no boys allowed in the room!!!!

All My Demos Are Unreleased

can it be an A-frame?

I don't really like A-frames, weirdly? Idk--I dislike being in rooms where sloping ceilings make part of the room too short to move around in.

lol yeah they are really impractical on the inside. i just like looking at them.

Oh man I love slopey ceilings, like a big part of my obsession with Berlin is the slopey ceilings in Dachgeschosses.

My period is still the same even though I’m the same age my mom was when she started menopause.

in orbit, are you still upstate?

https://ark-shelter.com/
Only available in, like, the Netherlands and Slovakia.

https://www.ecohome.net/prefab-kit-homes/le-refuge-s750/
Only available in Quebec!

https://www.pluspuu.fi/en/mallisto/
Only priced for Finland!

xp to tr: Yes, well, not VERY upstate, but in Orange County.

Ok, just wondering if you wanted to do some sort of socially distanced meet up!

those are adorable. i have similar forest-living dreams but i don't know if i could downsize any more from my 880 sq. ft. house. too many kitchen things.

Oh yeah it wouldn't be my permanent residence probably? I have too much stuff! Or would be something modular that could be expanded later. I just can't afford a house ($250k and upwards) that I would want, and I only like old houses, and then I would have the constant maintenance, which I would love to say I could handle, but honestly without C and his skills and a whole workshop and tools and etc, which I don't have on my own, I would be sunk.

Anyway. When the climate crisis comes, everyone come to my 5 acres with a separate well and septic system and build a tiny house and we'll stick it out.

Yeah, absolutely! Escapism is completely what it is. (But also sometimes a touch of... "I wish *I* were a better person - like my amazing fantasy crush!")

― Extractor Fan (Branwell with an N)

"do i want to be _with_ them or do i want to _be_ them?" is, i've found, an _extremely common_ question trans people ask when they are crushing on someone.

To the extent that I have or have had crushes on hot androgynous/unfeminine women, it's the same thing. I don't think I want to romance them but I want to *be around* them because they seem "cool." I'm afraid it's connected to masculinity being "cool" ie it's still patriarchy. Brains are problematic. :D

Alternate theory: Maybe I'm interested in + admire them because it seems like they've broken free of gendered expectations and are living as themselves and that's intriguing/admirable too. That's cool! We should all do that. <3

We have had so many crushology / crush archetype threads on ILX, where we have broken down, in great detail, the varying shades from "I want to fuck you" to "I want to be you" - it's one of my favourite subjects, TBH!

I dunno, I kinda have a slightly different experience - my crushes on men are always "I want to fuck you" or "I want to be you" but my crushes on women tend to be far more romantic, far more based around their coolness and interestingness and fascinatingness... like I know that under male supremacy, maleness is held to be inherently more interesting or cool, but... that's not my experience of it? Maleness is desirable on a sexual level, or it's desirable becuase I want to *be* that person (duh, I'm trans) - but in terms of *interestingness* or cool, like women are far more interesting to talk to, to read, to engage with? And that's just an orientation level thing for me?

Anyway, more on the tinyhomes, please? I live in a tiny flat, which is basically a tinyhome but not cool. But "tinyhomes in woods" is so so super appealing to me right now.

The archetype of the crush thread to end all crush threads: Crushology

I totally want to talk to women more and have them as friends and be around women almost all the time. Unfortunately I'm still attracted to men.

I watched a lot of tiny house tv shows and decided that I never want to sleep in a loft again and that I require bedrooms where you can stand up to put your pants on. Then I watched a lot of "The House that $100k Built" and decided I prefer OSB and prefab with maximum views over old, ornate, and dark inside. So I ended up at affordable pre-fab & modular houses, and then followed my aesthetic and got to those three options! Can't wait to look out my wall of windows at some snow and have a fire in the stove.

Also I don't have the kind of money you need to buy a house--like 20% down on a quarter-mil, as a single person? Not in my lifetime--not in all the industries I've ever worked in. Also when the coasts flood and 2/3rds of the country is uninhabitably hot, I would like to at least have the option of a place to go.

That turn toward modernist prefab is a SERIOUS 180 for me, because I love old houses and have always anticipated that I would live in one forever! It's just...I can't imagine being able to afford one that didn't need major work. I'm too old for that.

i have an old house that needs work i can't afford right now and i will never do it again!

Some of the prefab houses are actually really stylish and well-designed and beautiful - the aesthetic can be very beautiful when done well. I have a friend in Germany who was showing me pics of these beautiful modernist houseboats (sorry - hausboots!) https://www.nautilus-hausboote.de/en

^^^like, imagine having one of those, floating on a lake in Vermont!

(Sorry, my Mum has a big, old house in Vermont at the moment so I hear constantly about the amount of work it takes to keep a beautiful big old house from falling apart.)

damn those hausboots are really sweet!

I love the egg-shaped one, would love to sit in that just chilling with waterfowl all around

on the other hand I would not love to be washing goose shit off its decking regularly so, yeah

To the extent that I have or have had crushes on hot androgynous/unfeminine women, it's the same thing. I don't think I want to romance them but I want to *be around* them because they seem "cool." I'm afraid it's connected to masculinity being "cool" ie it's still patriarchy. Brains are problematic. :D

this rang some bells

I am not v in tune with my emotions and desires and so am terrible at knowing if my crushes are "want to be them" or "want to be friends with" or proper sexual crushes. it's as well I haven't had any proper crushes for over a decade as the last one nearly destroyed me tbh

even the last little "hmmm, why because they look intersting" was probably really a "this person seems cool and also quite stern and disapproving and I feel the need to win their unattainable approval for some stupid reason I can't even work out" rather than an actual crush. stupid misfiring neurons

I feel the need to win their unattainable approval for some stupid reason I can't even work out

oh hi! been there recently

"this person seems cool and also quite stern and disapproving and I feel the need to win their unattainable approval for some stupid reason I can't even work out"

OMG Spacecadet you have absolutely 100% just knocked something into place for me.

I used to complain on old crush threads, that no one ever had crushes on me. (Well, until I was the focus of that completely delusional full-on-stalking crush in 2015, which pretty much turned me off ever having anything to do with non-celeb crushes ever again.)

But there have been SO MANY times in my life, where people have acted towards me in the manner you describe (why? I'm not even remotely cool? I think people like to *read* me as stern and disapproving, and then project their entire Superegos onto me.) and it hasn't *felt* like a crush from the inside - it's felt like someone chasing you from thread to thread or blog to blog or social media to social media, saying stuff *AT* you, like they are trying to ~prove~ something to you? I always felt like "My dude, the approval you seek can never come from me, it can only ever come from inside yourself".

I always thought that being crushed on would feel good, it would feel validating and lovely, like being bourne up on a fluffy purple sparkly cushion of love (kind of like it feels like when you're onstage and everyone claps and goes wild at the end of a song) - but actually it feels more like weird people making endless demands of you that have absolutely nothing to do with you, and everything to do with something they can't do for themselves.

Thank you so much for the insight, that is so useful, you are always so wise (and you don't even know it)

Anyway, I shall now devote the rest of the day to finding photos of the *back* view of Colin Angus' pleather chaps which the world has cruelly denied me.

Well, until I was the focus of that completely delusional full-on-stalking crush in 2015, which pretty much turned me off ever having anything to do with non-celeb crushes ever again.)

For me it was 1993 and I was coming out of a series of other traumas. I think one of the most harmful messages out there about romance is to “be persistent” and “don’t take no for an answer”, bombard them with attention they can’t ignore etc. Like I can’t imagine a more horrifying scenario than being bombarded by someone else’s unwanted feelings.

See also: my reaction after seeing that scene from Love, Acrually with the guy and his gd poster boards. Absolutely completely without reserve fucking hate that guy.

Btw I can obvs imagine many other more horrifying scenarios but please don’t argue with me about my phrasing of this sentiment.

No, I totally start to understand where you're coming from, WRT crushes, when you describe it like that! That was a shitty thing for someone to do to you. I would understand why you have the reaction you, and the feelings that you do.

Thanks. It was a long time ago but I had gone through the wringer by the time I was18 and it informed many of my feelings about lots of stuff. I never really had a chance to feel wholesome and innocent wrt attraction :(

Hmm. I thought it would be easier to buy vacant land but apparently banks don't like to give mortgages for anything except houses. Land can require a 50% down payment and worse terms unless you can get the owner to hold the note for you.

Should I be looking for a house in questionable shape that I don't intent to live in, just to be able to get a home mortgage? And put something else on the land later?

the bank may have the same complaint about a house in questionable shape and treat it the same as vacant land. they need something with value to eventually foreclose on! relatedly, i was researching the process of buying land then getting a construction loan a long time ago (wishful thinking lol) and it's quite a messy process, basically a serial refinancing to get it to be all one mortgage. yuk.

I really just need a project and a dream...and a reason to actually WANT to go back to work eventually.

xp You know, that makes sense, I'm sure banks know every way to lessen risk and maximize profit.

I was thinking if I bought really CHEAP land I could own it outright and then get a builder's loan or whatever in the future. I could do 20% down and a reasonably small monthly payment...but not 50%.

i was researching the process of buying land then getting a construction loan a long time ago (wishful thinking lol) and it's quite a messy process, basically a serial refinancing to get it to be all one mortgage.

ha a significant part of one of jobs right now is working on financial and due diligence documents related to construction loans ... otm though, the construction loan has much stricter terms (and higher interest) than a conventional residential mortgage, and construction loans are designed to either be rolled into conventional mortgages (for owner-occupied residential) or commercial mortgages (if it's a multi-unit building or a non-residential building) and there are other processes if you are a developer and doing the construction on building(s) that you will then sell ...

Hi, I'm 14. Any tips for a girl starting highschool? :D

don't 69420 until you are an adult

pestosocks69420

Haha that reminds me, I stumbled on a B*cky L*cas thread the other day and spent some time reading them all... we never figured out whose sock that was, did we.

hahah i do keep getting ads for compression socks ...

no basil allowed in the room

^ nice

estela

I'm just exhausted at this point, and completely sure I'm going to be banned within a space of days/weeks of the new FP rules coming in because ILX is a popularity contest and I always lose those. Do I:

a) just keep my head down and stick to snarking on this thread and only music-related ILM posts, growing ever more silently seething at not being able to contradict the usual hypocrisy when it inevitably pops up until I get disgusted with myself and ban ILX from my browser at a root level.

b) just accept my fate and go out in a blaze of glory, reviving every "electronic artist you would like to have in your... y'know" thread, and starting 8 billion ridiculous "musicians in capes" style threads and have as much fun as humanly possible until the inevitable happens.

I'm tired.

I've typed out the same post, for another thread, about 5 times now. But I know that the poster in question is both someone who does not take criticism well, and in addition has mod power that they have abused repeatedly and publicly to intimidate posters. I have had second thoughts, third thoughts, fourth thoughts - and yet, I know it's something that would create an even bigger clusterfuck.

I'm just going to say that I miss Kate Rushomancy, she's someone I genuinely like and respect - not despite but *because* we have been able to disagree quite seriously - and still go on interacting with one another respectfully. I miss her presence on the boards. But no one seems to GAF when women or trans people leave. It's always the ~edgey and provocative dudes~ whose presences are missed and absences mourned.

I'm tired. I want to listen to dumb 90s rave and mourn the times when ~conspiracy theories~ used to be fun things like crop circles and ~space aliens~ and mayan apocalypses. 100% politics with no relief and then interpersonal politice about the politics is just... I'm going to to and take my iron supplments and do something else.

You know, I have you blocked for very good reason and yet I will usually click to unblock posts itt because this thread is a favourite and we’ve previously engaged ok on here. So believe me, I didn’t click on yr posts expecting to say what I am now, wtf?

You think Kate left and it’s other people to blame? You at the very least had a part in it, if you think your posts to her were entirely innocent, then, what a joke. Honestly, the thing that happened on the trans thread was absolutely disgraceful, I don’t know why you expect to be able to speak to people like that and then pretend, weeks later, that nothing is amiss your side?

By the way, you are very much a poster that people step on eggshells around, and your endless posturing as some sort of iconoclast that’s ~unfairly~ maligned is neither correct nor appropriate.

And yeah I’ll probably get FPed to hell and back for this, but if it earns me a tempban, so be it.

Kate's last post:

Kate (rushomancy) wrote this on thread Democratic (Party) Direction on board I Love Everything on 21-Aug-2020

is it possible for you to make a point, or does your programming limit you to tiresome recitations of public information

― sound of scampo talk to me (El Tomboto)

ok, here's a point. your behavior, as a mod and a poster, has been chronically abusive to biden critics for fucking months now, and as much as i respect the other posters in the discussion here, i don't ever get the sense that that respect is reciprocated, and i don't feel safe being part of this board right now.

But why would you take *her* actual words and explanations as to her motives at face value, when you can just vent your own prejudices and beefs, and insert your opinions over the actual stated opinions and experiences of trans people.

I'm tired of the double standards and hypocrisy. I'm used to the misogyny from men - but it's the misogyny and tone-policing and pearl-clutching from women that I find the most hurtful.

Probably because the series of posts up to that one were a really unpleasant thread of you attacking her for what was definitely unintentional on her part, and then you think that had nothing to do with it? That you hadn’t just turned on her in what was supposed to be a safe space for trans people? Ok!

Like, if I have beef with someone back and forth for a while and then someone different is cunty to me in a different thread and I throw my hands up in disgust over ilx, the preceding haranguing had nothing to do with it? Ok. But look, you’ve made it perfectly clear that despite being quite a bit older than I am, you never learned the lesson of “if everyone you meet all day is an asshole...” and have no intention of self-reflection on your behaviour, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Look at that, I’m asking you questions, I thought you were in favour of that kind of thing.

It’s not your tone, it’s your content, but please by all means continue on as you are, it’s always notable how much you lean on misogyny even when a woman is telling you your behaviour is fucked.

I don't know where you get the idea that me disagreeing with Kate = my "attacking" her.

That my expressing, "hey, this style of conversation isn't really working for me, can we try a different style" is an attack.

That my expressing preferences or differences of opinion or experience in any way is... an attack.

You seem to be incapable of reading anything that comes out of my keyboard as anything except an attack - your interpretation of everything about me and my statements is overwhelmingly negative, in ways that you do not express such disapproval when cis men disagree or act in the exact same ways that I act. But *I'm* the real misogynist here. OK!

Like you think I didn't notice how you went straight to "WTF-ing" on the second thoughts thread the minute I revived an old thread talking about butts.

But Neanderthal revives an old thread talking about butts - not a peep out of you!