WE'RE EXPECTING !!!!!!

And here's what happens after you appear in the WE'RE GETTING MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thread.

http://www.kristieliasblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/pregnancy-portrait-photographer(pp_w900_h1125).jpg

Could you two have waited, like, another month before doing this?
http://www.mayadphotography.com/wp-content/themes/RAWfolio/php/tt.php?src=http://www.mayadphotography.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/20120204_145516.jpg&w=900&h=600&zc=3&q=100&a=c

Better count the fingers on this baby one more time after it's born.
http://photographyjulia.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/boulder_maternity_photos6.jpg
(And, why - the - hat?)

They sure have improved sonograms since the old days, haven't they?
http://www.a-fotografy.co.uk/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/East-lothian-maternity-portrait-photographer1.jpg

http://www.jodieotte.com/blog/1111/outdoor_maternity.jpg

Look out for Vic Morrow!
http://www.ellegphotography.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/ellerman-215.jpg

http://xaxor.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/WTF-pregnancy-portraits5.jpg

And finally,
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7fy2lxPnu1qiewrho1_500.jpg

And these aren't official portraits, but posting these to get them out of the way.

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-MnxTSlefj3Y/TlcM1Sehy2I/AAAAAAAAAEY/2cCjFdAIsmo/s1600/pregnant+with+gun.jpg

http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20080210191235/aliens/images/9/94/Alien_facehugger.jpg

Stockholm syndrome in those last pics from pp

https://dl.dropbox.com/u/1484956/alien%20expecting.png

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-MnxTSlefj3Y/TlcM1Sehy2I/AAAAAAAAAEY/2cCjFdAIsmo/s1600/pregnant+with+gun.jpg

http://www.engr.uark.edu/directory/594.php

"The YOU of A" is the University of Arkansas' catchphrase? That is a shame.

What strikes me about the gun pictures is how murderously aggressive the men look, while the women just look pregnant and content and not like an angry, gun-wielding, Dockers-wearing wingnut has them in a headlock.

And I mean, what's the point of that picture? "Don't fuck with my pregnant wife, pictured here in a headlock, or I'll fucking shoot you!" Do they hang these up on their doors under the "This property protected by Smith & Wesson" sign? Do the wives have shirts printed with these pictures to wear when their husbands aren't in headlocking distance? Is this their Christmas card and do people subsequently decline to pay holiday visits for fear of being shot? I just have so many questions.

"I have captured and drugged your pregnant wife and if you attempt to retrieve her, I will shoot you in the face!"

http://farm6.staticflickr.com/5019/5478317699_db0a585c8d_z.jpg

http://farm3.staticflickr.com/2291/2253247437_bd20575fc4.jpg

You should try having an angry, gun-wielding, Dockers-wearing wingnut get you in a nice, tight, inescapable headlock sometime. Before you know it, the sense of security will overwhelm your synapses with the loveliest chemicals and you will not be able to remember how you lived before.

A paternity test might be your best shot for an answer.

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8449/8017001277_c01cdaf73b_c.jpg

Wasn't crazy about this one at first, until I imagined how nice a velour cushion would feel on one's own bare ass.

http://farm7.staticflickr.com/6225/6852366366_1622497941_c.jpg

^^ 70s roman polanski film vibe w/ that one

Do you think that photographer did some Photoshopping in the crotch area there? Something looks weird.

she actually has no vagina.

I don't understand the need to take off your shirt and SHOW me you are pregnant. If you tell me that you're pregnant, I'll believe you. It's been done before. Just write it on your standard stationary. Give me visual evidence when you get the highest score in Donkey Kong.

What strikes me about the gun pictures is how murderously aggressive the men look, while the women just look pregnant and content and not like an angry, gun-wielding, Dockers-wearing wingnut has them in a headlock.

― carl agatha, Saturday, December 29, 2012 12:57 PM (3 hours ago)

What (also) strikes me about them is the astonishment that there is more than one couple that wanted to be photographed in that pose

Is the left not a parody of the right?

Apparently, since the pic on the right is on about 30 blogs but I can't find the other one elsewhere (tineye.com is so useful). But the woman in the parody doesn't look as happy/oblivious as the original

http://i.imgur.com/crvqoWl.jpg

!

aaaaahahahahaha

lollll

OMG lololol

http://i.imgur.com/EPLkvQH.jpg

oh my

Found a smaller size, did an image search for something bigger, ended up posing something with a watermark. So off my game.

http://youarenotaphotographer.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/baby-punch.jpg

http://youarenotaphotographer.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/baby-arch.jpg

haha wat

I'm sitting here with my jaw dropped, unable to look away.

O_o

I know this isn't the right thread, but neither was the WE'RE EXPECTING thread either.

http://i.imgur.com/yp7IkCr.jpg

it kinda belongs on the irrational anger thread cuz it's driving me nuts that the dates go 2010-2005-2012 instead of chronologically left-to-right

i also want to graffiti 'klaatu barada nikto' underneath it

x-post - I can tell you right now that I hate that couple. A lot. Also the chronology thing is annoying at first but it's sorta like a monogram with the wedding in the middle and each kid on a side. Better not have any oopsie third babies. Decorating nightmare.

It's a shame they all died though.

irl lol

at pp's post, not the horrible horrible wall of awful

how can they have gone to the trouble of building a monument to the time of their children's births without specifying AM or PM?

ok i guess the wedding was presumably 2:30 pm but this doesn't excuse the left and right

plus now i'm gonna have to celebrate the strangers' births four times each year: 8:23 am + 8:23 pm on Dec 11th, 7:30 am + 7:30 pm on Feb 13th
fuck!

How could they have gone to the trouble without pausing to think about how awful and dated that's going to look in like two years? Maybe one at this point.

A+ thread

That St. Louis one makes me think the Arch is the father every time.

who the fuck would put a clock that low down on the wall?

not the same thing exactly but a family i knew in high school had a stillborn about 10yrs prior; they had photo of the stillborn on a mantelpiece with a permanent light over it

the mom signed christmas birthday cards etc from the family + baby's name "in heaven"

they were the nicest ppl but it weirded me out sooooo much

There's only one way that could've been any worse.

clock?

this is just north american whiteness

like white trash kids are also called Braygron or whatever

TROGDOR

i was in line at the grocery store and some reality tv star i'd never heard of was on the cover and her baby's name was "CREW" and i got IA

Does this constitute cultural appropriation? A couple decades of whites making fun of African American naming practices culminating in little Lakynns and Tatums running around is somehow both weird and predictable

seriously, can someone explain these names (to a European)? What's the etymology? Never seen anything like them

I remember introducing my American (then) girlfriend to an English friend called Alistair and she thought it was the strangest fkn name she'd ever heard

https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--myApFkw1--/c_fit,f_auto,fl_progressive,q_80,w_636/pl5pkdalrpcm1hzw359z.jpg

seriously, can someone explain these names (to a European)?

take some names, cut them into individual syllables, put them in a hat, then randomly pick and combine between two and four of them

wherever possible, replace a vowel with a 'y'

congrats, now your beautiful caucasian baby is saddled with a stupid name

Funny how, these (white) US names all sound futuristic and computer-generated, whereas in the part of Europe where I'm from, the trend for parents is to dig out outdated retro names from a hundred years ago.

From top 100 girls names in 2008 UK, these are all names I associate with women of my grandmother's generation

4. Lily+0
5. Ava+1
11. Grace+3
16. Evie+0
19. Elsie+27
20. Alice+3
29. Florence+10
34. Matilda+0
52. Penelope+14
70. Gracie+19
72. Esme-27
81. Rose-4
96. Victoria new!

Sinutab? Propecia? Did somebody try to sneak those into that graph to make fun of black kids names?

yes. and I apologize if I opened the door to that being posted, but it's definitely racist

Those are two different women in the pics right?

xp it's an old Onion infographic https://www.theonion.com/most-popular-u-s-baby-names-1819586596 my apologies, I should have just linked or not posted it at all

huh, it's weird that the 1999 Onion graphic style just says "2019 facebook meme" to me now

NOBODY:

FUTURE DAD: Here, let just take my shirt off too.

https://i.imgur.com/b0T5oxW.jpg

"Maybe if I just sorta start creeping away slowly, she won't even notice –"

https://i.imgur.com/Ygdo9CI.jpg

"Dammit! She caught me."

https://i.imgur.com/oq1iFi6.jpg

The thing about these that gets me is, like, other people have had a baby before you clods, why are you burdening us with this as if you are the inventors of pregnancy

Does this constitute cultural appropriation? A couple decades of whites making fun of African American naming practices culminating in little Lakynns and Tatums running around is somehow both weird and predictable

― rob, Monday, April 1, 2019 6:10 PM (yesterday)

I totally get this line of thought, and 'white people names' are often pretty stupid, but Tatum isn't a new invention by a long shot.

damn you're right, apparently it's Old English! but yeah, in terms of those two photos, the girls' names list is considerably more "innovative" than the boys', so gender would unsurprisingly be a big factor here too

Your children should be named for a dead relative, all other options are questionable

I find it interesting that Tatum was originally a feminine name (Tatum O'Neal was the first Tatum I ever heard of, and cursory research seems to suggest it skewed heavily female). I think the fact that there's at least one famous man with it as a surname gives it a more masculine feel, and possibly the 'um' ending feels more masculine too??

Sorry, this is a bit off the topic of laughing at idiots.

my problem with "Tatum" is it sounds like a name you'd give to a porky puppy

Funny how, these (white) US names all sound futuristic and computer-generated, whereas in the part of Europe where I'm from, the trend for parents is to dig out outdated retro names from a hundred years ago.

‘tatum’ sounds like some kind of heavily-processed potato product

Tatums, gotta munch’um!!!

*mynch

The straights mormons are at it again

― moose; squirrel (silby), Monday, April 1, 2019 3:21 PM (two days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BfIehCrO4Zs

lmao

polio coming for all the unvaccinated children of essential oil moms pic.twitter.com/yJIe8hniKX

— ΘΎΡΑ (@piramno) April 14, 2019

harsh but fair

https://i.imgur.com/ZW6SW4n.jpg

the answer to that question of course is, as always, no

i saw this photo right after reading a chapter about the largest cattleyard operations in the world to that point, mid-1800s Chicago, with a description of a well-do-do urbanite lady standing expressionless in a small patch of open space in the middle of the chaos, with blood running underneath her shoes

Had she just given birth?

lol

you know, the text didn't say!

it didn't say that she had not NOT just given birth, so

A woman in Iowa died during a gender reveal announcement on Saturday after flying debris from an explosion from what amounted to a homemade pipe bomb struck her, the authorities said on Monday.

The woman, Pamela Kreimeyer, 56, died instantly after she was struck in the head by a piece of metal from a device that was intended to reveal the sex of the baby, the Marion County Sheriff’s Office said in a statement on Monday.

...“Our investigation showed that members of the Kreimeyer family were experimenting with different types of explosive material on Friday and Saturday in an attempt to record a gender reveal that could be posted on social media for friends and family,” the statement said.

The family was trying to create a device that could shoot colored powder into the air to share the gender of the baby, the statement said

Gunpowder was placed in the bottom of a homemade stand that was welded to a metal base.

“A hole had been drilled in the side for a fuse, a piece of wood was placed on top of the gunpowder and colored powder was placed on top of the board,” the statement said. “Tape was then wrapped over the top of the metal tubing, inadvertently creating a pipe bomb. Instead of the gunpowder shooting the powder out the top of the stand, the stand exploded sending metal pieces flying.”

One of these metal pieces struck Ms. Kreimeyer in the head, “causing instant death,” the statement said.

She was standing with other family members about 45 feet from the device. The projectile that struck her continued 144 yards farther through the air and landed in a field, the statement said.

but what was the baby’s gender tho

"inadvertently creating a pipe bomb" jesus

chef's kiss to that gender reveal

Well then.

I guess...

https://i.imgur.com/TCIgxtK.gif

... she wasn't expecting that!

something something nuclear family

- "Psst. By the way, the baby's going to be a girl!"

- "Ok, that's great. Listen, I think he's about to do the eulogy..."

This may be the worst + funniest gender reveal I have seen

https://www.instagram.com/p/B4IzA14gTje

whatever happened to just posting an ultrasound on Facebook and having half the people guess incorrectly?

young people today do everything wrong

I mean, if you're looking for a silver lining, this happened during the gender bomb prep, not during the full-on reveal with 36 close relatives standing around it.

after human cloning is perfected, people will reveal the gender of their baby at a party by murdering their favorite aunt/uncle. then they will feast on smoked michael bay.