oh god I cannot type/write for shit today.
― quincie, Thursday, 14 November 2013 00:32 (ten years ago) link
i would probably call it a day too but i feel bad for him if it's false. i don't quite understand the study q is talking about but i think randomness permeates the criminal justice system.
― single white hairball (harbl), Thursday, 14 November 2013 00:44 (ten years ago) link
Yeah I did not describe it coherently at all. Basically, the study wanted to learn about effects of arrest vs. treatment program referral on subsequent offenses. The officers involved in the study were given, basically, a deck of cards that (randomly) assigned a particular response to a DV incident (falling within certain parameters) to either 1) arrest the accused, who would have to deal with that or 2) mandate that the accused participate in some sort of anti-DV training. Then accused were followed up to see if they had subsequent arrest, or something. I dunno, it was in Minnesota so DJP is to blame.
― quincie, Thursday, 14 November 2013 03:10 (ten years ago) link
Um, wont the guy be bit weirded out that you googled him for criminal stuff? I'm not defending what he potentially did, but I feel that if I went on a 2nd date with a guy and said "hey on the the internet I saw you did X! :D :/" I can be confident the guy would be running backwards away from me with a guy-shaped dust hole in his wake muttering "you creepy woman" at me. Maybe I have just had paranoid dates. I dunno.
― taxi tomato or bag tomato (Trayce), Thursday, 14 November 2013 03:59 (ten years ago) link
Oh and I'm not saying you did anything creepy L! I just feel like thats what guys think of ME if I did such things.
Googling is just so prevalent, though, and to me it doesn't feel creepy - it feels reasonable, especially if you're thinking of actually getting involved. You can always start with 'I was interested/intrigued/[insert mental state of choice here] after Saturday, so I googled you. And....' I mean, that's honest, and if it's creepy, then I'm creepy!
― ljubljana, Thursday, 14 November 2013 04:26 (ten years ago) link
Dont get me wrong, the first thing I do with a guy is look for his facebook/twitter/lastfm playlist etc
I havent ever thought to just google a name for like, criminal stuff tho. Ive googled guys names but only after I knew em better.
― taxi tomato or bag tomato (Trayce), Thursday, 14 November 2013 04:45 (ten years ago) link
Way creepier to have DV charges than to google. Stay away Orbit. I think every guy is Patrick Bateman though.
― homosexual II, Thursday, 14 November 2013 06:31 (ten years ago) link
just came back from the GP after 2 sets of scans as the first had hinted at ovarian tumor/cancer. relieved to find the second shows nothing. that was a frightening couple of days.
― taxi tomato or bag tomato (Trayce), Thursday, 14 November 2013 06:47 (ten years ago) link
oh what a relief, I'm sorry you had to go through such a scare.
― estela, Thursday, 14 November 2013 09:16 (ten years ago) link
ooff, Trayce. I hope you get some answers soon.
― ljubljana, Thursday, 14 November 2013 12:36 (ten years ago) link
This thread is the best, thank you for all the thoughtful answers! Getting my drama out there helped me calm it, plus was in a good circle of women last night and got my head right a little bit. Maybe I needed to be so sad yesterday for var reasons but it seems to have passed over.
Hello no googling someone isn't creepy! If you're going to go somewhere with someone when you might be alone or remote, you should do whatever makes you feel safe! The internet IS a public space. I wouldn't normally do it because I think the process of ppl choosing to reveal things to each other in a certain order is part of intimacy and I don't like to co-opt it, and actually the dv thing isn't my greatest concern w/r/t whether to date this guy, but if you find something serious enough to possibly affect your safety, then hell yes.
― Tottenham Heelspur (in orbit), Thursday, 14 November 2013 12:59 (ten years ago) link
Or as one of the women from last night would say, "Putting all your stuff out on Front Street." <3 <3 <3
― Tottenham Heelspur (in orbit), Thursday, 14 November 2013 13:01 (ten years ago) link
Let's all agree to clutch our beneficial delusions close to our chests and LIVE.
― Tottenham Heelspur (in orbit), Thursday, 14 November 2013 13:04 (ten years ago) link
been working for me so far(on and off, but mostly on)
― sweat pea (La Lechera), Thursday, 14 November 2013 13:57 (ten years ago) link
I love the saying about putting your business out on the street. I use that one a lot.
Trayce that is good news! :D
― carl agatha, Thursday, 14 November 2013 14:25 (ten years ago) link
I routinely do background checks on people I am dating. I am excessively paranoid, perhaps.
― homosexual II, Thursday, 14 November 2013 17:11 (ten years ago) link
I feel bad I may have seemed to imply anyone doing it is creepy. I dont think they are! I just dont get why you hear people always say "what, thats invasive and WEIRD" if you bring it up in conversation.
But, that then brings me to mind of the "women aren't crazy" article HomoII posted on FB this mornign (which was AWESOME).
― taxi tomato or bag tomato (Trayce), Thursday, 14 November 2013 22:29 (ten years ago) link
someone i know googled a man who seemed perfect after one date and found that he beat a woman nearly to death with a tire iron
― 1 P.3. Eternal (roxymuzak), Friday, 15 November 2013 01:16 (ten years ago) link
OK yeah I'd wanna know about shit like that.
― taxi tomato or bag tomato (Trayce), Friday, 15 November 2013 02:47 (ten years ago) link
in the last two trips to a certain grocery store, my cashier has 1) told me i was "perky"2) looked at the wine i was buying (2 bottles) and asked if i was having a party
different cashiers btw
― sweat pea (La Lechera), Monday, 18 November 2013 18:26 (ten years ago) link
meanwhile, over at the aveda website (which i was forced to visit bc they did not have the 1 product i buy at the store i visited)
hair concernhttp://farm4.staticflickr.com/3830/11172826135_f5ca4b1622.jpg
pure privilege clubhttp://farm4.staticflickr.com/3685/11173016323_2afef0c401.jpg
― sweat pea (La Lechera), Monday, 2 December 2013 15:56 (ten years ago) link
"How can we make you feel terrible about yourself? Let us count the ways (and also give you new and approved vocabulary for all your self-criticism needs)."
― Tottenham Heelspur (in orbit), Monday, 2 December 2013 16:00 (ten years ago) link
i went there for perfume (there's one i like, i think it smells good on me, i can keep it in my purse, i have neutral/good associations with it) and came out feeling like i was covered in focus grouping insects
― sweat pea (La Lechera), Monday, 2 December 2013 16:03 (ten years ago) link
If you weren't you, you would have to be the William Gibson character who's so sensitive to branding and aesthetic signifiers that she can only wear one kind of plain pants and tshirts and one kind of jacket and removes the tags and logos from all her possessions.
― Tottenham Heelspur (in orbit), Monday, 2 December 2013 16:06 (ten years ago) link
thank goodness that's not my most outstanding characteristic! good lord.
i have been kinda hungry for girltalk lately what's going on with y'all?
― sweat pea (La Lechera), Monday, 2 December 2013 16:11 (ten years ago) link
All baby all the time.
She's still in the hospital (nothing wring with her, just had to learn to eat) but should be released soon. Then I can move from this exhausting frustrating liminal state of having but not having a baby to being an actual parent.
― carl agatha, Monday, 2 December 2013 16:17 (ten years ago) link
ugh i can imagine that being a v frustrating stateglad it's on the horizon though!
me: i lived through one holiday and it was very pleasant, now i have two more holidays + 10 yr wedding anniversary coming uphave been trying not to feel shitty about a number of things, and mostly succeedinglots of drumming
― sweat pea (La Lechera), Monday, 2 December 2013 16:21 (ten years ago) link
I'm going to kill my roommate because all I ever do is wash his dishes and replace the foods he uses, since he still can't use one hand and barely leaves the house. I can't wait until he goes home for almost a month over the holidays. The other day he put potatoes on the stove and left them boiling until they boiled dry and covered the bottom of my pot in potato soot, which sat in the sink for 2 days until I scrubbed it. This morning I washed all the dishes in the sink and then vacuumed the floor of all the crumbs he drops when he stands in front of the fridge breaking off chunks of bread.
I've always struggled with how to talk to him about his not cleaning and not being thoughtful but it's reaching new lows b/c I've tried to be patient of his injuries and now I feel like his housekeeper.
― Tottenham Heelspur (in orbit), Monday, 2 December 2013 16:29 (ten years ago) link
It's particularly galling to me that he has never learned to "see" his own messes because he's never (apparently??) been responsible for cleaning them up. I wrote a piece on this phenom actually (since he's not the first guy I've heard that excuse from), maybe I'll post it and link to here.
― Tottenham Heelspur (in orbit), Monday, 2 December 2013 16:30 (ten years ago) link
people who can't see their own messes are astounding to me
i've lived with a guy like that, and there's a guy in our friend group who is so frustratingly messy that even the grossest people can't live with him. he even junked up a campsite on a camping trip and didn't realize he had done it. who does that! obv an extreme case. i think some of these people need cognitive therapy, but most probably just need to live with someone who bosses them to clean up their junk. it's uncomfortable and makes them feel like a child (and you like a parent), but someone has to have that talk with them or they will be 100 and throwing vitamin water bottles into a heap on the carpet, alone
― 1 P.3. Eternal (roxymuzak), Monday, 2 December 2013 16:42 (ten years ago) link
Such mindless entitlement. That shit drives me nuts.
― carl agatha, Monday, 2 December 2013 16:48 (ten years ago) link
Ooh can I steal "mindless entitlement"?
― Tottenham Heelspur (in orbit), Monday, 2 December 2013 16:49 (ten years ago) link
God yes. Freely given to the world.
― carl agatha, Monday, 2 December 2013 16:59 (ten years ago) link
Bless you.
― Tottenham Heelspur (in orbit), Monday, 2 December 2013 16:59 (ten years ago) link
you should ask him for his pure privilege member number the next time he boils something to death in one of your pots
― sweat pea (La Lechera), Monday, 2 December 2013 17:20 (ten years ago) link
ahahaha
― 1 P.3. Eternal (roxymuzak), Monday, 2 December 2013 17:30 (ten years ago) link
Or I'll just email him this.http://limitedliabilitygirl.wordpress.com/2013/12/02/nature-also-hates-doing-the-dishes-or-so-i-hear/
― Tottenham Heelspur (in orbit), Monday, 2 December 2013 19:01 (ten years ago) link
^^^ really excellent!
― quincie, Wednesday, 4 December 2013 15:56 (ten years ago) link
Yay ty!
― Tottenham Heelspur (in orbit), Wednesday, 4 December 2013 16:02 (ten years ago) link
Why are some physical indicators of aging easier to stomach than others? I'm fine with my wrinkles, more or less OK with my sun spots, I bought bigger pants rather than try to stay at the (under)weight I was in my 20s, but I am rather not liking my softening jaw. It's like the flesh of my face moved down a fraction of an inch over the past month or so, just in time for my upcoming 40th b'day.
I'm embarrassed to admit that sometimes I look at my jawline and think "ugh, I'm going to look like my mother." But I love my mother! And I love that she never opted for the knife for anything cosmetic! It's like I'm OK with looking older as long as it is Angelica-Huston older, but not older like normal-people older.
Anyway, I'm back in DC for a week to take care of various errands before the next phase of the Year of the Midlife Crisis, and am remembering how much I love this city and city life in general. I used to think I could do city or rural but nowhere in between; now I know that rural does not suit me for more than a couple of weeks at a time. Good stuff to figure out before you buy a farmhouse in Iowa or whatever.
― quincie, Wednesday, 4 December 2013 16:03 (ten years ago) link
god yes
the daughter of a family friend had been living in the city for about 10 years, prior to that she had grown up in a small farming town - but had lived in the town part rather than the farm part.she met a guy and fell in love and moved to a sheep station in the Northern Territory. ie The Outback, captial T capital O.
after about 2 months she was completely miserable. but she stayed there for a couple of years (!) and even had a kid with me which...she's moved back home and is up to her neck in custody insanity and all kinds of mess. extreme example, I mean what she did was beyond rural, that's full on isolation, but to your point, rural life is not for everyone. but it's hard to explain when the scenery is so nice and the people seem so easy going. but if you've grown up in suburban or relatively populated areas, you take all the convenience for granted that you have to forgo for bucolic pastoral loveliness
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 4 December 2013 18:18 (ten years ago) link
lol she did not have a kid with me. she had a kid with HIMO_o
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 4 December 2013 18:19 (ten years ago) link
feeling you, quincie - idc about wrinkles etc either, but all the women on my mum's side have turkey necks and/or loose jowls and my jawline has def started loosing definition over the last couple of years (and i'm only - almost - 34!)
― just1n3, Wednesday, 4 December 2013 18:44 (ten years ago) link
Yeah I'm totally cool with some aspects of aging and freaked about others.
I grew up in places ranging from rural as hell to small town and NEVER AGAIN. I'm so happy to be raising a kid in the city.
― carl agatha, Wednesday, 4 December 2013 18:59 (ten years ago) link
I'm fat so I never had a jawline to begin with
― homosexual II, Wednesday, 4 December 2013 19:07 (ten years ago) link
Lady you have great facial bone structure so stfu (<said lovingly).
― quincie, Wednesday, 4 December 2013 19:16 (ten years ago) link
you too!
― sweat pea (La Lechera), Wednesday, 4 December 2013 20:39 (ten years ago) link
Why are some physical indicators of aging easier to stomach than others? I'm fine with my wrinkles, more or less OK with my sun spots, I bought bigger pants rather than try to stay at the (under)weight I was in my 20s, but I am rather not liking my softening jaw. It's like the flesh of my face moved down a fraction of an inch over the past month or so, just in time for my upcoming 40th b'day.I'm embarrassed to admit that sometimes I look at my jawline and think "ugh, I'm going to look like my mother."
I'm embarrassed to admit that sometimes I look at my jawline and think "ugh, I'm going to look like my mother."
OMG I have thought these exact words repeatedly over the past years only I'm still early 30s :(
― kinder, Wednesday, 4 December 2013 22:26 (ten years ago) link
http://the-toast.net/2013/12/04/invisible-signs-of-aging/
― carl agatha, Wednesday, 4 December 2013 22:26 (ten years ago) link