no boys allowed in the room!!!!

And we'd just had official threats of being busted

haw, oic! ok can totally id w/ that

I tried not to be rockist about it.

a few times guests have extended thanks to him but not me - even if i booked the show, paid them, fed them, did everything.

Oh I would kill.

― Tottenham Heelspur (in orbit), Friday, August 16, 2013 1:59 AM (37 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

omg yes

Reminds me of a time I was wearing a Clutch t-shirt in a bar w/Jeff and a dude walked up to us, looked at Jeff, and said, "Clutch is awesome, man!" Jeff was like, "I don't like Clutch, but my girlfriend here does."

that is so completely demented

Seriously!!! I was too flabbergasted to punch him in the dong, unfortunately.

maybe he was addressing Jeff so that you wouldn't get the impression he was hitting on you when you were obviously partnered?

I'll do the crazy hostess stuff--did I mention that the last time I threw a party and got locked out of the apartment where a bunch of my supplies were, I made myself lock picks out of hairpins off a youtube tutorial and I was trying to pick the lock of the downstairs unit when my roommate got home?--and I don't want to be lavishly praised to my face but I want ppl to know that if they come here, they'll be taken care of. There will always be a clean towel/room/food/pretty things to make them welcome, and they will know that I did that for them. If I can make it look easy, even better! But for SOMEONE ELSE to get the credit, and my work to be taken for granted as my duty to the men bc I have a vagina? There would be a confrontation in my home in zero seconds.

xxxp <3 Jeff <3

No, i don't think so. He didn't even look at me or acknowledge me in any way. xp

well, that was the one excuse i could come up with for his behavior

in the past, i occasionally went to IT meetups for a particular field - professional networking thing + trying to get up to speed on a specific technology - and there were dudes at these events interested in a job at the company i worked for, who would talk to the other dudes near me about the job & the relevant tech skills and this and that, as if i was not even there. and i was the one who worked there and told the group that the company was hiring.

and there's the mansplaining i have to put up with. i have a very difficult time figuring out how to handle it - the types of guys who really enjoy explaining things to people all the time and will take every opportunity to steer the conversation toward explaining something to me that they think i don't know. they are trying to be helpful and just don't get how irritating it is to me because it seems unprofessional to snap at them over it, but i can't help finding it tiresome and demoralizing - the implications of it - it wears on me to be around people whose default assumption is that i don't know things and need explanations and assistance a lot, because i've always been very independent.

Like I said, it's rare. I don't want to come off like I'm being a huge doormat on a reg. when it happens I'm so flabbergasted that I say nothing, though. Andy usually says something like "oh, Emily really did everything. You should thank her", which they sometimes do. Haw

Everyone OTM. (I liked that Tuesday blog post too.)

I think I posted before about the record shop I went to several times a week, always on my own, to look through a few genre sections, and one time one of the regular staff asked "what happened to that guy you used to come in with, he was really into <genres>, we have some stuff he'd be interested in", and he seemed to have totally imagined a dude that I was tagging along behind because it didn't make any sense to him that I might like music on my own. ???

(Exactly once years before I'd gone there with a guy who mainly looked politely on while I rummaged, and once I saw a vague acquaintance there and exchanged monosyllabic greetings, and that was the full extent of my Being In The Shop With A Man, ever)

Also, yes, tech dudes and their talking like you aren't really there, or ignoring everything you say until they see an opportunity to stride in with a "wellllll, little lady" even though they let it slide when brogrammers say stupid wrong stuff all the time. And if a woman knows something they don't they're just "whatever, details" or "ooh, la-di-da". And to go back to "taking the side of the dudes to keep your status", yeah, there's another woman programmer in my office who totally does all that stuff too, and tbh I've probably done it to her, though I hope less obnoxiously.

Also also next time I hear anything along the lines of "jeez it was just a joke, why can't women take a joke" I may just have to go on a killing spree.

Tuesday blog post = the one carl posted, on Monday and not on a Tuesday, called something like "surviving Tuesdays".

i secretly love when someone underestimates me because it gives me the opportunity to shame them
on rare occasions i do it and but usually i just know that i could if i wanted to and that's enough

i feel like enough people in my lil scene respect me a lot that when some clueless bro tries to shame me i can just smile and know that everyone around us sees him as a huge n00b and idiot. in the past i didn't have that support around me so i'm really thankful for it.

*a really bitchy smile

http://the-toast.net/2013/07/17/no-womens-bodies-found-in-local-ravine-today/

ok i had to deal with like a million sexist things today and i only left my house once. just exploded on one dude. my jaw is unclenchable atm

That's so exhausting. I hope you can relax soon.

~~ nothing sexist about this blunt ~~

<3

:D

A guy I used to run around with (slash kinda maybe have sorta slightly romantic feelings towards?) moved to Texas last year, and he gchats with me a lot.

Last night we were chatting and he informed me that he'd gone on a date with a twenty year old.

I freaked. The fuck. Out.

First off, I asked what he was doing asking 20 year olds out on dates. His response was, "I don't know, she was cute and likes My Bloody Valentine."

My response: "She was cute and likes MBV--what is this, high school?"

Him: "I don't know, girls are different here. It's weird."

Me: "Maybe you should try dating women instead of girls."

I then went on to say that it galls me that a guy I actually liked at one point could be saying such RIDICULOUS things, and that it BUMS ME OUT because it just represents this entire skewing that I am experiencing lately with guys my own age (he's actually technically 2 years older than me, he's 35 and I am 33).

My exact quote: "This just slays me, because you and I are the same age, and I see myself, and I am having so many new and evolving ideas about relationships and what they mean, and then this guy my own age says "she's cute and likes MBV" about some 20 year old waif, it's just a fucking harsh reality about the kind of situation I am facing in the dating pool."

I really went off on a tirade to him, and I was surprised about how ANGRY I was.

I ended it with: "Ask any woman you know, and she'll tell you about the mid thirties music dude they dated when they were 19 - trust me, you don't want to be that guy."

He went silent for about 2 hours, then came back and said: "You're right."

I WAS SHOCKED that he said I was right. Shocked.

And then I realized how awesome it was that I am getting older and wiser. Being a wise-ish woman is great.

You were totally right. Don't be that guy!!

this dude sounds really typical ime

you nailed it. god job telling him.

there are probably ilxors who have been or are "that guy"

doi

I'd say 90% are still 'that guy'

This same type of dude claims he dates much younger women because women his own age aren't into music anymore.

Which is the biggest crock of bullshit ever.

i was 23 when i dated the mid 30s dude
he was ok and pretty fun when i saw him, but he was really unreliable and never called me when he said he would
5 days would go by without him returning my calls and he was supposed to be my boyfriend? please.

COOTIES ALERT!!!!!!!

This is extremely triggering for me, as I met my mid thirties music dude when I was 17, and I can't help but have extreme creep vibes for any guy who's 35 who chooses to date someone so young.

I have seen this dynamic for years, and I feel like I have progressed from "these dudes are creepy" (n.b. some of these dudes are friends) to the point where I am trying to non-judgmentally understand their decisions and think of ways that this is somehow ok.

I dated that guy when he was 23 and I was 15. :|

i never dated that guy - though i think i went bowling with that guy when i was 20 and he bought me beer and he might have had further intentions but nothing else happened

there was another one who was 21 and i was 16, but it was not really this situation
it was not good, but it wasn't this

I met him when I was 19 and I married that guy so ymmv

he obv liked you for reasons other than your age/cuteness tho!!

true. tbf we didn't meet irl for like 5 years so

I'm dating a late-thirties music dude who pretends to be a mid-thirties music dude and I'm p. sure he'd rather be dating a 20 y-o than me right now. Feel like tattooing a health warning on him somewhere.

how would girls learn one of life's valuable lessons without these dudes

The world needs mosquitoes just to teach us there are biting insects in the world? idk...

I dated (and slept with!) a 42 year old Beefheart fan dude when I was 21, and completely clueless. Ick, me.

And he was a work colleague whats worse.

But I dont think its always crepey, as Ive dated p young guys right into my late 30s.

I had a 20 year old coworker who had one of her professors interested in her. She thought he was 26 or 28 but we looked him up online and he was 35. I suppose there's more than age differences to make that creepy.

I know another early twentysomething who gets 35 year olds hitting on her but she wants men to buy her stuff, so I don't know.

i mean i dated a 21 year old when i was 30 and i was definitely being creepy