your terrible ideas

I should get those

will the onion one make you cry?

A cheese scented candle?!

Isn't that just a block of cheese with a candle wick in it?

This is not my terrible idea but WOW is it terrible

McDonald’s to sell limited edition six-pack of candles that smell like Quarter Pounder ingredients: Ketchup, Pickle, Cheese, Onion & Beef. pic.twitter.com/XpBv6l79S0
— Darren Rovell (@darrenrovell) February 20, 2020

― totally unnecessary bewbz of exploitation (DJP), Thursday, February 20, 2020 3:18 PM (two minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

Better or worse than the Gwyneth Paltrow vagina-scented candle?

Wait

WHAT

xp depends which of the McD's candles it smells most like

A real (combined) McDonald's scented candle would just smell of warm cardboard.

'Oh no no no, that wasn't me, it was my six McDonalds Quarter Pounder candles.' (quickly + surreptitiously lights candles)

mh, report to the penalty box (which smells like- no, I can't finish that joke)

*lights pepsi cola candle*

An advert for Bisto gravy that uses Ottowan's 'DISCO' for the music, and it's set in a recreation of Studio 54. Except people on the dancefloor are smearing themselves in gravy and snorting gravy powder like cocaine etc..

a stage play in the style of Frost/Nixon (I have not seen it, just going off what I know of the concept) called Trump/Clinton

it's all about the prep of Clinton going into the debates, how she decides to frame her arguments as if she's lecturing a small child on how he can't be president, and the script lingers way too long on moments where she's directly speaking to an audience with him creepily leering over her shoulder

https://i.imgur.com/DekRZSc.jpg

there's a self-insert scene where it pans out to me watching on my couch, drinking heavily, and mumbling about how she debated the guy she had to defeat to get in the NY senate more effectively

then there's a recreation of that guy, and he's played by Mickey Mouse, who he sounded like

Quid Pro Quo - a Status Quo tribute band who are not very good, but it only costs £1 to see them.

haha

Lol

Rescore 'Blade Runner' using Jean-Michel Jarre's 'Zoolook' album.

i'll see that & raise you a disney style live action remake of spirited away.

sorry, 'live action'.

Oh for fuck’s sake, I’d protest the premiere

A gameshow like family fued, but the survey is fed into a nlp algorithm that estimates the likelihood of an answer. Goal is to give an answer that <0.1% of population would give according to the algorithm. Answers fed into algorithm in real time to prevent successful reuse of good answers.

i like that idea but i would change the successful range to something like 0.1%< x < 1.0%, because otherwise you could just answer "ten stamp ralphie cat banana face" or whatever. setting the target zone just higher would mean you'd have to answer with something that's just barely plausible and still makes some sense

so we are a team then. let's go get some investors.

the pitch meeting should start like this:

"hello group of 6 middle-aged men with shaved heads sitting behind the same side of a long table. what if we asked you one question - "what dish would you bring to a 4th of july potluck?" - but with a twist. you have to come up with an answer that between 0.1% and 1.0% of the general population agrees with? go ahead, please. try to answer that question now."

"...no, incorrect."
"....no, think a little less common, less than 1% but greater than 0.1%"
"....-n-no. no."
"...haha, no that's not right"
"...haha i'm afraid "ten stamp ralphie cat banana face" is a little too esoteric, remember you need to guess something that is greater than 0.1% as well, so it can't just be a random string of words"
"...no"

...

"well it looks like we're out of time for this episode, i mean pitch meeting. thank you for your time"

(possible back-up plan in case pitch meeting doesn't go well: in a 6th sense style twist ending, tell them that the meeting they just had WAS an episode! in fact, it was the pilot. this will buy more time for maneuvering and adjustments to the pitch, possibly leading to a second meeting)

do you not have Pointless in the US?

eminem starts rapping like it's y2k again, making novelty songs about pop culture

he'd rhyme "billie eilish" with "coronavirus" obviously

saw a twitter joke like that except it was miley cyrus instead of billie eilish

his references are a little out of date, sure

Coronalympics. All the athletes compete via YouTube.

too late, they're already sorta doing that for multiple sports!

https://kotaku.com/entire-spanish-soccer-league-including-barcelona-and-r-1842402310

After the success of a one-off game between Sevilla and Real Betis on the weekend, all 20 sides in Spain’s currently-suspended La Liga—from Barcelona to Atletico Madrid to Valencia—are getting together to play a tournament in FIFA 20.

unfortunately, your idea has also been declined because it was a good one - apparently people loved it and they're expanding the competition!

A zombie movie where 80% of the people carrying the zombie virus are asymptomatic

lol

https://i.imgur.com/Z0bMZJX.jpg

"You hear about Malkmus changing his tune? Says now that you should ALWAYS quarantine the passed."

:D

wowee

I'm gonna start a kissing booth

lol, now would be a particularly bad time to revive the lamentable “FREE HUGS” trend of the mid-00s

(Every time I saw someone with one of those signs I would think “I’ve never paid for a hug in my life you twee fuck”)

Actually, a sign that says "HUGS: $5" feels right for these times

Fines start at £30 here

a band called Ghost Train where the lead singer is a little kid dressed like papa ermeritus but with Thomas the Tank Engine face paint. They'd perform this song but w/ better guitar/harmony/etc. parts: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WSARStO46g4

New holiday called Vapril Fools, where everyone carries around kazoos and pretends that they’re vape pens

By “pretend that they’re vape pens” I’m taking about people not the kazoos, which are just for fun and self defense

Not a good time to be putting your mouth on people

That’s where the ”fools” part comes in

A little tiny hourglass measured out to 20 seconds that each patron using the office restroom could flip over before they washed their hands.

Do they flip it with their hands? If so, cool, belongs in this thread.

One that worked with a foot pedal might actually be a good idea

How about everybody has to flip it over after they wash their hands, starting the timer for the next person? That way it helps the sanitation problem, while also introducing a fun new time-constrained coordination exercise to public bathrooms