no boys allowed in the room!!!!

i think that's the way to do it, honestly. friends of mine have been hurt that i haven't congratulated them on lost weight, but i can't do it either. i end up saying, "you look great. you always looked great," which can be awkward, but whatever.

i wonder what one could say instead, when you want to tell a friend they look good but don't want to be making a weight comment. "you look happy"? "you look confident"?

can't you just say "you look good"? so many times i've gotten "have you lost weight?" when i absolutely haven't and i suspect i just look awesome and people are trying to tell me that.

Haha yes! People often ask me if I've lost weight, usually saying 'You look good. Have you lost weight?" What, can a fat woman not just look good? Damn.

I have a strict non-engagement with diet talk/negative body talk qua negative body talk (as opposed to talking about why we talk about our bodies negatively iykwim)/weight loss talk. I think it irks some of my coworkers, but they will get over it. Or not. I don't really care that much.

Yeah my mom-in-law does that when it's so obvious I haven't.* I just ask her not to even talk about weight with me. She's this tiny old willowy hippie and she'll pull her belly out of her shirt and hold it in both hands and say, "look at this, I used to be beautiful." Oh god lady just calm down.

*Also the one time I did lose a bunch of weight she told her son I was having sex with strange men to earn money for speed, because she's a drug and alcohol abuse counselor and can tell these things *_*

holy crap, your mother-in-law. i am sorry.

Yeah that is not the way to engage with people.

(The drug and alcohol counselor angle reminds me of my dad's ex-wife who once said to me over dinner when I was about 12 that she could tell I was going to be bulimic because she counseled girls with eating disorders.)

http://thehairpin.com/2011/11/women-struggling-to-drink-water

I mean, what do you say? I can tell you're an idiot because I'm sitting right here and I can hear you?!?

I'm not good at non-confrontational conflict resolution, in fact I keep quiet when I shouldn't because the responses that come to mind are escalation. Escalationary. Escalative. Fucking shit up. Maybe I should go with the escalation for a while and see how it feels, then figure out my next step.

I bought some blue nail polish last week. It's called Phallic.

Ugh, like thin/skinny women aren't real?

The Dove Real Women look exactly like models looked like 25-30 years ago.

ATTN AMANDA: http://www.sockdreams.com/products/accessories/sock-garters/

THANK YOU! I not only "need" but geniunely need those. Droopin socks is nagl.

agh the irrationality of pms just kills me sometimes, like today. where even though i know its pms and i know my rage is going beyond the call of duty, all this awareness, it does nothing

i'm back home now and i don't plan to leave the house again today tbrr

Blergh I feel you.
I just had to cancel my annual OB-GYN exam due to period starting today. I have had to do this with every exam for the past four years. I am beginning to think it's one of my maladaptive superpowers like blowing out left speakers in all of my stereos and headphones.

hahaa
but you need to reschedule! i also need to go get one of those soon...

i drank some PMS tea and ate some stolen (mmm) and am listening to music (both speakers) and not reading the internet

i keep putting off making ob/gyn appointments (haven't been in 10 yrs, i think?) - i'm afraid they're gonna tell me i have cancer.

DUDE

SARAHEL

Have you ever had any irregular paps in the past that would make you think you're at-risk for cervical cancer (I assume that's what we're talking about here)?

GOOOOOO!!!!!!

no, it's one of those totally irrational beliefs/fears!

Think that's bad? My first pap smear was in 1991, and the next one I had was in 2010. (Lack of health care access, not fear of what I could find.)

Sarahel - I'm sure you're fine but you probably should go just to make sure. 10 years is a long time.

You should go just to make sure. Then eat your favorite thing for dinner or something similar so you associate going to the gyn with something positive!

Jenny did I make this up or were you talking about a golden speculum award recently??

that's a good idea, Jenny! when i finally went to the dentist after 15 yrs, i used trips to my fave bookstore and record store (which are both a few blocks from the dentist's office) as a motivator.

xp Why yes I was. My gyn received such a thing last Thursday at a gala fundraising event for a women's health org on whose board I am.

That sentence is tortured. Let me try again. I'm on the board of a women's health org. They had a fundraiser on Thursday. They gave my gyn a golden speculum award.

I wish you were in Chicago, sarahel, because this org gives the best annual exams in at least a tri-state area. I'm not even kidding! Also: sliding scale from $5 to whatever the high end is.

OB-GYN is usually my favorite/least stressful health appointment of the year. I just have to make sure I see a woman. I saw a guy OB-GYN in May and I realized I have a real problem with authority figures who are male saying basically anything to do with my reproductive organs. Totally my own problem but a real problem nonetheless. It was a meltdown. Anyway, I rescheduled.

one nice thing about Telegraph Ave. in Berkeley, btw, is that I didn't feel out of place walking down the street and book-shopping with a partially swollen face and a dazed expression.

I PCP does my annual and he's a guy and I'm fine with that. I've had women too - either one is OK with me but I understand that some ppl have a firm preference.

My PCP not "I"

Oh, btw I googled "Feminist Therapy Boston" today and found a place not too far from my home. I emailed and left messages for two of their therapists. Hope I hear back soon.

I was biased against the male OB-GYN from the start because his office had all these weird '90s dolls of Hillary Clinton as a doctor in boxes with all these messages like "public health care? wtf?" on them. (This guy was at a clinic primarily funded by state Medicaid patients like me btw.) And the first thing he said when he saw me chart was a comment on how I'd had an abortion. We had a fight over whether I could get an IUD or not. He agreed to try and then asked, "Do you still want an IUD?" in the middle of insertion when it was clear it wasn't working. Totally condescending. He wrote me an RX for pills and I had to fight with him to fill it at the pharmacy of my choice. So that visit was a clash of two stubborn asses who were both biased against one another from the start.

ENBB, I hope that works out! That is very cool.

Abbot that doc is a huge asshole.

HEY DID YOU KNOW? Glitter nail polish is like IMPOSSIBLE to remove! I have been sitting here with acetone soaked cotton balls and aluminum foil wrapped around my fingers, per this - http://hellobeautiful.com/style-beauty/hellobeautifulstaff2/how-to-remove-glitter-nail-polish/, and it still took an act of god to get this shit off my fingers.

haha yeah i stopped using any heavy glitter nail polish years ago because of just this! it is nail ruiner! i still use ones with "sparkle" or "sheen" or whatever they're calling it, but that's easier to remove.
ooh i need to paint my nails!

I really liked having painted nails (I hardly ever do) so I bought some pretty pink polish and planned to paint them tonight but I'm like exhausted from taking that shit off and now disgusted with the whole endeavor.

My nails are still shaped really nicely from the manicure, though.

Ooh, maybe that will be my post-GRE treat this weekend. I get pedicures sometimes but I've never had a manicure. What nail colour goes with v v dark purple almost-black toes wot like I have atm?

I'm trying to decide between black or raisin for my next nail painting.

I'm trying to decide between black or raisin for my next nail painting.

I've always thought that I didn't particularly like diamonds, and I choose a green sapphire for my engagement ring. But my MIL was here for the weekend and she gave me a family heirloom diamond ring and OMG IT IS SO PRETTY AND SPARKLY and now I feel like a silly girl :/

embrace it! what is life for if not to be occasionally giddy and silly??

Articles of interest in No Bad Self Talk 2012:

http://jezebel.com/5875219/cho-mad-twitter

http://longstreet.typepad.com/thesciencebookstore/2012/01/an-alphabet-of-fat-cures-strychnine-pills-vibrators-and-hope.html

I love Margaret Cho. I've seen her live a couple times - she's always amazing.

I saw her with my Grandpa once! :D

Fuuuuuuck. That is good.