no boys allowed in the room!!!!

HS, I think of you as my IRL friend! You just live far away. ;_;

aw! i was kind of joking about not having any friends but i miss you, Jenny! <3

all u ladies rule

i also love all of you

i haven't encountered too much of the thing that roxy describes, and i have mostly female friends. i talk to guys about music and movies and stuff, but not usually feelings. to me real friendship is when you share secrets, and i rarely (never) share secrets with male friends.

i also hate talking about my feelings so there's that too

this is not really on topic but it's been bugging me a bit lately and it's something i feel like venting about (warning: this post may be of the tl;dr variety).

so when i first started uni i made friends with this small group of girls who were waaaaaaaay different from me and my HS friends (i ended up at a uni none of my close friends were at), they were physically v v diff (tall and busty and fashionable) but also v v culturally diff (bold, kind of hilariously obnoxious, extremely worldly and well-travelled - even at 18 - and came from wealthy-ish - by NZ standards - families). i became particularly good friends with one of these girls - we shall call her 'kristy' - and over the course of 18 months 'we' had alienated ourselves from the three other girls.

cut to about 3 years after we met: i had become really good friends with this girl (we'll call her 'jane') who was v v sort of artsy and hip and slender and attractive and v well known in our small city. jane and kristy never became friends - by this point i wasn't hanging out with kristy as much, even tho we'd been joined at the hip for the first two years. jane was a lot different... way less judgmental and catty and bitchy than kristy, and the more i hung out with jane the more i realised that kristy was kind of awful and that i had become pretty awful too.

jane had met kristy's bf a couple of times and the two had really hit it off, which is maybe one of the main reasons kristy took an instant dislike to her. but then one time during a conversation kristy basically referred to jane as a slut and that's when i realised something was up. anyway, kristy and her bf broke up and about 6 weeks later jane drunkenly shagged him. now, right or wrong, i never told kristy - it wasn't my place, they were broken up, her and jane weren't friends at all, and kristy was still obsessed with her ex so i figured it would only hurt her. and i didn't want to be stuck in the middle.

some months went by and i started noticing that i couldn't get hold of kristy - she wasn't returning any of my calls. then i found out from mutual friends that she had gotten back with her ex and he had - selfishly, stupidly - confessed to having slept with jane.

so i didn't see kristy for a few years and then i ran into her one day and it seemed fine - she seemed happy to see me, i figured plenty of time had passed, she wasn't with the ex anymore. we exchanged #s and i tried getting hold of her to meet up for coffee... but no response.

cut to this year: i give it another shot and friend her on facebook. she accepts, i send a brief msg asking what she's up to, giving a little info about what i'm up to. no reply. then a few months later i realise she's defriended me!!

she was so much fun to hang out with, despite her nasty side, and i figured there was a good chance she'd grown out of it. idk. but it really annoyed me, the whole thing. i feel like, was she that insanely jealous of jane, that my being friends basically meant that would not be friends with me??

ps. jane is still my best best female friend.

lolz that is long

Maybe she associates you with that particularly painful memory. Like not only did she lose her best friend (you) to Jane, but her BF, too (even though that's not what happened - I'm thinking more in terms of perception). It sounds like a situation where it's nothing you did.

There are ppl on FB that I avoid because they were a part of a scene I was in during a, let's say, challenging period of my life, even though I've got no ill will towards those ppl and they did nothing wrong. I just want to put it all behind me for good.

what i find weird is that she is FB friends with a bunch of mutual friends from that same period, PLUS my other best friend, who has been my best friend since we were 13, and who kristy made fun of A LOT. so i feel like she's deliberately spiting me??

Oh, yeah, maybe. Does she think you're somehow complicit in the BF thing? It's pretty weird that she picked you to hold a grudge against, but also that she's doing it in such a passive/aggressive way.

can i admit that i had the ungenerous response that it sounds like good riddance, because this kristy sounds like a jerk? i have sort of an extreme policy towards dropping people from my life, though.

^ this

i don't know... it was almost 10 yrs ago now, and why wouldn't she just call me up and say 'i know you knew my ex fucked YOUR friend, why didn't you tell me'. i feel like maybe she blamed me bc if i hadn't been friends w/jane then her ex wouldn't have met/slept with her?? but he would have slept with SOMEONE.

xp i actually do too, but i have a terrible need for closure on things and if she had just said 'you fuckin bitch i hate you for x-y-z' then i would have not thought much of dropping her and made no attempt to rekindle the friendship. but it was the complete radio silence that bothered me. i have deep-seated issues about this kind of thing, tbh.

but maybe she's just a jerk? and not reflective? and more into mind games than honest communication? if she blames you for her ex boyfriend sleeping with someone after they broke up...i mean, who cares what this person thinks?

xp i get that but i think you should reframe it as the blissful exit of a toxic person from your life.

i know that's all v easy for me to say

i mean, that if you reframe it that way it gives you a closure that's under your control and not at the mercy of this unreliable kristy person.

horseshoe OTM

yeah i know you're totally right. and it annoys me even more that i'm bothered by the lack of closure.

she was so much fun to hang out with, despite her nasty side, and i figured there was a good chance she'd grown out of it.

i identify really strongly with this feeling, but it has historically kept me in friendships i really should have ended. and there are always other fun people to hang out with, who aren't soulcrushingly nasty. i think.

I tend to really be bothered by lack of closure issues too, and I like the idea of reframing.

i stole it from crazy people who act like the drama they made up is reality. why can't i do that with anti-drama, or whatever?

I have a lot of female friends, but it's amazing because no one's catty, everyone is smart and interesting and funny, and we don't spend the whole time talking about boys - which is something I've noticed about other women when I hang out with them. I mean all they do is talk about their boyfriends or husbands or their kids or home remodels. So I guess I got lucky.

that has by and large been my experience with female friends, too, fwiw

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v209/Mandalion/babes.jpg

there are a lot of boring people out there, but i try not to be friends with them
regardless of gender

i have one female friend from high school who is kind of lol men/"i hate her she's so skinny" but i have long-term loyalty toward her because we've been friends for so long and don't really talk that much. i do not tell her private things anymore. maybe one a year, just so she feels in the loop. she doesn't tell me much either. i guess we mostly pretend to be friends, but i really do enjoy her company that once or twice a year when we get to reminiscing.

nice friends, mandee

We've been friends since highschool, even.

Ha, wow. Bad 1999 style comin' atcha here.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v209/Mandalion/onebigcouple.jpg

aw!

i stole it from crazy people who act like the drama they made up is reality. why can't i do that with anti-drama, or whatever?

― horseshoe, Friday, October 1, 2010 5:17 PM (Yesterday)

THIS THIS THIS

i have known a lot of people who can really convince themselves that they are justified in doing a completely unjustifiable and crazy things. i guess it's all part of being crazy.

also mandee i am jealous of your longterm girl friend group there

I um, have decided that I need new bras (I only have 2 that I wear right now). I've also realized I need wear a smaller cup size than what I previously believed and what "they" have been telling me. I think I'm actually a AA. I looked around target and there weren't any. Am I going to have to order all my bras online now? I really want to be comfortable and for my boobs to not swim around in my bra, and I don't want dudes to be disappointed when they see one thing with my shirt on and another thing with my shirt off. I don't really wear bras very much, just at work and with certain shirts at certain times. I don't really think the types of dudes I would take my shirt off for would care or even notice but what do I know.

Oh, the reason I'm posting that is because I wanted to know if any a ya'll have uncommon boob sizes and what you do about it?

i'm pretty average (38c), but one of my best friends is about your size, and she found somewhere to get them that size, i could ask her if you want.

That'd be nice. The two bras I wear are from victoria's secret. They are really comfy but they are more like caves than support systems. I went to JC penny a while back and the lady there pointed me to these teen training bra things which just... they were weird. The padding moved around a lot so if I wasn't careful it could look like one of my boobs was underneath my arm pit.

I love Bare Necessities online. They have a really good return policy, and I take advantage of that a lot. If you got on their e-mail list, sometimes there are sales and special discounts.

People swear by Nordstrom as well for a wider range of sizes.

Here's a recent article from the New York Times about smaller bras: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/09/02/fashion/02Small.html?src=me&ref=general

Most of the training bras I've seen are in the AAAA-AAA range, but I've seen some that are AA. Maybe the girl's clothing section would have have what you're looking for?

i wear a 38F and its impossible to find bras ever, so i wear ones that dont fit until i come into tons of cash (about 3 times in my life) and order a fancy one

Thanks juliA! That article explained a lot about how I feel about my boob sitch. I really don't want to wear little girl "training" bras. I never got what we were training for anyway.

Peacocks, I thought of that article as soon as I saw your post. Seems like it would be such a pain to only find training bra kind of things.

Roxy, have you ever tried eBay? I figured out a few brands/styles that fit me, and on eBay new bras are typically about half the price of retail. (That's still expensive, of course, for full busted bras. But that's a given.) Some sellers have a seven day warranty as well–I look for this, just in case the bra doesn't fit. Though I figure I could always just sell it on eBay if it doesn't work and there isn't a warranty.

i have never tried ebay, but i should check it out tbh

for big bras and clothes made for busty ladies (like button down shirts that fit your front but arent huge in the arms etc), bravissimo.com is good

I bought a couple of strappy tops from bravissimo back when I was certain that I was a 34D, and never got around to returning them. I keep meaning to sell them on eBay, but haven't gotten around to that. I like the idea of bravissimo, but I'm intimidated by the prices, and by ordering from England.

carissarose.com seems like it has some well-made dressy basics that could be promising, but the prices are intimidating. I'm used to buying only on sale.

I like herroom.com for the extensive reviews and the fitting tips, which are pretty OTM in my experience.

her room has great selection and good fitting tips, but the fit calculator tells me I'm a 36A ( I finally figured out that I'm a 36DD/E or 34F). none of the major sites had an accurate guide to measuring yourself. Seems that many bra sites use the outdated fitting instructions that involve adding numbers to your under bust measurement.

This site has a fit guide with good sizing instructions as well as fit tips. It is oriented to people with larger cup sizes generally:

http://breakoutbras.stores.yahoo.net/noname1.html

Thanks juliA! That article explained a lot about how I feel about my boob sitch. I really don't want to wear little girl "training" bras. I never got what we were training for anyway.

Beginner corsets for little girls were known as training corsets. This may be where the name came from.

For a long time, it was really, really hard to find DD bras in sizes smaller than 40. (I guess manufacturers thought that everyone DD or larger weighed 250+ pounds.) I'm glad that has changed. I'm 38DD, BTW.

xp - i'd guess that there were some girls that really looked forward to wearing bras and "becoming a woman" - i was not one of these, but i'm pretty sure we had that discussion way upthread.

http://cache.jezebel.com/assets/resources/2008/02/areyoutheregoditsmedodai020.jpg

And in other news, my head is rinsed from writing 2000 words about a sexist D4v1d B4il3y photoshoot in 12 hours, without directly accusing DB of sexism.