your terrible ideas

(admittedly not my best work)

would they sell corduroy?

It's only four hundred an hour!
You're gonna *cymbal crash* tidy up your cords with so much power!
*cymbal* cord lord! Cord lord, cord lord (x6)
Cord lord, whoa-o-o-yeah! So much power-o-whoa-yeah!!
And for just four hundred an hour!!!
For only *cymbal* 16 to 50 hours of work at your awful job
You can pay us to fix up your cords!
And don't forget the *cymbal* tip-a-whoa-yeah!!
*cymbal* cord lord! Cord lord, cord lord (x6)

I know that doesn't read very well, but the syncopation I'm imagining is mindblowing

yeah gonna go with nijoli's on this one tbh

simplicity is important in a jingle

I feel like the exuberance of my jingle isn't coming through? Maybe I should add more exclamations?

it's the name itself that's problematic, tbh. You know that the kids are gonna call it the cum lord

48 sq ft?!?!?!

8' x 6' ? I'm really bad at guesstimating size.

i'm hearing it zs, it's like a rock band in my head and everyone's invited

I'm going to set up a rival firm called Cable Mable, staffed entirely by elderly women.

ZS - it's a gospel rave-up, isn't it?

It's an innovative marketing strategy where the jingle is recorded in hundreds of different styles and then microtargeted to each consumer. For example, Geir's jingle is like 70s genesis, whereas Hi Dere's version is sung by Fever Ray and comes with a video animated by Max.

My version is composed solely of fartz samples

FYI I have the window open and I just laughed so raucously catching up on this thread that someone outside made sarcastic fake-laughter noises back

think I may now be taken away

One of those long drain unblocking spring gadgets, except this one has a video camera in the end, and a button on the handle so that you could upload videos of you unblocking your drain direct to YouTube.

What you mean like this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TyRk-Lt9E3E

Yeah but aimed at the general public. People could say things like "hey I saw your shit on YouTube".

a tv show about a boy and his pet calculator called "cal, c u l8er"

again, this belongs on "awesome ideas" thread. or is "terrible" internet slang for "awesome" now?

An update of Karel Fialka's 'Hey Matthew', except featuring Jedward instead of Matthew, and titled 'Hey Jedward'.

Ayovember.

Oh wait, that terrible idea isn't mine. Sorry, my bad!!

oh ya wasn't it "terrible" when KBP got his antipodean ass banned from 1p3 at the peak of the festivities? excuse me while I break out the Systane and cry a puddle of chemically-augmented tears in Mr. P@terson's honor.

Dodecahedron December. We talk about nothing but dodecahedrons for an entire month. ESPECIALLY on Christmas

It makes perfect sense, it's the 12th month of the year!

I could make a stellated dodecahedron Dodecahedron December Tree topper, too.

http://www.knittingdaily.com/cfs-file.ashx/__key/CommunityServer.Blogs.Components.WeblogFiles/tuned_5F00_in/4885.204_5F00_2-Celestine-by-Norah-Gaughan.jpg

"On the 12th Day of Christmas,
my true love gave to me...
12 stellated dodecahedrons"

This thread is going to be responsible for me making a stellated dodecahedron. I have to do December right.

shit, how do you make one? is there a template online somewhere?

write a concept album, triple lp, about the history of texas, from cabeza de vaca's explorations up through rick perry

ZS, if you knit, here are some instructions. Otherwise, I am of little help.

thanks for the link, but no, I don't knit...I would probably be awful at knitting, as I can barely even iron my shirt without fucking up big time. Origami, though...if there was a origami dodecahedron I bet I could sorta make it!

Here's a paper one you cut out and glue together

I feel like an idiot, but I can't really figure out how to do it (I haven't printed it yet, but I can't figure out what "cut the lines between the long and the short sides of the triangle" means)

*FACEPALM*

keep saying "GREAT STELLATED DODECAHEDRON!" in perry white voice
girlfriend not finding this amusing

Abbott is!

somehow I get the feeling that the girlfriend will not find that amusing, either!

While the gf and I were dining along the NJ Turnpike this evening at an especially crowded rest stop, I realized that there's a critical point at which rest stop efficiency starts to drop off especially drastically. There are a limited number of parking lot spaces, and the place also only has so much capacity to serve people (and for people to use the bathroom) without long lines forming. But around when the parking lot reaches capacity or overcapacity, the facilities inside also do.

What happens at this point is that the average time spent inside the rest stop grows considerably (from waiting in line for both food and the bathroom), meaning the average amount of time spent in the parking lot also increases, which further compounds the delays for all those people still waiting for a space.

[ Hurting ]'s Curve, we dubbed it.

The only thing mitigating this potential catastrophe, we realized, is that some families, feeling that their stay has already been too long due to waits for parking, food, and restrooms, may choose to eat their food in the car.

However, if the family merely eats their food in the car in the parking lot, they're not really saving anyone any time. So we propose that each family have a "designated driver," as it were, in these peak times, who will not eat, but drive while everyone else eats.

In order to encourage this efficient behavior, we have devised a slogan to be posted in rest stops:

"If [ Hurting ]'s Curve is in effect, don't eat and drive, and don't eat, drive, but don't not eat and not drive(the last part meaning that if you are not the designated driver, you should eat now, because you may need to be the designated driver at the next rest stop). However, if you're under driving age, you might as well eat while you're driving, because you're not supposed to be driving anyway.

― Abbadabba Berman (Hurting), Saturday, November 26, 2005 9:07 PM Bookmark

fwiw I don't think my then gf now wife would want any credit for contributing to this unless you consider rolling your eyes a contribution

loooooooool

http://i56.tinypic.com/2wfsa3s.gif

xpost
hey, when jerry democracy invented democracy everyone thought he was crazy too!

what if they applied congestion pricing to these rest stops? Like, once Hurting's curve is reached, the food costs incrementally more.

xpost to Kerm

OOOOOOOOOOOH. thank you! that's above and beyond the call of duty!

I was *this* close to animating a pair of scissors into it just because.

The thing is the more I think about it I don't even think that's a curve, it's just like a linear increase in wait time.

nope, because according to the Hurting's Curve Theorem the waiting time in the bathroom compounds the crowdedness of the parking lot, so the wait time should grow curvilinearly.

plus you have all the guys with shy bladders who take longer to pee when the restroom is crowded, exacerbating wait times.

then again you've yet to factor in the "ah, fuck it" feedback mechanism.

what if they applied congestion pricing to these rest stops? Like, once Hurting's curve is reached, the food costs incrementally more.

There's a terrible idea in here somewhere relating a large flat-screen weight-sensitive digital sign advertising a variable price hanging over a buffet table.

heart-congestion pricing

oh you meant the weight of the food

I was actually thinking of sensors in the seats, but the food thing might make more sense. Or less.