your terrible ideas

I still think about Miami Dad County up thread a lot for whatever reason, and started thinking about how terrible it would be have a Salford Dads Club.

A bunch guys would get together to ride bikes like in the Stop Me If You Think You've Heard This One Before video, but they're all old and wearing dockers and polos with big Morrisey quiffs or dressed kind of gothy with comb-overs and have reflector straps to hold their pant legs in place and have helmet-mounted rearview mirrors and their kids are riding with them in bike trailers or on little pink girl bikes with baskets.

Possibly an amazing idea in disguise: chew toys for adults that replicate the sheer joy of biting ones nails

made of substitute keratin

nom nom nom

Crazy Huge Golf - crazy golf, but scaled up so that each hole is the size of a hole on a regular golf course. So the windmill obstacle is an actual windmill, etc..

Highlights Magazine the movie

― Bookmark No Bingus Permalink (Sufjan Grafton), Thursday, April 30, 2015 12:59 PM (2 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

a film called REMAKE that gets remade and released on the same date every year with the same cast and crew and determinedly sticks faithfully to the original - leading to fans scrutinising every minute of every new release to spot the differences

― mea nulta (onimo), Thursday, April 30, 2015 12:58 PM (2 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

these ideas need to hook up

ha that's what I was sayin

lol why did i reverse them! my sense of cause and effect has gone. the rainman gave me two cures and like a fool i mixed them.

thought you'd just been unrelatedly mulling and decided it was time to bring goofus to life at last.

well that's another idea

might be a Goofus idea. might be a Gallant idea. kinda thing that may only be learned in trying.

^ have a feeling Goofus says this in his head before every Goofus action

Crazy Huge Golf - crazy golf, but scaled up so that each hole is the size of a hole on a regular golf course. So the windmill obstacle is an actual windmill, etc..

Read this twice thinking, But the holes are the same size before shaking my head and rattling the peas a little.

goofus obv the central and enduring character; gallant is prob a hallucination.

^^ http://i.imgur.com/aFMZSoh.jpg

lol gallant's pose. the more i think about this the fewer reasons i see not to spend $200 million on it.

goofus keeps the lid on

Goofus with the lid off
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sY5zaDZq0sc

A sequel to Big where the now properly-aged Tom Hanks is recognized as the man that his mother mistakenly believed to be the kidnapper of his younger self and is incarcerated. I wanted to add that maybe Zolar is his cellmate or that, from prison, he rekindles his relationship with a 90-year-old Elizabeth Perkins, but I think it should maybe just be about his trial and imprisonment.

There are a lot of high concept '80s family films that are great fodder for terrible, tonally-inconsistent sequels. A sequel to Flight Of The Navigator that's all about the main kid's unhealthy obsession with the younger version of Sarah Jessica Parker. "The future teenage version of you was totally into the ten-year-old version of me! We were meant to be together!"

really abrasive noise band project called "histamine reaction"

40s for 40s: a Drunk History style parody of espn's 30 for 30 docs hosted by bill simmons on the Vice channel

one man Lynyrd Skynyrd tribute band, but since I can't really play or sing, I'll call it Simple Man

I'm sure you'd be awarded with many a Freebird.

The Dowie De Ching, a a business management book by Iain Dowie

Very rare post I'm about to make that may warrant a trigger warning about infant mortality.

But a sketch where Nickelodeon or Disney is having their annual Kids Awards! Program hosted by the girl from Hey Jessie! or one of the dudes from Lab Rats.

And after a big award, they bring out the Boy Meets World guy who solemnly says to the camera, "tonight, we fondly remember those we lost this year."

And a black-and-white montage plays for five minutes of nothing but children. "Brayden Atikinson. 2008-2014" "Farrell Morgan Grace, 2011-2015" "Kendal Qwan-Lucas, 2013-2014"

And after awhile, there's Regis or David Cross or somebody sitting in the crowd, who says to his date, "How can there be so many kids on this thing?" and the date simply says "heroin will kill us all."

Or maybe make the same sketch except with dogs. A hound dog, "Flash Corduroy, 2001-2015", a really regal looking terrier, "Spangles McDooDoo, 1997-2014" <-- crowd (of dogs) go nuts for this one. A Great Dane, "Rockingham, 2007-2014" <— everyone starts howling even though, you know, that's about what you get with a Great Dane.

these aren't terrible ideas. they are magnificent dreams.

I think I'm going with the dogs one. Most comedy sketches shouldn't require a trigger warning.

A makeshift car using two motorcycles and planks of wood. It would be really fast

Chatroulette 2.0 with Oculus Rift support.

A band that plays songs about white collar corporate workplace issues in the style of Cradle Of Filth, called Backlog Of Shit.

A website that allows you to buy an NFL shirt with a word on the back that is a forbidden DVLA number plate.

NSFW
http://www.theguardian.com/money/2015/may/22/dvla-bans-bl03-job-but-allows-an-org45m

At Gift Users, we are happy to gently or vigorously use that gift you received or that item you bought on a whim in front of people. Just fill out a form online and ship it to us. Your friends won't know it wasn't you that used it. Basically, we season molcajetes.

A post-apocalyptic sci-fi novel where the only surviving record of pre-apocalyse civilisation is an ILX-like message board.

Convincing Black Box Recorder to reform and by the UK's entry in next year's Eurovision.

― an office job is as secure as a Weetabix padlock (snoball), Friday, May 23, 2014 7:40 PM (1 year ago)

Well we couldn't get BBR, so we sent Electro Velvet instead. Frequently I'm aghast at how real life surpasses me for terrible ideas.

turns out I'm the 18000th person to think of "Mad Max: Furry Road"

a book series called C90 that allows authors to write about their favorite 33⅓ books

In Let's Talk About Carl Wilson's Let's Talk About Love, the author embeds himself in ilxor.com's I Love Music message board for a year in a quest to understand a subculture where people have earnest discussions about the gimmicky album books they sell in record stores. conclusion: people who like 33⅓ books are people too, and if you can set aside your preconceptions about 'taste' and 'quality', you'll find that there's something oddly endearing about their loyalty to such a debased art form.

the one about Whiney's Nation of Millions book would just be D4vid Dr4ke going "you know what, fuck Chr1s We1ngarten" for 180 pages

(that would actually be the title: You Know What, Fuck Chr1s We1ngarten)

and the one about the Master of Reality book would just be straight-up unapologetic Mountain Goats fanboying

related idea: a 33⅓-style series in which each author focuses on a different 5-second segment of Boz Scaggs's 'Lido Shuffle'. the series will run for 44 volumes, and when placed in order, the spines will form an image of 'Lido Shuffle's waveform.

kids say the dumbest things, featuring toddlers who are still learning how to talk

series of YA mystery novels where ralph bakshi and bob seger solve crimes in the late 70s/early 80s entertainment industry

an Amanda Palmer album titled 'Amanda Palmer, Melon Farmer'

A stick that doesn't make any sound when you drum on your desk but still feels stiff and tactile when you're drumming.
TBH, I'm not smart enough to tell if this is a shitty idea or a brilliant one.

no that's a good idea. dunno how it would work though.

miniature nostril tampons for colds/hay fever complete with little strings