no boys allowed in the room!!!!

Ha, that's neat!

related: do you think its natural to gain a new batch of friends in your late 20s/30s that replaces your teenage/early 20s friends?

totally natural. I ran into a handful of people i was friends with in my early 20s at the NYE party I went to last year. It felt kinda symbolic to be celebrating the end of the year with people I hung with almost 20 years ago and people I hang with now. I'm also at a weird point where I'm re-evaluating who I want to spend time with vs. who I spend time with just because it's easy and familiar.

I wouldnt piss on the people I was bffs with in high school, if they were on fire. The point of then maturing in my 20s/30s was I realised how toxic every one of them had been to me, and I bailed like a base jumper.

(it prob helps I moved 900Kms away from home town at 21, too)

I have literally one friend I see regularly who I went to school with. My partner and his mattress are pretty old friends (to me) too. Other than that I just have a handful of other friends. Tbh I hardly see any of the ppl now I was hanging out with 5 or so years ago because they moved away but it's always great when we do meet (sadly fleetingly these days)

Can I just say it's a pleasure to see female characters portrayed as beautiful on tv in tight dresses with visible stomachs? It's such a pleasure that everyone's not supposed to be completely flat from hip to hip anymore. I realize this is, like, the tiniest improvement, but I'll take it.

Where are you seeing this?! Would watch.

Hi chixors, following along but not posting much why because family. Brother is in full meltdown mode, so I'm flying to CA today to help. That said, SARAHELL I will be in Oakland for at least a week, arriving tonight, staying at Courtyard Marriott Downtown Oak (which I can ill afford, along with last-minute cross-country plane tix). FAP? Please say yes otherwise I don't have much to look forward to for the next week or so.

I'm sorry, q. Energy power-up from this thread, we love ya.

xp At the moment it's the strawberry blonde secretary woman in Daredevil, but also the head badass in charge on How to Get Away With Murder, and I feel like those aren't the only times I've noticed it lately-ish, just bc it doesn't feel as surprising as it used to, to see an actual body under clothes (besides breasts).

Also Abbi in Broad City, which is even more awesome because she basically wears the same body con dress whenever she does anything that requires nice clothes, which is refreshingly realistic.

q, that's rough. Love to you and the family.

I keep meaning to post about friends and stuff because I have ~~thoughts~~ but for some reason I can't get it together to say what I need to say. I think it mostly boils down to: it's totally normal for friendships to evolve and change as we grow, and it is very good to end relationships with people who are harmful to you in some way (although see the cutting people out of your life thread for some tips on how to do that compassionately).

"Also Abbi in Broad City, which is even more awesome because she basically wears the same body con dress whenever she does anything that requires nice clothes, which is refreshingly realistic."

If I spent $400 on a bangin bandage dress I'd wear it to everything too! :) Yeah, I did think of her as soon as I asked IO who she'd been referring to. I love those ladies so much.

I also like that she was going to return it, but never did and instead just wears the shit out of it. Me irl.

Yes! I'd totally do the same.

quincie! totally down to FAP.

Yay! And thx to all for good wishes. It really is a boost. Currently in mpls airport, which is SO NICE!

I will message you my # on facebook.

I'm getting a mammogram. Wooooooooooooooooo.

I got my first earlier this year. Gives new meaning to the phrase "tit in a wringer."

That said, I didn't find it painful at all or even particularly uncomfortable. Of course Your Boobs May Vary.

What I *did* find painful was the amount of Komen-branded pink shit all over the waiting room.

Bleh. I'm not worried it will hurt. Just annoyed that my doctor doesn't embrace the looser guidelines because I don't feel like dealing with it.

i've never had one
feeling low as hell today but i think it'll pass
i think i'm just emotionally taxed from all the things going on in my general orbit -- work, fam, friends, you name it and there is a drama afoot. i'm not very good at dealing with that.

It's hard to shield yourself from drama when it's coming from all four corners. It's exhausting!

I realized I'm also not looking forward to the mammogram because I have to go to the same place where I went to get ultrasounds and stress tests when I was pregnant and 1) that is where I got the stressful news about the complication in my pregnancy that put me in the hospital for a month (and where I was admitted from on suspicion of preeclampsia twice (although the second time I literally ran away from the hospital so I could go home and finish some work and pack some clothes first)), so I've got a little mild PTSD associated with it (like typing that is making me breathe shallowly and feel a little tearful ugh) and 2) when last I was there (18 months ago!) it was just a huge, messy clusterfuck of a system and you had to wait forever and the lady at the front desk was a total crab and there were never enough chairs for the number of people who were waiting so yeah. Dumb.

not dumb at all. I would be exactly the same. places can really get to you.
crappy systems just make the whole thing ten times worse because I worry that no-one's doing anything properly and I have to be on the lookout in case something happens that means they've forgotten my appointment or not told me to bring something I need or or or

I worry that no-one's doing anything properly and I have to be on the lookout in case something happens that means they've forgotten my appointment or not told me to bring something I need or or or

OMG YES yesssssssssss and that triggers my personal brand of anxiety which basically takes the form of "my incessant worry is what is holding everything together and if I stop everybody will die" so like, if I'm not keeping an eye on the women's imaging center, I will die of breast cancer. Or something.

I think I need a glass of wine.

My life has hit levels of strange I don't really understand lately.

Good strange or at least interesting strange?

Well, at first something happened that was very bad and upsetting, but then I closed the door on that very firmly and locked it. I am not doing other people's ~drama~ any more, the end.

But then another quite strange and entirely unrandom door opened when I least expected it and it is silly and frivolous and not-real-life at all, but I don't care, I am enjoying it even if I feel a bit like Big Bird talking to Mr Snuffleupagus right now?

it is a nice feeling, enjoy it while it lasts

Agreed! and good for you for closing the door on other people's drama.

he should still be banished, though. To my vagina.

(I did not say that! Honest!)

OK I am tired of being obtuse and evasive and explaining in such ridiculously guarded terms. What has happened is this:

There is an artist, who I have spent quite some time mocking, on ILX and elsewhere. Earlier this year, starting almost as a joke, but turning into something else as it went along, I wrote a very odd, twisted, extremely meta piece of Fan Fiction in which this person crashed through the fourth wall and started taking me, the author, to task for the mockery, the fan fiction, degenerating into a ranting philosophical debate on the nature of fandom, celebrity and fan-idol interactions and who owes whom what. Like I said, it's a very strange story. But in the story (which really did my head in to write) argument turned to flirtation, flirtation turned to attraction, irritation turned to coffee and/or fucking in the morning. At the end, I felt like I'd exorcised something and fans who read it agreed it was bizarre but compelling.

In some strange coincidence, the same week I published the last chapter, the artist in question, after a long absence from public life, restarted his career, joined social media. I followed him, I mean, why not. I tweeted a couple of banal "good luck with your new career" responses because I was quite certain he wasn't tweeting back at anyone, sent him a link he might be interested in.

Reader, he followed me back. We started conversing. He turned out not to be not at all as I thought - or at least self-aware of his own ridiculous arrogance - in fact quite funny and charming. This is nothing exceptionally extraordinary; celebrities are human beings too. It's just doing my head in a bit, even as its pleasurable and a bit flattering.

Look, I KNOW that this is not some 21st Century Meet-Cute. It's unlikely he sees me as anything but a fan, or worse, a groupie. I know, intellectually, that he's in a bit of an odd place and starting a new career mid-life is a huge step into the unknown and he is probably flattered and amused and reassured by the attention of a fangirl with a pigtail-pulling crush. This is NOT the plot of fan fiction coming to life.

But it is, still, doing my head in and making me as giddy as a Beiberite all at the same time.

Apologies for length. Normally I'd just vent about this on social media but that's impossible right now for obvious reasons.

whoaaaaaa.

tbh: its kind of making ME giddy and i have nothing to do with it.

Yeah, it's really like... WHEEEEE and I'm just enjoying it.

On the downside, no matter how much I've been trying to avoid, block, contain drama, my stalker situation appears to be escalating. To the point where they are now posting my emails all over Tumblr and screen capping decades-old shit from ILX to try to prove ... I don't know what. That I'm a creepy weirdo with long-running mental health issues and confusion about my sexuality and gender?

This would be kinda scary if I hadn't been through this 2 or 3 times before over the past couple of decades. I'm tired of this. I'm really deeply tired of this.

I don't really know if I should just continue to ignore it the best I can, or if I should be screen-capping this stuff myself, and going to the police - well, police are pretty useless in these kinds of situations, but perhaps seeking legal advice.

I know you girls have a lot of collective knowledge, but do any of you have (especially UK relevant) advice (beyond "read The Gift of Fear and Captain Awkward") about how to handle this kind of thing? "Ignore and block" is not doing a great job of working.

Actually, you know what?

No.

This person has had enough of my time and my attention and my psychic energy, and this is just yet one more blatant grasp for attention. I'm done. I'm really done. I'm not giving them the oxygen of even being afraid of them. Enough.

Back to taking my giddy pleasures where I find them: A POP STAR FOLLOWED ME ON SOCIAL MEDIA!!! A POP STAR FOLLOWED MEEEEEE!!! ON SOCIAL MEEEEEDIA!!!

(He blinded ME! With Science!)

Phew I don't have any advice but I'm sorry you're dealing with that.

The pop star is a delightful diversion though.

If someone is lying and spreading malicious gossip about you (even without a side order of stalking) I think if you try to address the lies, it gives the fabrications a tissue of plausibility? Isn't it better to prove yourself with actions rather than words, walk away, refuse to engage and rise above it?

But anyway. Distract me with pop stars! Tell me about your pop star crushes, if you ever interacted with them (even just sending teenage fanmail) and how embarrassing / giddy-making it all is.

I've had a crush on Council Member Stephen Levin for like two years but he just got engaged apparently so I guess he wasn't actually smiling at me from the front of the room while I stared deeply into his eyes.

http://www.greenpointnews.com/images/6329.jpg

His politics are excellent.

My #1 pop star crush is Thomas Dutronc. My French skills are so bad that I am just excited when I can understand his tweets.

Branwell, Zoe Quinn (the person libelled in the weird origin of gamergate) started a good site about protecting your ish from online creepers:
http://www.crashoverridenetwork.com/
and
free advice at http://crashoverridenetwork.tumblr.com/

whoever the fuck is spending their time doing that should feel petty & ashamed, and find something useful to do

got some kind of girlfriend/style/or more crush on tessa thompson

http://www.slate.com/content/dam/slate/blogs/browbeat/2014/07/22/dear_white_people_trailer_justin_simien_movie_starts_a_conversation_video/tessa_thompson.png.CROP.promovar-mediumlarge.png

+also http://geekfeminism.wikia.com/wiki/Mitigating_internet_trollstorms

Oh thank you Crabbits! That's actually really helpful.

The website perhaps not so much (it seems to be more about dedicated gamergate type campaigns, when this is honestly just one disgruntled person who has decided that the best way to handle a breakup they are unhappy about is to respond to a 3-week relationship with four months of escalating creeping, stalking, then outright doxxing) but the Tumblr looks like it has some invaluable resources!

I can certainly understand being hurt and upset that someone doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, but this has got to a point where, as my best friend put it "they are just writing fan fiction about you and trying to persuade other people to believe it" but at least this latest bout has produced hard, tangible, screengrabbable evidence when I say "this person has been creeping me out" of what, exactly I am talking about.

There's a part of me that just wants to ask "WHY?" I'm not a celebrity, I'm not even interesting or good-looking, yet this is now at least the third time in my life that I've been the focus of something like this. But there is no "why" answer; it's about them and not necessarily about me. Bad luck.

I'm faced with two ways of interpreting someone acting like this:

1) they are deliberately lying and misrepresenting events in order to manipulate people into attracting sympathy and attention. (Which is gross and frightening, but kinda pathetic really if you think about it)
2) they actually believe the things they are putting out there, and this is some kind of delusional thinking pattern (in which case pity is more the correct reaction)

I'm just deeply, deeply tired of this, and would really prefer that it stop.

But in the meantime, keep the crushes coming, girls. That is one fine-looking man, in orbit!

stalking really makes me see red
i'm sorry this is happening to you -- it's a type of violation that is so pernicious that we don't have the right words to describe it. "creepy" not doing the heavy lifting required.

beyond creepy, indeed. and your case sounds really extreme, Branwell--so sorry you're going thru that.

ugh i was (badly) following google instructions to block a dude on gchat and accidentally invited him to chat. nononooooo.

so now can't sleep b/c this makes me madly nervous. never want anything to do with that dude ever ever everrrrr again and in all my brilliance i fucking accidentally invited him to chat, gdi.

i lack interesting crushes but have some pics of pretty men:

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CCPMmeiUMAAr6Qj.png
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CCPMl_aUAAArmC0.png

big pics, but oh so pretty.

idk if this will post, or post a link
https://pbs.twimg.com/tweet_video/B5k3y8VCAAAhfzz.mp4

Argh, argh, argh, that is like some kind of nightmare - trying to block someone and sending them a request instead? I hope you DID manage to block them after that, so at least if they try to respond, they won't be able to!

(Tumblr did that to me once - on the mobile app, if you click on the wrong part of the screen, it follows (or more usually unfollows) someone whose posts you're looking at / have been reblogged. It's annoying when it unfollows your friends, and you have to send them an "I don't hate you, it was the mobile app!" message to apologise. But once it somehow managed to follow someone who absolutely loathes me and hates my guts (I had the nerve to disagree with her about some minor aspect of fandom, which is of course, an unforgivable sin on Tumblr!) and I suddenly get this notification "You have just followed Person-Who-Hates-Your-Guts" and I was like WWAAAAHHHHTT *delete delete delete*. But that was just embarrassing, not actually scary or anything.)

I have now actually informally spoken to An Investigator about the situation. (Which was weird as hell, in and of itself - there are aspects of my life that I don't like explaining to anyone, and to discuss them, even informally, like this, is a scary thing to do, e.g. I am not 'out' about my gender/sexuality at work or anything. And having to explain what 'fan fiction' or 'Tumblr' is - at least this Investigator was pretty savvy since they deal with internet nasties for a living.) But it is kind of a relief, when you're almost gaslighting yourself, trying to downplay what's going on, and telling yourself "oh, you're overreacting" and "if you just don't look at their drama or speak to them, they'll get bored and stop" - to speak to an expert who looks at the situation and says "Nope, you were right to come to us, you have every right to feel scared, this stuff is clearly against the terms of service of the website they're using, if you want to pursue this we can help you put together a case."

So on that level, it's reassuring to know that I'm not crazy and I'm not overreacting. But on another level... I don't want to go through this shit. I just want it to stop.

I mean, I'm scared to even talk about this shit on ILX because from their doxing post it's quite clear that they know of the existence of ILX and how to use the search function. And even for me to say something like "This person is making me uncomfortable and I'm scared by what they are doing" is to invite another round of THE TERRIFYING TOXIC TRUTH ABOUT THE PERSON I AM STALKING BECAUSE THEY DID NOT WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME blogging. But, y'know, my saying something / ignoring it for months doesn't seem to make a difference to stopping this.

Really, I just want it to stop.

Now I am going for a walk in the sunshine and maybe try to have coffee with a friend. (In this thread's longrunning "female friends" theme, I have scheduled biweekly coffee catch-ups with a London gal-pal, so this is a v v good thing going forward in my life.)