WE'RE EXPECTING !!!!!!

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And these aren't official portraits, but posting these to get them out of the way.

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-MnxTSlefj3Y/TlcM1Sehy2I/AAAAAAAAAEY/2cCjFdAIsmo/s1600/pregnant+with+gun.jpg

pplains, Saturday, 29 December 2012 17:18 (six years ago) link

Stockholm syndrome in those last pics from pp

LIKE If you are against racism (omar little), Saturday, 29 December 2012 17:29 (six years ago) link

"The YOU of A" is the University of Arkansas' catchphrase? That is a shame.

toy_sleigher (Sufjan Grafton), Saturday, 29 December 2012 17:47 (six years ago) link

What strikes me about the gun pictures is how murderously aggressive the men look, while the women just look pregnant and content and not like an angry, gun-wielding, Dockers-wearing wingnut has them in a headlock.

carl agatha, Saturday, 29 December 2012 17:57 (six years ago) link

And I mean, what's the point of that picture? "Don't fuck with my pregnant wife, pictured here in a headlock, or I'll fucking shoot you!" Do they hang these up on their doors under the "This property protected by Smith & Wesson" sign? Do the wives have shirts printed with these pictures to wear when their husbands aren't in headlocking distance? Is this their Christmas card and do people subsequently decline to pay holiday visits for fear of being shot? I just have so many questions.

carl agatha, Saturday, 29 December 2012 17:59 (six years ago) link

"I have captured and drugged your pregnant wife and if you attempt to retrieve her, I will shoot you in the face!"

carl agatha, Saturday, 29 December 2012 18:00 (six years ago) link

You should try having an angry, gun-wielding, Dockers-wearing wingnut get you in a nice, tight, inescapable headlock sometime. Before you know it, the sense of security will overwhelm your synapses with the loveliest chemicals and you will not be able to remember how you lived before.

del griffith, Saturday, 29 December 2012 18:04 (six years ago) link

A paternity test might be your best shot for an answer.

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8449/8017001277_c01cdaf73b_c.jpg

pplains, Saturday, 29 December 2012 18:04 (six years ago) link

Wasn't crazy about this one at first, until I imagined how nice a velour cushion would feel on one's own bare ass.

http://farm7.staticflickr.com/6225/6852366366_1622497941_c.jpg

pplains, Saturday, 29 December 2012 18:06 (six years ago) link

^^ 70s roman polanski film vibe w/ that one

the memoirs of gaydrian (clouds), Saturday, 29 December 2012 18:08 (six years ago) link

Do you think that photographer did some Photoshopping in the crotch area there? Something looks weird.

carl agatha, Saturday, 29 December 2012 18:14 (six years ago) link

she actually has no vagina.

packt like phoebe cates's dad in a chimney (strongo hulkington's ghost dad), Saturday, 29 December 2012 18:56 (six years ago) link

I don't understand the need to take off your shirt and SHOW me you are pregnant. If you tell me that you're pregnant, I'll believe you. It's been done before. Just write it on your standard stationary. Give me visual evidence when you get the highest score in Donkey Kong.

toy_sleigher (Sufjan Grafton), Saturday, 29 December 2012 19:20 (six years ago) link

What strikes me about the gun pictures is how murderously aggressive the men look, while the women just look pregnant and content and not like an angry, gun-wielding, Dockers-wearing wingnut has them in a headlock.

― carl agatha, Saturday, December 29, 2012 12:57 PM (3 hours ago)

What (also) strikes me about them is the astonishment that there is more than one couple that wanted to be photographed in that pose

Lee626, Saturday, 29 December 2012 21:37 (six years ago) link

Is the left not a parody of the right?

toy_sleigher (Sufjan Grafton), Saturday, 29 December 2012 21:42 (six years ago) link

Apparently, since the pic on the right is on about 30 blogs but I can't find the other one elsewhere (tineye.com is so useful). But the woman in the parody doesn't look as happy/oblivious as the original

Lee626, Saturday, 29 December 2012 22:27 (six years ago) link

seven months pass...

http://i.imgur.com/crvqoWl.jpg

pplains, Friday, 16 August 2013 17:41 (six years ago) link

!

I tweeted too much and I am in jail. (crüt), Friday, 16 August 2013 17:42 (six years ago) link

aaaaahahahahaha

Z S, Friday, 16 August 2013 17:43 (six years ago) link

lollll

tylerw, Friday, 16 August 2013 17:44 (six years ago) link

OMG lololol

Lawyer... SUAVE... (carl agatha), Friday, 16 August 2013 18:12 (six years ago) link

one year passes...

http://i.imgur.com/EPLkvQH.jpg

pplains, Tuesday, 6 January 2015 18:26 (four years ago) link

oh my

gr8080, Tuesday, 6 January 2015 18:28 (four years ago) link

Found a smaller size, did an image search for something bigger, ended up posing something with a watermark. So off my game.

pplains, Tuesday, 6 January 2015 18:46 (four years ago) link

three weeks pass...

haha wat

pplains, Wednesday, 28 January 2015 14:55 (four years ago) link

I'm sitting here with my jaw dropped, unable to look away.

mom tossed in kimchee (quincie), Wednesday, 28 January 2015 21:37 (four years ago) link

O_o

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 28 January 2015 21:45 (four years ago) link

five months pass...

I know this isn't the right thread, but neither was the WE'RE EXPECTING thread either.

http://i.imgur.com/yp7IkCr.jpg

pplains, Tuesday, 21 July 2015 12:03 (four years ago) link

it kinda belongs on the irrational anger thread cuz it's driving me nuts that the dates go 2010-2005-2012 instead of chronologically left-to-right

i also want to graffiti 'klaatu barada nikto' underneath it

bizarro gazzara, Tuesday, 21 July 2015 12:06 (four years ago) link

x-post - I can tell you right now that I hate that couple. A lot. Also the chronology thing is annoying at first but it's sorta like a monogram with the wedding in the middle and each kid on a side. Better not have any oopsie third babies. Decorating nightmare.

Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Tuesday, 21 July 2015 12:36 (four years ago) link

It's a shame they all died though.

pplains, Tuesday, 21 July 2015 13:20 (four years ago) link

irl lol

mom tossed in kimchee (quincie), Tuesday, 21 July 2015 15:20 (four years ago) link

at pp's post, not the horrible horrible wall of awful

mom tossed in kimchee (quincie), Tuesday, 21 July 2015 15:21 (four years ago) link

how can they have gone to the trouble of building a monument to the time of their children's births without specifying AM or PM?

1992 ball boy (Karl Malone), Tuesday, 21 July 2015 15:34 (four years ago) link

ok i guess the wedding was presumably 2:30 pm but this doesn't excuse the left and right

1992 ball boy (Karl Malone), Tuesday, 21 July 2015 15:35 (four years ago) link

plus now i'm gonna have to celebrate the strangers' births four times each year: 8:23 am + 8:23 pm on Dec 11th, 7:30 am + 7:30 pm on Feb 13th
fuck!

1992 ball boy (Karl Malone), Tuesday, 21 July 2015 15:36 (four years ago) link

How could they have gone to the trouble without pausing to think about how awful and dated that's going to look in like two years? Maybe one at this point.

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Tuesday, 21 July 2015 15:37 (four years ago) link

A+ thread

five six and (man alive), Tuesday, 21 July 2015 15:39 (four years ago) link

That St. Louis one makes me think the Arch is the father every time.

pplains, Tuesday, 21 July 2015 17:05 (four years ago) link

who the fuck would put a clock that low down on the wall?

feargal czukay (NickB), Tuesday, 21 July 2015 17:10 (four years ago) link

not the same thing exactly but a family i knew in high school had a stillborn about 10yrs prior; they had photo of the stillborn on a mantelpiece with a permanent light over it

the mom signed christmas birthday cards etc from the family + baby's name "in heaven"

they were the nicest ppl but it weirded me out sooooo much

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 21 July 2015 19:59 (four years ago) link

There's only one way that could've been any worse.

pplains, Tuesday, 21 July 2015 20:00 (four years ago) link

clock?

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 21 July 2015 20:02 (four years ago) link

this is just north american whiteness

( ͡☉ ͜ʖ ͡☉) (jim in vancouver), Monday, 1 April 2019 16:50 (eight months ago) link

like white trash kids are also called Braygron or whatever

( ͡☉ ͜ʖ ͡☉) (jim in vancouver), Monday, 1 April 2019 16:50 (eight months ago) link

TROGDOR

Squeaky Fromage (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 1 April 2019 16:54 (eight months ago) link

i was in line at the grocery store and some reality tv star i'd never heard of was on the cover and her baby's name was "CREW" and i got IA

( ͡☉ ͜ʖ ͡☉) (jim in vancouver), Monday, 1 April 2019 16:55 (eight months ago) link

Does this constitute cultural appropriation? A couple decades of whites making fun of African American naming practices culminating in little Lakynns and Tatums running around is somehow both weird and predictable

rob, Monday, 1 April 2019 17:10 (eight months ago) link

seriously, can someone explain these names (to a European)? What's the etymology? Never seen anything like them

licorice oratorio (baaderonixx), Tuesday, 2 April 2019 07:35 (eight months ago) link

I remember introducing my American (then) girlfriend to an English friend called Alistair and she thought it was the strangest fkn name she'd ever heard

mfktz (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Tuesday, 2 April 2019 07:54 (eight months ago) link

seriously, can someone explain these names (to a European)?

take some names, cut them into individual syllables, put them in a hat, then randomly pick and combine between two and four of them

wherever possible, replace a vowel with a 'y'

congrats, now your beautiful caucasian baby is saddled with a stupid name

mr greta t. gremlin (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 2 April 2019 08:58 (eight months ago) link

Funny how, these (white) US names all sound futuristic and computer-generated, whereas in the part of Europe where I'm from, the trend for parents is to dig out outdated retro names from a hundred years ago.

licorice oratorio (baaderonixx), Tuesday, 2 April 2019 10:20 (eight months ago) link

From top 100 girls names in 2008 UK, these are all names I associate with women of my grandmother's generation

4. Lily+0
5. Ava+1
11. Grace+3
16. Evie+0
19. Elsie+27
20. Alice+3
29. Florence+10
34. Matilda+0
52. Penelope+14
70. Gracie+19
72. Esme-27
81. Rose-4
96. Victoria new!

mfktz (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Tuesday, 2 April 2019 11:06 (eight months ago) link

Sinutab? Propecia? Did somebody try to sneak those into that graph to make fun of black kids names?

silverfish, Tuesday, 2 April 2019 13:48 (eight months ago) link

yes. and I apologize if I opened the door to that being posted, but it's definitely racist

rob, Tuesday, 2 April 2019 13:52 (eight months ago) link

Those are two different women in the pics right?

Yerac, Tuesday, 2 April 2019 13:54 (eight months ago) link

xp it's an old Onion infographic https://www.theonion.com/most-popular-u-s-baby-names-1819586596 my apologies, I should have just linked or not posted it at all

Neil S, Tuesday, 2 April 2019 14:12 (eight months ago) link

huh, it's weird that the 1999 Onion graphic style just says "2019 facebook meme" to me now

rob, Tuesday, 2 April 2019 14:17 (eight months ago) link

NOBODY:

FUTURE DAD: Here, let just take my shirt off too.

https://i.imgur.com/b0T5oxW.jpg

pplains, Tuesday, 2 April 2019 14:19 (eight months ago) link

"Maybe if I just sorta start creeping away slowly, she won't even notice –"

https://i.imgur.com/Ygdo9CI.jpg

pplains, Tuesday, 2 April 2019 14:21 (eight months ago) link

"Dammit! She caught me."

https://i.imgur.com/oq1iFi6.jpg

pplains, Tuesday, 2 April 2019 14:21 (eight months ago) link

The thing about these that gets me is, like, other people have had a baby before you clods, why are you burdening us with this as if you are the inventors of pregnancy

moose; squirrel (silby), Tuesday, 2 April 2019 15:08 (eight months ago) link

Does this constitute cultural appropriation? A couple decades of whites making fun of African American naming practices culminating in little Lakynns and Tatums running around is somehow both weird and predictable

― rob, Monday, April 1, 2019 6:10 PM (yesterday)

I totally get this line of thought, and 'white people names' are often pretty stupid, but Tatum isn't a new invention by a long shot.

emil.y, Tuesday, 2 April 2019 15:15 (eight months ago) link

damn you're right, apparently it's Old English! but yeah, in terms of those two photos, the girls' names list is considerably more "innovative" than the boys', so gender would unsurprisingly be a big factor here too

rob, Tuesday, 2 April 2019 17:12 (eight months ago) link

Your children should be named for a dead relative, all other options are questionable

moose; squirrel (silby), Tuesday, 2 April 2019 17:32 (eight months ago) link

I find it interesting that Tatum was originally a feminine name (Tatum O'Neal was the first Tatum I ever heard of, and cursory research seems to suggest it skewed heavily female). I think the fact that there's at least one famous man with it as a surname gives it a more masculine feel, and possibly the 'um' ending feels more masculine too??

emil.y, Tuesday, 2 April 2019 17:52 (eight months ago) link

Sorry, this is a bit off the topic of laughing at idiots.

emil.y, Tuesday, 2 April 2019 17:52 (eight months ago) link

my problem with "Tatum" is it sounds like a name you'd give to a porky puppy

frogbs, Tuesday, 2 April 2019 17:57 (eight months ago) link

Funny how, these (white) US names all sound futuristic and computer-generated, whereas in the part of Europe where I'm from, the trend for parents is to dig out outdated retro names from a hundred years ago.


Lol. Ophelia. My husband picked the name.

nathom, Tuesday, 2 April 2019 20:13 (eight months ago) link

‘tatum’ sounds like some kind of heavily-processed potato product

mr greta t. gremlin (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 2 April 2019 20:29 (eight months ago) link

Tatums, gotta munch’um!!!

licorice oratorio (baaderonixx), Wednesday, 3 April 2019 17:47 (eight months ago) link

*mynch

a photographer, satanist and ukip voter (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 3 April 2019 17:55 (eight months ago) link

The straights mormons are at it again

― moose; squirrel (silby), Monday, April 1, 2019 3:21 PM (two days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BfIehCrO4Zs

☮ (peace, man), Wednesday, 3 April 2019 18:10 (eight months ago) link

lmao

polio coming for all the unvaccinated children of essential oil moms pic.twitter.com/yJIe8hniKX

— ΘΎΡΑ (@piramno) April 14, 2019

arli$$ and bible black (bizarro gazzara), Monday, 15 April 2019 08:40 (seven months ago) link

harsh but fair

don't mock my smock or i'll clean your clock (silby), Monday, 15 April 2019 16:09 (seven months ago) link

six months pass...

https://i.imgur.com/ZW6SW4n.jpg

pplains, Wednesday, 23 October 2019 00:52 (one month ago) link

the answer to that question of course is, as always, no

president of deluded fruitcakes anonymous (silby), Wednesday, 23 October 2019 01:20 (one month ago) link

i saw this photo right after reading a chapter about the largest cattleyard operations in the world to that point, mid-1800s Chicago, with a description of a well-do-do urbanite lady standing expressionless in a small patch of open space in the middle of the chaos, with blood running underneath her shoes

It is my great honor to post on this messageboard! (Karl Malone), Wednesday, 23 October 2019 16:06 (one month ago) link

Had she just given birth?

pplains, Wednesday, 23 October 2019 16:20 (one month ago) link

lol

you know, the text didn't say!

It is my great honor to post on this messageboard! (Karl Malone), Wednesday, 23 October 2019 16:36 (one month ago) link

it didn't say that she had not NOT just given birth, so

It is my great honor to post on this messageboard! (Karl Malone), Wednesday, 23 October 2019 16:36 (one month ago) link

A woman in Iowa died during a gender reveal announcement on Saturday after flying debris from an explosion from what amounted to a homemade pipe bomb struck her, the authorities said on Monday.

The woman, Pamela Kreimeyer, 56, died instantly after she was struck in the head by a piece of metal from a device that was intended to reveal the sex of the baby, the Marion County Sheriff’s Office said in a statement on Monday.

...“Our investigation showed that members of the Kreimeyer family were experimenting with different types of explosive material on Friday and Saturday in an attempt to record a gender reveal that could be posted on social media for friends and family,” the statement said.

The family was trying to create a device that could shoot colored powder into the air to share the gender of the baby, the statement said

Gunpowder was placed in the bottom of a homemade stand that was welded to a metal base.

“A hole had been drilled in the side for a fuse, a piece of wood was placed on top of the gunpowder and colored powder was placed on top of the board,” the statement said. “Tape was then wrapped over the top of the metal tubing, inadvertently creating a pipe bomb. Instead of the gunpowder shooting the powder out the top of the stand, the stand exploded sending metal pieces flying.”

One of these metal pieces struck Ms. Kreimeyer in the head, “causing instant death,” the statement said.

She was standing with other family members about 45 feet from the device. The projectile that struck her continued 144 yards farther through the air and landed in a field, the statement said.

It is my great honor to post on this messageboard! (Karl Malone), Monday, 28 October 2019 17:32 (one month ago) link

but what was the baby’s gender tho

non-euclidean lenin (bizarro gazzara), Monday, 28 October 2019 17:33 (one month ago) link

"inadvertently creating a pipe bomb" jesus

president of deluded fruitcakes anonymous (silby), Monday, 28 October 2019 17:35 (one month ago) link

chef's kiss to that gender reveal

Seany's too Dyche to mention (jim in vancouver), Monday, 28 October 2019 17:36 (one month ago) link

Well then.

I guess...

https://i.imgur.com/TCIgxtK.gif

... she wasn't expecting that!

pplains, Monday, 28 October 2019 18:30 (one month ago) link

something something nuclear family

mick signals, Monday, 28 October 2019 18:46 (one month ago) link

- "Psst. By the way, the baby's going to be a girl!"

- "Ok, that's great. Listen, I think he's about to do the eulogy..."

pplains, Monday, 28 October 2019 19:29 (one month ago) link

This may be the worst + funniest gender reveal I have seen

https://www.instagram.com/p/B4IzA14gTje

Squeaky Fromage (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 29 October 2019 00:02 (one month ago) link

whatever happened to just posting an ultrasound on Facebook and having half the people guess incorrectly?

young people today do everything wrong

silverfish, Tuesday, 29 October 2019 00:46 (one month ago) link

I mean, if you're looking for a silver lining, this happened during the gender bomb prep, not during the full-on reveal with 36 close relatives standing around it.

pplains, Tuesday, 29 October 2019 01:37 (one month ago) link

after human cloning is perfected, people will reveal the gender of their baby at a party by murdering their favorite aunt/uncle. then they will feast on smoked michael bay.

$1,000,000 or 1 bag of honeycrisp apples (Sufjan Grafton), Tuesday, 29 October 2019 02:27 (one month ago) link


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