no boys allowed in the room!!!!

haha i think i made a similar post upthread a few years ago when i was freaking out about becoming a potential cougar so ...

I come across a fair few single men closer to my age but theyre often um... single for a reason is the polite way to put it. ANd then theres the divorced dad set, which at my age Im gonna see a lot of, but I just DONT want to get into that, so it cuts my options into pieces. But I dont despair! Still meeting some nice guys at least around my age bracket, I'm happy to drop to 30 yo's without any judgement at all. Maybe it helps I look/act young for my age and dont want kids?

I dated a guy in his late 30s when I was in my mid-20s and he was not That Guy, either. The age gap was part of why we would never progress beyond a certain point (also he was married (oh, but separated and getting divorced ANY DAY) lol sigh so he was a different kind of That Guy but not the That Guy we're talking about) but not bc he was a condescending jerk trying to teach me about ~life~. He was really cute in a black jeans and leather jacket kind of way and drove a badass muscle car and i never got super involved bc I saw all of the insurmountable issues from the jump, so dating him was actually pretty fun and he's an ex whom I sincerely wish well. That's mostly just to point out again that there's age gaps and there's That Guy.

Also I have mentioned this elsewhere I think but I'm 7 yrs older than Jeff. We started dating when he was 21 and I was 28 (and met online when he was 19 or 20). So not like cougar style and as age gaps are wont to do, it matters less as we get older but if you'd asked me before we met if I would date someone that much younger I would have said probably not.

Also my mom is 7 yrs older than my stepdad, coincidentally.

yeah, everyone otm -- this is not about age, it's age plus -- it's way more specific than anyone (esp on that other thread wtf) ever initially suspected

but yeah, this guy is everywhere and i definitely dated one. 34/23. he played the guitar and had a master's degree in music (a master's!) and thought it was really cute that i liked to read (lol). he was tall/cute and looked like john doe (<3) and iirc was pretty frisky/fun and liked to do fun creative shit like "let's take pictures of strangers at walmart at 1am with this disposable camera i have sitting around and also i need to buy a car battery because my van is dead. again." there's a lot more to the story, but i think those details make it clear. he also did not keep a very clean house, in particular the bed. rarely came over to my place. never let me hang out with his friends. never called me back. but he introduced me to his PARENTS?!

weird guy. we don't talk anymore. he moved away and my relationship with our one mutual friend (who i met through him, oddly) is way more important to me than talking to him is. and i hear now he has a kid. :-/

anyone except Homo II, of course, who knew exactly what she was saying :)

(that was to clarify this t's way more specific than anyone (esp on that other thread wtf) ever initially suspected)

That Guy is very familiar to me, because I had a lot of interaction with That Guy when I was in my late teens slash early 20's. It's pretty confusing, because I look back on one in particular with fondness and affection sometimes, but then anger at others because he was predatory and basically pursued me so he could "teach me about stuff" (music, books, films, and sex)

And he did teach me a lot, I guess. But even after we broke up he'd lament about how I was the best girlfriend he'd ever had (a 17 year old was the best girlfriend you ever had - wow). I just had to wonder what it was at work that made me so desirable to him--even then, I wondered, and I sort of landed to the same conclusions I do now.

yeah, even the very terrible ones left artifacts in my life that i don't hate. the bad definitely outweighs the good though, for me. the main gist of my thoughts on the matter, when i look back, revolve around wishing i could go back in time and empower myself to take less shit and speak up about the shitty things that i knew he was doing to my self esteem. oh well, reasons.

xp - yeah, i've had that moment! it's kind of awful but also illuminating. i realized i was a different kind of prize to someone and it was a hella long time ago, but i don't really think being "over it" is entirely possible. i can't even look at my diary from that period.

honestly i wish i would run into this guy (not That Guy) and ask him point blank to his face if he did what i think he did.

it really is true that when your 18-20 your dating options look grim. boys that age look like complete idiots to you, and then its really crushing when you reach out of that age group and are met with idiots also.

xp - once when i was sightly drunk i passed one of these dudes in the street, walking with a woman, and said loudly to the person i was with, "that guy dated me when i was 19 and treated me like shit" - i don't regret it

ok, *you're. no coffee yet.

boys that age wouldn't give me the time of day either

omg roxy you are my hero

this movie wasnt great but it is about That Guy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mwnD-1A80Ts

the trailer makes it look quaint but it does make That Guy look pretty shady.

shopgirl also deals with this but i think it makes That Guy look....decent? i don't really remember. when i read it wanted to kill him tho.

god i love jean smart

i wanted to weep when i found out what shopgirl was about
approval rating for steve martin (which was quite high) plummeted in seconds

Wow, I totally forgot the time I had a 30 year old (in a band!!) interested in me when I was 19.

He was also my step-step-brother's second cousin.

omg that trailer for guinivere was so gross
but yes, jean smart rules

i also loled at the write up! !!! !! !

Screen favorite Stephen Rea (Michael Collins, The Crying Game) stars in this sexy, humorous story about a young woman's discovery of life and love in the arms of an older man! Born into an affluent family of overachievers, awkward young Harper Sloane (Sarah Polley, eXistenZ, Go!) was always the odd one out...until a brilliant phtographer, Connie Fitzpatrick (Rea), focuses his attention on her! Now, he's about to show her a world of possibilities she'd never imagined! But even as Connie begins to guide Harper out of her shell, it's ultimately up to Harper alone to show her disapproving mother...and the whole world...her true potential! Also featuring Gina Gershon (The Insider, Face Off) you'll be charmed by the acclaimed performances in this warm, award-winning motion picture.

her true potential!!

discovered!

by a man!

!

i also love sarah polley so i don't think i can ever see any more of this movie than the part i just saw

also http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pygmalion_(mythology)

spoiler: she figures out that the "brilliant photographer" is That Guy

that's good
i also will admit that i bonus hate these stories because no one ever tried to get me to "reveal my potential" unless b00bz = "potential"

lol LL

hahaha oh dear

maximising our potential itt imo

it's time to leverage our potential by opening the kimono

TA-DAAAAAAAAAAA

lol u guys

btw it's high time someone said something about homo 2's high handed Puritanism. so glad that was addressed.

I remember when I learned what a glory hole was. Thanking u Sister HomoII.

lol @ everything

that made me laugh! (the puritanical thing)

does anyone here experience terrible pain in all joints when period is nigh?

big dull aches for me

Not all joints but my hips and knees would sometimes get worse (I've got screwy knees already). I think it's estrogen related? If it's bad and you have access to medical care, it might be good to see a doc and rule out any inflammatory joint things.

Yes, sort of: my hands and wrists go all funny on Day One and then it clears after the second day.

My ankles, knees, hips, and wrists (sometimes back, too) have throbbing, terrible pains on the day before and day 1. A nurse friend told me that since its bilateral its likely rheumatoid arthritis, and the plummeting estrogen during my period means that my pain tolerance decreases, so that's the only time I feel it. :/

the plummeting estrogen during my period means that my pain tolerance decreases

oh hey, I think this may explain something I hadn't actually noticed was related. thank you roxy and nurse friend! uh sorry about your pain and possible arthritis though.

wait does that mean that estrogen makes us tolerant of pain/tuff?

iirc it's changes in oestrogen levels that make us less tolerant of pain, rather than presence or absence per se

yeah i think that's true

OH man yes I get major joint and back pain, and also sometimes cold and flu symptoms! :(

I figure its cause ive caned my liver so hard, my hormones are screwed up.

nah, I put my liver through hell, and I have so few symptoms of PMS that it's almost always a total surprise when i start bleeding

My estrogen droppage leads to abdominal/back pain and migraines; I now take low-dose estrogen during the droppage period to help with that. Still present are the need to eat everything that is not rapidly running away from me during the week before my period, and the diarrhea for 1 day (which my gyn says is a progesterone affect, and was apologetic that she couldn't offer anything to help with that).

Also for ladies who are not pregnant or wanting to become so, I have found it super-helpful to have a gyn who does not do OB; these docs are all over the birth control/period management/menopausal stuff, without any babby distractions--they get to focus entirely on non-preggos and their problemos.

no joint pain that I've noticed. I get major boob pain, like to the point where it hurts to walk around and I feel like I want to just collapse at the waist...and this year in particular my fking cramps and mood swings have been off the chain. Period itself is over and done in 3 days but fuuccck me the leadup is like, FUCK OFF.