The Groom's Cake

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One of the publications I work for is a bridal magazine. Our latest issue featured some grooms' cakes, and this one made me stop in my tracks.

http://assets.inarkansas.com/25808/water-wonder.jpg

A water tower. A cake designed to look like a water tower. It's a work of art, even faithfully resisting the urge to "spray-paint" [groom] loves [bride] on the top.

Here are a few more.

pplains, Monday, 4 June 2012 18:57 (eight years ago) link

http://cakelava.com/adore6/galimages//DSCN5758.jpg

pplains, Monday, 4 June 2012 18:57 (eight years ago) link

http://sweetascho.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/kfc.jpg

pplains, Monday, 4 June 2012 18:58 (eight years ago) link

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/__aBmLkwV3Wc/TCvycnXUKmI/AAAAAAAAAUY/Fkgk3nGI1mk/s1600/Seinfeld+Groom

"Yeah, that Tim. He really likes Seinfeld,"

pplains, Monday, 4 June 2012 18:59 (eight years ago) link

I cannot stop laughing at the KFC groom's cake

the Coors one is just depressing

WHEY AHR MAH DREGUNS? (DJP), Monday, 4 June 2012 19:01 (eight years ago) link

http://img233.imageshack.us/img233/9762/img3679y.jpg

pplains, Monday, 4 June 2012 19:02 (eight years ago) link

Best part of the KFC one is the "colonel" on the bucket.

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/139/318991126_d597e86531.jpg

pplains, Monday, 4 June 2012 19:02 (eight years ago) link

http://www.cmusic.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/poker-chips-my-wedding-bag.jpg

Also found with this one: Lots of references to going "all-in".

pplains, Monday, 4 June 2012 19:03 (eight years ago) link

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-RJupRFPE4gk/TfoGsvkOqsI/AAAAAAAAAlc/6FOPuNT6O98/s1600/harley-davidson-wedding-cake.jpg

If this thing smells like licorice, I would barf.

pplains, Monday, 4 June 2012 19:04 (eight years ago) link

who would make a licorice cake?

WHEY AHR MAH DREGUNS? (DJP), Monday, 4 June 2012 19:05 (eight years ago) link

Seems like the scent would go along with that classic Firestone lobby smell.

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2056/2561744102_7cc748e781.jpg

pplains, Monday, 4 June 2012 19:05 (eight years ago) link

Nice work on the red band or whatever that's called on the cap.

http://www.carriedawaycuisine.com/images/DesignerCakes/FullSize/IMG_1097.jpg

pplains, Monday, 4 June 2012 19:06 (eight years ago) link

Wait, are these wedding cakes that happen to be designed by the groom, or are they extra cakes because normal wedding cakes are too 'girly' and therefore belong to the bride?

emil.y, Monday, 4 June 2012 19:07 (eight years ago) link

the latter

it's usually the only concession made to the idea that the groom has any interests, personality or function beyond being the dude who married the bride

WHEY AHR MAH DREGUNS? (DJP), Monday, 4 June 2012 19:09 (eight years ago) link

You know they don't sell bottle caps on their own, right?

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_wGr8njEWjtI/SnN4wtVqA8I/AAAAAAAAD7I/rN9sPejsbXY/s1600/Serena+M+.+lw+.+beer.jpg

pplains, Monday, 4 June 2012 19:11 (eight years ago) link

Oh man. I don't know whether to feel sorry for the grooms, b/c that does sound like a shitty deal, or if I should just continue shaking my head at the enforcement of gender normativity on display...

xposts to DJP

emil.y, Monday, 4 June 2012 19:12 (eight years ago) link

generally I just go "awesome, more cake"

WHEY AHR MAH DREGUNS? (DJP), Monday, 4 June 2012 19:12 (eight years ago) link

Here is a groom without any interests (except for a nice nap)

http://farm5.staticflickr.com/4070/4580165206_5738c59cd8_z.jpg

pplains, Monday, 4 June 2012 19:12 (eight years ago) link

Not a groom's cake, but…

http://fabweds.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/47389450.jpg

pplains, Monday, 4 June 2012 19:13 (eight years ago) link

but maybe it is, I don't know.

pplains, Monday, 4 June 2012 19:13 (eight years ago) link

(sure hope it didn't start shrieking after the first cut)

pplains, Monday, 4 June 2012 19:14 (eight years ago) link

she looks like she thinks it's going to attack her when she cuts into it

WHEY AHR MAH DREGUNS? (DJP), Monday, 4 June 2012 19:16 (eight years ago) link

One of those weird Twilight Zones where the copy takes the place of the original.

pplains, Monday, 4 June 2012 19:18 (eight years ago) link

http://farm3.staticflickr.com/2624/3837722473_b83657e5a7.jpg

pplains, Monday, 4 June 2012 19:18 (eight years ago) link

Hmmmm, that looks delicious.

pplains, Monday, 4 June 2012 19:18 (eight years ago) link

Swear I'm not actively seeking these out. They just keep… appearing.

http://mikeandbecky.blog.com/files/2011/04/head-bridal-cake.jpg

pplains, Monday, 4 June 2012 19:23 (eight years ago) link

Wanna know what this guy's cake looked like?

http://www.laurenclarksblog.com/blogpics/7155.jpg

.
.
.
.
.
.
http://www.laurenclarksblog.com/blogpics/7165.jpg

pplains, Monday, 4 June 2012 19:26 (eight years ago) link

why on EARTH would anyone want a cake that looked like themselves

WHEY AHR MAH DREGUNS? (DJP), Monday, 4 June 2012 19:27 (eight years ago) link

aaahahaha oh god these cakes

real men have been preparing manly dishes for centuries (elmo argonaut), Monday, 4 June 2012 19:30 (eight years ago) link

MANCAKES

real men have been preparing manly dishes for centuries (elmo argonaut), Monday, 4 June 2012 19:30 (eight years ago) link

marlboro cake

what is wrong with people

real men have been preparing manly dishes for centuries (elmo argonaut), Monday, 4 June 2012 19:34 (eight years ago) link

a big cigarette butt made out of cake

open wide honey. mm-mm.

real men have been preparing manly dishes for centuries (elmo argonaut), Monday, 4 June 2012 19:35 (eight years ago) link

I'm actually impressed with the ice bucket one

WHEY AHR MAH DREGUNS? (DJP), Monday, 4 June 2012 19:35 (eight years ago) link

http://photos.weddingbycolor-nocookie.com/p000002775-m43944-p-photo-130280/grooms-cake-jordans.jpg

hmmm, shoes. so … jordany.

pplains, Monday, 4 June 2012 19:46 (eight years ago) link

http://media.cakecentral.com/gallery/674391/600-1326944843.jpg

pplains, Monday, 4 June 2012 19:47 (eight years ago) link

This was on a messageboard about grooms' cakes, but I have my doubts.

https://p.twimg.com/AqjQRW0CMAEo_Bs.jpg

pplains, Monday, 4 June 2012 19:50 (eight years ago) link

The second deer cake looks like it's got deer diarrhea all over it.

carl agatha, Monday, 4 June 2012 20:02 (eight years ago) link

Shelby: Wedding cake in the dining room and the groom’s cake … hidden in the carport?
M’Lynn: Shelby and I, we agree on one thing.
Shelby and M’Lynn: The groom’s cake.
Shelby: It’s awful. It’s in the shape of a giant armadillo.
Truvy: An armadillo? You’re joking, right?
Shelby: No, Jackson wanted a cake in the shape of an armadillo. He’s got an aunt that makes them.
Clairee: It’s unusual.
M’Lynn: It’s repulsive. It’s got gray icing. I can’t even begin to think how you’d make gray icing.
Shelby: Worse, the cake part is red velvet cake. Blood red. People are gonna be hacking into this poor animal that looks like it’s bleeding to death.

wolf kabob (ENBB), Monday, 4 June 2012 20:09 (eight years ago) link

^^ Got to have this convo in my star turn as Shelby in my HS's production of Steel Magnolia's. It's what I always think of when I hear "groom's cake".

wolf kabob (ENBB), Monday, 4 June 2012 20:09 (eight years ago) link

Not a big seller in Mayflower, Ark., currently.

http://farm6.staticflickr.com/5226/5640673672_8a392f3818_z.jpg

pplains, Tuesday, 14 May 2013 17:16 (seven years ago) link

I'm very much from the Western part of the world, so maybe this isn't unusual:

http://eventityinc.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/normal_sushi_cake.jpeg

They serve fortune cookies with sushi now?

pplains, Tuesday, 14 May 2013 17:18 (seven years ago) link

No sushi in this one.

http://www.cakepicturegallery.com/d/222-2/war%20Grooms%20Cake.jpg

pplains, Tuesday, 14 May 2013 17:19 (seven years ago) link

this is the most depressing thread on ilx. these are like greetings card for dads, except more specific, and with much more effort put in.

Roberto Spiralli, Tuesday, 14 May 2013 17:20 (seven years ago) link

Mine looked like this:

http://i78.photobucket.com/albums/j93/sixxkitten2006/chocolatecake.jpg

I did not get a piece.

pplains, Tuesday, 14 May 2013 17:22 (seven years ago) link

"Plains so into strawberries, him and his wacky hobbies!"

pplains, Tuesday, 14 May 2013 17:22 (seven years ago) link

lol. you do love starring into the dark void.

Roberto Spiralli, Tuesday, 14 May 2013 17:23 (seven years ago) link

The sushi cake is pretty great. Not as a groom's cake but just in general.

Airwrecka Bliptrap Blapmantis (ENBB), Tuesday, 14 May 2013 17:23 (seven years ago) link

i am going to assume i did not have a groom cake because afaik i became aware of this phenomenon approx 11 minutes ago. possibly i was not paying attention.

Roberto Spiralli, Tuesday, 14 May 2013 17:26 (seven years ago) link

Sure you did. Looked like this:

http://farm3.staticflickr.com/2271/2408264138_33cd973f2b_z.jpg

pplains, Tuesday, 14 May 2013 17:29 (seven years ago) link

lol

I think that these things are more of a Southern tradition? I've never been to a wedding that actually had one.

Airwrecka Bliptrap Blapmantis (ENBB), Tuesday, 14 May 2013 17:34 (seven years ago) link

ha!! there i am! you won't believe this but i am actually posting from my small tank right now.

Roberto Spiralli, Tuesday, 14 May 2013 17:39 (seven years ago) link

OH IS THAT SO ENBB

http://a4.ec-images.myspacecdn.com/images02/72/1aee5272a8734c5a99b53fdb7a8d5873/l.jpg

pplains, Tuesday, 14 May 2013 17:47 (seven years ago) link

I tried to find a Man In the Mountain cake. Lord, did I try.

pplains, Tuesday, 14 May 2013 17:48 (seven years ago) link

I did find this tho'

http://www.tastefullywright.com/publishImages/index~~element310.png

pplains, Tuesday, 14 May 2013 17:49 (seven years ago) link

I hope that guy was a fax sales/repair person.

carl agatha, Tuesday, 14 May 2013 17:51 (seven years ago) link

Or named Fred Alan Xander.

pplains, Tuesday, 14 May 2013 17:51 (seven years ago) link

ten months pass...

Has the hunter in that final picture clubbed the deer to death with a massive cudgel? And is that cudgel resting on a giant severed ear?

bizarro gazzara, Monday, 7 April 2014 17:56 (seven years ago) link

that crazy cake place

call all destroyer, Monday, 7 April 2014 18:06 (seven years ago) link

Bad taste, regrettable humor, and schlock are unassailable wedding traditions in much of the inhabited universe (see also: waving a bloody sheet).

in mark spitz's armpit (Aimless), Monday, 7 April 2014 18:19 (seven years ago) link

Is the first one a DUCK HUNT cake tho?

she started dancing to that (Finefinemusic), Monday, 7 April 2014 21:18 (seven years ago) link

Duck Hunt dog was brown.

And giggling, ALWAYS GIGGLING.

pplains, Monday, 7 April 2014 21:23 (seven years ago) link

Hard to make cake giggle! My mistake. Still. Duck hunt cake would be pretty great.

she started dancing to that (Finefinemusic), Monday, 7 April 2014 21:56 (seven years ago) link

see also: waving a bloody sheet
wait wut

the Bronski Review (Trayce), Tuesday, 8 April 2014 09:38 (seven years ago) link

Non-wedding tradition Yankees used to pull on Southerners around election time to remind them of their treason.

pplains, Tuesday, 8 April 2014 13:29 (seven years ago) link

wait wut

In the Balkans it was traditional for the wedding guests, who had been drinking all night, to gather the next morning at the house where the bride and groom had retired for their wedding night, in order to view the triumphant display of a blood-stained sheet, proving that the virgin bride had been successfully deflowered by the virile new husband. In a rural village setting, refusing to do this was unthinkable and tantamount to an admission that either the bride was a whore, or the groom was impotent, so that, as if by some miracle, a bloody sheet was always available to be displayed at the proper moment.

Tradition!

in mark spitz's armpit (Aimless), Tuesday, 8 April 2014 16:31 (seven years ago) link

I've heard of that in Latin America too, but I only know about it because of some Gabriel Garcia-Marquez book I read

ביטקוין‎ (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 8 April 2014 16:38 (seven years ago) link

I think there might have even been something in that book about having to fake the blood because the bride's hymen had broken when she was a girl.

ביטקוין‎ (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 8 April 2014 16:40 (seven years ago) link

oh god, that was my first thought too, but I thought it was a joke.

pplains, Tuesday, 8 April 2014 16:44 (seven years ago) link

I think (or something similar) was a tradition in several places/cultures. I would've been fucked because I didn't bleed at all which afaik is pretty common. I was in gymnastics when I was little and then took horseback riding lessons from 4-12 so there was a lot of opportunity for plenty of accidental hymen breaking before I actually had sex. Not that I'm complaining but it kind of made the whole thing a little anticlimactic. No pain and no blood and no real pleasure because I was so nervous made it all a little "Oh, that's it?".

Airwrecka Bliptrap Blapmantis (ENBB), Tuesday, 8 April 2014 16:51 (seven years ago) link

Wise old grandmothers knew all about that. It was handy, if, say, a sheep was being butchered for the wedding feast, to set a bit of its blood aside, in case.

in mark spitz's armpit (Aimless), Tuesday, 8 April 2014 17:01 (seven years ago) link

Basically, everyone knew this and the whole show was just "for entertainment and not for investment purposes".

in mark spitz's armpit (Aimless), Tuesday, 8 April 2014 17:02 (seven years ago) link

lol aimless

ביטקוין‎ (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 8 April 2014 20:04 (seven years ago) link

I think (or something similar) was a tradition in several places/cultures. I would've been fucked because I didn't bleed at all which afaik is pretty common. I was in gymnastics when I was little and then took horseback riding lessons from 4-12 so there was a lot of opportunity for plenty of accidental hymen breaking before I actually had sex. Not that I'm complaining but it kind of made the whole thing a little anticlimactic. No pain and no blood and no real pleasure because I was so nervous made it all a little "Oh, that's it?".

― Airwrecka Bliptrap Blapmantis (ENBB), Tuesday, April 8, 2014 12:51 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I hope I will not regret this post, but I just want to point out "I would've been fucked" and "a little anticlimactic"

ביטקוין‎ (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 8 April 2014 20:07 (seven years ago) link

pplains u are the king of the grooms cake

1 P.3. Eternal (roxymuzak), Friday, 11 April 2014 06:26 (seven years ago) link

I thought this was kinda morbid at first,

http://i.imgur.com/wC8zEOH.jpg

until I realized you're supposed to "read" it from the bottom up.

pplains, Tuesday, 15 April 2014 00:22 (seven years ago) link

i feel like we lost some fundamental idea of what a cake is/was, somewhere along the way, as a society

1 P.3. Eternal (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 15 April 2014 00:49 (seven years ago) link

computerized image-to-icing transfer has much to answer for

Aimless, Tuesday, 15 April 2014 00:51 (seven years ago) link

They got a name for the weddings in this world,
But I want a cake when I lose.

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/originals/ea/4c/6e/ea4c6ed294738a2c2fe6886f5ee158d0.jpg

pplains, Tuesday, 15 April 2014 01:17 (seven years ago) link

I could probably tour the whole damn SEC for bad grooms cakes, but the first thing I saw on Pinterest five seconds ago was "Alabama grooms cakes" as a fixed search term.

pplains, Tuesday, 15 April 2014 01:18 (seven years ago) link

one year passes...

But first, getting back to the SEC for a moment...

http://i.imgur.com/RZcBbdS.jpg

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Pretty sure this is somehow SEC-related too.

http://i.imgur.com/kZ5LcyM.jpg

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SEC, though B1G12 definitely a possibility.

http://i.imgur.com/Fmh3SYf.jpg

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OK, now. Getting out of hand.

http://i.imgur.com/1u87aXS.jpg

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http://i.imgur.com/p8fTHi6.jpg

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No, seriously. It looks just like the painting. It's got wings and everything.

http://i.imgur.com/Q0jN4DJ.jpg

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Not sure what football conference this is from.

http://i.imgur.com/K054tmW.jpg

pplains, Wednesday, 4 November 2015 15:38 (five years ago) link

Didja hear that even "geeks" get married now too?

http://i.imgur.com/L4fc0NX.jpg

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No, a Jabba the Hut cake sounds like the perfect accompaniment to a perfect day.

http://i.imgur.com/MOXyhiC.jpg

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"I do."

"I know."

http://i.imgur.com/wNuQOq1.jpg

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Not sure which conference. PAC 10 maybe?

http://i.imgur.com/GXjVaSP.jpg

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And you thought it was weird someone would marry a Star Wars fan...

http://i.imgur.com/8Njbe9T.jpg

pplains, Wednesday, 4 November 2015 15:43 (five years ago) link

http://i.imgur.com/TbdQR9R.jpg http://i.imgur.com/QUSD4yA.jpg

pplains, Wednesday, 4 November 2015 15:44 (five years ago) link

I know that squashed dog cake is college football related but it's gross and upsetting and a nice encapsulation of why I hate college football enthusiasm.

carl agatha, Wednesday, 4 November 2015 16:32 (five years ago) link


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