wtf, CNN.com

pelicans are v v important

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3047/2456224307_3fdd3938bb_o.jpg

lol

in soviet russia trees get stuck up pelicans

"We're Sending Our Love Up a Tree"

If it trees, it leads.

can somebody summarize this thread for me - is there a pelican stuck up a tree in Florida

stay classy, cnn.com

the chicago band?

what about their new t-shirt feature? I was going to post yesterday that I could get a lovely shirt with a headline about a dead child

Other currently developing love stories that apparently weren't important enough to be marked as the top story:

National Day on Prayer
Democrats on Iraq
McCain campaigns in Cleveland

http://img33.picoodle.com/img/img33/4/5/1/f_treem_29b6a94.jpg

I was going to post yesterday that I could get a lovely shirt with a headline about a dead child

Very Butthole Surfers.

roffle

there should be an all-pelican-and-grapefruit channel

I DIED OTM. I await Obama's book about the experience.

Comment submitted to be read live on-air:

I, for one, would like to know the pelican's position on the gas tax holiday.

the audacity of trees

if u dont care about pelicans then u are letting the terrists win.

the audacity of trees

That could seriously be a Pelican album title.

what are the pelican's flaws?

gets stuck in trees

how does an creature granted with the gift of flight get stuck in a tree? is it lazy?

an -> a

i think we all need to know what pelican's pastor thinks.

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3068/2457097242_ed0e27107c_o.jpg

UPDATE

The full context is super-roffly; look at the videos they decided not to lead with in favor of the pelican story:

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3123/2457097264_932e6aa5e3_o.jpg

By the time this is all done the bill is going to be huge.

lolololol they are now showing Obama speaking about race and the economy, still under the headline "Pelican stuck in tree"

omgosh

bah, they fixed it

I can't imagine being the editor that said "let's go with the tree pelican over BABIES TOSSED OFF 50-FOOT TOWER FOR LUCK"

lolololol they are now showing Obama speaking about race and the economy, still under the headline "Pelican stuck in tree"

NEW CAMPAIGN METAPHOR

Guys, it's contagious: as I'm typing this, the BBC (BBC 2 TV) have a graphologist analyzing this year's Snooker world championship quarter finalists' handwriting.

Recuers?

baby tossing footage is mind-blowing

"no, no, no oh shit they're not really oh shit they are HEY THAT LOOKS LIKE FUN"

the bouncing, not the dropping

Which would you rather do this weekend?
Play "Grand Theft Auto IV" 8%
Watch "Iron Man" 15%
Both 4%
Neither 72%

lol, CNN.com didn't count on the silent "Not A Big Fucking Nerd" majority

Which would you rather do this weekend?
Get stuck in tree 8%
Drop babies for luck 15%
17 minutes, 4 seconds - no breathing 4%
Don't let a hospital kill you 72%

WHO RECUE ME FROM HOSPITAL DEATH?

So is the pelican okay? PLZ let me know soon cause I gotta go camp out for Iron Man tix...

Sign up for instant pelican updates on your phone and you'll not have to worry.

Opportunity!

Firefox can't find the server at www.treestrandedpelican.com

I just searched for news on the pelican because I'm on the edge of my seat here. All I found was this thread.

Is SOMEONE chucking live fish up to it? Please, a firefighter helicopter needs to drop buckets of live fish over this tree.

Prosty the Spokesgland

Pelican Prosty

the stranded spokesfowl

now i've got the image of trump as putin's fist pig. he really IS a puppet.

ok, sorry, gonna pour bleach in my eyes now.

Oprah lost 40 pounds. Here's how

perennial story gets a clickbait update

https://c1.staticflickr.com/1/532/32536015102_23eee31d48_b.jpg

lol

I have been trying to avoid making FAKE NEWS jokes but they are not making it easy

Hahahaha

omg

Wait until you hear Natalie Maines' new version of "Unforgettable".

that is shades of the kindergarten teacher who told us all we were going to listen to the news because one of our classmates was going to be on, only for us to hear a story about how was killed in a car accident because he was sticking his head out of the window

― ^likes black girls (HI DERE), Thursday, December 18, 2008 2:49 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Footballer signed after feeding girlfriend to dogs

the story is really grim and awful, and the signing did not take place IMMEDIATELY after, it's years later and he was just paroled, but at first i was thinking some team was like "hey this guy's got what it takes!"

only seven years. i'm usually all about forgiveness/ rehabilitation but i'm not so thrilled about this dude prospering after kidnapping, torturing, and murdering someone

like seriously, talk about trivializing violence against women

the problem with the CNN headline is that they used the term "controversial" to describe the decision, like this was about miley cyrus smoking weed in an instagram video or something

this was in brazil btw

if you're wondering about the lenience of the sentence etc.

i know

brazil is one of the worst countries in latin america to be a woman and they have huge problems with prison overcrowding and are undergoing their worst ever depression

http://www.cnn.com/2017/03/13/health/abortion-texas-lawmaker-trnd/?iid=ob_lockedrail_topeditorial

like "ok haha" yes technically the byline is correct but doesn't reflect the actual satirical intent of the bill, meaning a buncha "omg America is so stupid" yuk yuks will share this tonight without reading it.

man can't believe he got a DUI and killed a zookeeper in the same week

http://i63.tinypic.com/3130l1w.png

Did I seriously just load the tinypic 404 graphic on a fresh post in 2017

http://i68.tinypic.com/veveza.jpg

Great use of filling 16x9 frame centered on 1x1 image.

http://nypost.com/2017/06/01/doctors-warns-women-against-putting-wasp-nests-in-their-vaginas/

different Tiger kills zookeeper? xpost

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v212/etienne_saint/Screen%20Shot%202017-06-19%20at%201.58.59%20PM_zps2vrowceu.png

A veggie by any other name may actually get eaten
Not eating enough fruit led to to an estimated 7.5% diet-related cardiometabolic deaths in 2012, the researchers said in a recent study in JAMA. Two servings of fruit are recommended each day. A serving would equal one whole fruit, such as an entire banana, or one cup equivalent.

One-month sugar detox: Here's how to do it

Analysis: Kushner's fall from Secretary of Everything to ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Hahahaha wait

Analysis: Time to send Congress a message t('_'t)

McCabe: This is about Mueller and Trump's 'war on the FBI'

didn't know mueller had a war on the FBI

Analysis: The 14 most ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ lines from Trump's 'Fox & Friends' interview

https://media.giphy.com/media/QQZgTehcKrD2w/giphy.gif

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v212/etienne_saint/CAE4C5EB-8BA2-40EC-BBBE-C9F9229AACD5_zpsmzaigtgr.jpeg

https://www.cnn.com/2018/08/10/opinions/look-out-trump-china-is-stealing-africa-opinion-intl/index.html

renormalizing colonialism ... or maybe i guess just straight up admitting it never went out of style?

https://www-m.cnn.com/2019/06/21/health/young-people-horn-skulls-trnd/index.html

https://nypost.com/2020/07/08/cant-get-a-facial-in-lockdown-try-a-butt-one-instead/

try a butt one

TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD

Client Marian Shelley, 33, recently had her first booty facial and called it “luxurious.”

Got rid of the bootyflakez

i still can't get this out of my head

TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD

is the maintenance visit for this butt facial, a couple of weeks later, called a rebuttal?

hey let’s all be cool and try a butt one

https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/tentacles-manhattan-da-s-trump-probe-reach-former-bodyguard-calamari-n1271940

Tentacles of Manhattan DA's Trump probe reach former bodyguard Calamari

hah

This is the lead story on the entertainment page today:

https://www.cnn.com/2021/08/04/entertainment/lizzo-chris-evans-trnd/index.html

Clearly wtf, but also how great would it be if Lizzo and Chris Evans actually did have a baby together?

also I am still back on the booty facial

imagining Project Pat's voice chanting

TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD
TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD
TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD
TRY A BUTT ONE INSTEAD

https://www.spokesman.com/stories/2021/jul/15/little-red-corvette-hit-by-car-going-much-too-fast/

that gets a well-earned groan