The Groom's Cake

One of the publications I work for is a bridal magazine. Our latest issue featured some grooms' cakes, and this one made me stop in my tracks.

http://assets.inarkansas.com/25808/water-wonder.jpg

A water tower. A cake designed to look like a water tower. It's a work of art, even faithfully resisting the urge to "spray-paint" [groom] loves [bride] on the top.

Here are a few more.

http://cakelava.com/adore6/galimages//DSCN5758.jpg

http://www.weddingwindow.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/Handcuff_Grooms_Cake_RS09.jpg

http://themecakesbytraci.com/Gallery/albums/3Grooms/tennis_and_cakes_038.sized.jpg

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_VJJFFnM-ZNg/Sl5BunqCvxI/AAAAAAAABt0/q6VlhcZ_I5w/s400/coorscake.jpg

http://sweetascho.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/kfc.jpg

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/__aBmLkwV3Wc/TCvycnXUKmI/AAAAAAAAAUY/Fkgk3nGI1mk/s1600/Seinfeld+Groom

"Yeah, that Tim. He really likes Seinfeld,"

http://www.chicagonow.com/wedding-scoop/files/2011/06/playstation_grooms_cake.jpg

http://anthony.darrouzet-nardi.net/scienceblog/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/grooms-cake.jpg

I cannot stop laughing at the KFC groom's cake

the Coors one is just depressing

http://img233.imageshack.us/img233/9762/img3679y.jpg

Best part of the KFC one is the "colonel" on the bucket.

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/139/318991126_d597e86531.jpg

http://www.cmusic.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/poker-chips-my-wedding-bag.jpg

Also found with this one: Lots of references to going "all-in".

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-RJupRFPE4gk/TfoGsvkOqsI/AAAAAAAAAlc/6FOPuNT6O98/s1600/harley-davidson-wedding-cake.jpg

If this thing smells like licorice, I would barf.

who would make a licorice cake?

Seems like the scent would go along with that classic Firestone lobby smell.

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2056/2561744102_7cc748e781.jpg

http://www.delawareweddings.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/burger-cake-300x300.jpg

Nice work on the red band or whatever that's called on the cap.

http://www.carriedawaycuisine.com/images/DesignerCakes/FullSize/IMG_1097.jpg

Wait, are these wedding cakes that happen to be designed by the groom, or are they extra cakes because normal wedding cakes are too 'girly' and therefore belong to the bride?

the latter

it's usually the only concession made to the idea that the groom has any interests, personality or function beyond being the dude who married the bride

srsly going to go home and pray for this generation.

http://geekcentricity.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/3606003264_a629f1cf18_z.jpg

http://img341.imageshack.us/img341/4716/xbox360cakewithfigurine.jpg

You know they don't sell bottle caps on their own, right?

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_wGr8njEWjtI/SnN4wtVqA8I/AAAAAAAAD7I/rN9sPejsbXY/s1600/Serena+M+.+lw+.+beer.jpg

Oh man. I don't know whether to feel sorry for the grooms, b/c that does sound like a shitty deal, or if I should just continue shaking my head at the enforcement of gender normativity on display...

xposts to DJP

generally I just go "awesome, more cake"

Here is a groom without any interests (except for a nice nap)

http://farm5.staticflickr.com/4070/4580165206_5738c59cd8_z.jpg

Not a groom's cake, but…

http://fabweds.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/47389450.jpg

but maybe it is, I don't know.

(sure hope it didn't start shrieking after the first cut)

http://www.happyplace.com/3479/bride-orders-giant-wedding-cake-shaped-like-herself

she looks like she thinks it's going to attack her when she cuts into it

One of those weird Twilight Zones where the copy takes the place of the original.

http://farm3.staticflickr.com/2624/3837722473_b83657e5a7.jpg

Hmmmm, that looks delicious.

Swear I'm not actively seeking these out. They just keep… appearing.

http://mikeandbecky.blog.com/files/2011/04/head-bridal-cake.jpg

Wanna know what this guy's cake looked like?

http://www.laurenclarksblog.com/blogpics/7155.jpg

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http://www.laurenclarksblog.com/blogpics/7165.jpg

http://cakesbygraham.smugmug.com/Weddings/Groom-Cakes/Phishedited/333144695_gxA99-L.jpg

why on EARTH would anyone want a cake that looked like themselves

http://weddingpros.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/camo-wedding-cake1.jpg?w=535

aaahahaha oh god these cakes

MANCAKES

marlboro cake

what is wrong with people

a big cigarette butt made out of cake

open wide honey. mm-mm.

I'm actually impressed with the ice bucket one

http://photos.weddingbycolor-nocookie.com/p000002775-m43944-p-photo-130280/grooms-cake-jordans.jpg

hmmm, shoes. so … jordany.

http://media.cakecentral.com/gallery/674391/600-1326944843.jpg

noooooooooo

http://i93.photobucket.com/albums/l50/kdhart226/Beckys%20wedding/2004JanuaryBeckyandAndyswedding228.jpg

This was on a messageboard about grooms' cakes, but I have my doubts.

https://p.twimg.com/AqjQRW0CMAEo_Bs.jpg

The second deer cake looks like it's got deer diarrhea all over it.

Shelby: Wedding cake in the dining room and the groom’s cake … hidden in the carport?
M’Lynn: Shelby and I, we agree on one thing.
Shelby and M’Lynn: The groom’s cake.
Shelby: It’s awful. It’s in the shape of a giant armadillo.
Truvy: An armadillo? You’re joking, right?
Shelby: No, Jackson wanted a cake in the shape of an armadillo. He’s got an aunt that makes them.
Clairee: It’s unusual.
M’Lynn: It’s repulsive. It’s got gray icing. I can’t even begin to think how you’d make gray icing.
Shelby: Worse, the cake part is red velvet cake. Blood red. People are gonna be hacking into this poor animal that looks like it’s bleeding to death.

^^ Got to have this convo in my star turn as Shelby in my HS's production of Steel Magnolia's. It's what I always think of when I hear "groom's cake".

Not a big seller in Mayflower, Ark., currently.

http://farm6.staticflickr.com/5226/5640673672_8a392f3818_z.jpg

http://creativeeyekandi.files.wordpress.com/2012/10/mudslinginggroomscake.png

http://www.cakepicturegallery.com/d/8765-2/Funny%20Groom_s%20Cake%20in%20the%20For%20Dummies%20book%20series%20theme.JPG

I'm very much from the Western part of the world, so maybe this isn't unusual:

http://eventityinc.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/normal_sushi_cake.jpeg

They serve fortune cookies with sushi now?

No sushi in this one.

http://www.cakepicturegallery.com/d/222-2/war%20Grooms%20Cake.jpg

this is the most depressing thread on ilx. these are like greetings card for dads, except more specific, and with much more effort put in.

Mine looked like this:

http://i78.photobucket.com/albums/j93/sixxkitten2006/chocolatecake.jpg

I did not get a piece.

"Plains so into strawberries, him and his wacky hobbies!"

lol. you do love starring into the dark void.

The sushi cake is pretty great. Not as a groom's cake but just in general.

i am going to assume i did not have a groom cake because afaik i became aware of this phenomenon approx 11 minutes ago. possibly i was not paying attention.

Sure you did. Looked like this:

http://farm3.staticflickr.com/2271/2408264138_33cd973f2b_z.jpg

lol

I think that these things are more of a Southern tradition? I've never been to a wedding that actually had one.

ha!! there i am! you won't believe this but i am actually posting from my small tank right now.

OH IS THAT SO ENBB

http://a4.ec-images.myspacecdn.com/images02/72/1aee5272a8734c5a99b53fdb7a8d5873/l.jpg

I tried to find a Man In the Mountain cake. Lord, did I try.

I did find this tho'

http://www.tastefullywright.com/publishImages/index~~element310.png

I hope that guy was a fax sales/repair person.

Or named Fred Alan Xander.

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/--_Rt745h2as/TokcMMaSImI/AAAAAAAAEMk/bnuJi8k1yyo/s1600/dog1.jpg
http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/48/e1/c2/48e1c24a472059bf7e8877a2b6a216eb.jpg
http://img.cakesdecor.com/image/upload/c_limit,h_1000,q_80,w_540/skxtoewf5lmskoq503vl.jpg
http://byrdiegirl.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/img_4444.jpg
http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/5e/08/1c/5e081c2e7f33b4abb2b0b64b39ff44de.jpg
http://thatcrazycakeplace.webs.com/photos/undefined/Deer%20Hunter%20cake.jpg

Has the hunter in that final picture clubbed the deer to death with a massive cudgel? And is that cudgel resting on a giant severed ear?

that crazy cake place

Bad taste, regrettable humor, and schlock are unassailable wedding traditions in much of the inhabited universe (see also: waving a bloody sheet).

Is the first one a DUCK HUNT cake tho?

Duck Hunt dog was brown.

And giggling, ALWAYS GIGGLING.

Hard to make cake giggle! My mistake. Still. Duck hunt cake would be pretty great.

see also: waving a bloody sheet
wait wut

Non-wedding tradition Yankees used to pull on Southerners around election time to remind them of their treason.

wait wut

In the Balkans it was traditional for the wedding guests, who had been drinking all night, to gather the next morning at the house where the bride and groom had retired for their wedding night, in order to view the triumphant display of a blood-stained sheet, proving that the virgin bride had been successfully deflowered by the virile new husband. In a rural village setting, refusing to do this was unthinkable and tantamount to an admission that either the bride was a whore, or the groom was impotent, so that, as if by some miracle, a bloody sheet was always available to be displayed at the proper moment.

Tradition!

I've heard of that in Latin America too, but I only know about it because of some Gabriel Garcia-Marquez book I read

I think there might have even been something in that book about having to fake the blood because the bride's hymen had broken when she was a girl.

oh god, that was my first thought too, but I thought it was a joke.

I think (or something similar) was a tradition in several places/cultures. I would've been fucked because I didn't bleed at all which afaik is pretty common. I was in gymnastics when I was little and then took horseback riding lessons from 4-12 so there was a lot of opportunity for plenty of accidental hymen breaking before I actually had sex. Not that I'm complaining but it kind of made the whole thing a little anticlimactic. No pain and no blood and no real pleasure because I was so nervous made it all a little "Oh, that's it?".

Wise old grandmothers knew all about that. It was handy, if, say, a sheep was being butchered for the wedding feast, to set a bit of its blood aside, in case.

Basically, everyone knew this and the whole show was just "for entertainment and not for investment purposes".

http://mcphee.com/shop/media/catalog/product/u/n/unicorn_and_horse_wedding_cake_topper.jpg

lol aimless

I think (or something similar) was a tradition in several places/cultures. I would've been fucked because I didn't bleed at all which afaik is pretty common. I was in gymnastics when I was little and then took horseback riding lessons from 4-12 so there was a lot of opportunity for plenty of accidental hymen breaking before I actually had sex. Not that I'm complaining but it kind of made the whole thing a little anticlimactic. No pain and no blood and no real pleasure because I was so nervous made it all a little "Oh, that's it?".

― Airwrecka Bliptrap Blapmantis (ENBB), Tuesday, April 8, 2014 12:51 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I hope I will not regret this post, but I just want to point out "I would've been fucked" and "a little anticlimactic"

pplains u are the king of the grooms cake

I thought this was kinda morbid at first,

http://i.imgur.com/wC8zEOH.jpg

until I realized you're supposed to "read" it from the bottom up.

i feel like we lost some fundamental idea of what a cake is/was, somewhere along the way, as a society

computerized image-to-icing transfer has much to answer for

http://www.royalcakery.com/Photo_Gallery/Grooms_Cakes/slides/steak%20cake.jpg

They got a name for the weddings in this world,
But I want a cake when I lose.

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/originals/ea/4c/6e/ea4c6ed294738a2c2fe6886f5ee158d0.jpg

I could probably tour the whole damn SEC for bad grooms cakes, but the first thing I saw on Pinterest five seconds ago was "Alabama grooms cakes" as a fixed search term.

http://i.imgur.com/TwGjDBS.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/HTLUvOn.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/g2IBptY.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/hEsFtnJ.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/R0b3UYK.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/sGoB32e.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/jt19FOg.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/rDE1IrB.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/V2AU6y5.jpg

But first, getting back to the SEC for a moment...

http://i.imgur.com/RZcBbdS.jpg

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Pretty sure this is somehow SEC-related too.

http://i.imgur.com/kZ5LcyM.jpg

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SEC, though B1G12 definitely a possibility.

http://i.imgur.com/Fmh3SYf.jpg

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OK, now. Getting out of hand.

http://i.imgur.com/1u87aXS.jpg

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http://i.imgur.com/p8fTHi6.jpg

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No, seriously. It looks just like the painting. It's got wings and everything.

http://i.imgur.com/Q0jN4DJ.jpg

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Not sure what football conference this is from.

http://i.imgur.com/K054tmW.jpg

Didja hear that even "geeks" get married now too?

http://i.imgur.com/L4fc0NX.jpg

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No, a Jabba the Hut cake sounds like the perfect accompaniment to a perfect day.

http://i.imgur.com/MOXyhiC.jpg

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"I do."

"I know."

http://i.imgur.com/wNuQOq1.jpg

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Not sure which conference. PAC 10 maybe?

http://i.imgur.com/GXjVaSP.jpg

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And you thought it was weird someone would marry a Star Wars fan...

http://i.imgur.com/8Njbe9T.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/TbdQR9R.jpg http://i.imgur.com/QUSD4yA.jpg

I know that squashed dog cake is college football related but it's gross and upsetting and a nice encapsulation of why I hate college football enthusiasm.