no boys allowed in the room!!!!

You said you weigh 200 pounds, right? If you get your hair cut short it will make the rest of your body look bigger because you don't have that extra hair on top as a balance.

I don't think that's true. I have short hair (not unlike Karen's pic) and I get a lot of compliments and don't look disproportionate.

Your weight is your weight -- nothing will really "distract" people from noticing it, like visual tricks or optical illusions or something! You can make the rest of you look and BE so awesome, though, that they notice your weight but don't remember it, because it's not one of the most important things about you. I think a great haircut that suits you, suits your face, and fits into your lifestyle is one of the biggest advantages a person can have! (A smile that you want to climb inside of is probably tied with "great hair" for first place, but let's not quibble.)

You know, maybe it's a cultural thing or whatever, but I'm really not used to someone flat out saying to an effective stranger "you're overweight, so that hairstyle will make you look like even more of a fatty."

I just find that really really o_0 like that's a kind of personal observation I wouldn't make to a close friend, let alone a random internet acquaintance. But I guess I just don't get girl culture. When you say you're feeling a bit down and want to talk about getting a haircut to cheer you up - I do think it's kind of tactless to say the least to point out how huge they are and how a haircut will make them look even bigger.

This kind of behaviour is *really* alien to me.

i think face shape is actually the most important thing to consider with a hair style: i've realised that really long hair really ~doesn't~ flatter my face all, and i suit it much better at shoulder-ish length.

the problem is that i'm extremely lazy about getting my hair cut so it inevitably ends up a couple of feet long.

My face is supposedly "heart-shaped" (whatever that means.) Does this mean I can rock a bob or not?

you could certainly rock a bob in that picture! (so cuet!!)

Thanks! I am wondering if I'm just secretly hoping that getting that haircut will make me magically as cuet as an eight year old again. ;-)

Yeah, Christine, that came across as pretty tactless. I don't think that's "girl culture" either, or at least it shouldn't be.

Heart shaped faces look fab w/ bobs!

I think Christine is only applying a standard that she believes in for herself, is the thing. I'm pretty sure you've mentioned that you prefer to keep your own hair longer for the same reason, C...? Good intentions, maybe an indelicate execution.

Kate: I weigh about the same as you do. I'm not talking about hiding extra weight or think it's something to be hidden, I just don't think heavier women look good with short hair. It's not a value judgement. I don't think of you as a virtual stranger--we've both been posting to ILX, what, about nine years now?--but as a fellow ILXor. This is the kind of advice I'd want to have given to me, not 'tactful' advice. Advice I could use. Also, I have little or no personal experience of adult 'girl culture', so I have no idea if other women act like me.

Heart-shaped faces have a narrow forehead, wide, broad cheekbones, and a narrow, pointed chin.

(Forgot to post that I have one myself.)

And I do apologize if I've hurt you, Kate.

You said you weigh 200 pounds, right? If you get your hair cut short it will make the rest of your body look bigger because you don't have that extra hair on top as a balance.

― Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Friday, September 17, 2010 10:05 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark

hey, this is nonsense. many women of many different sizes look great with short hair.

I agree with Laurel and Just1n3 - and another, fucked up cultural stigma of overweight women, is that overweight = slovenly, unkempt - so the traditional advice is to look like you take care of your appearance to compensate. Of course, this also ties in which the projection of confidence that Laurel mentions upthread.

I generally try to keep my hair about chin-length, but then I think I have a fairly short neck and broad shoulders

That actually reminds me of something else - if I had short hair, I'd have to wash it every day. That is a massive plus for super long hair - if you don't feel like washing it, you can stick it in a ponytail and it doesn't look that awful, but shorter hair has to be clean. (Unless you are a skinny floppy boy in a dronerock band, in which case it can be as filthy as he likes.)

Christine I'm sorry that you don't like the way you look with short hair. Insisting that all fat women look bad with short hair is still really annoying. You don't even know what I look like, you know?

It just feels like you're projecting on the rest of us because of something unpleasant that happened to you.

hey, let's not gang up on christine - she apologised, and it's obvious that she didn't mean to be insulting or rude.

i like having short hair but i do worry every time i get it cut that it's going to make my face look like a fat football. all i can do is rely on my hairdresser to have some experience of making ppl look good!

It just feels like you're projecting on the rest of us because of something unpleasant that happened to you.

Something unpleasant? Nothing that I can think of. I'm willing to believe that you're an exception to the "heavier women should wear their hair long" rule--all fashion rules have exceptions.

K - is your hair thin? Other option is you can cut it just long enough so that you could put it up in a ponytail if you don't want to deal with a big change in maintenance.

I honestly don't believe in fashion rules.

Like, I think you get a sense of what feels comfortable (foremost in importance) and doesn't make you look awful, but mostly it's just a question of taste.

AT 5'8" and 200 lbs I know the world of mainstream "fashion" or "style" or whatever you want to call is simply isn't meant for me, so I'm just going to do with my appearance whatever makes *me* happy.

heavier women should wear their hair long

See I've never actually heard that. I have heard that tall women should wear their hair long. I'm 5'10" and haven't had long hair since HS so I give a big FU to that rule and that women over 40 should wear their hair on the shorter side which generally I sort of think has something to it.

My hair is quite babyfine and also I've been dyeing it for so long that it's about 3 different colours so I'd like to cut a chunk out of at least one of those colours. Two years ago, it was blonde and then I dyed it blood red and now I've been dying it gingery red so a lot of the stuff that has now been three different colours is breaking off all over the place so it's very uneven. And that is bugging me, so firstly I want it all one length, and secondly would like to work towards getting it consistent in colour and not in such bad (breaking over-dyed) shape.

/It just feels like you're projecting on the rest of us because of something unpleasant that happened to you./

Something unpleasant? Nothing that I can think of. I'm willing to believe that you're an exception to the "heavier women should wear their hair long" rule--all fashion rules have exceptions.

My point is not to carve out an exception for myself. It's to suggest that insisting on the rightness of this "rule," as though it is just an objective fact and not your opinion born of a bad haircut decision long ago, comes across as judgmental and rude.

Like if I said, "Women over 35 with long hair look awful because they are trying too hard. It is a rule."

xp

I have a terrible feeling that no matter how carefully I get my hair cut, in a week or two it will end up looking like this, because I am terrible at taking care of my hair:

http://userserve-ak.last.fm/serve/_/27952613/Aphex+Twin+young.jpg

I am now so thoroughly confused by all these "rules" that I am going to give up and just shave my head. I haven't had a shaved head since I was 15 and that was amazingly easy to take care of.

Want his shirt, though.

I kinda don't want to cut my hair because I fear that I will start to go baldish in an old lady way soon enough and would like to have lovely flowing long hippie locks while I still can. I suppose I should wait and see as more of my grey hairs come in, if they are going to be wirey and thick or even more babyfine than my regular hair.

Kate honestly just go for it. I think that you would look great with a just below chin length bob and it will take care of all the issues you mentioned. Plus, if you hate it you can always take comfort in the fact that it will grow back.

i agree with Erica

also, i feel like there is no way to predict how a new hair style will look, based on shape of face, body, other hair "rules." you kind of just have to take the plunge and get the cut and see how it turns out.

I'd say, that if you're concerned about thinning hair, cut it just long enough to put it in a loose ponytail (as opposed to a tight one)

ime more women look better with shorter hair than longer hair - there is always the compromise of shoulder length, then you can go shorter gradually or you can grow out longer again.

now that i have discovered how good a haircut from cheapo supercuts can be, i'm gonna make a serious effort to go more regularly, instead of letting my hair grow long and hideous out of sheer laziness.

Like if I said, "Women over 35 with long hair look awful because they are trying too hard. It is a rule."

I'd just shrug my shoulders and tell you that the cutoff date was 30 and that that rule has been dead for decades (it was a real one, incidentally). Let's just drop this. I've apologized, and it's clear that I tend to take this kind of thing much less personally than many of you do.

OK, I have decided that I am going to take the plunge and do it, but I'm probably gonna wait until my mum is here so that I have a second opinion*.

*also hoping that my mum will be in a good mood because she is on holiday and will tell me 8 times a day how cute it looks rather than me going ARGH I HATE IT MAKE IT GROW NOW for the next 6 months.

Next question is... WHERE... I hated the last 3 haircuts I've had and I always end up going to Hair By Fairy even though every time I come out of that place, I say SHOOT ME IF I EVER THINK OF GOING THERE AGAIN.

Kate: My hair is babyfine and thinning, too, but I've never dyed it. It's half grey (silver, actually) The thinning part is a problem for me because I was a hairpuller as a child and it's thin enough already.

exciting, Kate!!!

Post a picture of it first thing.

I'm not taking it personally. If I took it personally every time someone thought I was unattractive, I would never be able to leave the house. I do agree that I'm not being particularly constructive anymore, so I apologize for that.

enough with the apologizing - what's the protocol for shiny tights vs. matte?

Shiny tights evoke CASEIN. Please go with the matte.

matte matte matte all the way, but the only tights I wear are the thick black art school girl type, and they really don't work in shiny. (Unless they have silver threads in them - I have had a couple of pairs like that over the years. They were awesome.)

i'm horrible with getting runs and holes, so i get tights from dance supply stores - i generally will only wear shiny if i'm going out dancing

I haven't worn tights for sometime because I haven't worn a skirt in over a year, but I'd go with matte.

this thread actually got me back to wearing skirts and dresses after Laurel succinctly articulated all the problems i've had with pants.

Matte, generally, tho if I had a place to wear shiny tights, I prob would. I am unfashionably fond of patterned tights, too.

that's adventurous! i'm self-conscious about my legs being thick, so i only wear black tights.

The problem is that I don't go out on the town much and I can't wear anything but scrubs to work. Another problem is that I tend to get unsightly stubble about four hours or so after shaving, which means that casual sundress/sunskirt wear would be a problem. I'm going to be doing intake paperwork for flu clinics again this year, so I'll be able to wear skirts at least some of the time.