no boys allowed in the room!!!!

this thread is as good a thread as any to talk about women's hair and politics and this:

http://adage.com/article/cmo-strategy/shea-moisture/308785/

and

http://www.complex.com/style/2017/04/shea-moisture-nixes-ad-after-backlash

I think I have a summer crush!

Relatedly, I went to a local gallery/community space, and exchanged info with one of the women running it. She seems cool & I want more friends my age. I just feel like being blunt and emailing "let's be friends!!!"

dunno if we've discussed this before, but, I have a question --

I have a close friend who has a (pretty obvious, but unacknowledged) eating disorder. How do I best respond in the context of social media -- she posts a lot of selfies?

Idk if I understand the question -- are you unsure of how to react to her (possibly) alarming selfies?

do you need to respond?

yeah, I'm not sure how to react. Also, it'll be something like facebook memories will bring up a picture of us from a few years ago (before she lost a lot of weight), and I avoid posting them.

privately, maaaaybe a dm? but you would have to broach it delicately. And you would have to know her pretty well.

publicly: don't.

Yeah this is fraught. Could she be ill for example and not told anyone?

i'd avoid communicating via text about this-- if it were me, and i were very concerned for the person's life, a private safe face to face convo or nothing imo. (if the person is a close friend but doesn't live close enough to hang with, phone convo)

disordered eating is everywhere so i would only intervene if i were seriously concerned about her wellbeing.

In college when I cut my hair off and wore men's clothes my mother told someone bitterly that I was "trying to be ugly." How strangely right she was. I really felt like this article was speaking for me. #wheniwaspythia

https://catapult.co/stories/role-monsters-gorgons-medusa-women-beauty-ugliness#

Medusa lost her beauty—or rather, it was taken from her. Beauty is always something you can lose. Women’s beauty is seen as something separate from us, something we owe but never own: We are its stewards, not its beneficiaries. We tend it like a garden where we do not live.

Oh, but ugliness—ugliness is always yours.

yeah i feel that
i don't have a lot to say about it, but it strikes a familiar chord

i think it also applies to age
how much of the beauty routine is intended to stave off AGING
how much do you hate your neck? google "i hate my neck" and see the algae bloom of results

Oh, I like that article. Though I feel like it frames the issue a bit too much as if it is *easy* to take ownership of your own ugliness, when it really is not.

On a related note, this is probably my favourite Comet Gain song:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJ13rgmBjtQ

Particularly irate today at having to watch 5+ minutes of coworker's daughter's wedding video in which every single word, frame, vow, dress, etc, is lock-step gender norms & a certain kind of conventional. "You're my puzzle piece, and I will love you for forever and beyond." <-- I'm not sure you know what words actually mean but okay.

And it was at the Brooklyn Botanical Garden so it had to have been tens of thousands of dollars. What does a reception at BBG even cost? idk

The sound track for the wedding highlights is a song that goes "A diamond ring and a dozen roses, everything she ever wanted."

it definitely costs a lot

sorry your coworker's daughter is so boring :)

Usually I'm not so irate at the mere thought that people different from me exist but being smushed up against them at work all the time and having them assume I'm one of them...and the strength of their assumption that everyone is exactly the same as them...maybe it triggers my being from a small town neuroses and reminds me when I couldn't get out of my hometown fast enough. I'm sure their insistence on the correct-ness of their norms is related to why they're so mean to our immigrant families. Anyone a little bit different is treated like a space alien.

yup
also they probably lack imagination if they rely that heavily on cliche

feeling this so much. i'm not like, extremely manly or anything, but i don't like to play the game. my co-worker is all into it. pink everything. perfume. i hate perfume. loving to be married and talk about it all the time. super feminine voice/speech patterns. fake fake fake fake and it must be tiring just to exist. i'm so happy xxxx is away this week, i don't have to shave my legs! really? have to? does he not know your legs grow hair?

hahaha I'm starting to be okay with some pink things, but yeah, so much of this stuff I just don't go in for, exhausting (as you said) and expensive!!

Mother's Day also brings some of this stuff up -- like ads for "mother/daughter mani-pedis" -- uh, no thanks.

yeah I remember a colleague complimenting me on my short haircut and saying oh my husband would never let me do such a thing
and I was like, wait hold up LET you?
I go to the hairdresser and get whatever I want and I come home and mr veg says hey whatsup haircut and we just fuckin move on with our lives

sometimes I wonder if I'm doing marriage wrong and then stuff like that happens and I'm like, okay yes okay I'm fine

i went to a friend's wedding a couple weeks ago and it really made me not want to have a wedding

yeah I remember a colleague complimenting me on my short haircut and saying oh my husband would never let me do such a thing
and I was like, wait hold up LET you?

I'd ask her if her husband would stone her in the home depot parking lot if she spoke to a man who was not a relative.

I had a colleague hint that her husband wouldn't let her be Facebook friends with men he didn't know, wtf

...

That sounds abusive

mr veg says hey whatsup haircut and we just fuckin move on with our lives

<3

yeah it was a throwaway comment and I wasn't sure if she was joking :/

I met some cool artsy witchy ladies this month! They are planning a panel with Pam Grossman and Kristen Sollee, I AM SO PSYCHED FOR THIS.

Also, I went to an art event/party and made out with some dude, and he emailed me???

iirc some dude is married o_0

Ha, not that some dude.

And yesterday he told me he has a three year old. We hung out in town for a little bit, and he hasn't texted or emailed since, hmmmmm.

what is the hmmm?

There were quite a few emails and texts Saturday night and Sunday about how much he likes me, how much he really wants to hear back from me, how much he really wants to hang out again, and now not even a hey what's up?

maybe he really wants to hear from you (based on how much he really wants to hear back from me, how much he really wants to hang out again
idk
always hard to know what is going on in anyone's mind, i don't try to guess

I know, there's nothing stopping me from contacting him except my own silliness.

I'm not that used to someone being so forward and unsubtle with their interest!

making new relationships is difficult even (especially?) when romance isn't part of the picture

I am working on that as well this summer!

yeah me too
it's impossible to know what anyone else is thinking. once i have established that someone finds my company acceptable, my approach is usually to be straightforward (and I guess unsubtle too) because who has time to energy to try to read my mind? no one that's who :) being a wallflower has never worked for me.
i like to think of it as friendliness because i feel ok with being a friendly person.

time AND energy
woops

i don't have the time or energy to proofread lol

Yes, the ladies I have met have made it clear in their way that they like me and my style, so I am trying to reach out to them. Even if it is just to say that I really enjoyed the events they have organized.

I do have to stop myself investing too much time with the mind reading.

In other positive reinforcement news, I reached out to a friend this month, and now I am going to be a guest on her podcast. Do Not Listen If You Hate Me (or The Simpsons.)

I think I've been ghosted???

I'm hanging out with the witchy artist ladies today. I even made one a present!

Well, this took a weird turn.

I gave my new friend the pink pussyhat I made her, and she was delighted. She also said her son is going to want to wear it as part no is his favorite color. I saw her post online recently that he told her he's a feminist!

aw that's sweet

hope everyone is well. i'm fine. don't have anything in particular to say tbh.

I'm glad your fine! I had a stressful month but it's getting better.

Finally have been hearing more from local dude. He wants to be friends first.

It is finally cool enough to wear a dress I bought last month. It is coral with dandelions. It is hard to find anything I want to get clothing wise, because I do not like the current color palettes in stores these days. Which I guess is good, it keeps me from buying things!

that's good! i have trouble finding clothes i like and am willing to actually pay for. haven't shopped in a while but did find a spanking new goodwill near my favorite grocery store and it is full of potential work clothes and F21/Target leftover party clothes.

i guess i should say i'm alright
not that i was ever anything less than paranoid about posting my personal life on the internet, but my levels are at the highest alert right now. with a few blessed exceptions, every public environment feels at least somewhat hostile.