your terrible ideas

The Dowie De Ching, a a business management book by Iain Dowie

Very rare post I'm about to make that may warrant a trigger warning about infant mortality.

But a sketch where Nickelodeon or Disney is having their annual Kids Awards! Program hosted by the girl from Hey Jessie! or one of the dudes from Lab Rats.

And after a big award, they bring out the Boy Meets World guy who solemnly says to the camera, "tonight, we fondly remember those we lost this year."

And a black-and-white montage plays for five minutes of nothing but children. "Brayden Atikinson. 2008-2014" "Farrell Morgan Grace, 2011-2015" "Kendal Qwan-Lucas, 2013-2014"

And after awhile, there's Regis or David Cross or somebody sitting in the crowd, who says to his date, "How can there be so many kids on this thing?" and the date simply says "heroin will kill us all."

Or maybe make the same sketch except with dogs. A hound dog, "Flash Corduroy, 2001-2015", a really regal looking terrier, "Spangles McDooDoo, 1997-2014" <-- crowd (of dogs) go nuts for this one. A Great Dane, "Rockingham, 2007-2014" <— everyone starts howling even though, you know, that's about what you get with a Great Dane.

these aren't terrible ideas. they are magnificent dreams.

I think I'm going with the dogs one. Most comedy sketches shouldn't require a trigger warning.

A makeshift car using two motorcycles and planks of wood. It would be really fast

Chatroulette 2.0 with Oculus Rift support.

A band that plays songs about white collar corporate workplace issues in the style of Cradle Of Filth, called Backlog Of Shit.

A website that allows you to buy an NFL shirt with a word on the back that is a forbidden DVLA number plate.

NSFW
http://www.theguardian.com/money/2015/may/22/dvla-bans-bl03-job-but-allows-an-org45m

At Gift Users, we are happy to gently or vigorously use that gift you received or that item you bought on a whim in front of people. Just fill out a form online and ship it to us. Your friends won't know it wasn't you that used it. Basically, we season molcajetes.

A post-apocalyptic sci-fi novel where the only surviving record of pre-apocalyse civilisation is an ILX-like message board.

Convincing Black Box Recorder to reform and by the UK's entry in next year's Eurovision.

― an office job is as secure as a Weetabix padlock (snoball), Friday, May 23, 2014 7:40 PM (1 year ago)

Well we couldn't get BBR, so we sent Electro Velvet instead. Frequently I'm aghast at how real life surpasses me for terrible ideas.

turns out I'm the 18000th person to think of "Mad Max: Furry Road"

a book series called C90 that allows authors to write about their favorite 33⅓ books

In Let's Talk About Carl Wilson's Let's Talk About Love, the author embeds himself in ilxor.com's I Love Music message board for a year in a quest to understand a subculture where people have earnest discussions about the gimmicky album books they sell in record stores. conclusion: people who like 33⅓ books are people too, and if you can set aside your preconceptions about 'taste' and 'quality', you'll find that there's something oddly endearing about their loyalty to such a debased art form.

the one about Whiney's Nation of Millions book would just be D4vid Dr4ke going "you know what, fuck Chr1s We1ngarten" for 180 pages

(that would actually be the title: You Know What, Fuck Chr1s We1ngarten)

and the one about the Master of Reality book would just be straight-up unapologetic Mountain Goats fanboying

related idea: a 33⅓-style series in which each author focuses on a different 5-second segment of Boz Scaggs's 'Lido Shuffle'. the series will run for 44 volumes, and when placed in order, the spines will form an image of 'Lido Shuffle's waveform.

kids say the dumbest things, featuring toddlers who are still learning how to talk

series of YA mystery novels where ralph bakshi and bob seger solve crimes in the late 70s/early 80s entertainment industry

an Amanda Palmer album titled 'Amanda Palmer, Melon Farmer'

A stick that doesn't make any sound when you drum on your desk but still feels stiff and tactile when you're drumming.
TBH, I'm not smart enough to tell if this is a shitty idea or a brilliant one.

no that's a good idea. dunno how it would work though.

miniature nostril tampons for colds/hay fever complete with little strings

Would pay big $$$ for those nostril tampons today, FWIW.

How would you breathe with tampons stuck up your nose?

God, it feels like I've said that phrase a million times.

Through your mouth?

how else would he say it?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRva7z8pvwc

Not super outlandish, but I really want to pour milk on a bowlful of some chocolate chip Famous Amos and pretend it's Cookie Crisp.

I don't ask
for much these days
And I don't bitch and whine
if I don't get my way
I only wanna
eat some Famous Amos like it is Cookie Crisp
pour my milk onto a bowlful of chocolate chip
eat some Famous Amos like it is Cookie Crisp
And I'm keeping my secrets mine

Not super outlandish, but I really want to pour milk on a bowlful of some chocolate chip Famous Amos and pretend it's Cookie Crisp.

― Snapper Raffles (Old Lunch), Wednesday, June 17, 2015 1:14 PM (3 hours ago)

did this

too crumby?

it was perfect

not a terrible idea at all then

a really difficult Where's Waldo on the big screen at theaters during the 20 minutes before the previews start, instead of stupid trivia and commercials. if pepsi (or whatever) still wants to advertise than they can work with the where's waldo people to have some people drinking pepsi in the puzzle or something

Laserpointers in the first 30 seconds.

Yeah but there's a whole list of puntastic things to look for!

When they used to do slide projector ads, that was always a good time to play the alphabet game

Idea: medical coma weight loss facility complete with industrial strength bed shakers and electrical muscle stimulators
http://blh.artilenttechnolo.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/5270.jpg

A special showing of the movie Twilight but it's actually the Paul Newman movie

There's this weird anecdote about Gerald Ford:

http://i.imgur.com/sNLQL9j.png

Can't get out of my mind this alternate version where the dog takes a shit, the steward rushes over, the president says "No, this is my dog," and then proceeds - excuse me here - proceeds to pin the dog down on the carpet, wiping the dog's ass with his rag.

When he finally lets the dog go, the president stands up and says, "sorry about that," and then looks down at the pile of shit still on the carpet. "You'll take care of that though, right?"

Ford's limo gets a flat in Michigan somewhere, and his very elderly driver starts slowly removing the tire jack and the spare from the trunk. "No, Raymond. This is my limo. I will repair the tire."

The president takes the tire iron and just starts swinging the shit out of it, hammering the fucking rims, making sparks off the lug nuts. At one point, it ricochets off the tire and nearly hits the driver. Ford takes off his jacket, rolls up his sleeve, and starts beating the car door, breaking the windows, the driver starts taking steps backward until he knows he's out of the president's line of vision and then takes off running the other way down the dirt road to ....

I don't know where I'm going with this. It's a terrible idea, that's for sure.

A cover version of Kraftwerk's 'We Are The Robots' titled 'Homoerotic' with lyrics like "When I wear my swimming trunks / you can see my bulging junk".

Laser on the center of a car's grille that helps guide you to the centermost spot in a lane.

'Third Life' for your 'Second Life' character.

Viral video of people spitting on babies

last of those made me lol tbh

dead flies = :(
spitting on babies = :)