your terrible ideas

coming soon to a brookstone near you

If they made the bracelet out of copper and put magnets in it, they'd sell a tonne to people with arthritis (although that doesn't actually work: http://www.nhs.uk/news/2009/10October/Pages/Copper-bracelets-and-arthritis.aspx)

Ugh, speaking of Brookstone, you know what's a REAL terrible idea? These:

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-z6L31kJ596M/UcjmFfSda-I/AAAAAAAAHi4/h9rICtEJ_IA/s1600/Flips+HD+Headphones.jpg

aka Subway Annoyers

what about headphones that play powerfully loud sounds directly inside of your ears, and then you can flip them to play barely audible sounds at a party

Also the idea of stereo sound going in opposite directions is just bizarre

it could actually be kinda cool if you were in a smaller space with metal walls listening to repetitive arpeggiated loud music

in space

that is enclosed. there is no sound in outer space.

An avant garde gym called WorkOut

A choose your own adventure iphone game version of The Aspern Papers. Followed up by The American.

And The Turn of the Screw, why not. Two playthroughs, supernatural & psychological.

gradually, over the course of 7 or 8 years, change my pronunciation of the word "part" so that it instead becomes "fart". this would need to be done so slowly that the pronunciation would not be noticeably different from day to day, and close friends would hardly notice it, but by the end of the process i'm just straight up saying "fart".

example schedule:
year one - part
year two - parth
year three - parthph
year four - arthph
year five - farthph (<arguably the key transition, the "all in" that requires the most courage),
year six - farth
year seven - fart

simultaneously, i become a scholar of The Godfather series of films. at year seven, having gained a solid amount of respect from the community of filmlovers, i am invited to give an important lecture. i proceed to deliver a talk that references The Godfather Fart Two repeatedly. later in the Q&A, i am asked why i keep saying "fart" and i say "have i really been saying 'fart' for all these years?"

i will help you write the grant application

omg Z S

like...i cant take it

seriously the worst idea ever and poss the funniest thing ever? the idea that you would change the last consonant as part of the process??? i am dead

I also like the "dark" middle period where no one will have any idea what you're saying because it will resemble neither "part" nor "fart"

an amazingly, stunningly bad idea

would fund

what if i told you that all of my ideas are this terrible

i was born with it

you're the one who was promised

A stage play based on the 1976 Presidential Debates between Gerald Ford and Jimmy Carter, the script would be an unedited transcript of the debates. (Also the Dole/Mondale debate).

Terrible rap lyric ideas:

rhyming "My Own Private Idaho" with "My own private island, ho"

gonna start a polka band that covers Tool and A Perfect Circle

Name a death metal band Cream of Wheat

(logo is of course a reaper threshing wheat)

An art film called 'We Are The Champions' - Queen's 'We Are The Champions' played on a loop to footage of sports teams coming out onto the field to that song.

I had an idea a while back for a sitcom that was just 30 minutes of opening credits, with like 500 different characters.

do it!

You could have 250 characters instead, then as well as the opening credits, have a Dad's Army style 'you have been watching' style end credits. With, like, one line of dialogue in between.

It would be fun but really expensive to hire hundreds of actors to make the sitcom. I guess I could just edit together "starring" bits from different sitcom credits and put a theme song under all of it. That was also part of the concept -- writing a sitcom theme song that was convincing but 30 minutes long, with lots of different parts and modulations.

You could crowdsource it on YouTube, get several hundred people to send you a video headshot like a Warhol screentest.

oh i see, you were going to do it from scratch, not just edit loads of them together... i'm sure some DJ Yoda type person could do a 30 minute mashup of various sitcom themes.

reminds me of this, a little bit https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPhsON-DUYQ

Yeah I wanted to do it from scratch. Part of the fun was going to be coming up with all of the characters and the little freeze-frame moments they'd have in the credits. Like *sailor swabbing deck of ship, captain walks by and tosses garbage on deck in front of him, sailor drops mop, crosses arms and gives grumpy look into camera* STARRING JOHNNY MARKS AS "SCOOT"

For some reason I really want to see this. I'll give you 50p if you set up a kickstarter.

I'm getting excited about it again now. Maybe I will do it. I'm kind of hearing some ideas for the theme song.

It's sort of in that "With A Little Help From My Friends" rhythm

This sounds great. Would totally audition for Scoot.

*middle-aged man smoking a cigar on a living room couch and playing grand theft auto with a four-year-old* "DAVID MARTEAU AS 'UNCLE' JACK"

*fat chef comically tossing pizza dough higher and higher until it slaps onto the ceiling and sticks, then falls, covering his face* "TONY FALCONE AS 'THE MAESTRO'"

Ok, here's a genuinely terrible idea: a mashup of Wu-Tang and white supremecist punk called "Klan in da Front"

a "center signal" for cars so people can distinguish between "I am not turning" and "I am a dick who never signals"

"i am driving up the middle of two lanes and i don't intend to stop"

Well, today I tested out my terrible idea and it wasn't unchallenging! I think 15 min of arms/leg aerobic dancing definitely counts as "exercise" for most people, but honestly I have no idea.

a libertarian porno called "Barriers to Entry"

Friends characters morbidly discussing "terrorism nickles" as a term for the trillion dollar coin x Pitch Black "antagonist version" colluding with the coin in order to subjunct the Friendq

Friends characters morbidly discussing "terrorism nickles" as a term for the occurance of trillion dollar coin as in the show's timeline x Pitch Black "antagonist version," flying monsters of the darkness colluding with the coin in order to subjunct the Friends into an absolutly and emotionally pure hatred

ok, that one's better.