your terrible ideas

plus i can dunk now which is a major bonus

*reverse 360 slam*

i'm afraid i've always pictured Karl Malone as this guy:

http://www.luisescobarblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/The-missing-pieces-in-an-artist-knowledge.png

Here's a terrible idea: Marl Cologne by Karl Malone

Karl wears only Marl to bed

hi, i'm karl malone, and the only thing I wear when I go to bed is Marl. Marl Cologne by Karl Malone.

would buy

A credit agency based on how nice the applicant is
Karma Loans

Puddin' Pets

single-serve pudding in pet-shaped dispenser/container. just squeeze for a tasty stream of [your choice]-flavored pudding!

what, like they poo out the pudding?

I am progressive and support change and everything but the new version of the mel-o honey bear shits honey out of his asshole and that upsets me.

A song for the New Mexico tourism board that parodies Genesis' classic anti-Thatcher song to ask, "Can't you see this is a land of enchantment?"

a rap career as 'young rascal'

A sign similar to what libraries do, only instead of saying "The FBI has not asked us for our records" (they remove the sign if they get a request, passively letting customers know).

The sign would say "I do not eat the booty"

A Cat Cafe where you can smoke called 'Puss and Puff'

inspired by a trailer for The Wedding Ringer, a series of romantic comedies that rhyme with Wedding Singer.

Bringer, Zinger, Flinger, Pinger, Stringer, Winger, etc.

The Wedding Dinger, about the whacky goings-on at the Neu! drummer's nuptials

i have said this before but... a thriller based in the world of campanologists called 'Dead Ringers'.

Sayers missed a trick http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Nine_Tailors

(ha, thanks. just bought a copy for a bell ringer friend...)

heckle a band by actually bringing a guitar and belt clip amp into the show and playing it between songs, like instead of shouting "freebird!" you could PLAY freebird

Turkish Delight: The Musical

Highly "socially concerned" hip hop group called Hand Wringaz

Pearl Clutchaz

Dnah Zagnirw

(insert Europa League joke here)

vinylbox is a big box where you can rent vinyl records. instead of gas stations, grocery stores, and wal-marts, vinylbox will be located at cafes, head shops, and breweries. smaller versions located in burger joints and soda shoppes will let you 'rent' 78s immediately by playing the record for you through the location's sound system.

Reminiscent of this:

http://www.wonderingsound.com/vnyl-netflix-vinyl-subscription-service-albums/

which is also a terrible idea.

http://www.internetofuselessthings.io/

http://www.internetofuselessthings.io/dist/img/idea-thronemaster.jpg

I was friends with a bunch of dudes in high school, who insisted we all keep averages of how long we peed. They all thought it was funny that my average was so low (I was the only woman in the group.) My nickname was "eighteen seconds." I look back and think: what a bunch of assholes. Anyway, this would've saved us all some effort.

they were just jealous of your healthy prostate.

Wacky, League of Extraordinary Gentlemen-like IP wherein a famous Baroque composer is revived by desperate CIA men during the Cold War, and we follow his adventures behind the Iron Curtain: Bach in the USSR

I was friends with a bunch of dudes in high school, who insisted we all keep averages of how long we peed. They all thought it was funny that my average was so low (I was the only woman in the group.) My nickname was "eighteen seconds." I look back and think: what a bunch of assholes. Anyway, this would've saved us all some effort.

― pilate is my cogod (Crabbits), Friday, February 27, 2015 1:37 PM (4 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

they were just jealous of your healthy prostate.

― pplains, Friday, February 27, 2015 1:50 PM (4 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

that would be a surprising explanation

I take it you're not familiar with the pplains school of humor

or the women squirting prostate tissue school of...women squirting

man think before you speak crabbs

i would not have matched that comment with that username but hearty lolz ensued

i've waited forever for an actual example of plainsplaining.

or the women squirting prostate tissue school of...women squirting

― pilate is my cogod (Crabbits), Tuesday, March 3, 2015 10:06 PM (22 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

this sounds like a line from a porn spam email

I kind of wanted to make a little image with "She is a woman, that is the joke" signed pplains in cursive

Let me know when you do so I can get ILX quoted out of context all fired up and ready.

A startup along the lines of Trunk Club (curated clothing) only they also send you someone to help you get dressed.

A Daft Punk tribute band called Old Wank. I don't know why, but that was briefly the most hilarious thing I'd heard this evening.

gonna be hard to beat this one though.

http://i.imgur.com/EykBKqx.png

change thread title to "you're terrible ideas"

this

https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpf1/v/t1.0-9/10995670_10152617228266428_6776509990744808618_n.jpg?oh=bc3387b418b4b2260efa271b77b0a74c&oe=5591DD48&__gda__=1434922551_2e1b813271d6d6dae6bc567504af1b5c

Abbs I respect quick peeing. Don't let the haters get to you!

oh man ain't no thing these days

would totally buy a bottle of that bad idea

I'm going to start timing my pees. I've never even thought about how much actual time passes.

does the pee time count the purgatorial waiting when you're in position but waiting for the bodily gears to align (a process celebrated in the hit 1990 game Pipe Mania)? Or is that a separate column on the spreadsheet?

For me I sort of base it as in and out of the bathroom when I'm out - I don't want people who also went in (ie my husband; I always beat him!) to wait for me