hyperbole, by j0rdan s.

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rolling thread of posting ott things j0rd says

THAT'S LIGHTWEIGHT DICKERY (dayo), Saturday, 14 May 2011 05:45 (eight years ago) link

like, john barry should be barred by presidental order from talking on tv about basketball

― J0rdan S., Saturday, May 14, 2011 10:26 AM (3 hours ago) Bookmark

THAT'S LIGHTWEIGHT DICKERY (dayo), Saturday, 14 May 2011 05:45 (eight years ago) link

lol tbh this is my favorite thing to do

J0rdan S., Saturday, 14 May 2011 05:50 (eight years ago) link

tbh it is one of my favorite things for u to do

roxymuzak, Saturday, 14 May 2011 12:22 (eight years ago) link

great thread!

Best thread ever.

StanM, Saturday, 14 May 2011 13:28 (eight years ago) link

tbh it is one of my favorite things for u to do

― roxymuzak, Saturday, May 14, 2011 8:22 AM (5 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

otm

horseshoe, Saturday, 14 May 2011 17:45 (eight years ago) link

fun game

i'm so happy that roethlisberger didn't lead the steelers on a drive at the end of the game, i would've had to leave the country altogether

― no beans, push to fart (J0rdan S.), Sunday, February 6, 2011 11:11 PM (3 months ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

horseshoe, Saturday, 14 May 2011 23:36 (eight years ago) link

haha

D40 (D-40), Saturday, 14 May 2011 23:39 (eight years ago) link

this is a otm thraed

D40 (D-40), Saturday, 14 May 2011 23:39 (eight years ago) link

ppl "donating" their statuses should be shot in the face

― jordy (J0rdan S.), Friday, January 16, 2009 2:51 AM (2 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

D-40, Monday, 16 May 2011 21:42 (eight years ago) link

lol

flopson, Monday, 16 May 2011 21:44 (eight years ago) link

perfect thread

Clay, Monday, 16 May 2011 21:58 (eight years ago) link

I don't even think the bulls are that great but in the interest of human rights I think stern should just eliminate both the magic and hawks

― J0rdan S., Sunday, April 24, 2011 9:58 PM (3 weeks ago)

its realy sad he was a drowner (k3vin k.), Monday, 16 May 2011 22:05 (eight years ago) link

haha

"________ is the worst!"

^posted x 1000 give or take on ilhoops

am0n, Monday, 16 May 2011 22:10 (eight years ago) link

lol

anime hitler, the futanari führer (Princess TamTam), Monday, 16 May 2011 22:14 (eight years ago) link

i fear a world where jordan has any power over anything

ban drake (the rapper) (max), Monday, 16 May 2011 22:19 (eight years ago) link

hes an ilxor -- shouldnt be an issue

D-40, Monday, 16 May 2011 22:22 (eight years ago) link

this is a otm thraed

― D40 (D-40), Sunday, 15 May 2011 00:39 (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

popular gay automobile (a hoy hoy), Monday, 16 May 2011 22:44 (eight years ago) link

he has power over 1p3

roxymuzak, Tuesday, 17 May 2011 00:49 (eight years ago) link

if thats any indication

roxymuzak, Tuesday, 17 May 2011 00:50 (eight years ago) link

one month passes...

off topic but i love this:

Is there a good name for whatever style this is? It seems to be very now in a way that I'm young enough to notice but too fully understand -- that californiaish, burnout, vans-with-no-socks and ray-bans endless summer sound that seems to be one of the prevailing ones (yeah, partly because it's summer).

― didn't even have to use my akai (Hurting 2), Saturday, July 16, 2011 8:19 AM (5 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

this shit is called chillwave, bruh

― J0rdan S., Saturday, July 16, 2011 8:19 AM (5 hours ago) Bookmark

( •ิ.•ั) (gr8080), Saturday, 16 July 2011 23:59 (eight years ago) link

have to put sheets on my bed, would pretty much rather kill myself

― J0rdan S., Monday, July 18, 2011 2:05 AM (4 hours ago) Bookmark

dayo, Monday, 18 July 2011 10:10 (eight years ago) link

can't believe this song is even being talked about

― be my anchor baby (J0rdan S.), Monday, August 16, 2010 12:42 AM

[Eminem - Love The Way You Lie ft. Rihanna]

markers, Friday, 22 July 2011 05:42 (eight years ago) link

no, i honestly couldn't

tupac, bach (J0rdan S.), Friday, 22 July 2011 05:43 (eight years ago) link

(((d-_-b)))

markers, Friday, 22 July 2011 05:45 (eight years ago) link

two weeks pass...

not exactly hyperbole, i guess, but whatever:

What would be it like to go a day without spending any money? How would I get from A to B? What about food? Turns out, a day of living expense free is very easy to do.

actually kill yourself

― J0rdan S., Wednesday, May 12, 2010 9:43 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

A self-proclaimed female A.J. Jacobs

go step in front of a train

― J0rdan S., Wednesday, May 12, 2010 9:45 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

I knew I had a coffee maker and some Holder's House Blend coffee in my cupboard somewhere so it was about time I tried it out. Honestly, the coffee wasn't so bad. I was so used to my morning corner-coffee shop routine that I forgot how much I enjoyed a simple cup of joe in my apartment before I left for work.

take this pot of coffee and pour it on your face

― J0rdan S., Wednesday, May 12, 2010 9:46 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark

I poured myself a bowl of cereal, adding banana slices on top. Not so bad.

how is this a real human being? someone detonate a car bomb in 'flatiron'

― J0rdan S., Wednesday, May 12, 2010 9:47 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

"It was time to get creative" *links to own retarded website*

― J0rdan S., Wednesday, May 12, 2010 9:48 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

I rummaged through my cupboard and fridge and sure enough, I had a box of unopened penne and an unopened can of tomato vodka sauce hidden behind some cans of soup. Penne vodka -- perfect.

this is the most un-self aware and embarrassing article i've read in my entire life

― J0rdan S., Wednesday, May 12, 2010 9:49 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark

i know your last name is "von Tobel" but good christ

― J0rdan S., Wednesday, May 12, 2010 9:49 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

I recognize that this experiment is unsustainable for a long period of time

you are literally the worst person walking the face of the earth

― J0rdan S., Wednesday, May 12, 2010 9:50 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark

horseshoe, Friday, 5 August 2011 17:06 (eight years ago) link

lol

blapplebees (crüt), Friday, 5 August 2011 17:08 (eight years ago) link

i love j0rdan's whole new "what are people doing" schtick

froster the poophole (Whiney G. Weingarten), Friday, 5 August 2011 17:12 (eight years ago) link

haha that thread was great

iatee, Friday, 5 August 2011 17:13 (eight years ago) link

haha man, that was for real the worst article

J0rdan S., Friday, 5 August 2011 17:15 (eight years ago) link

loooool

hs, how did you find all that

goole, Friday, 5 August 2011 18:42 (eight years ago) link

um the quiddities and agonies thread was recently updated and then i reread the whole thing? i have a lot of time on my hands! when i got to alexa von tobel i laughed and laughed. j0rdan basically posted those all in a row tbh. hero!

take this pot of coffee and pour it on your face

― J0rdan S., Wednesday, May 12, 2010 9:46 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark

i wish there were more irl opportunities to say this to loathsome people, but it would have to be a very particular circumstance.

horseshoe, Friday, 5 August 2011 18:47 (eight years ago) link

haha i got all excited that there was some new next level quiddities and agonies but them was let down to see those posts were a year old

i save up that thread and read it (and the articles linked) during my slow-ass thursday nite dj gig

( •ิ.•ั) (gr8080), Friday, 5 August 2011 18:57 (eight years ago) link

three months pass...

sanchez running qb draws for TDs is quite literally the most aggravating thing on earth

― J0rdan S., Sunday, November 13, 2011 9:56 PM (41 seconds ago) Bookmark

horseshoe, Monday, 14 November 2011 02:57 (seven years ago) link

this is one of my favorite thread

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Monday, 14 November 2011 03:00 (seven years ago) link

s

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Monday, 14 November 2011 03:00 (seven years ago) link

if they really serve enchiladas w/ flour tortillas in south carolina they should just shut the whole state down

― yo zuccotti (J0rdan S.), Thursday, November 17, 2011 10:32 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

just sayin, Friday, 18 November 2011 14:11 (seven years ago) link

there literally is not a human being worse than someone who roots for the jets

― yo zuccotti (J0rdan S.), Thursday, November 17, 2011 11:58 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

call all destroyer, Friday, 18 November 2011 14:30 (seven years ago) link

you were looking for the truth bombs thread i think

Roberto Spiralli, Friday, 18 November 2011 14:32 (seven years ago) link

I literally can't imagine a bigger waste of my time than reading some smug columnist describe the feedback loop around the word "literally"

upright shitizen's brigade (Whiney G. Weingarten), Friday, 18 November 2011 15:59 (seven years ago) link

Download the MP3 audio version of this story here, or sign up to get all of Slate's free daily podcasts.

crüt, Friday, 18 November 2011 16:00 (seven years ago) link

I literally can't imagine a bigger waste of my time than reading some smug columnist describe the feedback loop around the word "literally"

― upright shitizen's brigade (Whiney G. Weingarten), Friday, November 18, 2011 9:59 AM (6 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

haha

Regional Thug (D-40), Friday, 18 November 2011 22:12 (seven years ago) link

GO JETS

Dr Morbois de Bologne (Dr Morbius), Friday, 18 November 2011 22:17 (seven years ago) link

i think we all wish the jets godspeed on their current trajectory

Roberto Spiralli, Friday, 18 November 2011 22:23 (seven years ago) link

spiralls otm

yo zuccotti (J0rdan S.), Friday, 18 November 2011 22:23 (seven years ago) link

one month passes...

baby is actually playing like an overgrown six year old

― bern notice (J0rdan S.), Monday, May 9, 2011 8:07 PM (7 months ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

^this is one if my favorite ever jordan posts

rebecca blah (k3vin k.), Sunday, 8 January 2012 23:45 (seven years ago) link

five months pass...

i was more repulsed by an ad i saw for dunkin donuts' tuna sandwich than i was by the homeless man masturbating on the train three seats down from me

― J0rdan S., Thursday, July 5, 2012 9:08 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark

now all my posts got ship in it (dayo), Friday, 6 July 2012 01:10 (seven years ago) link

that thread's filled with choice h by j's

Black_vegeta (Hungry4Ass), Friday, 6 July 2012 01:20 (seven years ago) link

record

The burrito of ennui (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Saturday, 13 August 2016 03:33 (three years ago) link

thanks for reading guys :-)

J0rdan S., Saturday, 13 August 2016 16:57 (three years ago) link

sarge has been to my place exactly once when he's in town and it has never occurred to me to meet anywhere except at a bar

― The burrito of ennui (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Friday, August 12, 2016 3:48 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

this is true but the one bar we usually go to is effectively a restaurant

J0rdan S., Saturday, 13 August 2016 16:57 (three years ago) link

i don't hate all bars, but i feel like most bars are actively terrible places. when i find a good one i try to stick with it, though half the time i'd rather just invite friends over and hang out on the porch.

― nomar, Friday, August 12, 2016 3:45 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

this about sums it up

J0rdan S., Saturday, 13 August 2016 17:03 (three years ago) link

@jordansarge
my frank ocean review. i think it's good and sensible.

i blame peter thiel

mookieproof, Wednesday, 24 August 2016 18:30 (three years ago) link

heh

J0rdan S., Wednesday, 24 August 2016 18:33 (three years ago) link

thiel & channel orange.xls

r|t|c, Wednesday, 24 August 2016 19:32 (three years ago) link

one year passes...

this content could reasonably be charged with second degree murder https://t.co/IHMJXB1xm2

— jord (@jordansarge) March 15, 2018

starbucks cold brew should be a banned narcotic

— jord (@jordansarge) March 15, 2018

flopson, Thursday, 15 March 2018 19:38 (one year ago) link

:)

Karl Malone, Thursday, 15 March 2018 19:39 (one year ago) link

wtf @ shaggy

had (crüt), Thursday, 15 March 2018 19:56 (one year ago) link

where's the lord custos tribute thread

had (crüt), Thursday, 15 March 2018 19:57 (one year ago) link

starbucks cold brew makes me feel crazier than cocaine

J0rdan S., Thursday, 15 March 2018 21:35 (one year ago) link

how about cocktails?

ice cream social justice (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 15 March 2018 21:38 (one year ago) link

the most disgusting thing i’ve ever smelled on the subway was a freshly opened container of yogurt. this was 5 minutes ago.

— jord (@jordansarge) February 21, 2018

You've lived here for several years, come now

ice cream social justice (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 15 March 2018 21:40 (one year ago) link

yogurt smells worse than BO to me

J0rdan S., Thursday, 15 March 2018 21:41 (one year ago) link

~floridians~

mookieproof, Thursday, 15 March 2018 21:44 (one year ago) link

"watch a 29-year-old man smell yogurt for the first time in his life (video)"

how to diss a peer completely (unregistered), Thursday, 15 March 2018 21:50 (one year ago) link

https://melmagazine.com/the-men-who-eat-like-boys-c72c39da18bf j0rd how adjacent are you to this article

, Thursday, 15 March 2018 22:03 (one year ago) link

not really at all. i love vegetables. last night i had white beans and kale for dinner. i just have specific aversions.... mostly to things that are soft and/or slimy and sweet (fruits like peaches, strawberries, bananas etc, also lots of desserts, mushrooms aren't sweet but texturally i can't). but idk, i love oysters even tho they're slimy... i was just convincing my roommate last night to eat fish roe. but i like things that are salty (name anything) and i also like things that are watery (celery, apples, tomatoes, watermelon etc) so i get why i really respond positively to the taste of brine. it all mostly sense to me in my head as i've thought a lot about why i'm repulsed by certain things. i always loved citrus bcuz of florida i think. anyway i consider myself as much of an omnivorous eater as mostly anyone.

J0rdan S., Thursday, 15 March 2018 22:22 (one year ago) link

Your liking celery is the most terrifying thing I've ever learned about you.

morning wood truancy (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, 15 March 2018 22:43 (one year ago) link

wait you think BO smells bad?

the masseduction of lauryn hill (Stevie D(eux)), Thursday, 15 March 2018 23:46 (one year ago) link

this yogurt slander is frankly unbelievable

lag∞n, Friday, 16 March 2018 00:53 (one year ago) link

wait you think BO smells bad?

― the masseduction of lauryn hill (Stevie D(eux)), Thursday, March 15, 2018 7:46 PM (one hour ago) Bookmark

well no :-) but the BO of i.e. a homeless person, yes

J0rdan S., Friday, 16 March 2018 01:08 (one year ago) link

what about a homeless man who smells of celery

morning wood truancy (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Friday, 16 March 2018 01:17 (one year ago) link

lol good revive

call all destroyer, Friday, 16 March 2018 01:41 (one year ago) link

that makes sense ty j0rd

, Friday, 16 March 2018 02:17 (one year ago) link

Re: strawberries and things of that nature, is it the taste or the texture? Like a strawberry/banana smoothie, is that tolerable or even worse? I assume mangoes are out too.

omar little, Friday, 16 March 2018 02:24 (one year ago) link

no i mostly like the taste of the fruits. i enjoy a berry smoothie, tho if it’s with banana i just ask for it with some orange juice instead. and blueberries i will eat sometimes because they’re not as fleshy as strawberries. i haven’t yet really tried to make myself eat jams/jellies.

mangoes pile up on the side of the street in miami but yeah i’ve not ever really eaten those.

J0rdan S., Friday, 16 March 2018 02:38 (one year ago) link

I don't understand the mango at all, but I've Hass avocados are the bomb -- the only ones I can eat in one serving.

morning wood truancy (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Friday, 16 March 2018 02:52 (one year ago) link

first time i ate an avocado i spat it out, the texture grossed me out so bad

i like them now, but i still have texture hangups, like water chestnuts - they creep me out

Squeaky Fromage (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 16 March 2018 04:26 (one year ago) link

water chestnuts otm. also weird springy baby corn. kimchi still gives me trouble sometimes, it has to be really good in order for me to enjoy it.

map, Friday, 16 March 2018 04:40 (one year ago) link

ten months pass...

there is a character in Bleak House loosely based on j0rdan. Lawrence Boythorn, Jarndyce’s boyhood friend, upon arriving late to Jarndyce’s house because someone gave him bad directions (they’re old now): “We have been misdirected, Jarndyce, by a most abandoned ruffian, who told us to take the turning to the right instead of to the left. He is the most intolerable scoundrel on the face of the earth. His father must have been a most consummate villain, ever to have had such a son. I would have that fellow shot without the least remorse!”

horseshoe, Wednesday, 16 January 2019 21:27 (eight months ago) link

ok i would say some of that

J0rdan S., Wednesday, 16 January 2019 21:38 (eight months ago) link

lol

k3vin k., Wednesday, 16 January 2019 21:38 (eight months ago) link

have to put sheets on my bed, would pretty much rather kill myself

― J0rdan S., Monday, July 18, 2011 2:05 AM (4 hours ago) Bookmark

― dayo, Monday, July 18, 2011 6:10 AM (seven years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Boythorn basically just said this in the part i’m reading

horseshoe, Wednesday, 16 January 2019 21:38 (eight months ago) link

hi guys! j0rdan I am rereading Bleak House after like 10 years and immediately thought of you upon being reintroduced to this character

horseshoe, Wednesday, 16 January 2019 21:40 (eight months ago) link

lmao

johnny crunch, Wednesday, 16 January 2019 21:50 (eight months ago) link

have to put sheets on my bed, would pretty much rather kill myself

this will be me in a few hours

mookieproof, Wednesday, 16 January 2019 22:00 (eight months ago) link

i feel this so much

Squeaky Fromage (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 17 January 2019 02:37 (eight months ago) link

I have never even once in my life successful put on a fitted bottom sheet on the first attempt

Blues Guitar Solo Heatmap (Free Download) (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Thursday, 17 January 2019 12:30 (eight months ago) link

i actually enjoy making my bed now

J0rdan S., Thursday, 17 January 2019 17:11 (eight months ago) link

sellout

mookieproof, Thursday, 17 January 2019 17:23 (eight months ago) link

J0rdan S. Peterson

Pierrot with a thousand farces (wins), Thursday, 17 January 2019 17:24 (eight months ago) link

duvet tu brute

topical mlady (darraghmac), Thursday, 17 January 2019 17:28 (eight months ago) link

it's annoying for 3 mins but then after you have a perfect new bed!

J0rdan S., Thursday, 17 January 2019 17:45 (eight months ago) link

im trying to learn to love tidying up

flopson, Thursday, 17 January 2019 17:47 (eight months ago) link

not coming naturally

flopson, Thursday, 17 January 2019 17:47 (eight months ago) link

I've never not my bed. Unmade beds look like they have ketchup and food and shit spilled on them.

Your sweetie-pie-coo-coo I love ya (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, 17 January 2019 18:45 (eight months ago) link

would go to SABR meetup if it was just a bunch of grandfatherly guys telling stories

― call all destroyer, Saturday, January 30, 2010 3:44 PM

well in that case you could just meet morbs for lunch

― Goon's Anatomy (J0rdan S.), Saturday, January 30, 2010 3:46 PM

i've forgotten most of the things i should slap my friend j0rdan around for

a Mets fan who gave up on everything in the mid '80s (Dr Morbius), Friday, 25 January 2019 20:24 (eight months ago) link

especially after seeing him eat

Your sweetie-pie-coo-coo I love ya (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Friday, 25 January 2019 20:30 (eight months ago) link


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