your terrible ideas

I will also sell my non-parody song, penned in sixth grade, about Judge Ito for $5 USD.

Buy-one-get-one-free jazz

if you are feeling guilty about leaving your dog home alone all day i'll come around twice a week right after lunch or so and pretend to break in so your dog can scare me off. then when you come home and ask him what he did today and you see how proud of himself he is you can think "that's 10 bucks well spent."

<3 that gullible conscientious imaginary talking dog.

also the notion of a crabbits song about judge ito.

hawaii five-0)))

buggr - an app for when you want an arse - any arse, any gender - right now

restaurant sub-category of TI: a cameraman goes round tables filming people, it appears on a big screen, maybe you get interviewed too. Basically you get fame within the confines of the restaurant. I could probably get a minor celebrity to MC, wld have to think about the demographics before deciding. Maybe I'd reach out to paparazzihire.co.uk too.

I mean this would be the most nightmarish dining experience, but I've noticed many people are the opposite of me.

an album with a hologram cover that has moving fireplace flames below a title that reads Tenor Sax at one angle and Tender Sex at the other. the disc will of course contain tender sex sounds that tenor saxophonists can use to set the mood during practice.

Will Have Smashed - thread of conditional sexual intent

terrible idea

so nult gonna happen

committed monogamist Mordy will have registered his disdain at this controversial notion

starting a music venue called The Conference Room, so I can have Vanilla Ice in the Conference Room

Stoner rock covers of jazz standards. Band is called High Standards. First record: How High the Moon

tracklist
1. Autumn Weed
2. All the Bongs You Are
3. Groovin' High
4. I Didn't Know What Time It Was
5. Peace Piece
6. Smoke Gets In Your Eyes

etc.

7. Song For My Dealer

a service where non-musicians hum/sing a tune they've made up themselves and then trained musicians/singers recreate them.

^ this is an old idea. Used to be lots of adverts in NME/Melody Maker for exactly this service.

eg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=czzg-F4tLYM

A music blog titled "I Could Fuck This" where I review songs and albums based on a scale of how aroused they make me.

An 8 bit digital-to-analogue expansion for the ZX Spectrum, called 'DAC In A Box'.

hadn't heard blind man's penis in a long time, thanks.

referring to cocaine as 'lord sugar'

lol

That's Darth Sugar to you...

Kickstarter for a movie in which Ben Savage runs a Kickstarter promising a 'Boy Meets World' movie but runs off with the cash

I would also run off with the cash

funeral service where a songwriter for hire sings about the deceased's life to the tune of 'We Didn't Start The Fire'

love that.

I like both of those a lot

Kickstarter for a movie in which Ben Savage runs a Kickstarter promising a 'Boy Meets World' movie but runs off with the cash

this is an incredible idea

A workout trend based on those "it's showtime" dancers on the subway -- would be sort of like a modified pole-dancing workout but there would also be overhead bars and dance moves. Studios would look like a subway train, maybe even have some kind of motion capability to simulate train movement.

I'd be amazed if someone isn't working on this.

Changing my surname to 'Neckbeard' so that every time anyone mentions my surname I correct them and say 'It's pronounced "Neckbeard"', even though that's what they just said.

new proposed rule for mlb: if you hit a pop-up and reach the base before it's caught, you're safe.

Dew Hickeys: A hookup spot, open only for the couple hours after dawn when dewdrops are perceptible on the patio's foliage.

Or lollipops/suckers that taste like Mountain Dew.

You could also call them Dew Lickies.

Pizza in the shape of a butt called PizzAzz.

an advertising campaign for stella artois that features a reanimated marlon brando screaming for his streetcar wife

Maybe they could make them like this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JXwEWieBi8

recursive deep frying

Friends themed French/Italian sandwich shop called Joey TrèsBieni's.

Prince had this side project where he'd pitch shift his vocals up, called 'Camille'. Terrible idea: get Snoop Dogg to do the same and call the project 'Shizzelle'.

A dubai restaurant built so that it's jutting out of the second story of a building and has a glass floor -- beneath your feet are slave laborers working on a construction site and being whipped

An ad campaign for select-a-size paper towels featuring a rasta called MISTA SELECTA-SIZE

wow

I momentarily tried to come up with some lines for the ads, but then I realized me trying to write reggae-ish lyrics about paper towels in bad fake Jamaican patois was not just a terrible idea but kind of o_O

a symphonic prog metal cover of "gold" by spandau ballet

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ntG50eXbBtc