no boys allowed in the room!!!!

Ha, not that some dude.

And yesterday he told me he has a three year old. We hung out in town for a little bit, and he hasn't texted or emailed since, hmmmmm.

what is the hmmm?

There were quite a few emails and texts Saturday night and Sunday about how much he likes me, how much he really wants to hear back from me, how much he really wants to hang out again, and now not even a hey what's up?

maybe he really wants to hear from you (based on how much he really wants to hear back from me, how much he really wants to hang out again
idk
always hard to know what is going on in anyone's mind, i don't try to guess

I know, there's nothing stopping me from contacting him except my own silliness.

I'm not that used to someone being so forward and unsubtle with their interest!

making new relationships is difficult even (especially?) when romance isn't part of the picture

I am working on that as well this summer!

yeah me too
it's impossible to know what anyone else is thinking. once i have established that someone finds my company acceptable, my approach is usually to be straightforward (and I guess unsubtle too) because who has time to energy to try to read my mind? no one that's who :) being a wallflower has never worked for me.
i like to think of it as friendliness because i feel ok with being a friendly person.

time AND energy
woops

i don't have the time or energy to proofread lol

Yes, the ladies I have met have made it clear in their way that they like me and my style, so I am trying to reach out to them. Even if it is just to say that I really enjoyed the events they have organized.

I do have to stop myself investing too much time with the mind reading.

In other positive reinforcement news, I reached out to a friend this month, and now I am going to be a guest on her podcast. Do Not Listen If You Hate Me (or The Simpsons.)

I think I've been ghosted???

I'm hanging out with the witchy artist ladies today. I even made one a present!

Well, this took a weird turn.

I gave my new friend the pink pussyhat I made her, and she was delighted. She also said her son is going to want to wear it as part no is his favorite color. I saw her post online recently that he told her he's a feminist!

aw that's sweet

hope everyone is well. i'm fine. don't have anything in particular to say tbh.

I'm glad your fine! I had a stressful month but it's getting better.

Finally have been hearing more from local dude. He wants to be friends first.

It is finally cool enough to wear a dress I bought last month. It is coral with dandelions. It is hard to find anything I want to get clothing wise, because I do not like the current color palettes in stores these days. Which I guess is good, it keeps me from buying things!

that's good! i have trouble finding clothes i like and am willing to actually pay for. haven't shopped in a while but did find a spanking new goodwill near my favorite grocery store and it is full of potential work clothes and F21/Target leftover party clothes.

i guess i should say i'm alright
not that i was ever anything less than paranoid about posting my personal life on the internet, but my levels are at the highest alert right now. with a few blessed exceptions, every public environment feels at least somewhat hostile.

i am grateful for the exceptions

I've been doing a lot of online shopping for clothes, mostly used and vintage/vintage-inspired stuff. I am sure there are plenty of animated gifs that people use to describe the feeling when you look at the grid of cute clothes, then select your size, and ... no more cute.

On the plus side (heheheh), I buy less, and it motivates me to sew, alter, refashion, upcycle ... and have a righteous productive anger, "Fuck you makers of cute and hot clothes, I can make things just as cute and hot that will fit me, and I won't spend as much money doing so."

Also, it's interesting trying to come up with the right search terms to find things I like. "Trendy"? ... no, "Arty" ... no, "Hipster" ... no ... "Goth," "Punk" and "Pin-Up" get predictable results, and I find things I like that way ... I could go on with arcane details about SEO "trends" in vintage women's clothing sold online ..

Srsly very comforted whenever this thread is revived. I'm not on FB, Twttr, etc anymore so here is where I look to see ilxchixors and to have a connection with you all.

LL, you have a friend/fan in me always and an IRL place in DC if you ever find yourself in the 'hood or just need to skip town to a welcoming place.

Sarahell, tiki with you those years ago and knowing you here on the boards has been a comforting constant in my life.

Tokyo, I am not very artistic and probably only unintentionally witchy, but I welcome you into my coven ;)

no updates worth noting except that i think my hair is slowly falling out?!

cosigning quincie, i know most of u itt dont post much on regular ilx anymore so i love this little corner where i can fistbump with my fav womens

*fistbump*

hi

I finally made a new friend but I initially ignored some red flags and now I'm avoiding her :/ we'd had this big talk about high-drama and high-maintenance friendships but it turns out she's both of those things. Which sux bc I was excited to finally have a local cool friend to just hang out with.

hello. It's really hard to make good new friends at my stage of life as I just don't have the time or freedom to do all the silly shit (or shared fun experiences) I like friendships to be based on. hoping this changes at some point...

<3 harbl - and the other girls here

dryer sheets and other products for the home lol

― harbl, Saturday, June 20, 2009 6:42 PM (eight years ago)

this post will enter my mind at random times ... like now. I just repainted and redecorated my bedroom ... it hadn't been painted since I moved in 20 yrs ago. so many products for the home lol

i learned about different types of carpet fibers, rug binding, and ... zulily.com ... which is this huge thing that I only recently discovered.

I made some new friends but I think I don’t like socializing anymore? I go out and I just find that I am happier when I get home :/ and I dont like entertaining so having them come to me is a non-starter.

The friends I made are nice & it is always a nice time but it’s like I have this handbrake inside me that won’t let me be a friend back to the ppl being friendly to me

i pretty much only have made friends who enjoy doing the same activities i do
beyond that, there's not much to say because i don't like to share personal info with people i don't know very well
i've always been like this, why change now

i go back and forth between being really social and wanting to be around people to wanting to be alone a lot, and i worry that my friends have "moved on" ... one of my best female friends had someone close to her die recently, (different context than the fire which killed a bunch of casual friends/good friends of friends) and I'm giving her space, and several of my other best friends are also kinda introverted, so we will go months without hanging out in person ... I'm also seriously cutting back on drinking, which means I don't go out as much, because I know myself, and if there is booze and people are drinking it, then I'm gonna get drunk too.

i think i'm done making friends in my life

like, it's over

as in you feel you have enough to last you ... or ?

no i'm just too tired and i don't like people i guess, and i'm bad at it

feel this

xp - do you deal with people a lot at your job?

Harbl OTM

i deal with people way too much at my job which is partially (not entirely) why my brain runs out of fuel for any other human interaction the rest of the day

harbl, I get that too with my current job

I work mostly alone so I have the opposite problem- I feel like I've lost all ability to function socially with people I don't already know super well.

i deal with people way too much at my job which is partially (not entirely) why my brain runs out of fuel for any other human interaction the rest of the day

― assawoman bay (harbl), Sunday, October 1, 2017 12:43 PM (yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

100%. I really like my neighbors a lot and they're super chill but sometimes I just sit near them (outside) and smoke silently while reading and they know not to talk to me.

I like talking to ppl but a lot of the time now I'll start trying to have the "obligatory social" tone with someone and then my brain goes blank and I don't know what the next line is supposed to be. lol at that point I'm usually like, "I'm sorry, can we start over? Let me ask you something I actually care about the answer to."

Hi, everybody! I'm pretty good, I guess. Tired today so it's hard to tell. Miss you lot and just miss hanging out with wimmens in general.

Hello wimmins.

I finally got an official Asperger's diagnosis the other week, after 2 years of sitting in various queues, and 35 years after I first entered the mental health system.

What's funny is, a couple of the questions in the interview portions were things like "Do you understand what a friend is?" and "In your own words, can you explain what are friends for?" and "Do you have a partner, do you understand why people have partners?" Which are ridiculously difficult questions.

But it's kind of a relief to see that, y'know, even *neurotypical* people struggle with these questions.

Kind ladies,

Does 1P3 dare me to put out a personal ad headed with "TCM and chill?"

xp Branwell, would be interested to hear more. Why did it take so long, for a start? Has the diagnosis changed things for you?

Oh wow, Kinder, that's an essay and a half.

It's taken 35 years because understanding of what Autism is, and how it manifests differently in different kinds of people has expanded exponentially only during the past decade or so. (I mean, there's posts on ILX from 15 years ago, of me going "do you think I might have Asperger's? I score off the charts on all these tests..." but the definitions themselves being totally inappropriate for who I was, i.e. if you design a test for 9 year old boys, it will only catch 9 year old boys.)

Why it took 2 years to get in the right queue... Because I fell between buckets. Disorganisation between the GP and the specialist hospital. The specialist hospital insisting that it was more important to talk to talk to someone in my family (who does not really accept the diagnosis) about what I was like 40 years ago, than it was to actually interview and seriously test *me*. The fact that ~parents of autistic people~ are always considered more legitimate sources of information on autistic people than autists ourselves is just.... ASDLKJFSKLJ ASKLDJFLSDAJFKLSAFJKL

Even the freaking stereotypes and preconceptions that the people who are supposed to be testing you come up with. (I actually got a copy of my diagnosis last week, and I just came away with *such* a negative feeling about the person who interviewed me, and I found when I read her report that she simply hadn't even listened to what I actually said. To the point where I'm considering writing a letter contesting it. UGH.)

The diagnosis itself (or rather, the preliminary diagnosis from a non-doctor therapist 2 years ago) has been absolutely life-changing. It's enabled me to actually maintain a job for the longest continuous period in my life. (Coming up 3 years in November.) It's amazing how such tiny changes in environment make such a huge difference to whether I can actually function!

Ugh, sorry, rambling again. I know ILX isn't about these massive essay posts any more. I apologise.

Really pleased for you Branwell, despite the wait and those infuriating bits of the system. Also ilx might not be about massive essay posts these days but I always appreciate a well-written long post.

I'm having a bit of a shit time at the moment (lol "at the moment" - and for eternity) and I'm having to move back to Notts - a part of me is relieved to be getting out of this city but I don't really know how to manage without the support of my band: I've never had a female friendship network as close and strong as I have had with them, most of my friends back home are men and the music scene is kinda male dominated.

I also appreciate a well-written long post! What did you change in your job? (I am interested generally but also because I recently did a kind of questionnaire thing -being deliberately vague- that actually seemed not 100% bs and gave me some things to think about.)

btw emil.y that sucks, will you be able to keep properly in touch with them?

emil.y that sounds like such a mixed bag. On one hand, it really doesn't seem like Brighton has been at all a positive time in your life, so a change of environment might be a good thing. But on the other hand, yes, I know what it's like to feel like you have Your Girl Band, and what it's like to lose that sense of close, strong, female ganghood. I don't know what the balance is; to try to build a female network in your hometown, or to try to use technology to keep close links with your remote pals.

kinder, some of it was very much environmental. The ability to use headphones to block out the very noisy call centre, getting stronger blinds to eliminate bright lights, having one of the meeting rooms turned into a quiet room. Some of it was more social. My boss went and did a training course on how to manage ppl with Asperger's, which covered things like... written instructions, clear guidelines, using a third party (my boss or HR) as mediation when I'm having interpersonal difficulty. I am now excused large group things I do not think I will be able to handle, without having to justify it. A lot of it has been getting people to change their expectations of me, just trying to explain again and again, "I'm not being rude; I have Asperger's." until the penny drops, WRT clarity and explanations, and the fact that I really don't get, and cannot be expected to do, small talk and social lubrication chitchat.