your terrible ideas

8 Weddings and 2 Funerals

221 Grams

2 Terminators

o wait

...actually how the ill-fated sequel to “girl with a cup” got produced.

104 Pickup

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World

So you know the radio/dealership stunt “hands on a hard body” where you get some contestants to put their hands on a pickup truck and whoever holds out the longest wins the truck?

Well allow me to introduce you to Hands in the Hamburger

Where you put two tons of burger meat in a parking lot and get people to put their hands inside it, whoever holds out the longest wins the hamburger

their body heat collectively cooks the raw ground beef, which is then made into meatloaf for needy children

2 Weekends At Bernie's

Yachtzee: a game where you have five sailboats and you set them adrift during a hurricane and see which ones do best.

How about 2 Weekends at 2 Bernie's, an extremely convoluted plot in which two different sets of insurance agents discover two different overlapping frauds and murder plots and each tries to pretend their respective dead boss is still alive to the other, not realizing that the other is doing the same thing. I can't even really work out the details of this, which is why it's a good terrible idea.

new idea: short-lived food-scented incense.

pho, lasagna, thanksgiving turkey for starters

I had friends who lived next to a burger king that was constantly billowing smoke no matter how not busy they appeared and we theorized part of their branding is to burn a flame broiled whopper incense stick the size of a 2x4 on the roof all day

The Peruvian rotissierie chicken places in my neighborhood definitely follow that model. When the wind is right I stand on my porch and find myself craving Peruvian chicken, without quite knowing why.

So here's a follow-up idea to my idea that somehow got stolen and became Too Many Cooks: an NPR podcast that is all credits, with each individual having one of those fantastic or improbable sounding NPR staff names. Title: This Hyphenated Wife

infinite recursion reaction videos -- reaction videos to those music reaction videos, and then other people doing reaction videos to those reaction videos, etc.

the child-parent relationship is the original recursive reaction video

Are you ready for ska-infused Hüsker Dü covers as sung by a Scooby Doo impersonator? Well then may I present: Hü-Ska Dü-Ska Dü.

Never noticed before how similar the exclamations were between Scooby Doo and Fred Flintstone.

Huh. Me neither!

So Irn Brn contains a small amount of iron and is orange. How about other metal themed vowel reduced sodas? Cppr Bru - contains copper and is green. Cblt Beu - contains cobalt and is blue.

Pb bru - trust me, it's just peanut butter!

Portable, cybertruck-looking, woodfired pizza ovens seem to be fashionable. I want to design and sell a "usb fired" miniature version for warming pop tarts and hot pockets called the "yoozbee dorbin".

i googled "usb oven" and found that many others have already acted on your terrible idea :(

look, you gotta get a dorbin though: *cross-section of the dorbin with many circulating orange arrows indicating engineering was done*

https://www.gadgetreview.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/beanzawave-portable-microwave.jpg

Unlike conventional microwave ovens, the Beanzawave uses a combination of mobile phone radio frequencies to heat the inserted food or liquid

I don't know enough about how microwaves work and the radiation spectrum to know if this is actually a terrible idea, but it certainly seems like a terrible idea. Dorbin>>>Beanzawave

People of my age and class and temperament are like, "you mean a Holly Hobby oven?"

Funny that if you spell the name on that disposable cup backwards, it's STOP PANS.

EVAWAZNAEB
STOP
PANS
ZNIEH

i notice the letter Q is conspicuously absent, hmmm

Unlike conventional microwave ovens, the Beanzawave uses a combination of mobile phone radio frequencies to heat the inserted food or liquid
I don't know enough about how microwaves work and the radiation spectrum to know if this is actually a terrible idea, but it certainly seems like a terrible idea. Dorbin>>>Beanzawave

― Lavator Shemmelpennick, Thursday, September 10, 2020 7:31 AM (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

they probably do that because of the availability of small, cheap, and efficient microwave sources for phones. microwave ovens use larger non-chip sources with metal waveguides and other parts that would be hard to fit in this small package. you don't want a source frequency that will be strongly absorbed by water because you'd just heat the outer surface of whatever you're warming up. so cell phone spectra work for that, otherwise your signal wouldn't reach the tower.

every microwave oven is a metal resonator with standing waves inside, which creates hotspots. the cell spectrum uses longer wavelengths, so the hotspots in the beanzawave are spaced further apart, which is bad. you can picture the resonant modes as concentric rings in the top down view and sinusoidal from top-to-bottom. I think most regular microwave ovens have a "mode stirrer" after the source so that you don't just excite one resonance of the metal cavity, which would make the hotspots worse. you could think of the spatial cavity modes as your basis set. each mode has fixed nodes or coldspots, but ideally you can add up the modes with different hot/cold spots to heat a more uniform space. the beanzawave's smaller cavity means that there are fewer cavity modes and this would make the hot/cold spots worse. That's why they use a combination of frequencies - to try and fill in some more coldspots because the hotspots will shift spatially for each source frequency.

a microwave oven's source also requires a much larger voltage that would be hard to achieve with a USB source, especially in small space.

Sufjan I am assuming you have seen this https://www.evilmadscientist.com/2011/microwave-oven-diagnostics-with-indian-snack-food/

i have not, but that is cool! you get the concentric rings in that case because of the rotating plate. the beanzawave will get them from the cylindrical cavity shape.

i wish so badly to be a professor someday so that i can solve for the "beanzawave modes" in an Emag course

May have to settle for being in a band called the Beanzawave Modes

we've gotta mode these beanzawave ovens

bless you all

Lulz @ Dr. C.

this has brought me great joy, especially “beanzawave modes”

EVAWAZNAEB
STOP
PANS
ZNIEH

― Karl Malone, Thursday, September 10, 2020 8:11 AM (twelve hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

STOP
PANS
SMEE

Fed up of being Rickrolled? How about being Rickyrolled?

Youtube ads are ruining the 'roll

They are literally pre-roll ads.

Time to license the song and use it in a YouTube ad

i am blocking ads so i got properly 'rolled. never gonna give you up was on in the gym yesterday!

was playing pokemon go with kids this morning, and thought of a similar game where you are the coronavirus and you have to infect all the Republican politicians at the Amy Coney Barrett announcement in the Rose Garden, "gotta catch em all!" etc.

a fake conservative meme with hunter biden's face pasted over Gunther from Friends face at central perk. Rachel's head would be replaced with a briefcase overflowing with $100 bills. The side of the briefcase says 'LOBBYING CASH' and the caption is 'Gunther Bitin'.

Chopsticks with pencil-style erasers on them. So you can eat something but then change your mind.

(Could also work with drumsticks, so if you flub a note you can just erase it.)

As I woke up this morning, I had an idea for a standup comedy routine built around the idea that modern products/appliances are too high tech/internet connected. I'd start with a joke along the lines of "So I woke up this morning, went to brush my teeth...I couldn't, toothbrush wasn't working. ...Got an error message saying I had to update the operating system." I'd continue on "So then I go down for breakfast to make myself toast, and my toaster said it was 'downloading updates, 54% complete.'" But it would just continue on with that same joke premise for like an hour, following the mundane details of my entire day. "Got in my car to drive to work, but the engine wouldn't start. Said the wifi signal was too weak." etc.

Delivered with a slow, grumpy "can you believe this shit?" tone, with lots of pacing back and forth and long pauses for laughs.