no boys allowed in the room!!!!

i post in the dumb tv & action movie threads mostly, same as always :D

I'm still here too. Feel like I don't post all that much but I don't know how accurate that is (or indeed how different from the norm, I think I've always been fairly quiet until I start brawling on poll threads).

I'm going through some stuff to do with having a female body but it's really boring to talk about so I won't
it's not the menopause

i am hosting an all-woman jam next sunday, looking forward to it
so far i think 4 people are coming for sure, aiming for 6

including me

I found that medium article interesting, thanks io

I have thoughts about it but they are all barely formed and incoherent and I'm not sure the internet needs to know them

which is how I feel about most things lately, so not so much ILX posting (except for the 7000 times a week I get cranky about my job or my commute and post to the irrationally angry or stupid coworkers threads)

but I am always glad to see this thread on New Answers, hi everyone, hope you're doing OK

eh ok here goes re that article

as an unattractive woman, who is not good at doing traditional woman things including looking good, dressing nice, doing my hair, not being fat, I tend to assume that anyone who puts up with me for any length of time must by definition not be very interested in that stuff, so my longer-term relationships have existed in a state of "I actually feel liberated from thinking about my body much or wondering how men perceive me" (-- in orbit)

but quite often, after a while, even these apparently me-accepting dudes start to drop hints about my weight, about how surely there must be some sport I'd secretly love to take up because surely everyone has some longing to run marathons and swim the channel, about how it looks nice when the salon straightens my hair (to which I fill in the subtext "and I look a bit more like a normal woman for the rest of the day"), etc

on one level it's disappointing, when you feel safely shame-free around a guy and suddenly, bam! shame bomb. but on the other hand maybe I am just oversensitive to hear these things as shaming? I mean maybe they really are just gentle encouragements to try new things, be healthier, or w/e

also I wondered (as someone who has never done it) if dating a woman, particularly a lesbian, means you know the person you are dating has had to examine their own failings wrt the grand global hotness scale and acceptability index, and so you know they're going to be more forgiving of other people's transgressions of it.

(yes, I know men are insecure too but maybe the exact shape of their insecurity and what they might accept in other people feels more unknowable?)

then I remembered that I don't generally feel like all women are by existential necessity accepting of weird-looking women whenever I e.g. go to the hairdresser and feel so out of place among women who understand and care about hair styling, so eh

yeah i dunno that it's a guarantee that you won't find that by dating women.

i'm only going off the lesbian relationships i've been party to, but yeah, pendulum swang pretty wildly between chill & shaming. i've some bad examples, and some suuuper great utopian examples

XX isn't a guarantee of much beyond anatomy unfortunately <3

when i became single after an 11 year relationship, all that body image stuff was one of my biggest fears -- when I got into the relationship I was young and thin, and 11 years later, I was fat and cougar aged. This was 7 years ago. At the moment, I am not in a relationship, not dating, not interested in either, and I feel a lot better about myself.

But I think those feelings are also related to "being on the market" and general fears of not being desirable, that also extend to things beyond the female body -- like jobs. If you're unemployed and looking for work, it's common to fear that you don't have the right skills or personality or c.v. It's just a specific form of a fear of rejection, that societal norms have totally amplified for women to be about their bodies, and less about other traits.

Yeah I mean idk you gotta find your people so you have daily visible evidence that you're not alone. Like I know women who are also bad at "prettiness," style, etc and some of them are objectively beautiful even without any of that stuff and some are genuinely weird looking or w/e but they/we have each other to remind us that our worth doesn't come from any of those things. Without those ppl tho I think I would find it a lot harder to maintain my perspective.

I purposefully didn't wear any makeup or style my hair for my women's get-together, for instance, even though as the "hostess" I felt like I should have "made an effort." Pushed back on that shit internally and said fuck it.

I kinda rebelled against that stuff from a young age -- I was an only child, so I also felt like I should be something akin to a "son" as well -- so the "prettiness" stuff for me almost always feels like a form of drag, or at least like a theatrical performance, minus the jazz squares and character shoes.

Wait I have to go back to

i am hosting an all-woman jam next sunday, looking forward to it
so far i think 4 people are coming for sure, aiming for 6

― weird woman in a bar (La Lechera), Friday, March 3, 2017 6:36 PM (one hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

HALLELUJAH AND ANGELS AMONG US!!!!! This is already the pinnacle of emotional existence in my imagination! Women playing music and jamming together hell yes.

It's just a specific form of a fear of rejection, that societal norms have totally amplified for women to be about their bodies, and less about other traits.

cosign btw. I wouldn't say I think that feeling is only this but it's at least liable to be partly this.

At the moment, I am not in a relationship, not dating, not interested in either, and I feel a lot better about myself.

More thoughts (sorry). Yes, that sentence reminds me of times I have been happier w myself and distanced myself from body & appearance and worthiness insecurities, and looking back, it DID require me to take myself "off the market," as it were. Like to decide that I was not interested in dating or being desired/loved. So in order to be happy w myself I had to cut myself off from romance/sex/contact w my desired gender. Managing my happiness & emotional health required me to pick one or the other.

I want to think about this more now while I'm in something good and I finally have BOTH in an integrated way, so if and when this relationship ends, I can put myself back into this state by creating an emotional roadmap now.

I kinda rebelled against that stuff from a young age -- I was an only child, so I also felt like I should be something akin to a "son" as well -- so the "prettiness" stuff for me almost always feels like a form of drag, or at least like a theatrical performance, minus the jazz squares and character shoes.

interesting - I was (am) an only child and a tomboy. I had thought of these as entirely independent quirks of my childhood but maybe they are linked!

Xp Yeah I'm psyched & hoping to record at least part of it. Maybe I should call it Yoni! Yony! Yoné!

http://www.nataliedee.com/012506/maracas.jpg

I mean I actually dress up a bit, and started trying to do "pretty" things with my hair, (also taking pride in having thick curly hair and working with that) but it's self-directed as opposed to marketing myself to men. But for me, the past couple years have been about getting more comfortable and happier being by myself and doing things that I enjoy, as opposed to what I should enjoy, or what would make me more attractive to guys. Like sewing clothing and vintage fashion stuff -- outside of talking about periods, that is one of the top topics guaranteed to get a straight guy to tune out or walk away from a conversation.

xp - LL - my bff has actually guested with Toni Tony Tone (or whatever order) -- she says they are super nice and she felt good about those gigs.

i just typed up a long post about my opinion on this subject and then deleted it - which is what i do probably 9/10 times when posting to ilx these days. which is probably preferable to my early years on ilx, when i was insane from sleep deprivation and overworked, and would just post the first thing that came to mind.

i miss these femme threads - just shooting the shit, talking about whatever. there is definitely a smaller and smaller femme presence on ilx over the last year or two.

preferable to my early years on ilx, when i was insane from sleep deprivation and overworked, and would just post the first thing that came to mind.

Mine too! Except replace overworked with drunk :/

the first year/year and half, holy shit, some of the stuff i posted was beyond embarrassing.

Yoni and Chocha would be a funny name for something, a thing i have nothing to do with

https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/M/MV5BMjE1MjE1NjIwM15BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwNzUwMDY1MTE@._V1_UY1200_CR82,0,630,1200_AL_.jpg

i can't even google it, i'm at work

kinder I'm just catching up ott but fwiw I am totally interested and not bored by all things female-body-related, so do tell if you feel like it!

I thought about reviving this thread when I was reading about the dude who allegedly invented labial glue for menstruating women.

also "the grand global hotness scale and acceptability index" (GGHSAI) should be copyrighted as a shorthand for All That Stuff-- thanking u APspacecadet!

xxpost WHAAAAAAAAA?

did dude also invent labial glue solvent or like what was the end game here dude

I think urine was supposed to be the solvent.

so you were supposed to re-glue every time you took a leak? f'n guy.

clearly a guy who would never even *consider* intercourse with a menstruating woman.

yeah and when yr period's over you just unglue & dump a liter of blood where exactly

nope to all of that

I have some ideas about how to use this genital glue on its creator.

I'm thinking that cooking threads are the only threads I see regularly that have anything resembling gender balance, and when ilchixors don't get talked over so much by the uber talky talkers?

circling back to Sarahell, I have become a big proponent of dressing up for ME

like I bought a bomber jacket with sequin sleeves that ok sure i dont go out every weekend but i am so fkb excited at the idea of glamming up & wearing it because *I* am into how it looks, not for anyone else's benefit

and for going out clothes in general I am much more about "do I respond to this color/pattern/style positively?" first, instead of in the past where i'd be like ohhh no someone my size should never wear a shiny dress etc

I'm conflicted between "get rid of lil belly" and "I'm bringing bellies back."

My spouse does not appear to have any conflict with respect to his own belly; he comes in from a winter run and notes without any negative feeling that his "blubber keeps him warm," and indeed his belly is always really chilly while his limbs are nice and toasty; insulation works!

Oh god, the labial glue thing was hilarious.

http://www.dailyedge.ie/mensez-period-lipstick-3251536-Feb2017/

LL I have not stopped loling about Yoni and Chocha since u posted the other day and if it's okay I'm going to turn it into my new username as a tribute to yr genius <3

Be my guest! Glad to be of service.

Yoni Bitchell is my personal fave
Yoni Basil also a decent option

<3

can't believe you're not going with the ilx classic, and twat

joni luvs chachi was my fave tv show as a little kid so this feels right

that post made no contextual sense, for which i apologize

I loled
There's enough for us all to have one

I didn't mention this before because I feel like it's the biggest can of worms in the universe but that article io posted was otm about "creepy", a word that is so vague that it can refer to anything from annoying behavior to harassment to actual stalking (not lite-stalking as the term is used more generally. I'm not sure she's otm about why, as I think it varies as wildly as the meanings of the word "creepy" but I'm glad she opened the discussion of a very nebulous concept that's always hanging in the air like a fart.

I had to get that off my chest because I've been thinking about the general concept of creepiness for many years.

a podcast i enjoy that discusses old-timey high school books discussed Forever by Judy Blume but neither the host or the guest had read it before

they both liked it reading it as newcomers, which is good & cool to hear

but oh man it bummed me out! i was looking forward to hearing from someone who was a legit teen whose life was changed when that contraband was passed to them (like me!) and who owes JB a debt of womanly gratitude for telling me all the stuff that mum and other women kept to themselves (like me!)

plus this guest was a teen in the 00's (side-eye)
who had only read the Fudge series (double side eye) (COME ON! Deenie? Tiger Eyes? Are You There God?)

Sorry, just venting

What podcast is this? It sounds interesting. I mean, in general, maybe not this specific episode.

It's called Sophomore Lit. The idea is they cover your 10th grade reading list, but they cast the net pretty wide and cover stuff like Longfellow that used to be assigned decades ago but isn't now, as well as standards like Romeo & Juliet, Animal Farm, whatnot. I kinda like it. They stay on topic pretty well, and the host is the brother of Dan McCoy of the Flophouse podcast so I'm kinda fond of it by default.

And it's kinda cool to rediscover stuff that you read in school that you thought was lame but maybe isn't now. Or vice versa.