I'm so tired of the bullshit condescension yall
― jello my future biafriend (roxymuzak), Monday, 3 November 2014 00:00 (nine years ago) link
With you, sister.
― Orson Wellies (in orbit), Monday, 3 November 2014 00:17 (nine years ago) link
I actually had a serious discussion about this with my co-worker, who is in her late 60s. She has two teenage daughters, and was very adamant that they should stand up for themselves and not let sexism get in the way of doing what they want in life, whereas, for her, it was a much tougher battle. She was brought up with the "you go to college to get a husband" dictum. But she also said that professionally you need to choose your battles and look at the big picture. Don't argue or challenge every single time a man is condescending or assumes you are just a "glorified secretary," which is something I have trouble with.
― sarahell, Monday, 3 November 2014 00:28 (nine years ago) link
If I argued or challenged every time a man did this I would literally not even have time to feed myself
― jello my future biafriend (roxymuzak), Monday, 3 November 2014 02:43 (nine years ago) link
Roxy, my friend, this is for you, to lookit when the sense of frustration and fatigue gets too much:
http://33.media.tumblr.com/319a182f29672062e57296db33364de3/tumblr_ne1axzdkKy1qeapd2o1_1280.jpg
You might want to be careful where you open it, though. It has quite strong, um... medicinal powers. (Also shirtlessness.)
― Jacques Lacan let me rock u; let me rock u, Jacques Lacan (Branwell with an N), Monday, 3 November 2014 11:29 (nine years ago) link
Hahaha I love u
― jello my future biafriend (roxymuzak), Monday, 3 November 2014 18:52 (nine years ago) link
Who are those children?
― carl agatha, Monday, 3 November 2014 19:35 (nine years ago) link
Babby Blur!
(who were all older than I was when that pic was taken)
― frauhaus (Branwell with an N), Monday, 3 November 2014 19:49 (nine years ago) link
i feel better already
― difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 4 November 2014 02:47 (nine years ago) link
Ha, me, too, and I was... 19? They seriously look like middle schoolers to me.
― carl agatha, Tuesday, 4 November 2014 03:46 (nine years ago) link
i recently rewatched starshaped and i was shocked to find i was no longer attracted to any of them in it because they now look 12 to me in that era, sigh
― jello my future biafriend (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 4 November 2014 06:13 (nine years ago) link
I dunno. Am I weird, because I experience this weird trick of memory, that when I look at photos that I remember from when I first saw them my brain, like, autocorrects to make observer-me feel like I am the same age as would be appropriate for my first viewing of that photo? It happens mostly with family photos, obviously. Like, I look at photos of myself, my brother and my cousins taken when we were all about 20, and my brain readjusts and recognises - we are all about the same age there. There's this double memory of me looking at us, going "wow, we looked so young" from the viewpoint of a 40-something looking at those photos. But I don't feel significantly older in a weird or awkward way from those people in that photo, they still feel like me and my cousins. (If anything, recent photos of my cousins as 40-somethings, with children, look weird as hell, because I have not seen them for over a decade and the ageing is suddenly apparent in a way that it is not, with people I have seen every day for ten years.)
I think because I saw Blur - or at least photographic representations of them - so frequently during that same period of my life (I'm not exaggerating that I saw photos of Blur every day between about 1992 and 1996 - I followed the music press exhaustively, I had posters of them on my wall etc etc etc) my brain does the same readjusting trick that it does with photos of my cousins. Observer me is the same age as the person that originally looked at those photos. So they don't look like children. In fact, Blur, *now*, as middle aged men, looking like potatoes, look shockingly wrong.
But it doesn't work with all bands - I was looking at photos of Duran Duran, for example, and I was 12 when I first started listening to them, and OMG, they were such grown ups in a grown up world. But I look at early photos of Duran Duran now, and holy shit, those are kids! How did my 13 year old self see them as adults and not as the adolescents they clearly were?
And I certainly look at bands who are in their early 20s now, and think "ugh, children, do not want". But 12 year old Blur? Bring 'em on.
― frauhaus (Branwell with an N), Tuesday, 4 November 2014 09:45 (nine years ago) link
one of the ads on my fb feed for some cloud-based payroll has an image of a woman doing "THE CLUTCH!"
― sarahell, Friday, 14 November 2014 22:55 (nine years ago) link
the double clutch?
― i give up (La Lechera), Friday, 14 November 2014 23:01 (nine years ago) link
this is the vibe in all areas of my life right now
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Uj3zitETs4
so I wanna share some things I like to daydream when I am stressed
I like to daydream that I deliver fanciful flowers and other objects to Elton John in the 1970sI daydream that I am having fun conversations about stuff I know a lot about or want to know a lot aboutI remember the barn my neighbors had where I would climb into the attic and write stories and poems and comics all aloneI think about animals like otters, gibbons, parrots, enjoying one anotherI try to remember every detail I can from a book I just read
how about you???
― never say goodbye before leaving chat room (Crabbits), Tuesday, 25 November 2014 01:06 (nine years ago) link
oh also I sometimes wickedly daydream about REALLY TELLING SOMEONE
I fantasize about having a lot of money and what I'd spend it on
I have less wholesome daydreams too
― never say goodbye before leaving chat room (Crabbits), Tuesday, 25 November 2014 01:11 (nine years ago) link
I have so many daydreams and I'm not sure I want to share them but man oh man do I have them. All the time!
― La Lechera, Tuesday, 25 November 2014 01:24 (nine years ago) link
"Day dream" is one of my favorite eerie/tender Strayhorn tunes <3
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-pSwmU13Reo
― never say goodbye before leaving chat room (Crabbits), Tuesday, 25 November 2014 01:27 (nine years ago) link
i used to daydream little fictions all the time, like ALL THE TIME, but when i started taking antidepressants the urge dropped off significantly. these days i miss the deep emotional resonance of a really good daydream, even though i recognize it was starting to become an avoidant behavior.
also <3 you telling people off, Crabbits!
― the dreaded Laramie (reddening), Tuesday, 25 November 2014 01:58 (nine years ago) link
i daydream a lot, like habitually I do it when I go to bed because it's sort of like telling myself a bedtime story & I just make up something that I want to do or think about a place I want to visit and start coloring it all in til I fall asleep
i sometimes dream about unexpectedly meeting [insert adored celeb crush] and having a long conversation with them def daydream about REALLY TELLING SOMEONEdaydream about how I would decorate my Brady-Bunch-esque ranch home
and other things :D
― difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 25 November 2014 01:58 (nine years ago) link
man my mom just bought a 1970s style ranch house in North Dakota – it's got gold veined mirrors and red shag carpet on the den walls and everythinga wall with wooden shinglesshe's going to redecorate of course >:C
― never say goodbye before leaving chat room (Crabbits), Tuesday, 25 November 2014 02:03 (nine years ago) link
http://i45.photobucket.com/albums/f86/igotabeefpastry/Untitled.jpg
freaking look at this
well, except, don't look at the ceiling
― never say goodbye before leaving chat room (Crabbits), Tuesday, 25 November 2014 02:09 (nine years ago) link
OmgDying
― La Lechera, Tuesday, 25 November 2014 02:24 (nine years ago) link
wowwww
― difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 25 November 2014 02:49 (nine years ago) link
my inlaws had a ranch house -- i was so excited to see inside the first time I visit, and I walk into the living room and the full-size stone fireplace that I had always dreamed of was PAINTED WHITE D:
― difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 25 November 2014 02:51 (nine years ago) link
!!!!!!! All my life! My parents used to make us go to bed really early because #oldfashionedparenting so I had plenty of time to lie awake, forbidden from reading, to make things up. During times of job or life stress I use a pleasant reverie to self-soothe and feel positive emotions until I can fall asleep. I know things are bad when I don't feel like I even deserve those good feelings & can't find that good place, but that hasn't happened in a long time. In fact since I'm preeeetty (mostly) happily booed up these days, I don't have romantic daydreams anymore, it's almost hard to find things to idealize about!
― Orson Wellies (in orbit), Tuesday, 25 November 2014 18:47 (nine years ago) link
Having plenty of money and a roommate who cleans, I guess.
― Orson Wellies (in orbit), Tuesday, 25 November 2014 18:49 (nine years ago) link
Let me just tell you many of my childhood daydreams were based on Star Wars. I was not Princess Leia in them tho. I made up my own character so there would be an even balance of girls & boys (Luke, Leia, Han, me--obv).
― Orson Wellies (in orbit), Tuesday, 25 November 2014 18:50 (nine years ago) link
It was difficult to reconcile my dreams of being able to do magic and fly, courtesy of all my fairy tale & fantasy reading, with the Christian teachings against witchcraft. I was somewhat concerned that I was sinning in my imagination. But Star Wars was fine.
― Orson Wellies (in orbit), Tuesday, 25 November 2014 19:00 (nine years ago) link
i have long reality-avoiding daydreams all the time and the storylines last for weeks and then are retired. lol. i have done this since i was a kid! how much time have i lost to daydreaming? i kind of treat it as an indulgence now and moderate it accordingly. i'm so glad to read other adults talking about daydreaming!
― jello my future biafriend (roxymuzak), Wednesday, 26 November 2014 19:53 (nine years ago) link
It was difficult to reconcile my dreams of being able to do magic and fly, courtesy of all my fairy tale & fantasy reading, with the Christian teachings against witchcraft.
― Orson Wellies (in orbit), Tuesday, November 25, 2014 7:00 PM (Yesterday)
omg when I was a kid I would fantasize about trying to resist satan if he showed up to tempt mei was v v afraid of getting possessed by the devil but my dad told me it can only happen if you permit himi would practice saying no to him in my daydreamsthe only one where i felt really nervous was the devil offering to let me have a pet dogi wasn't sure i could resist
― never say goodbye before leaving chat room (Crabbits), Thursday, 27 November 2014 00:03 (nine years ago) link
also i remember my friend telling me that she liked to daydream about having both her legs broken and a man touching her and her not being able to resisti was unable to figure out why it made me uncomfortable but it did
― never say goodbye before leaving chat room (Crabbits), Thursday, 27 November 2014 00:04 (nine years ago) link
Rememmmmmber when we were joking about making a set of guidelines for finding a therapist?
http://www.blackgirldangerous.org/2014/12/going-therapy-qtpoc-without-harmed-erased-baffled-therapy-horror-stories-may-heard/
You should not have to teach your therapist about race, gender, class, etc. This is something they should know or recognize they don’t know and make effort to learn. If you find yourself continuously spending time in session explaining basic things about your identity that can be learned about in a book, find someone else. Conversely, if the therapist is spending a lot of time telling you about themselves, particularly when it does not further your own insight, this is a sign of poor boundaries. You are there for you, not them. Seek support elsewhere.
― Orson Wellies (in orbit), Monday, 1 December 2014 16:15 (nine years ago) link
the only one where i felt really nervous was the devil offering to let me have a pet dogi wasn't sure i could resist
― never say goodbye before leaving chat room (Crabbits), Thursday, November 27, 2014 12:03 AM (4 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
Abbs I seriously love you so much.
here is my definition of a certain kind of late bloomer, based on personal experience & some observation- everyone else has had their period & you haven't- everyone around you has had their period & you haven'tit's a pretty brutal combo
― pilate is my cogod (Crabbits), Saturday, 6 December 2014 00:43 (nine years ago) link
ok I said the same thing 2x >:(first item should beeveryone around you does not believe in santa but you still do even though all the evidence is against it
― pilate is my cogod (Crabbits), Saturday, 6 December 2014 00:44 (nine years ago) link
that was me too
― difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 6 December 2014 00:49 (nine years ago) link
and me
― Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Saturday, 6 December 2014 13:37 (nine years ago) link
i didn't get my period until i was 15 and at 13 i saw a medical thing on tv where a girl who hadn't had hers was diagnosed XXY upon the discovery of a testical. i walked around for two years paranoid I was going to grow balls.
― Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Saturday, 6 December 2014 13:38 (nine years ago) link
I got mine at 15 too but I didn't believe in Santa...is that a euphemism I don't understand?
― La Lechera, Saturday, 6 December 2014 14:48 (nine years ago) link
It's no picnic getting your period early, either.
Speaking of, I just got my first period since April 2013. I was so hoping for menopause. Rats.
― carl agatha, Saturday, 6 December 2014 20:14 (nine years ago) link
:(
― difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 6 December 2014 20:17 (nine years ago) link
if i haven't posted here about how I got my period for the first time the day before my 10th birthday, and I was having a bunch of friends from my new school over for a slumber party ... anyway that was very traumatic
― Mistah FAAB (sarahell), Saturday, 6 December 2014 21:28 (nine years ago) link
holy shit dude
― difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Sunday, 7 December 2014 00:25 (nine years ago) link
I thought I was an early starter but I think I was 11 rising 12?
At least you had a 10th birthday party... unlike some.
― Branwell with an N, Sunday, 7 December 2014 06:04 (nine years ago) link
if it makes you feel any better, I had to cancel my 40th because i was sick, also too sick for plan B which was to see one of my bffs play with David J at a book signing
― Mistah FAAB (sarahell), Sunday, 7 December 2014 10:07 (nine years ago) link
Aw, I'm sorry. That sounds rub!
(But haha I wasn't talking about me, I was talking about my number-one hate-crush, never mind. Failed joke.)
― Branwell with an N, Sunday, 7 December 2014 11:12 (nine years ago) link
― La Lechera, Saturday, December 6, 2014 2:48 PM (Yesterday)
naw, like you know santa, mythical deliverer of gifts and good-hearted guy, is probably fake because empirical evidence + everyone says so – but you still "in your heart" believe he's realmaybe I just mean "not having outgrown the magical thinking of a child"
― pilate is my cogod (Crabbits), Sunday, 7 December 2014 14:45 (nine years ago) link
my parents had to break the news to me that santa was not real when I was 11I cried and criedI still didn't really believe themor maybe I did, but I didn't want toI was honest about it with my peers, too – another piece of bully fuel just handed to them
― pilate is my cogod (Crabbits), Sunday, 7 December 2014 14:47 (nine years ago) link
when i was 11 kids in my class chased me around the playground all recess yelling that he wasn't real & laughing at me
a girl named julie who was pretending she was my friend that day tried to console me this way: "santa died a long time ago. his brother does it all now"
which still makes me lol
― difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Sunday, 7 December 2014 15:42 (nine years ago) link