your terrible ideas

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1. An adaptation of Blood Meridian scored by Def Leppard

real men love cheeses (latebloomer), Saturday, 4 July 2009 06:07 (eleven years ago) link

2. I'll move to San Francisco
3. Make a monster costume out of a dirty shag rug
4. Mobile DJ at English pub in a town an hour away using a PA I've never used

bamcquern, Saturday, 4 July 2009 06:25 (eleven years ago) link

5. date down

carpathian florist (roxymuzak), Saturday, 4 July 2009 08:08 (eleven years ago) link

6. date

what a delightfully quirky new voice! (bug), Saturday, 4 July 2009 08:10 (eleven years ago) link

1. An adaptation of Blood Meridian scored by Def Leppard

7. An adaption of The Mikado done entirely using mobile ringtones.

snoball, Saturday, 4 July 2009 08:30 (eleven years ago) link

8. a book about combat rock compared/contrasted with the 1982 worlds fair

carpathian florist (roxymuzak), Saturday, 4 July 2009 08:38 (eleven years ago) link

9. (another music one, but that's what I save most of my truly bad ideas for) An album made entirely using samples from Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music" and Presley's "Having Fun With Elvis On Stage" (because they are supposedly the worst two albums ever made - my theory being that I could make an even worse-er album by combining them).

snoball, Saturday, 4 July 2009 08:44 (eleven years ago) link

10. putting chilli sauce on vanilla ice cream - one mouthful was enough to cause projectile vomiting.

snoball, Saturday, 4 July 2009 08:46 (eleven years ago) link

11. marinara sauce and peanut butter

what a delightfully quirky new voice! (bug), Saturday, 4 July 2009 08:56 (eleven years ago) link

12. Going back to school.

Turkoglu & Love Affair (Clay), Saturday, 4 July 2009 09:03 (eleven years ago) link

nah, that's a great idea.

what a delightfully quirky new voice! (bug), Saturday, 4 July 2009 09:55 (eleven years ago) link

13. Starting the thread "What does 'rockist' mean?"

bamcquern, Saturday, 4 July 2009 16:05 (eleven years ago) link

14. A pop group exclusively made up of 2 year olds called Diaper Rash.

real men love cheeses (latebloomer), Saturday, 4 July 2009 16:09 (eleven years ago) link

13. Starting the thread "What does 'rockist' mean?"

― bamcquern, Saturday, July 4, 2009 11:05 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark

if your original post was a gigantic picture of goatse with an embedded sound clip of, i dunno, somebody having explosive diarrhea or something, then it'd be a pretty great idea

what a delightfully quirky new voice! (bug), Saturday, 4 July 2009 17:28 (eleven years ago) link

15. deciding you wanna ride a goddamn ferris wheel

16. 1p3

a poppy seed NAGL (J0rdan S.), Saturday, 4 July 2009 17:46 (eleven years ago) link

rong

two months pass...

17. Sell white rice dyed brown to exploit gullible newcomers to the health food world (long time health food consumers would probably see right through the scam.) The brand would be called "Rice that is Brown" rather than "So-and-So brown rice" and list the ingredients in super timy print.

latebloomer, Friday, 11 September 2009 02:29 (eleven years ago) link

eh..tiny print

latebloomer, Friday, 11 September 2009 02:30 (eleven years ago) link

haha the next step would be "Rice that is Multiethnic" and it would just be bag of Fruity Pebbles.

we like cars, we like cartoons (dyao), Friday, 11 September 2009 02:37 (eleven years ago) link

would that actually like... save you any money?

mountain G.O.A.T. (s1ocki), Friday, 11 September 2009 03:32 (eleven years ago) link

slocki you don't get it--IT'S A TERRIBLE IDEA!

ian, Friday, 11 September 2009 06:36 (eleven years ago) link

1. An adaptation of Blood Meridian scored by Def Leppard

7. An adaption of The Mikado done entirely using mobile ringtones.

18. an adaptation of Do You Remember Love?/Macross for the musical theater/broadway stage.

tehresa, Friday, 11 September 2009 07:08 (eleven years ago) link

maybe less terrible and more so not gonna happen why bc i am lazy

tehresa, Friday, 11 September 2009 07:08 (eleven years ago) link

im dying over rice that is brown

Angus Young (roxymuzak), Monday, 14 September 2009 12:04 (eleven years ago) link

19. Putting a book of my poetry out
20. Taking up a drug habit on the back of the highly unlikely profits from this anthology of work (any suggestions for the drugs?)

Don't Be A Ned Raggett (King Boy Pato), Monday, 14 September 2009 12:09 (eleven years ago) link

idk I've actually been pretty impressed with yr writing. Honestly.

\(^o\) (/o^)/ (ENBB), Monday, 14 September 2009 16:59 (eleven years ago) link

21. Combination mezzuzah and bottle opener, so you're never at a loss with a cold beer in your hand.

that stupid-ass cannibal pen-pal of yours (Laurel), Monday, 14 September 2009 17:03 (eleven years ago) link

(xxpost) not my terrible idea, but someone once suggested to me, in all seriousness, that I become a smack head in order to guarantee that I could continue to claim benefits.

a gift from your mind in the form of the perfect beat (snoball), Monday, 14 September 2009 17:04 (eleven years ago) link

patoetry plzzz

jergins, Monday, 14 September 2009 17:06 (eleven years ago) link

art project involving tramp stamps, semen and polaroid camera.

ian, Monday, 14 September 2009 17:31 (eleven years ago) link

A Terrible Plan!

velko, Monday, 14 September 2009 17:35 (eleven years ago) link

tramp stamps on actual tramps

fountain bleaut (s1ocki), Tuesday, 15 September 2009 04:15 (eleven years ago) link

like, hoboes

fountain bleaut (s1ocki), Tuesday, 15 September 2009 04:15 (eleven years ago) link

i thought it would be great an edgy brooklyn gallery! you know, like, transgressive sexuality & the mainstream appeal of defacing the body. or something.

ian, Tuesday, 15 September 2009 04:19 (eleven years ago) link

you have to go for that obsessive all-over-composition style in the installation ... also you need typewritten descriptions of the context for each photo

Suggest Bander-Meinhof Complex (sarahel), Tuesday, 15 September 2009 04:22 (eleven years ago) link

make the stamp say something edgy like "FEMINISM" or "ART" or something

we like cars, we like cartoons (dyao), Tuesday, 15 September 2009 04:23 (eleven years ago) link

the images will be titled with the content of the stamp.

for example:
daisies no. 2
chinese character nos. 1-3

ian, Tuesday, 15 September 2009 04:29 (eleven years ago) link

maybe you can install them onto a traced map of your city, with push pins, and place them in the locations where the people live or were photographed, and it could be a commentary on gentrification or routes travelled.

Suggest Bander-Meinhof Complex (sarahel), Tuesday, 15 September 2009 04:33 (eleven years ago) link

I'm trying to combine all the edgy art trends I can think of ...

Suggest Bander-Meinhof Complex (sarahel), Tuesday, 15 September 2009 04:34 (eleven years ago) link

^feelin this

ROCK BAND: BORBETOMAGUS (haitch), Tuesday, 15 September 2009 04:37 (eleven years ago) link

http://regretfulmorning.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/dunk-hunt-tramp-stamp.jpg

ian, Tuesday, 15 September 2009 04:40 (eleven years ago) link

http://purefnevyl.files.wordpress.com/2007/11/corinthians_tramp_stamp.jpg

ian, Tuesday, 15 September 2009 04:41 (eleven years ago) link

http://www.thesicness.com/pics/march09/03072009/tramp_stamp.jpg

ian, Tuesday, 15 September 2009 04:42 (eleven years ago) link

I think a pretty funny tramp stamp would be a second asshole

we like cars, we like cartoons (dyao), Tuesday, 15 September 2009 04:43 (eleven years ago) link

http://rlv.zcache.com/tramp_stamp_inspector_mug-p168228570079141682qzje_400.jpg

ian, Tuesday, 15 September 2009 04:44 (eleven years ago) link

idk I've actually been pretty impressed with yr writing. Honestly.

u drunk

a light salad of Adorno, Heidegger, Derrida and Esteban Buttez (King Boy Pato), Tuesday, 15 September 2009 13:53 (eleven years ago) link

Nope and I still stand by that statement.

\(^o\) (/o^)/ (ENBB), Tuesday, 15 September 2009 14:05 (eleven years ago) link

"dunk hunt"

Angus Young (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 15 September 2009 17:34 (eleven years ago) link

one month passes...

20-something. momus hosts a cooking show called "cumin in a girl's mouth"

chemical ali v. chemical frazier (m bison), Friday, 16 October 2009 19:56 (ten years ago) link

I saw one of those dumb “life is good” shirts the other day that I’d forgotten existed and now want to make versions that say “life was good” with images of people missing mundane activities like going to the movies or not dying of covid

joygoat, Wednesday, 15 July 2020 19:32 (two months ago) link

All Blue Lives Matter, a movement for LGBTQ cops

longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Thursday, 16 July 2020 21:34 (two months ago) link

a new competitor for google search that relies on real life people using google to search for the thing that users ask for and find the best result. like if you search for "tabletop games magazine" then some guy will take a few seconds to sift through the google search results and then pick the best ones for you. could be a real game changer for older people who take 45 minutes to google for an IRS form because they're so damn slow

The GOAT Harold Land (Karl Malone), Tuesday, 21 July 2020 22:39 (two months ago) link

^ this supports my contention that computers are just a drastically worse experience for everyone than the existence of administrative/secretarial staff

all cats are beautiful (silby), Tuesday, 21 July 2020 22:47 (two months ago) link

xp -- I had a very similar idea a while back, basically a search "hotline" for old people uncomfortable with computers (you'd call and they'd do the search for you)

longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Tuesday, 21 July 2020 22:53 (two months ago) link

the true force behind parents' cliched pining for grandchildren revealed

a morley steve vai bad horsie what? (Sufjan Grafton), Tuesday, 21 July 2020 23:02 (two months ago) link

idea for much improved movie sequel formatting: instead of, say, "BORAT 2", you call the sequel "2 BORATS" and it's basically the same as the first movie but now there are two Borats, or whichever such person or thing, in every scene. works for anything: "2 PAULS BLART MALL COP" "2 POLICE ACADEMIES" "2 SHAPES OF WATERS"

lumen (esby), Wednesday, 22 July 2020 12:54 (two months ago) link

2 Look Who's Talkings

Doctor Casino, Wednesday, 22 July 2020 12:57 (two months ago) link

2 Fasts, 2 Furiouses

Doctor Casino, Wednesday, 22 July 2020 12:58 (two months ago) link

Wraths of Khan

I pity the foo fighter (Ye Mad Puffin), Wednesday, 22 July 2020 12:58 (two months ago) link

8 Weddings and 2 Funerals

I pity the foo fighter (Ye Mad Puffin), Wednesday, 22 July 2020 12:59 (two months ago) link

221 Grams

Doctor Casino, Wednesday, 22 July 2020 13:00 (two months ago) link

2 Terminators

o wait

pplains, Wednesday, 22 July 2020 13:02 (two months ago) link

...actually how the ill-fated sequel to “girl with a cup” got produced.

rb (soda), Wednesday, 22 July 2020 13:08 (two months ago) link

104 Pickup

I pity the foo fighter (Ye Mad Puffin), Wednesday, 22 July 2020 13:54 (two months ago) link

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World

pplains, Wednesday, 22 July 2020 14:22 (two months ago) link

So you know the radio/dealership stunt “hands on a hard body” where you get some contestants to put their hands on a pickup truck and whoever holds out the longest wins the truck?

Well allow me to introduce you to Hands in the Hamburger

Where you put two tons of burger meat in a parking lot and get people to put their hands inside it, whoever holds out the longest wins the hamburger

all cats are beautiful (silby), Thursday, 23 July 2020 02:46 (two months ago) link

their body heat collectively cooks the raw ground beef, which is then made into meatloaf for needy children

budo jeru, Thursday, 23 July 2020 11:14 (two months ago) link

2 Weekends At Bernie's

Anti-Cop Ponceortium (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Thursday, 23 July 2020 11:15 (two months ago) link

Yachtzee: a game where you have five sailboats and you set them adrift during a hurricane and see which ones do best.

Please, Hammurabi, don't hurt 'em (Ye Mad Puffin), Thursday, 23 July 2020 16:14 (two months ago) link

How about 2 Weekends at 2 Bernie's, an extremely convoluted plot in which two different sets of insurance agents discover two different overlapping frauds and murder plots and each tries to pretend their respective dead boss is still alive to the other, not realizing that the other is doing the same thing. I can't even really work out the details of this, which is why it's a good terrible idea.

longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Thursday, 23 July 2020 19:28 (two months ago) link

new idea: short-lived food-scented incense.

pho, lasagna, thanksgiving turkey for starters

rb (soda), Saturday, 25 July 2020 17:53 (two months ago) link

I had friends who lived next to a burger king that was constantly billowing smoke no matter how not busy they appeared and we theorized part of their branding is to burn a flame broiled whopper incense stick the size of a 2x4 on the roof all day

joygoat, Sunday, 26 July 2020 13:39 (two months ago) link

The Peruvian rotissierie chicken places in my neighborhood definitely follow that model. When the wind is right I stand on my porch and find myself craving Peruvian chicken, without quite knowing why.

forbidden froot loop (Ye Mad Puffin), Sunday, 26 July 2020 15:50 (two months ago) link

two weeks pass...

So here's a follow-up idea to my idea that somehow got stolen and became Too Many Cooks: an NPR podcast that is all credits, with each individual having one of those fantastic or improbable sounding NPR staff names. Title: This Hyphenated Wife

longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Monday, 10 August 2020 06:22 (one month ago) link

infinite recursion reaction videos -- reaction videos to those music reaction videos, and then other people doing reaction videos to those reaction videos, etc.

longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Tuesday, 11 August 2020 17:40 (one month ago) link

the child-parent relationship is the original recursive reaction video

it's a spicy dinner we're having (Sufjan Grafton), Tuesday, 11 August 2020 17:42 (one month ago) link

two weeks pass...

Are you ready for ska-infused Hüsker Dü covers as sung by a Scooby Doo impersonator? Well then may I present: Hü-Ska Dü-Ska Dü.

the secret of sucess is to know all rules ...and brake them (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 26 August 2020 11:59 (one month ago) link

Never noticed before how similar the exclamations were between Scooby Doo and Fred Flintstone.

pplains, Wednesday, 26 August 2020 13:11 (one month ago) link

Huh. Me neither!

the secret of sucess is to know all rules ...and brake them (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 26 August 2020 13:31 (one month ago) link

So Irn Brn contains a small amount of iron and is orange. How about other metal themed vowel reduced sodas? Cppr Bru - contains copper and is green. Cblt Beu - contains cobalt and is blue.

Being cheap is expensive (snoball), Saturday, 29 August 2020 09:31 (four weeks ago) link

Pb bru - trust me, it's just peanut butter!

contorted filbert (harbl), Saturday, 29 August 2020 13:00 (four weeks ago) link

Portable, cybertruck-looking, woodfired pizza ovens seem to be fashionable. I want to design and sell a "usb fired" miniature version for warming pop tarts and hot pockets called the "yoozbee dorbin".

bogo jumbo boba (Sufjan Grafton), Wednesday, 9 September 2020 05:23 (two weeks ago) link

i googled "usb oven" and found that many others have already acted on your terrible idea :(

contorted filbert (harbl), Wednesday, 9 September 2020 13:05 (two weeks ago) link

look, you gotta get a dorbin though: *cross-section of the dorbin with many circulating orange arrows indicating engineering was done*

bogo jumbo boba (Sufjan Grafton), Wednesday, 9 September 2020 14:24 (two weeks ago) link

https://www.gadgetreview.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/beanzawave-portable-microwave.jpg

Unlike conventional microwave ovens, the Beanzawave uses a combination of mobile phone radio frequencies to heat the inserted food or liquid

I don't know enough about how microwaves work and the radiation spectrum to know if this is actually a terrible idea, but it certainly seems like a terrible idea. Dorbin>>>Beanzawave

Lavator Shemmelpennick, Thursday, 10 September 2020 14:31 (two weeks ago) link

People of my age and class and temperament are like, "you mean a Holly Hobby oven?"

velcro-magnon (Ye Mad Puffin), Thursday, 10 September 2020 14:41 (two weeks ago) link

Funny that if you spell the name on that disposable cup backwards, it's STOP PANS.

pplains, Thursday, 10 September 2020 14:44 (two weeks ago) link

EVAWAZNAEB
STOP
PANS
ZNIEH

i notice the letter Q is conspicuously absent, hmmm

Karl Malone, Thursday, 10 September 2020 15:11 (two weeks ago) link

Unlike conventional microwave ovens, the Beanzawave uses a combination of mobile phone radio frequencies to heat the inserted food or liquid
I don't know enough about how microwaves work and the radiation spectrum to know if this is actually a terrible idea, but it certainly seems like a terrible idea. Dorbin>>>Beanzawave

― Lavator Shemmelpennick, Thursday, September 10, 2020 7:31 AM (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

they probably do that because of the availability of small, cheap, and efficient microwave sources for phones. microwave ovens use larger non-chip sources with metal waveguides and other parts that would be hard to fit in this small package. you don't want a source frequency that will be strongly absorbed by water because you'd just heat the outer surface of whatever you're warming up. so cell phone spectra work for that, otherwise your signal wouldn't reach the tower.

every microwave oven is a metal resonator with standing waves inside, which creates hotspots. the cell spectrum uses longer wavelengths, so the hotspots in the beanzawave are spaced further apart, which is bad. you can picture the resonant modes as concentric rings in the top down view and sinusoidal from top-to-bottom. I think most regular microwave ovens have a "mode stirrer" after the source so that you don't just excite one resonance of the metal cavity, which would make the hotspots worse. you could think of the spatial cavity modes as your basis set. each mode has fixed nodes or coldspots, but ideally you can add up the modes with different hot/cold spots to heat a more uniform space. the beanzawave's smaller cavity means that there are fewer cavity modes and this would make the hot/cold spots worse. That's why they use a combination of frequencies - to try and fill in some more coldspots because the hotspots will shift spatially for each source frequency.

bogo jumbo boba (Sufjan Grafton), Thursday, 10 September 2020 16:24 (two weeks ago) link

a microwave oven's source also requires a much larger voltage that would be hard to achieve with a USB source, especially in small space.

bogo jumbo boba (Sufjan Grafton), Thursday, 10 September 2020 16:26 (two weeks ago) link

Sufjan I am assuming you have seen this https://www.evilmadscientist.com/2011/microwave-oven-diagnostics-with-indian-snack-food/

velcro-magnon (Ye Mad Puffin), Thursday, 10 September 2020 16:46 (two weeks ago) link

i have not, but that is cool! you get the concentric rings in that case because of the rotating plate. the beanzawave will get them from the cylindrical cavity shape.

bogo jumbo boba (Sufjan Grafton), Thursday, 10 September 2020 16:55 (two weeks ago) link

i wish so badly to be a professor someday so that i can solve for the "beanzawave modes" in an Emag course

bogo jumbo boba (Sufjan Grafton), Thursday, 10 September 2020 16:56 (two weeks ago) link

May have to settle for being in a band called the Beanzawave Modes

Lavator Shemmelpennick, Thursday, 10 September 2020 19:32 (two weeks ago) link

we've gotta mode these beanzawave ovens

Doctor Casino, Thursday, 10 September 2020 23:15 (two weeks ago) link

bless you all

bogo jumbo boba (Sufjan Grafton), Thursday, 10 September 2020 23:26 (two weeks ago) link

Lulz @ Dr. C.

velcro-magnon (Ye Mad Puffin), Friday, 11 September 2020 01:16 (two weeks ago) link

this has brought me great joy, especially “beanzawave modes”

irn-scamp (mh), Friday, 11 September 2020 03:28 (two weeks ago) link

EVAWAZNAEB
STOP
PANS
ZNIEH

― Karl Malone, Thursday, September 10, 2020 8:11 AM (twelve hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

STOP
PANS
SMEE

bogo jumbo boba (Sufjan Grafton), Friday, 11 September 2020 03:46 (two weeks ago) link


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