no boys allowed in the room!!!!

i think you have an assholes problem masquerading as an adipose one.

That sounds about right.

Seriously. That guy though? I was just sitting by myself while my roommate was in the bathroom and he came over and sat down. Women do it too. Don't even get me started on my mother and her friends when I was growing up. People are horrible.

I guess I was lucky that my mother nagged me about everything under the sun, not just my weight. It must have meant that the nagging on weight got lost under the rest of the negative noise.

I wasn't even skinny when I didn't eat for two months. So fuck it. I do care, I care a lot about how people perceive me, but I find it almost impossible to deal with confronting my own corporeal form. I would rather blank it all out and be a faux-dualist - *I* am solely a floating brain, *I* am not a body. Not at all. It is removed, entirely.

yeah Erica therapy can really help with what you're going through. If you feel it would be a good idea then you should give it a try. The worst thing that can happen is you get a shitty therapist and then you get to hate that therapist instead of yourself for while. (This is how I deal with shitty therapists.)

The amazing litany of undue consequences coming from the ridiculous emphasis our society puts on women's bodies is the reason I could never really be a straight up materialist.

haha xp!!

I yoyo, but these days within fairly narrow upper/lower weight limits. They feel to me like massive extremes. ENBB, since weight goes on my stomach, I sit with my purse or a cardigan on my lap most of the time and agree it feels really, really bad.

I certainly overeat sometimes and then over-react/panic/binge. For that behaviour, I recommend Gillian Riley's book Eating Less.

Lol, Abbott, I am absolutely not a dualist, it is too philosophically terrible, but phenomenologically I often feel like one.

x-post It's so funny how we perceive ourselves v how other people do. When I met you the other night I you seemed to tiny to me! I will check out the book.

"so" tiny

Also, I totally had my bag on my lap the other night too. At some point I think I moved it but then felt weird about it so put it back there. OMG this shit's ridiculous.

The amazing litany of undue consequences coming from the ridiculous emphasis our society puts on women's bodies is the reason I could never really be a straight up materialist.

???

Why is that incompatible with denying the existence of the soul or treating the mind and brain as one?

i've always mostly felt like a brain on a stick, it makes health directives seem like abstractions.

I hung out w a bunch of folk dancers and musicians last weekend, most of whom weren't Americans, though I'm not sure what difference that would make but it seems possibly relevant, and the women were healthy, beautiful, married or partnered up or at least didn't lack for dance or conversational partners, vivacious, and REAL, and all sizes, and all fit enough to make amazing music and to dance energetically. It was really beautiful, they were all beautiful, and I couldn't stop laughing for the joy of it.

i have a lot of baggy black cardigans and sweaters -- besides warmth, their purpose is to generate a visual black hole or amorphous blob in the area below boobs and above thighs.

Why can't it always be like that? xp

Hi 90% of my clothing is black for that reason.

Tiny bones, but side on, I have lost count of times I've been offered seats on trains etc. I've started loudly saying 'THAT'S JUST ME' (I.e. not babby) though people are only trying to be nice.

I'm a strict materialist because there's no scientific evidence for either the mind or the soul.

last thing I want to do is start a materialism v whateverism debate
I just thing it's healthier for me to think that the minutiae of how my body looks is really not that important and that is one way to do it

what was the aesthetic rationale behind empire waist dresses when they first were popular?

like, did women want to look pregnant?

lol I'd milk that shit. Just kidding. I'm surprised that's never actually happened to me. Pretty sure I'd cry. That's how sensitive I am about this stuff. AHHHHH IT IS SO ANNOYING.

Hi 90% of my clothing is black for that reason.

I thought wearing black tended to make people look heavier unless they were in front of a dark background.

x-post - oh! I lied. It did happen that once in the Empire waist top but we've done that topic before. Nobody knows. It is a mystery.gif.

it has happened to me a couple times, both times when wearing "one of those" garments

x-post What? No. Black is the most slimming of all colors. Right?

yes and it hides coffee stains!!

what was the aesthetic rationale behind empire waist dresses when they first were popular?

IIRC, it was a reaction against the strict corseting of the 18th century.

but a black empire waist dress will still make you look pregnant.

Yes, black is also good for hiding stains. This is true. I know because I spill a lot.

Btw ENBB actual thought patterns at our FAP were about whether I was talking too much and that you are a very good listener! (rather than about weight. ) Also, I never thought about other people also holding bags in laps.

You know why I know so much about fucking make-up and accessories? Because while I love fashion it depresses me too much to go clothes shopping so instead I spend my money on other crap and envy girls in cute dresses that I wouldn't dare wear. I stick strictly to basics in clothes. I've been trying to break out of it but it's tough.

x-post - Yeah see logically I know that ppl don't care enough about it to think about it but that doesn't help much. You didn't talk too much at all - it was very interesting! It's nice to hear that I'm a good listener because I also talk a lot and worry that I'm not. A good listener, I mean.

Totally wore black pants and a black sweater the other night but at least my blouse had poka-dots - that's something! lol.

My mother was a rail til she was middle-aged and 4 babies into her life, and she always commented in a worried way on how relatively not-skinny I was, and still says things like, "That dress looks great but what are you going to do about your bottom?" and I say, "Show it off, like the good lord apparently intended, since he gave it to me" and it's not perfect, you know, but it works okay.

x-post err polka dots

x-post - lol! perfect

Mine isn't as bad as she used to be but still says things like "Woah I forgot how heavy (or skinny depending on the pic) you once were". It used to be way way worse. Without fail the first thing either of my parents comment on when they see me is my weight. Erica looks great, doesn't she? Is code for - she's lost a few, huh? If they don't make a comment within the fist couple mins of my being home it's never a good sign.

Yeah well that's a bunch of bullshit, as you well know.

I mean talk about pulling the strings on someone's marionette self, that's just pure control ish.

Yeah, I do.

Once I came home relatively sans stomach but at an absolutely totally healthy weight and my mum asked me if I was anorexic.

Living with F gave me a whole new insight on, "If I say or do this damaging thing, I can control the other person for the rest of the situation/day" so maybe I'm a little over-sensitive, but seeing attempts to do that makes me really angry now.

what's amazing to me is how people who do this stuff leave hobo marks on your psyche that other abusive people can immediately read.

otm

Yeah, I think there's definitely something to that.

I think being just sort of out of what people consider to be ideal weight and somewhat attractive is a weird position to be in because I feel like it makes people more likely to say things? Like oh if you were just a little thinner you could do x. I don't know, that probably doesn't make much sense. Sorry - I'm getting tired.

No I know what you mean.

"if you were just a little thinner i would pick on you about y instead."

i think there is no ideal weight or attractiveness that will keep the assholes at bay.