no boys allowed in the room!!!!

On a very basic level, you would look forward to seeing/hearing from them vs. hope that this never happens?

These are some of the ways I know:
– #1 I don't feel incredibly self-conscious around them (ideally this translates as comfy vibes – butterflies or whatever can still be there but I don't feel like a fuck-up around them)
– blushing, laughing
– I think about them when I'm not around them, or they come to my mind by surprise, and once again they're not awful thoughts
– They suggest something maybe outside your comfort zone – not anything huge but like 'hey let's ice skate' and you've never done it before – and it sounds fun
– You read or see something and think 'hey that dude would like this I should show him'

Yes, I would look forward to seeing them again and hope I do. But I also look forward to seeing friends in whom I have no romantic or sexual interest.

It is probably too early to tell. I just feel so lost in all this.

Ah, thanks Beckott, that is a good bunch of things to look out for, in future.

Do you have any ideas about some of the responses/behaviors/thoughts you might add to your own list, WCC?

FWIW I don't think that the things that attract you to someone romantically/sexually are so different than the same things that attract you to friends in whom you do not have that interest. If you have the same "look forward to seeing" feeling, and then a little something different/extra when you are with the person, that says "romantic attraction" to me!

I can't remember! It's been like, 6 or 7 years since I had sex with anyone. And most of the times that I did, I was usually so drunk that it's hard to remember what it felt like. This is like having to learn how to walk all over again.

I'm kind of in the same boat! I feel you. I've been thinking back to ten years ago when I read A Lover's Discourse. I don't know that is was very helpful but it was something.

How to tell if someone is attracted to ME is an even bigger mystery. My friend and I went out Friday and she was joke-angry at me that I couldn't tell when guys were checking me out. I've never been very good at this. It's not easy but it's not impossible either!

Louis CK had some routine about how marriage/divorce is like a shitty time machine that takes you into the future the length of time your marriage lasted. And when you get out you're just as dumb and confused as when you got it. I can't stop thinking about that, either!

I am v glad you understand why I'm asking, and why this is confusing.

I can tell I'm sexually attracted to somebody if I suddenly imaging myself wildly making out with that person. Not having sex, just mashing our faces together in a big gross tongue kiss. This is not a good barometer of whether I am romantically attracted to somebody.

(kind of speaking of, men's olympic water polo is making me feel aggressively heterosexual. I think it's all the chest hair.)

That's a good idea, c.a.

But I'm not actually sure I can imagine me snogging anyone any more. Like, these days I have to imagine I'm someone else before I could even imagine snogging someone e.g. Thom Yorke to whom I definitely know I'm attracted. Like I'm that disconnected from mine own desires.

high-low hem skirt

like mullet skirts? are we talking about the same thing? I love my mullet skirts - it means i can wear something that hits above the knee without being self-conscious about butt-exposure

How to tell if someone is attracted to ME is an even bigger mystery.

I am so bad at this. I can tell if someone is attracted to another person fairly easily but for myself?

I can sometimes tell if people are attracted to me. Well, some of them. The ones that get a very stupid and dopey expression on their faces and keep looking at my lips. Those ones are easy. It's the ones who get butthurt and weird and slightly aggressive, it's almost impossible to tell if they actually hate yr guts or just want to jump you and hate themselves for wanting to.

May I recommend this delightful advice blog? http://captainawkward.com/category/captain-awkwards-dating-guide-for-geeks/

There's lots of good stuff there, but the dating advice columns might be particularly useful.

OK, yes, this is relevant to my interests.

::bookmarks::

That took me to this:

http://pervocracy.blogspot.co.uk/2012/02/geek-social-fallacies-of-sex.html

And jesus christ I think that is such a sensible thing I wish someone had carved it on the back of a drum machine and showed it to me when I was 19 or so.

so envious of captain awkward

my attraction to someone is based on some kind of broken, self-sabotaging radar system. always the ones i'm not supposed to be attracted to.

I bought some Spanx today (I have to wear a suit on Thursday and it's too shitting hot for hose and my raggedy old bike shorts are too grabby) and the crotch has this overlapping gusset that you're supposed to be able to pee out of and LOL at anybody who tries to do this because you will just pee all over your stupid Spanx. I kind of like having a labial air vent, though.

This card was also enclosed in the packaging:

http://www.myfavoriteeverything.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/Spanx-e1272307828721.jpeg

If I'd known they were going to be so hilarious, I might have bought some of these things sooner.

I am totally going to save some plumber's butt form a burning building wearing heels, a fire hat, spanx, and my Barbie boobs.

Oh I peed through that hole the one and only time I ever wore Spanx which was on my wedding day. It is pretty difficult though and you have to sort of hold the flaps apart unless you like peeing all over your undergarments.

I Peed through the Hole in My Spanx on My Wedding Day: A Memoir by ENBB

I have zero confidence in my ability to pee through that hole.

lol, pretty much

I didn't at first iirc but I was wearing them from 7 am until 4 the next morning and some time late at night I got tired of having to roll the damn things up and down every time I had to pee (which is often, I pee a lot) and just said "screw it, I'm going for it". Thankfully no disasters occurred.

Why the suit? A good occasion, I hope?

Just lawyer stuff. I have a theory that I only ever have to wear a suit when it's 90 degrees or above so I figured it was only a matter of time as hot as this summer has been.

7 am until 4 the next morning!!! That should go on the "You can do anything in your Spanx" card!

Oh wait it's only going to be 88 on Thursday.

That'll still be pretty warm in a suit.

I have Spanx with pee flaps and I was super paranoid for a bit but now I'm an old pro. I pull it to the side with one hand and it all works out and I don't pee on anything. They're an under bust type with straps so it's far too annoying to take it off, but the trade off is how lovely I look in dresses with them (enbb: pulp show!)

OKAY I am seriously considering peeing through the hole in these Spanx. I break a sweat just trying to wrassle the damn things down and back up again.

YES!! That's what I meant the other day. They're a huge pita to get on and off imo.

you can do it carl! Just pull the panties and have some faith! :D

I couldn't do it. I don't mean I tried and peed all over myself, I mean I started to try and my brain was like "http://dealbreaker.com/uploads/2010/09/drudge-siren1.gifNO YOU ARE STILL WEARING PANTS YOU CANNOT PEE NO NO NOhttp://dealbreaker.com/uploads/2010/09/drudge-siren1.gif" so I gave up.

Here is a shocking Spanx surprise, however: they are kind of comfortable? They are hell to pull on, but once they're up, they feel pretty good. I bought them a size bigger than I needed so maybe that's why.

Also, per our previous shopping discussion: http://ask.metafilter.com/219176/Levis-at-JC-Penny-just-cheap-or-crap

try it once at home, where you can change if anything bad happens. :D they do feel pretty good once yuou're used to them!

the yoda of Spanx-peeing you are

they do feel pretty good once yuou're used to them!

It's like getting a hug from my underpants all day.

Heh, that reminds me of a philosophy I have: dental cleanings are like massages for your mouth. I have changed a tampon wearing spanx! I AM FEARLESS, basically.

My only experience with Spanx is with the Power Panties, of which I am a fan. I find them perfectly comfortable to wear; the getting up/down is a bit of a PIA, true, but also I am a camel and do not need to pee very often.

Movers just left. Young, nice but clueless guy asked me why I didn't have a husband and why one person would need so much stuff.

Argh. I'd have thrown my hands up, acted fake flustered and cried "oh noes! No husband? Whatever could I have done with the box where I packed him?" And then insist clueless went back to check for *more* boxes. Sigh.

Gross. What a tool.

i was helping a friend move a few years ago, like heavy lifting and such, which i actually enjoy doing bc it's so physical and gives my mind a kind of yogic break (plus i like helping friends), and her dad was helping out too and later speculated to her that perhaps i didn't have a husband because i'm too independent

so take these comments with about 1000 grains of salt

ooof. Some Dads get a little bit of a pass because they're those sorts of Dads, but this guy was about 22.

Not trying to be cap'n save a dad, but for our parents' generation, most women did have to give up a lot of independence when they got married (I'm thinking of parents who got married in the 60s/70s). It was just expected that women would set aside whatever they were into and focus totally on their families.* I'm sure his meaning was more "She can't attract a man because men don't like independent women" as opposed to "She chooses not to be married because of what she would have to sacrifice," but the latter could be really accurate in some cases.

*I took a grrrrreat class in undergrad called Motherhood in Culture and Politics and in one of our books there was an essay by a second wave feminist who had a epiphany while making tuna salad her for family one day. She was making it the way her husband and children liked it when she realized she had no idea how she liked her tuna salad, because her preferences were irrelevant. So she left her husband and children and never made tuna salad again.

the funny thing is that my friend is super independent too, ah but she was moving in w her fiancé... whatevs.

I think that guy is just a pre-dad mainstreamer

It sort of reminds me of a time I was helping a friend move (that's coincidental but kind of funny) and her mom grabbed my shoulders and looked carefully at my face, and then shook her head and said, "I was hoping you'd talk to (Friend) and tell her to wear eye makeup but you don't wear any either."

haha that is random! and hilarious

I was helping the friend move stuff from Boca Raton, FL to Boulder, CO in the summer and her mom wanted us both to wear eye makeup for the occasion! Her mom also spoke wistfully of "table setting" classes she took when she was younger and thought her daughter and I were savages because we didn't own napkin rings.