your terrible ideas

Does it matter which part of my face

Beyond Face. a meatless face made primarily of pea-protein

Creating an @ILX0R twitter account and posting the password for it on here, so everyone can use it.

better than posting the password would be building an integration into the forum software that'd let us all post to it, with like an extra box under the comment box

Even better would be an amendment to the forum software that automatically tweets every non-77 post, because anyone anywhere on the internet can see it on ILX anyway, right? Right???

lol didn't lag∞n make a blog that was populated by people posting to a thread at one point? we could do that, but twitter

he did it was cool

He did and it was a work of art.

I remember being rude and breaking it. What was I thinking?

https://twitter.com/ilxor_txt

everyone should be able to read everyone else's email at work

escape room brunch

a dramatic reading of http://nymag.com/intelligencer/2019/12/a-conversation-with-rudy-giuliani-over-bloody-marys.html , but after every paragraph, a voice from the heavens intones "rudolph giuliani is the unpaid personal attorney of the president of the united states", followed by a gong

And then there’s the Southern District of New York, the biggest betrayal of all. That was supposed to be his world, full of his guys; he ran the office for most of the ’80s. It was unrecognizable now. “If they’re investigating me, they’re assholes. They’re absolutely assholes if they’re investigating me,” he said.

"rudolph giuliani is the unpaid personal attorney of the president of the united states"
*goooooooooooooong*

As he spoke, he fixed his gaze straight ahead, rarely turning to make eye contact. When his mouth closed, saliva leaked from the corner and crawled down his face through the valley of a wrinkle. He didn’t notice, and it fell onto his sweater.

"rudolph giuliani is the unpaid personal attorney of the president of the united states"
*goooooooooooooong*

“If they are, they’re idiots,” he went on. “Then they really are a Trump-deranged bunch of silly New York liberals.” He added that he didn’t know for sure if he was being investigated at all, though subpoenas issued to Giuliani associates by the SDNY reportedly request documents and correspondence related to Giuliani, his firm, and, specifically, “any actual or potential payment” to or from Giuliani.

"rudolph giuliani is the unpaid personal attorney of the president of the united states"
*goooooooooooooong*

etc

A version of The Incredible Journey but it's a group of cats walking to the nearest big town to sneak into a cinema to watch the movie Cats.

a "DECANT YOUR POSTS IN THIS THREAD" thread where you post your preliminary post with more words before finally posting the more palatable and trimmed down version of the post in the intended thread. For example:

in another thread:

Great post, miniwheat!

― (Danielle Steel), Tuesday, December 24, 2019 2:10 PM (one week ago) bookmark flag link

in DECANT YOUR POSTS IN THIS THREAD:

Great post for me to poop on, miniwheat!

― (Danielle Steel), Tuesday, December 24, 2019 2:05 PM (one week ago) bookmark flag link

the thread would be popular because the title is all caps, and you're forced to cross-reference every other thread, looking for hidden insults.

experiments in metaposting
I like it

Off topic because this is a good idea not bad

Signed, person who routinely drafts 250-word posts in Notepad, realizes they are untenable, but lacks the time or energy to boil them down to pithy gems of concision

I tried to do that once with a spoiler thread.

imagine reading that tramp stamp out loud while *in situ*

A tomato doughnut - like a jam doughnut, but instead of jam inside there's tomato ketchup.

I’d try it.

I just remembered that Tesco already sell these:
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Bsqdb5SIUAAdsOl.png
...also available in Smoky Bacon and Turkey & Stuffing flavours.

BRB phoning Tesco head office...
https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-PQtVGomeYn4/VYm3ZtohIrI/AAAAAAAAC1Y/2t-8y09Xx9U/s640/blogger-image--2024474193.jpg

dear lord
pretty sure I had a curry ish version of this in Tokyo once. Not what I was expecting.

every time you post, you get a pop-up that asks if you want to be entered into a random sweepstakes. you can say "no", but if you say yes, you're entered into a monthly contest, and the main prize is that you gain the ability to create a new secret board. There are also 'whammy' gifts like having your nickname changed to Becky Lucas for a month, having all of your posts converted to WingDings, have a chemical truck ran through your house....

A sitcom set in an abattoir. The workers go through typical sitcom storylines while industrial massacre takes place around them.

A mandatory set of glove-like grips on all steering wheels into which you must slip the fingers of at least one hand while driving on an interstate. An attendant monitoring system allows you to tap your brake a total of...let's say three times before the precision blades inside the steering wheel engage and the fingers start coming off. Perhaps the grips can be modified to respond to a variety of dickhole automotive moves but this is all they're programmed for atm.

(NB: I only think this idea is terrible because of the mutilation involved. And even so I don't actually think it's all that terrible.)

xxxp I can confirm that Kanazawa is the home of the curry doughnut. I lacked the courage alas.

Litterbox’d, a site where users only review the movie version of Cats

Elaborately planned public divorce paper service videos.

(Ie in the style of proposal videos)

divorce reveal parties. everyone gathers around a cake to see if you are getting a divorce or not.

So dinner parties then

yes, but with cake color correlation

or maybe there's just raw hamburger meat inside if the thing is happening

no, the cake is always filled with beef. you modulate the fat content of the beef to indicate divorce. 90/10 means "the beef is lean in this marriage. things are going well." 80/20 means "there's fat beef between us rn, and we are divorcing."

lol

Maybe if no divorce it's an actual cake, if yes divorce it's just that ugly goddamn sweater your awful mother bought for me, wadded up and slathered in icing.

you'd have to weigh a clump of the meat and render the fat in a george foreman grill to weigh out the answer from the drip pan, which would add to the suspense.

lol Neanderthal, that is too real

How about just a gender reveal party where you reveal that you're actually getting divorced. And of course you have to do it like on a boat or something where people just have to sit and be deeply uncomfortable for another 4-6 hours.

And of course you are actually still bringing a child into a soon to be broken home, and you just kinda offhandedly mention the baby's gender at some point in hour three.

at m night shyamalan's gender reveal party, the color of the cake is a red herring. he reveals to guests that it was the boat color all along that revealed the baby's gender. (he shouts this to leaving guests through sobs, as he's also just been divorced).

also, the boat captain is satan and the baby is immortal

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CU2vGvRXAAI5b9d.jpg

Handedness reveal parties

Done in the form of a punch to the face

A rig where your dental hygienist wears a small point of view camera while working on you and you wear VR goggles so that you can see what she sees while it’s happening to you.

I would pass out

yeah no, the inside of my mouth is basically a biological weapons facility at this point, no need to see it ucap