your terrible ideas

I keep wondering if I'm being overly hard on it. Like if this was an inconclusive documentary film instead of an inconclusive weekly podcast would I feel the same.

writing introductions to my papers in grad school under pseudonyms, situating the texts in their proper context and sagaciously emphasizing their cultural importance

I think this is called "editing your own Wikipedia entry."

a door that beeps when the people behind the door-opener are within a prescribed range (20 feet???), signalling the door-opener's obligation to hold it open and the pedestrians' obligation to speed up their stride. it would stop beeping after about 10 seconds so that the door opener wouldn't feel obligated to wait for stragglers.

in some parts of the world (Canada?), the distance/time might be as long as 50 feet/25 seconds, but in less courteous areas it might be as short as 5 feet/3 seconds. every decade or so, custodians would update the parameters in accordance with evolving social expectations.

(I've been thinking very deeply about this)

a low-powered taser that delivers a shock to the genitals of people who don't hold the door open in situations where they were clearly obligated to do so

lol

or delivers a mild electric shock to ppl who don't say thank u when the door is opened for them

AND to hangers-on who wordlessly bolt through the door that is clearly not being opened for them

If I am far away and someone holds the door I just immediately sit down on the ground.

a cocktail called Nagila - the adverts could be like "Have a Nagila"

A punk themed kebab shop called Get Pissed, Enjoy.

A new version of 'Do They Know It's Christmas?', but performed by Chico, with the lyrics re-written to reflect this.

CHIIIII-COOOOO TIIIIIII-IIIIIIIIIIME!
LET! THEM! KNOW! IT'S! CHI! CO! TIME!
(IT'S) CHIIIII-COOOOO TIIIIIII-IIIIIIIIIIME!
LET! THEM! KNOW! IT'S! CHI! CO! TIME!

A band called Henry Jams.

Bob Marley-branded cough drops

Jingle: ♫There's a mentholyptus floating though the air. ♫

an e-40 magic 8 ball that say YUP, NOPE, BEEEEEYATCH and SMOKE ONE

apparently i woke up at 9:06 am on new years and wrote in my phone "a show where david lynch drives around and explains things to babies"

i can see this being a great idea

oh i know i just don't know where else to put it

i vaguely remember dreaming (i think?) about david lynch explaining basic things to a baby a la the beignning of breakfast of champions but i don't know why he had to be driving around

Perhaps the baby could be in a booster seat on the passenger side of the car, and the whole thing could be shot with a dashcam.

range of tasty kids' poisons called Peribo (the crappy world of)

app/site that would be like Yelp but only for rating/reviewing property & business owners based on their sidewalk shoveling/clearing after snowstorms

Last night, after successfully changing a shit diaper on the small tile counter in the tiny bathroom in the basement of a Mexican restaurant while the kid screamed, I decided I want to make some sort of social network / check-in / game app where you post diaper changes and get points based on difficulty or unusualness of the circumstances. Obviously it would be called Diapr.

lol

love it

album-length doom metal cover of "Hallelujah" with guest rappers.

or

Murakami Choose Your Own Adventure.

a tv series following Garak the tailor from deep space 9 and other members of his race.

i'm gonna call it "Keeping up with the Cardassians"

Brickgun: an FPS game where the player is armed with a gun that fires bricks, so they can build chest high walls to duck behind while their health regenerates.

From phone notes:

Film with voiceover by raving drunk

Start a bulk saffron distribution business

For a gallery setting - People sitting in front of loosely interpreted and fantastical approximations of computer screens

Spider-Man on towels (buy a towel)

War Games Shed

Brickgun totally viable as either a cute indie pixel-art non-FPS action-puzzle game, or as one of many weapons in an FPS committed to wacky high-concept hijinks.

At the end of a play, if the audience applauds enough, the actors should come back out and do a short mini-play or some sort of epilogue to the main play as an encore

Last night, after successfully changing a shit diaper on the small tile counter in the tiny bathroom in the basement of a Mexican restaurant while the kid screamed, I decided I want to make some sort of social network / check-in / game app where you post diaper changes and get points based on difficulty or unusualness of the circumstances. Obviously it would be called Diapr.

― joygoat, Saturday, January 10, 2015 1:56 PM (2 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

This is great.

Idle RPG called Clickbait where you click on bait.

Spider-Man on towels (buy a towel)

lmao

declaring fatwa upon rae sremmurd

A site that looks exactly like Indeed except that instead of listing jobs it lists drug dealers you can hold up and it's called ohindeed.com.

lol

LJ can u at least confine your inane music snobbery to the two week top-77 rollout period, thanks

that's a great idea, gr80

lol snobbery != visceral repulsion, but note the thread I posted it to, the urge to cavil is subsumed beneath letting live, poll rollout will never be the same again etc

=! looks sort of like an emoticon for an agitated person whose mouth is twitching

it is the face of someone countenancing a particularly loud & annoying fly

He KNOOOOOWS BETTER

Set up a charitable foundation, buy a house with a shed or guest house on the property, do a bunch of crappy paintings, set up a "museum" in the shed, "donate" the paintings to the museum, get tax breaks.

A Platters covers band that does the songs in a punk style, called 'The Splatters'.

would listen

A parka insulated with 100% goose fat.

You'd think with song titles like "Smoke Gets In Your Eyes" and "The Great Pretender", there'd be more punk versions:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vvyeNH6UGE8

Whittlemare, a film about a child who discovers that a wooden toy horse is the secret key that enables his divorced robot parents to communicate with each other.