your terrible ideas

You don't drink Schlitz, do ya Karl?

xp Burger King sort of did it first:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ni3jN_DH20

STRAINT: a content farm disguised as an online community for creative writers. contributers ("STRAINERS") are invited to take part in an avant-garde, ouilipo-style movement in which they write poems and short stories based upon constraints ("STRAINTS") presented to them by the webmaster – ex. the title of your poem must be "what time does the Super Bowl start?", or every stanza must begin with a variation on the phrase "best/worst/sexiest/hottest celebrity beach bodies of 2016/2017/2018", or or your short story must consist of 8 loosely connected scenarios in which 8 different characters figure out their WiFi passwords on 8 different devices. for every STRAINT you follow, you get a nugget of gold ('STRAINing for gold!') which you can use to unlock increasingly esoteric STRAINTS

Quite the CON you've come up with there.

BTW, I keep seeing this picture and thinking, "more like Steely D'AW!"

https://i.imgur.com/LfYIoBR.jpg

This post also belongs in the "your terrible ideas" thread.

Writing a parenting book, Algorithmic Parenting. Or Parenting by Algorithm. Can’t decide which is the best terrible title.

1. Putting the short urinal in between the tall ones instead of at the end.

2. “It’s Okay To Be A White Muslim” signs. I would love to read the comments of the news article/reddit posts for people finding these at their college doors. Right now fake accounts/bots are terrorizing the comments sections and up/down votes for articles on “It’s Okay To Be White” signs. I wanna flip their argument that these signs are straight up innocent and non-provocative.

Next year's Oscars having a "Celebrities We Lost Because of Sexual Harassment Allegations" montage

A Star Trek movie set in the TOS mirror universe, starring George Takei as mirror universe Sulu as an Admiral. The antagonist is mirror universe Kirk, who has spent the last 40 years in a secure psychiatric prison and is still yelling "YOU WANT POWER?! I CAN GIVE YOU POWER!!!". Kirk breaks out and comes after Sulu because he figures that Sulu was the mastermind behind him getting incarcerated and it was all part of a long game plan to gain control of the Empire. And then things happen. Gimme a break I only thought of this five minutes ago...

(now pleaz buy my script idea Hollywood kthx bye)

lol at Oscar montage

A while ago I was toying with the idea of starting a thread called "did you even read the article?" in which I would document a year spent replying at random to comments on articles shared on Facebook with the single post "did you even read the article?"

Last night I conceived a sort of "parking porn" blog or instagram account called "Good Parking," where people submit pictures whenever they find a really good parking space. Sometimes it would be obvious why the parking was good, e.g. you'd be able to see the strip mall storefronts in the shot just steps away from the car, but in other cases it would just be a picture of a car in a street parking spot with the caption "Two blocks from metropolitan museum of art on a Saturday" or something like that.

seems like it could catch on as a pointless but mildly amusing hashtag-type idea rather than a blog but maybe the instagram helps get the hashtag going. i would say #powerofpositiveparking but that just revives my frustrations from Let's help each other identify books we dimly remember reading as kids

santa-tary napkins

a little harness you put on your cat that lets you manipulate all four of their limbs to make them dance

lol

um, clearly a winner product idea, not terrible

holding and waving the front paws in the air is just not enough

if doing something that causes discomfort to one being (the cat in this case) also brings joy to literally everyone else, is it worth doing? is there some sort of decision-point tradeoff line? if it only brings joy to 5 people but discomfort to 1, is it less defensible than it brought joy to 5000? just want to have my arguments ready in case i'm ever discussing this with my cat

I apologized to my cat aloud after I had the idea because I felt he could sense my inner cruelty

for cats this product might find a market. suggest the same for dogs and you'd be chased out of the country. i think i have found my cause.

Dogs limbs not as innately dancey tbf

exactly. that can be part of the argument to the cat, or the pep talk before the performance

"you were born for this"

"now stretch those paws out and dance"

treat cats with some respect, it's not like they're chickens

chickens would dance if they had even 1% of the raw ability of cats. but they don't have it. and you do. < another talking point for the pep talk

if doing something that causes discomfort to one being (the cat in this case) also brings joy to literally everyone else, is it worth doing? is there some sort of decision-point tradeoff line? if it only brings joy to 5 people but discomfort to 1, is it less defensible than it brought joy to 5000? just want to have my arguments ready in case i'm ever discussing this with my cat

― Karl Malone, Thursday, December 7, 2017 1:56 PM (twenty-three minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Cat Trolley* Problems

*My cat's name is Trolley

I held off posting that for a couple weeks! Now that I know there's a market for my bad ideas I'll stop holding back

some sort of prosthetic head device for dudes who are way pumped up on hgh to use so it doesn’t look like they have tiny noggins

I think you're on to something. I've always thought that those bodybuilders who have the face of a Home Depot store manager would like the option of making that not happen.

most recently inspired by

This is possibly Lindsay Lohan’s new boyfriend and I have been staring at this photo for 5 hours straight. pic.twitter.com/JQ0MfY3TKn

— Jensen Karp (@JensenClan88) December 10, 2017

That’s viscerally upsetting

never google “hgh abuse”

unless you wonder what a human ninja turtle would look like

(immediately googles 'hgh abuse', has Cronenbergian nightmares for a week)

mh stop having ideas!

yeah it's "terrible" not "terrifying" ffs

So much wat to unpack here: http://www.vulture.com/2017/12/lindsay-lohans-muscular-korean-boyfriend.html

Wasn't trying to derail the terrible ideas thread. Just looking for a larger version of that pic.

https://i.imgur.com/EK5u4AJ.jpg

always wondered who actually drank the tennis ball water

https://i.imgur.com/7hsNCPk.jpg

I'm such a peon, I don't know if this is an airplane or a superlimo.

https://i.imgur.com/1qu2z3I.jpg

https://i.imgur.com/OkEVsBG.jpg

Oh no. I was kinda digging this guy

Man, dig on him. He can afford those foot-sock things from the money he makes doing this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sWWNQCNmlck

I don’t think he can afford half that shit

Then where's all the shit I can't afford, I ask you

https://i.imgur.com/83mt2lI.jpg

tbh you need a good foot sock thing to coax blood flow past your bulges

Dude looks like a cartoon character who used a bike pump to get swole.

my new terrible idea: someone get me some
hgh