no boys allowed in the room!!!!

I would like to go back to something Rrob said in this thread ages ago which I think dovetails in here nicely now:

"Undoing what we've been taught - to be good, to accommodate, to hold our tongues, to fear - is truly difficult and requires daily practice, i've found, and a supportive community of women and men, which, for many women, can be really hard to find. But i think we know in our bones what our power is, and when we can't express it, that blockage kills our spirits slowly, whether we know it or not. And i'm just like, at this point, fuck that. "

Also, I'm a little sad, though I dont object and I think its understandable, that this thread's turned into talking about what we should talk about, instead of discussing health issues, men, hair products and music etc like we used to on here :/

I am sorry if it feels like this thread has turned into "what should we talk about" - I don't actually think that's been the focus of this recent conversation so much as "should we let boys talk on this thread too" which is not the same question.

Although I suppose it's inevitable that the thread fractures and turns into half a dozen different threads focusing on different things (some for gender issues that let boys participate, some purely women only with no political meaning to be discussed) it is something that I find kind of sad.

That one of the things I found most positive about this thread and its sandbox sister was how inclusive it was -by accident or design. That because it was ~the only one~ all kinds of women ended up here, not just women who wanted to talk about nail varnish, *or* women who just wanted to talk about politics. So that there was this great mixture of subjects, both healthcare and and hair products, and, better yet, a great *mixture* of people and viewpoints - this created friction obviously but it also created an actual dynamic, diverse sharing of viewpoints so that a lot more of the female human experience has been brought to attention than you usually get to see in one place.

It's sad, Rrobyn's quote, because I sometimes feel like ILX (or maybe just the internet of the past 5 years) actually taught me to accommodate, to hold my tongue out of *fear* which was a lesson that 30 years in the ~real world~ never managed to bash my head with.

I like that quote, yet.

I am really quite sad over the way a lot of these discussions have gone (and are continuing to go) on ILX. I just read through the whole new gender-related thread that Emily started and feel like I have a lot to say but am too afraid to post there now. Sorry - I'm just ranting and think I should stick to what I said yesterday about not participating. What WCC said itt about having those discussions with genderless socks would be a pretty interesting experiment though, that's for sure.

That's too bad, because I feel like we're finally getting somewhere. First it is necessary to stop letting people say, "Won't someone please think of all the nice men I personally know who didn't individually choose to be so privileged" as if that's an actual contribution to a conversation about gender, though.

Eh? I didn't say that, someone else did. Though it would be pretty hilarious - and how quickly (or not?) I think ppl would suss out the gender if not the identity. Discussion OF gender is the one place where gender of poster becomes pretty salient in a way it doesnt in discussion of film or music or food.

Oh - it was Zora, sorry.

I don't mind being mistaken for Zora, she's v v clever. :)

I'm feeling a real desire right now to talk about hair dye or something v v stereotypically feminine, just to kind of try to balance. I've been trying to grow out the super red but I might have to do job interviews soonish and should probably at least try to normalise my hair to 1 colour red instead of about 6.

Yeah well that'll teach me. Just when I feel I need the company of mine own sex as reassurance, putting on some fake display of "femininity" fools no one. Back to my lair.

it's been a while since i dyed my hair, but yeah, normalizing when you are in a position when you're supposed to look "normal" is prob. a good idea. good luck!

like i literally stopped dying my hair around the age when other women my age started going gray, and dying one's hair took on different connotations than doing so as a teen or in one's 20s.

you might want to chalk it up to end-of-workday work push instead of assuming we don't care!

i've recently become a fan of hair dye, namely this 'semi-permanent gloss' thing that my hair stylist uses for my hair - it fades out really slowly and doesn't leave roots - kind of amazing! i recommend! and possibly okay to put over multi-coloured hair because it's less of a chemical process? prob check with hair stylist on that one, as obv i'm no expert!
xps

my work day is just beginning!

despite being really very interested in reading what everyone has to say on the massively complex topic of discussion here recently on this thread and the new other threads in the past couple of days, i haven't been able to dive in, as i've been busy and would like to give the topic more of my attention/focus than i've been able.

xp - time zones oh yeah those! lol i was being time-zone exclusionary

nah, i just don't have a typical 9 to 5.

I'm unemployed and in a different timezone so I dunno when ppl are at!

Actually a non permanent gloss is a good idea for an interview but I should probably test it beforehand.

And yeah I get what you mean Sarahel, I grew my hair out in my mid 30s to see what my natural colour was just as I was getting some treys - but I just got bored of hair that was always the same.

EST rules PST drools! ;)
xp

Treys? Frets!

FFS iPhone GREYS.

ha, i was just thinking about that yesterday, too though - looking at Whole Foods' shelf of hair dyes, thinking i'm maybe bored of my hair color.

A friend of mine bleached her punk-rock spike job a messy whitish-grey blonde. Kind of jeal just for the DGAF-ness of it.

I have 2 whole boxes of super punky red which I was using to do occasional streaks but making my whole hair that colour, much as I'm tempted, would be a Very Bad Idea for interviewing.

I also have still not had a haircut either despite saying forever that I was gonna do something about the straggle. I have no right to laugh at Thom Yorke's poor hair choices really.

i dyed my hair a much brighter color recently and wouldn't go back unless someone ripped the hair dye from my dead desiccated hands. it's the little boost i need to make it through my otherwise dull days.

also recommended: wigs! don't knock it/dismiss it til you've tried it.

wigs are awesome! I got two in the past couple years: one this totally OTT bright red beehive that I bought for a musical project, and another chin-length black one.

I was really really into wigs in my early 30s, I had some great ones - but I find them too warm and sweaty for use any more.

you also have beautiful long hair, iirc? i don't have a lot of hair, so i can wear it short or wear it short. or wear a wig. i would like an expensive nice one someday, but for now the beverly johnson collection will have to do.

I have v v long hair but it's too ragged (I don't trim it often enough) to be "beautiful" hair. Its length is mainly due to laziness and fear of bad haircuts.

I used to have shorter hair, and had all kinds of exotic wigs for going onstage - it's nice to have the variety of short hair / long wigs. Wigs are so much fun to play with, especially when you're performing - as it sounds like you've been experiencing!

yeah
it was really fun!

I found it was almost like wearing a mask (without compromising yr ability to perform w yr face) so it gave me the freedom to be much bolder / act differently. Did you find it made it easier?

Hard to know since I don't really have any reference point tbh! It definitely felt different than standing up in front of a class.

my hair is really thick, and i realized that there are things that I can't get away with with a wig (because the hair is thinner/there is less of it) than w/my natural hair.

Are you gonna try to do anything like that again?

is that a question for me or LL?

the project i got the beehive wig for was kinda a commentary/reaction to the way some guys in electronic music/noise "rock out" with their laptops, which has always struck me as kinda funny, because I associate laptops with white collar labor, and a bit at odds with the classically working class/blue collar performance of "rocking out"

LL - sorry; iPhone doesn't warn you of x-posts!

I'm going to see what happens. I don't do well if I plan too much because I am contrary and hate being told what to do, even by myself.

Best to not make too many plans, lest I grow sick of them long before the time comes to execute the plan.

I've got a serious problem applying hair dye, I can't seem to get it even all over. Does it get easier with practice? Or is there a dye out there that I can apply in the same way as shampoo?

Another x-post but sarahel that sounds awesome and actually v funny - rocking out w laptop is always deeply strange

most of the permanent dyes can be applied like shampoo.

CGLDI there are, at least in London I've seen them, mousse hairdyes you apply like a shampoo. I haven't tried one yet cause I like streaky dyejobs.

I don't use permanent dye, though.

it's not really that hard if you approach methodically and in sections. divide the hair, use a comb with a pointy handle to create thin layers on which to apply dye, then massage in at the end. i guess it's harder if your hair is really thick, but i don't have any experience with that. i've been dyeing my hair myself on and off since i was 15.

I would love to try wigs but I think I have too much hair to fit under them. My only experience is cheapo Halloween wigs so maybe it would work better with higher quality wigs.

My hair is very, very thin, and I've only been dying my hair for about three months.

xp LL - with really thick hair, the process is the same, you just have more layers and you end up using more of the dye. I'd use this cheap-o beauty supply store brush to make sure i got a decent amount of dye on the lower layers.

I figured, I'm just saying that it might be a little more time consuming the more hair you have.
Anyway, the directions on the box are pretty easy to follow. A little practice and it'll be second nature although it will always be a pain in the ass.

Assuming that your ass is located on top of your head, like mine is.

iirc - the thickness of one's hair isn't the biggest challenge, but rather, the length. It's easier to miss a spot with long hair

did anyone else on here ever have a Manic Panic blue disaster?