cook lobster is to stick 'em in the freezer for a while, so they get all slow and incapacitated, then microwave them.

throwing them squirming into a pot of boiling water is kind of horrific what with all the banging and the clawing.

then again if you can't come to terms with the reality that you're killing something to eat it maybe stick to yogurt?

im squeamish as fuck when it comes to dead things esp animals but i think it would be dope to boil some live lobsters idk

btw

thread of mobster laurel support

i'm totally ok with the idea of killing things and have done so to multiple things/people. it's really specifically lobsters! the freezer trick seems like a good tip -- but how to prevent myself from running around taunting ppl with the little guys and endearing them to me beforehand? i think the violet chews idea is good.

lol

i think perhaps handing them to alex to put in freezer will help with this -- i'm just really certain i would PLAY with them.

haha while i was typing this an ad for "lobsterfest" came on the tv.

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/50/109792597_39a636e201.jpg

i just have this image in my head that a year from now i'll have some old ass lobster, named something like a.c. newburg, that i couldn't bring myself to kill because i played with it first.

xpost yes see that is what my house would look like -- i even have a fat black cat

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/115/283510061_f5f3b3af9b.jpg?v=0

my lil a.c. newburg

btw that is a photo from an ilxor's apartment. i'm pretty sure he killed the lobster after playing with it.

if you're squeamish, the easiest way to cook lobster is to stick 'em in the freezer for a while, so they get all slow and incapacitated, then microwave them.

dude this is worse!!

i don't own a microwave so that last bit is out so i HOPE that's the worst part??

y cant ppl just cut their heads off or something so the lil guys dont have to suffer :(((

like if i cant bring myself to boil them to death i sure as hell wouldnt be able to freeze then microwave them!

sry i kill thread :(

hold on, schef you don't own a microwave?

HANDLE IT

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y202/personalitytest/blog/anniehall1.jpg

i do not own microwave, no

i am tryin to handle it! that is why i need support. i just find the little dudes hilarious.

y cant ppl just cut their heads off or something so the lil guys dont have to suffer :(((

they're like giant bugs if you cut off their heads they'd probably walk around your kitchen for a couple of minutes, mocking you with their insectoid death throes

also, the microwave is probably more humane for the same reason we put the condemned in the electric chair instead of dropping them in pots of boiling water but yeah agree that freezing is the key part of the equation, it puts them to sleep basically

one of the funniest things I ever heard was when my wife read aloud the recipe for cooking the lobster in the microwave: "before starting the microwave, place a wedge of lemon on the lobster's head to help season the meat, and to humiliate the lobster."

she made that last part up but totally deadpanned it and I still laugh when I think about it

you should take the rubberbands off their claws so they're more dangerous and it's like you vs. them FITE TO THE DETH

after they pinch you a few times you'll be over the "aww cute" aspect

EARN IT YOU BIB SPORTING MOTHERFUCKER

YOU CAN HAVE MY MEAT WHEN YOU PRY IT FROM MY COLD DEAD CLAWS

you should take the rubberbands off their claws so they're more dangerous and it's like you vs. them FITE TO THE DETH

― Dane Cook's Illustrated (I DIED), Wednesday, March 25, 2009 12:55 AM (12 minutes ago)

otm

give the little guy some dignity

PLUNGE THE TIP OF A SHARP KNIFE STRAIGHT DOWN RIGHT BEHIND THE LOBSTER'S EYES

No really. I googled 'kill lobster'.

am i the only one with a specific dilemma about lobsters?

― he sounded italian enough to give me something (the schef (adam schefter ha ha)), Tuesday, March 24, 2009 11:13 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

i hav a dilemma abt this which is why i was hoping ud hav a lobster party and take care of it for me so i could eat the lobsters

i have dilemma too, although i haven't had much lobster in my life.

one time i woke up at a friend's house really hungover and watched a documentary about lobsters. did you know they can live to be over 100 yrs old? i'm not trying to be all captain save-a-lobster, i'd still eat a big ol' lobster, but they can have pretty interesting lobster lives.

its amazing how good they taste

do they taste good without a ton of butter?

yes some in fact claim butter obscures the more delicate registers and take the meat straight

crab >>>>> lobster

basically a meaningless assertion considering the myriad species of said creatures

i dont particularly like shellfish

they give me weird dreams

i love crawfish. lobsters are basically giant crawfish, right?

yes

Still trying to figure if the lobster is supposed to chew the gum or Ally is.

ok joe i will make you a lobster -- but only if you come over and help me fight it after i take off its rubber bands. anyone who eats of this lobster party must witness its death i feel like.

j/k -- maybe i will have a lobster dinner party tho. i imagine after i throw the 5th, 6th one into the pot i'll be immune to all this.

this is going to be just like The Running Man

get someone else to do it.

lets all go on a lobster tour of maine instead

benefits of the crustastun

* Fast, clean & efficient
* Reduces stress & improves meat quality in terms of texture & flavour
* Can be used by unskilled staff
* Conforms to Standards of Humane killing & acceptable to the general public

http://www.crustastun.com/img/single2.jpg

lol watch me scan my face guuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhzzz

this is a joke, right?

what's a joke is the wanton suffering you inflict upon crustaceans

so high and mighty up there at the top of the food chain, aren't you

i did not actually scan my face w/the crustastun!

this is totally worth getting for an office and using on interns.

lol, i keep hearing "watch me scan my face guuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhzz" as sung by soulja boy

putting yr face on the crustastun would result in some noxious stimuli

"CONTINUOUS FLOW CRUSTASTUNNA"!!!!!

hypnotize the lobster into thinking he's a cow and voila surf and turf

it's times like these I wish I were a DJ so I could be DJ crustastun

although you might not want to kill it after that because you may need the milk
xpost to me

DJ crustastun ft. MC continuous flow

MC mild briny gush

morelike crustachin' amirite?

However, review by the Scottish animal rights group Advocate for Animals released in the same year reported that "scientific evidence ... strongly suggests that there is a potential for (lobsters) to experience pain and suffering," primarily because lobsters (and other decapod crustaceans) "have opioid receptors and respond to opioids (analgesics such as morphine) in a similar way to vertebrates," indicating that lobsters' reaction to injury changes when painkillers are applied.

I think I need to sign up for a similar "test" to see whether I experience "pain".

I just went to youtube to check out some boiled lobster videos for laffs and boy, are there some real assholes out there.

I mean, the lobsters in those videos are kinda going, "I think you're making too big of a deal about this *glub, glub*".

Find any vids of lobster sauna with mud bath and claw peel?

Someone is going to peel its claws, that's for sure.

:(((((

assholes boiling lobsters, let me show them to you

Ha yes. Still not any worse than posting in the Chuck Asay thread.

you guys didn't HAVE to click on the youtubes.

it's well established I have impulse control problems when it comes to noxious stimuli

Well, the first one did have the word "family" in the title, so those with a Disney-like sensibility may have considered themselves to have been duped.

"lobster family boiling alive" was a smash hit for disney in japan

Good times on the "lobster family" gis:

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3003/2295640011_8c4767f27a.jpg

I'm trying to find that old Atlas Comics story about the guy who loved to watch lobsters writhe in the cookpot, then goes scuba diving and gets grabbed by a giant lobster that pokes him into a volcanic thermal vent.

i don't think that will help me one bit, sir.

Ally's lobster, in a few years:

http://www.ertom.com.pl/futurama/obrazki/ZoidbergMeal.gif

http://f.chtah.com/i/36/2068571857/newprod_hder_lobster.gif

it's like everything i see, every day, is taunting me to buy a lobster

joe francis does seafood now?

I found that story! It's just the thing if you want your lobster lust wilted, schef.

great, now i want lobster too

i shall let someone else cook it tho

off to eat some in a bar, can't remember the last time I had it.

Scores or Hustler?

i have had lobster precisely once and was pretty unimpressed

crab is way better!

grilled lobster. nom. omg. want. now. gahhhh.

xpost to nutrition nazi thread we all probably love lobster bc of salt and fat (anything dipped in butter is good, right? don't answer that).

i like lobster in soups and stews. when i was growing up, my mom belonged to a women's group that would have an annual lobster sale fundraiser. i think once one jumped/fell out of the pot of boiling water and crawled around a bit before my mom recaptured it.

crab is way better!

― butt sound insanity (gbx), Sunday, October 4, 2009 6:50 PM (18 minutes ago)

+1

there are bits around the leg joints that taste like crab

I used to mix the tomalley with horseradish and put it on crackers, before I read that tomalley is actually the lobster's liver and probably has loads of PCBs and chemicals.

soft shell crab ftw, fuck a tough and inedible shell getting in the way of my food.

soft shell crab sandwich might be the best sandwich i've ever had

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f9EvHs3kLKA

Swiss government bans the practice of plunging live lobsters into boiling water amid fears the animals can feel pain