your terrible ideas

that kickstarter thing must be hugely unsatisfying. you'd get the rough look of a keyboard but you'd go insane pining for the tactile sensation of pressing actual keys. or maybe you already get that feeling when you use the iPad the right way. I dunno.

UP 'n' ATM: a cash machine for elevators

Pretty sure they already have these in Las Vegas or some other heavy gambling place like that.

ah but do they have a shitty pun as a product name?

in college I wanted to start a vegan drunk food chain called Tofuck U.

a colleague's terrible idea: a vacation photographer (in the same way you'd hire a wedding photog). you'd give instructions as to what kind of shots you wanted and then you'd just go about your vacation and they'd do the work. you could even have options as to how arty or basic you wanted it, how much posed stuff, how much of you vs the locale, even if you wanted him/her to act like a paparazzo. this would be for rich ppl obv.

xp; Cluck U would probably have a problem with that.

well tofuck them

hahaha I like the vaction photog. You could just give them an itinerary so they can show up *unexpected* instead of tagging along with you.

it would be neat to hire a stand in to actually go on vacation for you, too! then you could instruct the photographer to take a lot of silhouette kind of shots, don't focus on the face too much, and send your vacation results to your baffled friends and family!

a McDonald's burger made out of horsemeat, called The McWhinny. sure, at first McDonald's marketing executives will think it's a terrible name for a burger. "why not name it The McYummy or The McZesty?" they'll say. "something to hide the fact that it's made out of horsemeat." but I think if they hire Danica McKellar (Winnie Cooper from TV's "The Wonder Years") to endorse the burger, they can distract the public from the idea that "whinny" refers to horses. it might only work for a few months tops, but later they can move on to Winnie the Pooh promotions or just generic slogans based on the concept of winning. when it seems like people are starting to catch on, they can just retire the burger and deny everything.

"why not name it The McYummy or The McZesty?" they'll say. "something to hide the fact that it's made out of horsemeat."

hahahaha

An arty WWII-period film about drag queens called "Closely Watched Trannies"

- Break into as many houses as possible and steal any box of Lucky Charms you find. Leave the kitchen cabinet and front doors wide open. Continue until city is in an uproar and the heat is on to you.

- The following year, break into as many houses as possible and rip open every cereal box you find. Be named 'Cereal Killer' by journos.

- The year after that, get caught breaking into someone's house dressed as Capt Crunch. The next year, read in prison about copycat pranksters.

Reboot of 'Murder, She Wrote' starring Kate Mulgrew.

Qween - a combined Ween and Queen cover band.

A maths themed bar called 'The Square Root', advertised with the slogan 'Be there or b squared'.

<3 this thread

going to random memorial websites and posting surreal, barely literate anecdotes about the deceased in the guestbooks. nothing profane, just the kind of weird stories mourners tell when they're trying to remember the good times and have a bittersweet laugh ("HE SAID 'YOU'LL COUGH UP THAT OLD RAT SKULL WITHIN AN HOUR,' AND BY GOSH HE WAS RIGHT! THAT'S JOE FOR YA, RIP BIG MAN YOU ARE MISSED"). I'd pretend to be an old schoolmate or hunting buddy, and I'd keep the tone respectful enough and the circumstances vague enough that the person's loved ones couldn't quite tell whether they were being trolled, and they'd feel obligated to take the stories in good faith.

^this is what i hope/expect for my own funeral. pls don't be kind.

terrible idea

Scottish L7 tribute band called Pretend We're Deed.

a colleague's terrible idea: a vacation photographer (in the same way you'd hire a wedding photog). you'd give instructions as to what kind of shots you wanted and then you'd just go about your vacation and they'd do the work. you could even have options as to how arty or basic you wanted it, how much posed stuff, how much of you vs the locale, even if you wanted him/her to act like a paparazzo. this would be for rich ppl obv.

― goole, Friday, June 8, 2012 4:56 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

uhh...

http://live.wsj.com/video/dont-forget-to-pack-a-photographer/DA606752-74E7-4A2F-AB24-205B3F9C9766.html?mod=wsj_hps_tboright#!DA606752-74E7-4A2F-AB24-205B3F9C9766

believe me we've been hearing about that article all week.

Dude tell your friend next time he has a terrible idea he needs to act fast.

It's also one of those things that almost makes me want to quote baudrillard. Like back in college I probably would have written a pretentious essay about it for the campus weekly.

oversized black tee with a stop sign graphic and giant white block letters: "STOP SCHVITZIN'"

street fiction for yuppies: crude self-published novels sold off of sidewalk tables, with titles like "Brownstone Betrayal" and "Hot Yoga"

would buy

a post-punk supergroup called Your Granny on Bongos, made up of all surviving former members of The Fall

'Dub! Step! Beyond!' - an album of Madness covers done dubstep style.

a bar with a mcdonald's-style play area for kids of patrons

they exist. they are truly terrible.

http://www.pub-restaurant.co.uk/wacky_warehouse.tpl

i have honestly never seen a more soulless place for drinking

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3139/2943676381_917d343f8d.jpg

"PJ Stinky's Drinkatorium and Fun Time Wullaballoo"

It looks like a Wells Fargo

a supergroup crew of veteran rappers (like late 80s cutoff) called "Old Money"

A sequel to Lord of the Flies in which the boys, now adults, reunite in Norway

Lord of the Flies 2: Fjord of Lies

An idea for a 16-Bit platform game called 'Monsieur LeBouffe" in which the title character has to escape from a large eatery or opera house set in early 20th century America. Control Mr LeBouffe as he avoids angry chefs, snooty waiters and handbag waving opera dames in order to eat the most patisserie cakes. There's a level set on a ferry boat and a level set in a barbershop where you have to jump over flying scissors.

Daft Punk Indian Cookbook called 'Cumin After All'

A+

omg

featuring the hit recipe "Hotter Pepper Fatter Sambar"

kudos

a t-shirt with a pocket right in the middle. centered on the sternum.

back when cargo pants were ubiquitous (and universally awful) I had the idea to make a variation with the pockets upside down.

just to emphasize the stupidity of the fashion, I guess

cargo pants are great for when you reaaaaally need to carry a bunch of jewels and you're in a hurry

belt suspenders combo

Reading Desperate Characters now. Certainly some striking similarities to the LJ Davis, but I find it much richer and more beautifully written. I almost wanted to start a separate thread on "gentrification novels." I actually had this kind of deadpan ironic idea to make a book set called "The Brownstone Novels" and it could feature A Meaningful Life, Fortress of Solitude, Desperate Characters, idk something by Amy Sohn, and whatever else, and the spines would have the facades of brownstones on them, so they fit together like a little Brooklyn block. And of course every book would have an introduction by Jonathan Lethem, and there would also be an essay for the whole set by Jonathan Lethem, because Jonathan Lethem has some kind of lifetime contract that gives him right of first refusal on the introduction for any book about brooklyn or brownstones.

― bert yansh (Hurting 2), Tuesday, August 14, 2012 9:50 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink