no boys allowed in the room!!!!

sorry shouldn't be such a cynic

and i will couple it with an apology for being a party to some, or loling in the background

https://scontent-b-lga.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/16757_10152473052402599_1267966067365539500_n.jpg?oh=7422ddb4ac95709b9820ab85a6a6588c&oe=54B4DA2C

dunno if I'm incredibly lucky or something, but my male friends do not pull shit like that with me, ever.

uh you are incredibly lucky. like someone born with 5 clits or something

there is one dude who is a member of the noise co-op I am also a member of who will sometimes be condescending in a way that we have discussed in this thread, but I don't consider that dude a friend.

lol at the five clits

or i mean maybe its not luck! maybe you project something that says "dont try it"

5 clits sounds like a recipe for lack of fulfillment

i've been thinking about this too. i think if i were friends with more "asshole" types this would happen more? but those guys generally don't want to be friends with me (nor i with them, honestly)
maybe that's not it
i dont know

also lol

posted a long-ass screed decrying every close male friend i have ever had and all the fucked up things they have done to me.

― jello my future biafriend (roxymuzak), Monday, October 6, 2014 10:23 AM (7 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

hero

that sounds amazing. i should do it. but i don't have any male friends anymore! maybe i can title my screed "this is why we're no longer friends"

There's a big difference between my male friends (none of whom are shitty; they would not be my friends if they did shitty things on the regular!) and men I know.

5 clits sounds like a recipe for lack of fulfillment

― sarahell, Monday, October 6, 2014 8:26 PM (Yesterday)

or 5x the odds??

otoh it makes me think of this cronenbergian sex toy

On Amazon? LOL, oh yeah! I remember discovering you could buy sex toys on Amazon. They really do ridiculous mark ups at porn stores...

i really do think that every conversation ive had, in real life and on the internet, in the past 10 days has included a man uptalking me or using my first name in a condescending way (actually, Emily), usually both

Erykah Badu: C /D, S&D

xp Argh, I got a version of that from a libertarian woman the other day, when I contradicted her on friend's FB. She was bigging up her gun ownership ("you'll need me and my gun when the shit hits the fan") as she told others that the correct response to poor Somalis asking for non-pork items at the local Twin Cities food shelf was 'shove a ham sandwich down their throats and bomb them back to ISIS'.

Fucking oxygen thief....

i want to start a "shit men say" thread, starting with:

you're not actually surprised by that, are you?

and

you're smart enough to know ___

lol I say those things. Clear case of laurelsplaining. Which might go a ways toward explaining why I don't notice men doing it to me.

i'm unfortunately acutely aware of condescending language
has made for lots of discomfort throughout the years

totally!

i was just trying to think, if a woman says these things to me, how do i feel? but i can't remember it ever happening tbh

it happens all the time!

to me at least

so weird. women never talk to me like this! not even on the internet. lol

i always figured that it's because people are not intimidated by me -- irl i am physically small but even on the internet it's not like i have a big personality.

im sure that has something to do with it! i am tall and p obnoxious in person and on the net tbh

Hmm. Condescension is one of those things, like, humour, that lives in this vast grey area. Where punching up is a hugely valid and important tool! (so I'm never going to condemn people like in orbit who use it in that way!) But unfortunately, still the vast majority of uses and users involve punching down.

ive been making a conscious effort to call out every single condescending iota of a thing a man does to me for the past week or so and it has been EXHAUSTING

Well, there's the rub. It is exhausting, it is endless, it wears you down, and I'm not sure how much change it effects. (Have you read Sara Ahmed on The Feminist Killjoy?)

On the other hand, reading this guy makes me giggle-snort:

http://blogdailyherald.com/2014/10/06/interview-guyinyourmfa/

It just nails a certain form of male doucheyness so perfectly.

Brown didn't have much of an MFA program when I went there

i love her!

i cant read that link at work but i will peep it later.

i know it may not actually do anything most of the time - but i think it has made quite a few dudes realize "oh wow im not immune," and ive gotten a few apologies. and people are acting afraid of me which is nice. (jk) also im not feeling complicit in my own dehumanization!

but also i am so tired

I have no idea what the American MFA scene is like. I've just met that guy over and over again in bars and bedrooms on every side of the Atlantic.

(The twitter is probably better than the interview, but it had more concentrated doucheyness)

x-post to sarahel

Well, I'm glad if it is helping! Even in tiny doses.

hahah no that guy is familiar! I feel like I encounter him in more nuanced, subtle versions, maybe somewhat self-aware of him being _that guy_ but the essence remains.

I just thought it was funny that guy was a student at my alma mater.

But Sara Ahmed really is the best! When I'm feeling really terrible, and like I'm crazy for caring about this stuff, I go and read her and I just go "OTM, OTM, OTM!" and it makes me feel not-crazy again.

(I came to her in the most roundabout fashion. I was kinda swapping book recommendations with a friend, and I told him to read a book I loved and he told me to read Zizek and I was like "Zizek sucks" and he was all "No, he's great, trust me" and reminded me that he was right about Interpol, so I thought I'd try Zizek again. And it was RUBBITCH. But there was this whole chapter where he was arguing with one of Ahmed's papers. And Halfway through it, I was like, "fuck this, you're wrong and she's right, I'm giving up on this book, I'm gonna go see what I can find on Ahmed." And found her blog and her twitter and she's amazing and great. And I still think Zizek is unreadable codswollop, but he lead me to this amazing lady.)

i cant fucking stand zizek!!

Zizek is just so ~beloved~ by a certain kind of dude. And I just do. not. get. it. Plus, he is the worst of the purposeful obfuscators going.

I only saw Zizek's critical commentary on the Children of Men DVD and I felt like he was being overly didactic, oversimplifying things that are more nuanced, and I've ignored him since. Not trying to be self-righteous, more like lazy tbh

i feel that - "so ~beloved~ by a certain kind of dude"

way too many of those dudes near me

That's it, Sarahel. He oversimplifies nuanced concepts, but at the same time he overcomplicates with obfuscating language.

In the immortal words of The Gossip: He's not smart; he just knows big words.

today i found out that i have short?shallow?small? uterus

http://img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20081023004830/uncyclopedia/images/7/7c/Themoreyouknow.jpg

ytth is now referring to it as my "cutie utie"

hahaha

I had my first mammogram this week. Also had my fibroids and ovaries checked out by ultrasound. All good. Well I don't know about the mammogram results yet.

Also I get to collect 24 hours of pee on Sunday. I'm to keep the jug in the fridge. Do not drink from the orange jug in my fridge!

Bah I had to do the 24 hour pee thing twice when I was pregnant. Stupid pee hat.

lol @ mfa guy

can i just say that i hate whiskey. i'm sure some of you like it which is totally cool. but i personally think it's pretty gross. the smell of it makes me want to vomit. dudes discussing at length various kinds of whiskey, the origins and ages and the differences between them, the different local bars that serve expensive types of it, the proper way to drink it, the kinds of whiskey they have been drinking at places you've never visited, etc. BORING AS HELL I COULDN'T CARE LESS

same thing for craft beer tbh, i really do like the taste of a nice glass of beer but i just don't think there's anything interesting to say about it

dudes mansplaining to me the correct way to drink alcohol -> i'm humoring you but actually please go away

i like whiskey ok but it's not my favorite however i totally agree re dudes endlessly yammering on about it. they don't even like it that much. it's just the sounding like they know about things that they really like.

Aaaawww, bcz I fucken love whisky and I would be the world's biggest whisky bore if I could afford to buy all the single malt scotches from far-flung peaty island bogs!

But I can certainly understand how that kind of specialised knowledge and interest would be boring as fuck to anyone who is not interested in the conspicuous consumption display of acquired knowledge in that way. (Or the performance of ethnicity and culture with which I was raised to revere Our National Drink.)

I do, however, want to protest the gendering of the subject, because the biggest whisky bore (and I say that affectionately, because I would go round their house and the two of us would compare various peaty goodness while their partner went "yuck, yuck, stinky whisky, you smell like a peat bog") I have known was a lady. She wanted to found a woman only whisky tasting club so was after me to join - but I guess that was because of the awfulness of male whisky bores so I think it's maleness that is the problem, not the whisky drinking or arcane knowledge thereof.

But hot damn, now I want whisky, especially now it's getting cold and the nights are drawing in, and I have none because I am poor.