your terrible ideas

Joe Walsh® Jowl Wash

Henley Henley Tea Tees -- T-Shirts featuring an imaginary brand of tea called Henley Tea where the box prominently features Don Henley's face and the shirt features the box.

Er, Henley Tea Henley Tees

Watch your step, Puffin.

would be cool if 'take it easy' incited more litigation than any other song ever

I'm frankly a little surprised the Eagles didn't market the shit out of themselves a la Kiss. Trying to imagine what their ultra-crass, Kiss Kasket-esque product would be. Like maybe a line of Peaceful Easy Feeling lethal injection drugs for prisons.

surely they would have just opened a chain of Hotel Californias.

surely the gamble was to not merchandise in that way, in order to maintain huge catalog record sales as being "all about the music, man." plus t-shirts.

I think you might be overestimating the fun and ease of being financially responsible for a large chain of hotels.

Did a Marriott commit suicide or is that a fake fact I just invented?

Seemingly I made that up but it’s a good fake fact. “A member of the Marriott family killed himself from the stress of running the multinational hotel chain.”

(me a few years from now telling that story)

"yeah i know i heard that somewhere...)

jw about marriotts

Elon Musk™ cologne

*perfume

a game about being on the internet called "lads" except it's really just like uno, and the uno card is called "lads"

Ubertow. A towing company that's also a car service. Like, you'd tow cars, but you'd let people ride in the cars you're towing, instead of leaving them empty.

https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/17605636-1917-42a3-9491-28d3aefa9556

An 'I love Quakers' board where nobody posts anything except occasionally when the spirit finds them

Ubertow. A towing company that's also a car service. Like, you'd tow cars, but you'd let people ride in the cars you're towing, instead of leaving them empty.

― I've moped on a moped and cooed with a coed (Ye Mad Puffin), Friday, September 21, 2018 10:24 AM (two days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

This is a good terrible idea because you'd basically have to wait until both your location and your destination were somewhere in the path of a tow truck's trip between the scene of an accident and a garage or between an illegally parked car and a tow yard.

Homonym: a service for people with dark pasts and unique government names. if you're the only Neil Chumberton in the world and the first google hit for your name is your 2003 arrest for cocaine possession, Homonym will hire a bunch of people to change their names to Neil Chumberton and go on crime sprees. eventually your offense will be overshadowed by a slew of murders and robberies and racist tweets perpetrated by Neil Chumbertons who obviously have nothing to do with you.

on the other hand, if your archenemy is a man named Viborg Willisau who got a lot of publicity for saving a family of five from a fire, Homonym can hire people to save the whales and cure cancer and reverse climate change under his government name, overshadowing his good deed in the same fashion.

Homonym's rates will vary depending upon the number people hired and the severity of the deeds committed. getting 100 Neil Chumbertons to blow up 100 courthouses might cost you a few billion dollars, whereas getting 5 Neil Chumbertons to write 5 TERF screeds on medium.com might only cost you a few thousand.

Would definitely use. I'd hire someone to do shitty things in the name of my archenemy so I could truthfully write about them at length on the internet.
The second use doesn't make sense though, Viborg would just look more awesome?

I had a dream the other night about a Roku-esque device dedicated exclusively to tailor-made boilerplate middle-age 'comedy' movies. It had little ports where you insert cartridges for which actors, plots, holidays, etc. you want featured in your movie of choice. As far as I could tell, 'Diane Keaton' was a default setting that you couldn't turn off (but the target market didn't seem to mind). So now I'm wondering if it's too late for me to get to the patent office today.

18-years-too-late Metallica/Napster parody called “Cease and Desist” (based on “Seek and Destroy”)

A cooking show (like Chopped, Top Chef, etc.) But with Crock-Pots.

"Okay, you only have seven hours. Clock starts NOW!"

And it's filmed and broadcast in real time, like one of those Warhol movies that's just five reels of someone sleeping.

Would produce

I'm kind of picturing it being seven hours of "tension" shots, like closeups on people's intense faces/eyes, going back and forth between judges and contestants, etc.

"Clock is ticking, people! Just two and a half more hours!"

I am torn about using some of the cooking time would for human-interest background montages and motivational trash-talk.

"I'm from Brooklyn, so my stews keep it REAL."

"I'm not here to make friends - I'm here to bring serious Tuscan-style braises."

"My garlicky boeuf-en-daube is gonna wow the judges, because my secret ingredient is pizzazz."

"The other cheftestants better watch their backs, because me and my cumin are comin'... for YOU."

"Sorry, Timothy. You've been CROCKED. Pack your ladles and go."

Do it with glass-topped slow cookers, use overhead cams and split screen so you can see all of the dishes in progress, and just make it like Norwegian Slow TV. Every time a competitor comes over to open up and stir it’ll be like WHOA LOOK IT’S A DIFFERENT SHADE OF BROWN

back it with some kinda acoustic pickin shit that’s all in different meters playing off each other like if Steve Reich had a folk period

Macrozoom shot of the steamy lid

Overnight, the channel is all about marinades.

The spinoff that gets canceled halfway through the season - scrubbing a crockpot: live

also, in addition to the marinating show, the channel is also all about making your own seasoning powders starting from raw seeds

what was that old NPR late night / early morning show that was all about ambient and new age synthesizer shit? dig all that up. I would love this channel

Overnight, the channel is all about marinades.

heehee

yeah

Also. This isn't a terrible idea. I've seen worse. There were neckbeard guys racing drones on a sports channel earlier. I didn't know that was a thing.

I've been in bed and wondered how my marinade looked.

what channel were the drone races on.

One of the Sky Sports channels

i've seen it on a freeview channel, the very bottom one, which was called something like transworld sport. i even set a series pass for it but ended up with the same episode repeated about 10 times...

ah, might've been this, https://www.freesports.tv/ click on wednesday...

which is also the place to go for all your Polish speedway needs

ended up with the same episode repeated about 10 times...

Works for me.

Sleeping cook wakes, goes straight to pot, adds a pinch of salt, goes back to sleep again.

(i've set the pvr for the drone racing and the polish speedway)

there's another freeview channel, 273 Sports Channel Network, which is a pay channel for connected tvs only (ie not mine) and that's showing about 6 hours of something called 'Drone GP' between 10pm and 6am tonight.

big on sky too apparently - https://www.skysports.com/more-sports/other-sports/news/35625/11489542/drone-racing-on-sky-sports

I was going to point out that Charles Aznavour's middle name it quite peculiar but this isn't the time (and the R.I.P. thread isn't the place)

(Shahnour Vaghinag Aznavourian)

(it -> is)

An anti dating website for couples that lets you each build a profile and then tells you how compatible you are.

Persuade Grimes or Radiohead to name their next LP "Classic or Dud"