no boys allowed in the room!!!!

no "of"

Also, I agree with Branwell and Justine on all of the above but don't really know what to do except not engage.

good for you for telling her off! it's so satisfying!

xxp - lol! hit and run.

idk, what you said seems pretty otm? :)

it's just fb, she can't harm you for saying it. and if she gets into it just unfollow the thread & you're gold

There's a time and a place for engaging, if you genuinely think that you can have a dialogue with someone*. But trust me, from experience, having a rant on social media about someone who is driving you nuts can come back to haunt you in really unpleasant ways, no matter how necessary or good it felt to do at the time.

* (My rule on social media used to be: do not enter an argument unless there is a chance, no matter how slim, that *I* might change my mind. Now it's that, plus an additional "enter arguments where you don't think you will change your mind if and only if you have a *relevant* viewpoint which has so far been missing from a conversation, if you think there is a chance that more than 50% of the conversants might be open to hearing this view.")

Mute, unfollow, soft block, block are tools. Use them wisely but often.

can we talk about clothes and shows? specifically clothes to wear while playing shows? i am enjoying thinking about the possibilities but i wondered if y'all had any words of wisdom to share?
i'm not going to wear a skirt, but i have to be comfortable. i want to look cool and powerful and not like a slob. and not like i'm wearing a costume.
it's not that i have a lack of options, i just can't really make up my mind. it's at an arts space and there is no stage.

leggings & a dope blazer?

it depends on the show, what you're playing, and of course things like weather and temperature of venue

playing in a blazer might be difficult bc of the structure -- i like having bare arms but nothing floppy and no visible pits because it's february
the top has to be kinda snug so it doesn't get in the way but not too snug
i think i am actually enjoying this problem more than i want to solve it and talking about clothes is fun

no lie i saw a guy get totally butt naked (butt was audience-facing) on stage last fall while his band was setting up and he played in his underwear. i'm kind of envious of that kind of bold privilege even if i don't really want to play in my underwear myself.

sarahell any definite DNWs in your experience?

last night I DJ-ed an art opening and a wore a dress that had a sparkly top, but didn't care that much about my outfit below the waist because I was behind a table.

sheer bodysuit? :D

for example, i remember wearing a baggy tshirt to a yoga class, which was a mistake that i repeated years later by wearing baggy shorts to a yoga class

i have been dreaming of a sparkly top -- like a sweetheart-neckline sequined stretchy tshirt
mr goodbody suit would be ideal

mr goodbody suit with sequins i mean

haha

not really
like i said this is a fun problem

i do have a long-sleeved green leotard

omg i was just going to say leotard

i think my problem is that my first instinct is to dress like i'm in the circus :-/
probably best to go with something unshiny

in terms of playing drums? It depends on how "hard" you are playing. If I was playing like Mo Tucker or something, it wouldn't really matter, because that's pretty low-impact physically, but if I was really "going for it" these would be my dress tips:

3/4" sleeves or shorter
top: loose-fitting or if tighter, no non-stretchy fabrics that are tight in the shoulders or upper arms.
nothing itchy or with ribbon ties.
nothing binding in the neck.
i generally go for a strapless bra, because I suck at adjusting the straps of my bras, i guess (i have gotten distracted by bra strap slippage during a gig)
no top or dress that's dry-clean only
no tight skirts that go below the knee (I don't really care if I have to hitch my skirt up to play, the kick and snare cover the crotch)
no long wide-legged pants (they can easily catch in the kick drum beater)
comfortable shoes or you can play barefoot or just in socks (I have friends that swear by no shoes) -- the importance of footwear choice largely depends on how fast you have to play kick or hi-hat -- if you're not in super fast jazz or blast beat territory, it's not as "contentious" a subject

just figure that if you're playing a standard drum set configured in the standard way, people are only gonna see you from the waist up. maybe boobs up depending on rack tom placement.

yes! def no binding, ribbons, neck shit, itchy shit, wide-legged pants (they make me look like a troll), or boots that aren't snug to the leg. skirts are probably ok if they're not snug. i don't wear heels so that's not a prob.

i have some ideas. this helps. mostly i'm looking forward to it!! i'm not anywhere near blast beats or super fast jazz so no prob there. also i am v short so i'll probably just be a neck and a head. that's ok with me!

it helps if your shoes aren't heavy. I remember going from boots to just light leather sneakers, (Zach Hill wears converse fyi) and it really helped with leg fatigue.

like I was just thinking about the parts of my body that are most engaged when drumming and those are: hands, wrists, shoulder/upper arm, feet and ankles, and to a certain extent neck and waist movement is involved.

also if something can fall off, don't wear it or secure it tightly: scarves, capes, wigs, masks (have dealt with all of these)

i'm prob just gonna wear the shoes i practice in, which are pretty light. and super ugly! they're grey orthopedic shoes like not quite SAS oxfords but close

no wigs/masks/capes this time…maybe later

The only gig clothes advice I have to give is: DO NOT WEAR FLAPPY SLEEVES.

Seriously, the first time I did a proper "out of the house" gig, I dressed up and wore this amazing paisley shirt with super-wide draping cuffs with ruffles that spilled elegantly all over the place. I thought, you know, Jimi Hendrix wore this kind of thing, so it will be OK to wear onstage, right?

NOPE. All those psychedelic dudes wore ruffled trailing sleeves in PHOTO SHOOTS. On stage, they wore more SENSIBLE sleeves which did not interfere with the STRINGS of their guitars.

So I think you already have "something without sleeves" on your list but still, I would definitely like to second that.

I just had my period 2 weeks ago & now nature has seen fit to give me a lighter "bonus" period

apparently this is a thing that happens

ugh wtf

Oh, I get those sometimes! They are fun*.

*By fun I mean incredibly painful, messy and leave you feeling like you've got no bones anaemic.

(For me, it's usually happened when my cycle was kind of resetting itself after spending a long time with someone who was in the pill or pregnant.)

yeah i read that it can also be caused by drop in hormones etc

it's not super painful thankfully but it at least explains my bloating & endless trips to the bathroom today

oof

I get "spotting" from time to time, sometimes w bloating/pain/other side effects, and a while after I last came off the pill I had a period which was p. light but seemed to go on foreverrrrr and keep resuming a day or two later every time I thought it had stopped. but nothing on that scale, it sounds horrible. bad luck, hope it goes away soon

also, "no bones anaemic" reminded me: if I talked about periods featuring a draining* sensation in the idk ovary area would people here have an idea what sensation I'm talking about? lately I have had a similar draining feeling elsewhere and I don't know how to describe it but I don't think that description is really going to help. especially not if I see a male doctor. just wondering

(* prob just my mind being a combination of overdramatic yet also overly literal)

also also I would like to thank anyone who still has the patience to counter fedora-isms on the Sw*ns thread (obv not just women but) because jfc

...yeah I regret even mentioning that candyman here. don't go looking if you hadn't already. or even if you had.

I am tired as hell and should stop talking nonsense on the internet and go to bed.

there are only two real jerks on that thread + two kinda jerks, everyone else is cool

if I talked about periods featuring a draining* sensation in the idk ovary area would people here have an idea what sensation I'm talking about?

Mmmmmaybe? Sometimes on the day before/first day of my period I have a sort of heavy feeling? Like my belly is trying to get lower to the ground than the rest of my body. I think of it as a "gravid" feeling even tho I'm not, yknow, pregnant. Maybe that has something to do w word association with "gravity" idk

I am struggling w some of my bosses who treat me poorly and micromanage me. I have noticed that I have a program partner in a similar position to me but who is a man, and they don't treat him the same way. I'm sure his gender is part of it but probably there's also the fact that since his contract depends on their approval, he never says "No" to anything they want. But I'm p sure part of it is also that he's a manly man.

Re clothes! Maybe a full skirt that is party-like? My job is near a Rainbow store, which is one of the cheap'n'cheerful teenage girl chains, do they have them in other cities? They always have fun, silly, and also body-conscious things.

http://www.rainbowshops.com/juniors-skirts/juniors-skirts,default,sc.html

ROCK AND ROLLLLL

http://s7d9.scene7.com/is/image/Chaps/medium/1307067330443060_001.jpg

rainbow is all over baltimore but only in poor places. i didn't think it would be the same store but the logo looks exactly the same. i think it's clothes for everyone, not just girls? i was surprised it existed elsewhere.

sidebar: right after I said "oh nbd its not painful" i went out for lunch and omg woooorst cramps, had to literally run for a bathroom bc cramp-diarrhea

fuck you ovaries hate u so much rn

cramps have passed now, yay

So far the only downside to having ovaries but no uterus is that whenever I feel "off" I wonder if it is PMS, but I never get the actual M to confirm my suspicions.

You ever wonder why you have the most digestive discomfort before/during your period? Apparently it's bc the hormonal messages that tell your uterus to let it all go also tangentially hit your digestive apparatus? Well now that a million things upset my digestion, sometimes the messages that tell my INTESTINES to clear the floor also hit my uterus. So I can spot when I'm feeling sick, which is just the worst of both worlds.

I hear my body's messages so much more clearly now than back when I could eat foods like a normal person.

wow i didnt know that

weird!

this is gonna sound so corny but i was in an improv scene where i got to play some fallopian tubes
it was awesome

:D

hmm thanks io, I had noticed the connection in the most obvious direction but not known why, and I think I have also noticed it going the other way but just gone "huh I have crazy hormones which hate me" (it often feels that way)

it is my guts that are giving me the mysterious slow, draining, stuff-is-leaching-out-of-me feeling that I also get during my period btw </tmi>

I see a gut dr later today but the symptoms which originally got me referred have stopped so I am just going to be like "hi I'm fine, well sometimes stuff hurts in a variety of random locations but I don't recall exactly where so we're not really going to solve any mysteries there"

has carl agatha not been around very much recently?

This is making me wonder which way my symptoms are going! Because I was always known for having a stomach of IRON. But over the past 5 years, since hitting 40 my period has been getting harsher and more irregular (more of them, unfortunately, not less). And now my gut is way more cranky than it ever was (I've been trying to work out what food or drink causes the, erm, operating system core-dump and reset) and now I'm wondering, OMG what if it's not food at all, but hormones going to the wrong place?

xp - io, the show was last friday. i went with some old standards and i was comfortable/looked alright. i've been shopping at rainbow-like stores since i was in high school -- you can find some surprisingly long-lasting garments as long as you don't wear them that much. i still wear two dresses i got at a mall store (like Deb or something) back in the early 90s. i wore one of them last week! cute/mildly trashy clothes that don't break the bank = my kind of store even though the clothes are inevitably made by sad hungry children.

in other news, i hadn't been paying much attention to my cycle and i am pleased/shocked to report that i played the show at the peak of pms and didn't wig out at all. i mean i could feel energy surging through my nervous system but it didn't feel bad. who knows, maybe it gave me added yoni power?

carl is not on ilx much these days, no :(

Oh man that thread. :( I keep trying to tell myself not to click in it any more because it is so triggery but it's like a traffic accident.

It's so frustrating, but I know that I don't have the equanimity of mind to participate, and me saying anything would make it worse. But to see the imperviousness to logic in some of these minds. I don't understand how it can be so counterintuitive. Like, the proportion of women in the general population who have experienced sexual assault is usually quoted somewhere between 1 in 4 to 1 in 9. The proportion of women with mental health issues or substance abuse issues who have experienced sexual assault, that rises to something more like 1 in 2. Like, not drawing any conclusions about correlation or causation or anything, but bringing in those kinds of issues means that simple maths, a woman is MORE likely to have experienced sexual assault - yet it's always dragged in to discredit survivors "she's crazy, she's an addict, she's unreliable" - how are you using this to supposedly discredit someone when the numbers game indicates it is statistically at least TWICE as likely?

I mean, yeah, this is just jumping up and down on my own personal issues but yeeeeeeesh. I feel gross and horrible even saying anything about it here, even knowing most of us are on the same page.

Ugh I'm going to go away and lookit something nice until that icky feeling goes away. I'm going to see 1/4 of Kraftwerk (unfortunately not the hott 1/4) tonight so that should be enjoyable at least.

operating system core-dump and reset

hahaha! I think it's just something that happens with age. Now in my 40s, my system is a lot more sensitive to rich dairy than it was when i was younger: indian food with a lot of ghee, baked goods with a lot of butter, one of my favorite brands of ice cream, some of the tastiest macaroni and cheese

alas

I mean I could probably do with some more incentive to eat better, but... not that kind thanks

also, miss you carl, hope all is well