your terrible ideas

Mine will be called Minor League Chew

homegum movement to be rapidly outflanked by the more hardcore movement which consumes only old gum found on the undersides of school desks and movie theater armrests - freegumism

1. A facebook app kinda like that stupid Time Machine app people use but instead of old pictures of parties and fun it only shows the text "Banksy Exists"
2. A Las Vegas street performer that instead of wearing a cuddly animal costume wears a shirt that says "Hi, I am Banksy, and I am a relevant artist of your day"
3. A Pixar cartoon movie about a family of sweater knitting hedgehogs that receives tons of promotion but when shown in theaters is just a single frame that says "I am subversive Banksy"

Chuckle Brothers feature film where they are air traffic controllers

getting supermarkets to replace their automated checkouts with celebrity voices like Maggie Thatcher and Frank Bruno, a bit like how they sometimes do with satnavs.

as it happens my friend once had a hire car with an unnervingly Thatcher-esque satnav voice

I had another dream last night where I was watching a terrible movie.

It's an adaptation of the board game "Snakes & Ladders". The movie is just Harrison Ford running around inside a shopping mall shouting at people "Does anybody have a ladder? I need to go UP!". The villain is a yellow robot whose name is Mr. Racist.

I think you might be confusing 'terrible' with its antonym.

xp lol

this would easily be the best film harrison ford has been in since air force one, maybe even the fugitive

Tommy Lee Jones as head of mall security

He's the guy responsible for hitting the button that creates the "snakes"/"chutes" but he comes around in the end

A buddy picture about an older "street smart" stock trader and a younger "quant" stock trader. Each begins skeptical of the other, but by the end realizes he has a thing or two to learn, and no one cares because they are both despicable, soulless people.

getting supermarkets to replace their automated checkouts with celebrity voices like Maggie Thatcher and Frank Bruno, a bit like how they sometimes do with satnavs.

― canoon fooder (dog latin), Monday, August 31, 2015 3:59 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

these all should be sung by aaron neville

same for the WALK indication of accessible pedestrian signals

"ooohoho walk"
"woah ho halk"
"wahahalk"

By the time you figure out what he's trying to say, the light has changed again.

I want to open one of these frozen yogurt places with the self-serve machines, only the yogurt comes out of fake plastic butts. And the name of my establishment? Why, it's Doo Me A Flavor, of course.

https://youtu.be/sp2r3wZOVqk

I guess I could up the ante by only offering Nathan For You's poo-flavored frozen yogurt.

An audiobook of EL James' 'Grey', in the voice of EL Wisty.

A cover version of Harpo's song 'Movie Star' titled 'Porno Star'.

A Pitchfork longform music writing spinoff called Longfork.

I want to write a fake (but not obviously satirical) trend piece about couples using selfie sticks at the altar.

a site for half-arsed, ill-thought-out, underfunded and inevitably abandoned charity efforts - www.just-give-in.com

A band called synagogves

A band called mosqves

Mad Max: Furry Road

a dating site called NotMyCousin that pairs up people with the same last name, targeted at single men and women who don't want to change their names after marriage but don't feel comfortable going by different surnames. a resident genealogist would screen potential matches to ensure that they weren't too closely related, and members would be able to specify the nearest degree of relation they'd be willing to fuck (with) — ex. "nothing closer than third cousin" or "anything goes".

in response to the proliferation of incest fetishists, NotMyCousin would ban first- and second-cousin matches, spawning the spinoff dating site HotMyCousin. feds would shut down both sites after about a month.

https://40.media.tumblr.com/f1397b6739a8e300229166604de968a3/tumblr_mpy195sez51r9a32bo1_250.jpg

lol @ unregistered

A website like Tinder or Grindr, but just for people who prefer to masturbate by themselves with no-one else in the room, called Wankr.

appropriate display name

I kind of assumed that's what this was for

https://breather.com/

Bate-r

A room of your own

Find beautiful, private spaces that can be reserved for any length of time – a short 30 minute recharge or an entire day of productivity. It’s up to you.

For dads who live in studio apartments

How about a Japanese style capsule hotel, that rents the capsules in 15 minute increments. Call it... the Wank Tank.

A movie about a fictitious Italian-Jewish NYC gang called the Pizza Bagels

A split 7-inch of Yoko Ono and Annie Lennox each covering the other's version of 'Why'.

WHY
no Carly Simon?

I think we could expand it into a singles club of similar, equally-inadvisable song swaps.

I recently became fascinated by how hip-hop many songs there are with "woodgrain" in the title there are, like dozens upon dozens of songs called "Woodgrain Wheel" "Woodgrain Grippin" etc. So I started making a Spotify mix of them, got to like 4 hours, culled it very slightly, and then realized that I had completely left out dozens more songs because I had only included songs with "woodgrain" in the title and not "wood grain" in the title.

Some day if I ever finish it I may post the mix/playlist to ILM.

There's a local pub bank called Fake ID. Terrible idea: start a Fake ID tribute band called Fake Fake ID, then another tribute band called Real ID, and have the two tribute bands have a fierce rivalry over which of them is the most authentic to the original band.

And it's doubly a terrible idea because IRL the actual genuine Fake ID don't play any original material.
http://www.fakeidband.uk/band/

hosts for regional version of Bake Off called Paul Bollywood, Paul Lollywood etc

a choose your own adventure game using threads as game states

ilx threads i mean

ha, i like that.

i had this terrible idea independently http://www.axepacks.com/

a buzzy beetle halloween costume. (hint: you have to crawl)