why Hitchin can be shit sometimes...

Despite the fresh-facedness of it all, I still opt for the Hart of a Friday by default. Why? Let's have a look. Some of you may remember a time when Hitchin kicked a lot of ass and put neighbouring towns to shame. Hippies, punks, indies, crusties, technos, rastas and goths shared the local drinking spots in peace and harmony. Then they all moved away. Hitchin slowly turned in on itself, pubs closed down, clubs started up. Only the Hart managed to survive, an oasis of cool but still not without being affected.

Let's see where our problem lies...

10. The Orchard And Anvil
Most people will remember there was a time when one could walk down nightingale road, score some weed, play table football and dance like a mental to kicking dub and dancehall. That time is now gone. The infamous Woolpack, a two-bar pub, one of which was largely populated by the Triangle area's West Indian population was one of Hitchin's best kept secrets until it got found out. Everyone got chucked out, it got repainted and renamed and now no-one goes in there. Witness the "disco" in the bottom bar at the weekend. One old dude sat in a corner getting blinded by the flashing lights and wondering what the hell happened to his pub. PHUN!

9. Corn Exchange
In at number 9 it's the infamous Corn Exchange. Once a humungous waste of space, the old Corn Exchange market got refurbished by Wizard Inns to create a massive high-ceilinged super pub with a built-in dancefloor and a huge queue of jacketless clerical workers outside. Ask the DJ to play some reggae and you'll get Red Red Wine. It's bad. It's not THAT bad, but the problem with the Corn is that it is so big and bland that it has become the default place to go for single people out on the pull. This has caused a kind of black hole making other drinking spots devoid of good-looking up-for-it people. The good-looking up-for-it people in the Corn meanwhile must get sucked into the blackness of the place since I never see any of them in there.

8. The Phoenix
Used to be the Tut'n'Shive. Used to be better. Used to have a skate ramp and play cool music. Now it's a haven for cackling old hags, scallywags in towelling socks and emo children alike.

7. King's Arms
Used to be very pleasant until it got populated by coke-addled wankers - see also the Red Hart toilets these days. Seriously, I'm up for getting trashed on alll kinds of things but if you really want to bore the pants off everyone you ever know or meet then keep hoovering that shit up.

6. Brighton and London
Yep, it's like Hitchin heaven or something. Everyone gets to a certain age and fucks off up there.

5. Town renovation
I'm not one to stand in the way of progress but they're bashing it all down aren't they. We'll soon see yet another wave of spoiled commuter-sprogs invading our town, guzzling down Starbucks Megamochas and dying their hair anime black or whatever young people get up to these days.

4. Ivory
The new kid on the block. A self-styled "trend bar", the minimal decor and GINORMOUS disco ball looks tacky as hell. The seating is weird and awkward, the DJ plays the same mix each and every week (it must be on a tape or something). The first couple of times I went in it looked okay. The crowd was a bit more sophisticated than the Cornhole and the music was interesting enough to hold my attention, despite the overpriced drinks. After about two weeks the rot set in. Now it's populated by middle-aged slappers and girls from my old school who used to take the piss out of me but now have like 4 kids and look like they could do with a trip to the hospital.

3. The Red Hart
It used to be hang-out central for all greasers and hippies. Times change, I know I know, but does everyone who goes down there have to look like Pete Docherty or what?!! Growing more and more fresh-faced each time I go, I feel concerned as I mentioned earlier that one day I'll be the oldest person there. At least Gareth still goes. It's still a good place to hang out but it's just not the same. Yak yak yak I'm old, I know.

2. I'm clutching at straws and I'm running out of things to put down
I've forgotten what this list was for now...

1. Cocaine
It's bullshit and it's ruining Hitchin. Overpriced, unsociable, bullshit. If you're so insecure you have to spend £50 just so you can pluck up the courage to talk to people then you don't deserve to be out and about. Pot and pills cost a lot less and the best bit is you don't go round shouting at people and insulting them all the time.

And thats what's rubbish about Hitchin, I think.