no boys allowed in the room!!!!

Totally wore black pants and a black sweater the other night but at least my blouse had poka-dots - that's something! lol.

My mother was a rail til she was middle-aged and 4 babies into her life, and she always commented in a worried way on how relatively not-skinny I was, and still says things like, "That dress looks great but what are you going to do about your bottom?" and I say, "Show it off, like the good lord apparently intended, since he gave it to me" and it's not perfect, you know, but it works okay.

x-post err polka dots

x-post - lol! perfect

Mine isn't as bad as she used to be but still says things like "Woah I forgot how heavy (or skinny depending on the pic) you once were". It used to be way way worse. Without fail the first thing either of my parents comment on when they see me is my weight. Erica looks great, doesn't she? Is code for - she's lost a few, huh? If they don't make a comment within the fist couple mins of my being home it's never a good sign.

Yeah well that's a bunch of bullshit, as you well know.

I mean talk about pulling the strings on someone's marionette self, that's just pure control ish.

Yeah, I do.

Once I came home relatively sans stomach but at an absolutely totally healthy weight and my mum asked me if I was anorexic.

Living with F gave me a whole new insight on, "If I say or do this damaging thing, I can control the other person for the rest of the situation/day" so maybe I'm a little over-sensitive, but seeing attempts to do that makes me really angry now.

what's amazing to me is how people who do this stuff leave hobo marks on your psyche that other abusive people can immediately read.

otm

Yeah, I think there's definitely something to that.

I think being just sort of out of what people consider to be ideal weight and somewhat attractive is a weird position to be in because I feel like it makes people more likely to say things? Like oh if you were just a little thinner you could do x. I don't know, that probably doesn't make much sense. Sorry - I'm getting tired.

No I know what you mean.

"if you were just a little thinner i would pick on you about y instead."

i think there is no ideal weight or attractiveness that will keep the assholes at bay.

There is no anything that will, because they're assholes.

This kind of criticism is really about control...ownership...having a right to your body, a right to your psyche, a right to script your inner monologue. It's mind-blowingly presumptuous.

I like empire waist dresses!

what a great conversation love you guys

fucking facebook so much to answer for

i tried on party dresses all day, so i appreciate this thread trending this way right now.

My favorite was when I had family hinting that I was getting too fat and guy friends saying nooo don't lose weight you look good.

And I would just think to myself fuck you all!!!

tokyo rosemary otm

everyone can shut it, family and guys

Trying on dresses is one thing that will slay me, if they're not stretchy. When it's separates, I can say, "That skirt is too small" or "I can't believe that's a Size X", but dresses tell you what size your WHOLE BODY is "supposed" to be and they make me so mad.

people can say you look great, of course. it's not rocket science.

WHO WEARS THESE? NOT PEOPLE WITH LEGS FOR WALKING AND DANCING WITH, I CAN TELL YOU THAT.

ALSO NOT PEOPLE WHO WILL BE SITTING DOWN, OR EATING, OR BREATHING, APPARENTLY.

I really like empire waists, too. They shorten my waist and make my breasts pop out--for some reason (and it's really, really odd, because I'm a 38DD), they tend to get lost under my clothes. (I have a big belly, but I've never really noticed the looking-pregnant thing with empire waists.)

i guess i would echo what Erica and Jennya and Abbott said that it is totally worth it to take this stuff seriously and talk to someone trained in it. because as estela said so much wasted life spent thinking about it!

the other day when i had heart palpitations? my pants were too tight.
i put on my green sweatpants and felt MUCH better.

dresses don't make me nearly as unhappy/angry as pants.

pants are the worst

hahah Jennya! i kind of like that

I'm glad that it turned out to be nothing more serious than that, Amanda.

i literally don't wear pants because of this shit

Sweat pants make everything better.

sp sarahel, I totally stopped wearing pants, that was my solution.

So many xps!!! looooooooooool

that's ridiculous now that i read it but it's true.

lol Laurel <3

laurel! i took your advice and now wear skirts & dresses most of the time

I don't mind pants so much. My main problem with pants is that the regular ones are too short and the long ones are too long.

i can't believe that MY PANTS were causing me to be short of breath! that's appalling.
today i am wearing a pinstriped waistless overall dress that i have had since 1993
one time a student referred to it as a "business apron" and that strengthened my resolve to continue wearing it

I'm a 5'6" woman with the waist of a 6'4" woman and the legs of a 4'11" woman. Yes, pants are the worst.

I have jeans, I mean it's not like I totally foreswore convenience forever. But unless I were to wear yoga pants everywhere like the woman working at the pharmacy today that I totally envied for 2 minutes, pants will just not do.

I WANT A BUSINESS APRON

I should probably just always get long and have them hemmed. Why I have not thought of this before I do not know.

this may have already been covered (i suspect by Jennya the Jenius) but i just want to say in my experience i am particularly hard on my body when im really stressed about big life what will become of me type stuff. i think women are trained to process that stuff through their looks because it's our jobs to be pleasing to others and also you actually have very little control over you know how soon you'll get a job but you can feel (illusorily) like if you just buckle down you can make your ass smaller. this is horrifying when you realize you're doing it but i also find it clarifying and it helps me stop.

The OTMest!

i actually have a lot of hokey things i do to make myself feel better about this stuff, like look at other women's bodies and think nice thigns about them.