WE'RE EXPECTING !!!!!!

xp it's an old Onion infographic https://www.theonion.com/most-popular-u-s-baby-names-1819586596 my apologies, I should have just linked or not posted it at all

huh, it's weird that the 1999 Onion graphic style just says "2019 facebook meme" to me now

NOBODY:

FUTURE DAD: Here, let just take my shirt off too.

https://i.imgur.com/b0T5oxW.jpg

"Maybe if I just sorta start creeping away slowly, she won't even notice –"

https://i.imgur.com/Ygdo9CI.jpg

"Dammit! She caught me."

https://i.imgur.com/oq1iFi6.jpg

The thing about these that gets me is, like, other people have had a baby before you clods, why are you burdening us with this as if you are the inventors of pregnancy

Does this constitute cultural appropriation? A couple decades of whites making fun of African American naming practices culminating in little Lakynns and Tatums running around is somehow both weird and predictable

― rob, Monday, April 1, 2019 6:10 PM (yesterday)

I totally get this line of thought, and 'white people names' are often pretty stupid, but Tatum isn't a new invention by a long shot.

damn you're right, apparently it's Old English! but yeah, in terms of those two photos, the girls' names list is considerably more "innovative" than the boys', so gender would unsurprisingly be a big factor here too

Your children should be named for a dead relative, all other options are questionable

I find it interesting that Tatum was originally a feminine name (Tatum O'Neal was the first Tatum I ever heard of, and cursory research seems to suggest it skewed heavily female). I think the fact that there's at least one famous man with it as a surname gives it a more masculine feel, and possibly the 'um' ending feels more masculine too??

Sorry, this is a bit off the topic of laughing at idiots.

my problem with "Tatum" is it sounds like a name you'd give to a porky puppy

Funny how, these (white) US names all sound futuristic and computer-generated, whereas in the part of Europe where I'm from, the trend for parents is to dig out outdated retro names from a hundred years ago.

‘tatum’ sounds like some kind of heavily-processed potato product

Tatums, gotta munch’um!!!

*mynch

The straights mormons are at it again

― moose; squirrel (silby), Monday, April 1, 2019 3:21 PM (two days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BfIehCrO4Zs

lmao

polio coming for all the unvaccinated children of essential oil moms pic.twitter.com/yJIe8hniKX

— ΘΎΡΑ (@piramno) April 14, 2019

harsh but fair

https://i.imgur.com/ZW6SW4n.jpg

the answer to that question of course is, as always, no

i saw this photo right after reading a chapter about the largest cattleyard operations in the world to that point, mid-1800s Chicago, with a description of a well-do-do urbanite lady standing expressionless in a small patch of open space in the middle of the chaos, with blood running underneath her shoes

Had she just given birth?

lol

you know, the text didn't say!

it didn't say that she had not NOT just given birth, so

A woman in Iowa died during a gender reveal announcement on Saturday after flying debris from an explosion from what amounted to a homemade pipe bomb struck her, the authorities said on Monday.

The woman, Pamela Kreimeyer, 56, died instantly after she was struck in the head by a piece of metal from a device that was intended to reveal the sex of the baby, the Marion County Sheriff’s Office said in a statement on Monday.

...“Our investigation showed that members of the Kreimeyer family were experimenting with different types of explosive material on Friday and Saturday in an attempt to record a gender reveal that could be posted on social media for friends and family,” the statement said.

The family was trying to create a device that could shoot colored powder into the air to share the gender of the baby, the statement said

Gunpowder was placed in the bottom of a homemade stand that was welded to a metal base.

“A hole had been drilled in the side for a fuse, a piece of wood was placed on top of the gunpowder and colored powder was placed on top of the board,” the statement said. “Tape was then wrapped over the top of the metal tubing, inadvertently creating a pipe bomb. Instead of the gunpowder shooting the powder out the top of the stand, the stand exploded sending metal pieces flying.”

One of these metal pieces struck Ms. Kreimeyer in the head, “causing instant death,” the statement said.

She was standing with other family members about 45 feet from the device. The projectile that struck her continued 144 yards farther through the air and landed in a field, the statement said.

but what was the baby’s gender tho

"inadvertently creating a pipe bomb" jesus

chef's kiss to that gender reveal

Well then.

I guess...

https://i.imgur.com/TCIgxtK.gif

... she wasn't expecting that!

something something nuclear family

- "Psst. By the way, the baby's going to be a girl!"

- "Ok, that's great. Listen, I think he's about to do the eulogy..."

This may be the worst + funniest gender reveal I have seen

https://www.instagram.com/p/B4IzA14gTje

whatever happened to just posting an ultrasound on Facebook and having half the people guess incorrectly?

young people today do everything wrong

I mean, if you're looking for a silver lining, this happened during the gender bomb prep, not during the full-on reveal with 36 close relatives standing around it.

after human cloning is perfected, people will reveal the gender of their baby at a party by murdering their favorite aunt/uncle. then they will feast on smoked michael bay.

https://i.imgur.com/newdIWa.jpg

ahahaha

You're right, this is the wrong thread. Let's pray that there's never a right thread for these, ok?

https://i.imgur.com/GykEMsH.jpg

https://i.imgur.com/LoWNXiC.jpg

The dang hets don’t know when to take a break

diabetesdiapersanddeadlifts

https://66.media.tumblr.com/cd024949509273abef7bea75f2b6b41c/tumblr_p11ntiU3is1ud05ppo1_1280.jpg

this would make all three series so much better

i socialized my ilx thought on twitter, i'm sorry

This is why copyright sucks. Baby Jesus Sonic with Batman and Shrek as Joseph and Mary, guest starring Wayne Gretzky as the wise man, would be incomparably greater, even if it were poorly executed. SEGA, Disney, and WB wouldn't let it happen because they know they can't compete. https://t.co/mQKK5l4h0H

— a load of baloney (@weinventyou) April 1, 2020

what's weird is i don't think most people are recognizing all the Nativity scene references. i guess they're obvious enough that they don't bear mentioning, but i love the subtle inclusion of jesus/sonic, shrek as the virgin mary, batman as best supporting actor in a miniseries.

https://www.reddit.com/r/classic4chan/comments/51aza7/request_batman_embracing_shrek_whos_pregnant_with/

The queen is tethered to my belly inside of a cage. Poetry. pic.twitter.com/KyAJQLEza5

— Emily Murnane (@emily_murnane) July 3, 2020

amazing! unbeelievable!

I'm not sure what disturbs me more: the bees, or "Poetry."

the baby's name will be poetree

Poignant explanation from the Bee Lady (who, btw, is still carazy as hell.)