your terrible ideas

Cover of ZZ Top's "Sharp Dressed Man" that goes "every girl's crazy bout a half-mast flag!" To be deployed during post-terrorism situations.

a re-working of the lyrics of jeremih's "don't tell 'em" that would change the subject to santa's reindeer. sample:

rhythm is a dancer / pulls the sleigh with prancer / vixen's helping out there too.

soulsearch.com, an evangelical christian search engine that honors the lord EVERY day

― i've a cozy little flat in what is known as old man hat (Hurting 2), Monday, April 1, 2013 12:07 PM (2 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

the time is ripe:
http://www.thenewcivilrightsmovement.com/davidbadash/today_s_google_doodle_celebrates_evolution_so_christian_conservatives_threaten_boycott

i think i realized tnite what led ben carson to make his comments about the pyramids being grain silos. he probably believes the common misconception that the jews built the pyramids. in the OT it says that the jewish slaves built the cities of pithom and ramses which various commentators describe as storehouse cities. is it giving him too much credit to think he probably conflated this misconception w/ this [ime] popular bible translation?

Dr. Carson's been on Level 1 with us this whole time:

http://i.imgur.com/1iwj5Tj.jpg

my theory is he got his history of egyptian cereals from this guy

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/8/8a/Yummy_Mummy_cereal_box.png

A tv show called Only Fools, Not Horses.

It would be a candid camera style show where people would run out on to the street thinking "oh! a horse!" but actually it was just someone clapping together 2 coconut halves.

They always talk about putting the carrot in front of the horse, but what if the horse is the carrot for the man.

man, they're always talking about putting the carrot in front of the horse, and then always running outside whenever they think they hear something that might be a horse. they are obsessed with horses!

new terrible idea: Horseloving Whisperers, a show where people whisper about how much they love horses

A lifesize plastic reindeer head with antlers and glowing red nose for attaching to the front of your bicycle during the festive season.

they do similar beasties for those ubiquitous micro scooters so it shouldn't be too hard.

http://www.micro-scooters.co.uk/scooter-heads-and-a-monkey.html

that said, a front-facing red light might be illegal.

Definitely the main reason why it's terrible, otherwise I'm certain it would fly off the shelves. Would have to be more waterproof than those scooter ones though.

I feel like bicycle reindeer heads would be big with the bacon/zombie/comedy horsehead crowd.

A Firesign Theatre-style comedy record titled "Hamas and PETA"

A thinkpiece webmag about fishing called Codpiece

A series of tie-dye t-shirts with terrible slogans like 'I hate myself and want tie-dye' or 'Star Wars: Tie-Dye Fighter'.

New James Taylor project wherein the singer/songwriter turns out a set of gritty, contemporary protest songs: Occupy Sweet Baby James

A long-running tv series where the protagonist travels back in time to three months previous, but in the course of the first episode's events the time machine breaks/portal closes and they are stuck. The rest of the series will detail their attempts to adjust to their new life while trying to get back to their own time, even though much more than three months would pass over the course of the series.

lol at james taylor one

a children's book called Baby Llama Drama

I'd read that 5 times in a row to my kid.

Speaking of my kid, his behavior in the dining room the other day made me imagine a band that played early 2000s screamo songs in the style of Dave Matthews and/or vice versa, as I imagine the fans of both of those would pretty much hate each other's music. The band would be called Under The Table And Screaming.

I think screamo vocals over DMB-style instrumentation would be a good permutation of that idea.

It would be an improvement. at least

Do it with death metal vox and call it Grave Matthews Band

hahahahahaa

of course, on those songs where dave matthews himself attempts a deep, rumbling growl (e.g. "halloween" and, well, "grave digger") the surprisingly melodious, angel-voiced bassist would take the mic

would not be hard to make satellite and warehouse riffs metal

so sleep well

you could have dueling cookie monster vs. melodic vocalists on

IF YOU A MONKEY ON A STRING
(don't cut my lifeline)
IF YOU A DOGGIE ON A CHAIN
(don't bite the mailman)

honestly this might end up just sounding like the dave matthews band

Opening a pub called "Wood's", just so every winter people can say "What are you doing later?" "Oh you know, just stopping by Wood's on a snowy evening."

we have a Woodes cafe and a The Woods bar

There's a bar called The Woods here but it's heinous and douchey and the definite article would throw off the poem anyway.

It needs a 'NO BEARS ALLOWED' sign on the restroom door, which would definitively answer that question.

Whose Woods these are, some yupster schmoe
His loft is in the Village, bro

ha, well done

a twitter account that does porn titles as if they were NYT headlines.

You mean like
After a Rough Beginning, Three Roommates Get Closer

Experienced School Teacher Finding New Ways To Reach Students

like i said, terrible

we didn't start the fire

Putin’s Gambit on Syrian War Is Dual-Edged Sword

a rewrite of the black sabbath song 'war pigs' as 'war pigeons'

(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/War_pigeon)

^ Just went the whole morning substituting "pajamas" for "depression" in songs.

I'm goin' where, there's no pajamas. In a better land, that's free from sin.

And I'm dealing with someone's pajamas. And I don't want to deal with someone's pajamas.

Pajamas got a hold of me. Pajamas, I gotta break free.

etc.

When everyone in my family has opened their Christmas gifts from me this year and they're giving me puzzled looks once they start to realize that the seemingly-random gifts all begin with the letter 'k', I'll play the Kay Jewelers jingle I have cued up on my phone. And their loathing will be justified.

omg koogs the same idea just hit me after your last post on the wiki thread

A song based on the "Now is the winter of our discontent" speech from Richard III, done in the style of Jive Bunny.

Jill Soloway writes and directs Episode VIII: Transjedi