no boys allowed in the room!!!!

yeah, i didn't read it as rape at all - i also thought it was pretty hot.

lol. I can totally see how someone would be disturbed by that scene. Sex + violence is a combination that will always be disturbing at least on some level. Like everything it's open to interpretation and will effect everyone differently. I just thought it was interesting to see what Maria Bello had to say about it.

the lol there x-post to Kate btw

that sex scene just didn't strike me as particularly violent ... like it seemed very much an emotional tension leading to sexual release kinda thing.

Apparently a lot of ppl thought that was a semi-rape scene and in retrospect I can see where that stems from. I just find it really interesting that the same scene can cause such different reactions in ppl. You know?

It's been too long for me to remember real details but I think that's sort of what I thought too well other than "damn, that's some hot stair fucking".

yeah - it makes me wonder what their sexual histories are like - not saying that the rape/semi-rape reading is "wrong"

Me & the ex-bf would watch Cronenberg movies in the way that other couples watch porn as a "marital aid" - sorry if that's TMI.

. . .

;)

Not to be all womyn's issues message board on anyone, but I'm uncomfortable with questioning anyone's sexual history because they read a sex scene differently. If you allowed that, you could also say that anyone who works in rape crisis or counseling or agitates for greater awareness/protection must have been raped because they have particular empathy for the victims, or something equally illogical. It just doesn't follow and I don't like the direction of "She's more (read 'overly') sensitive because she's a victim/survivor/whatever."

oh, no, I wasn't even thinking of sexual histories in terms of experience/work with domestic violence at all! I was thinking primarily in terms of practices (like someone that is into bdsm might read it differently than someone who hasn't done that), or duration of relationships, or ways of relating with their partners - like, have they had the experience of getting in an argument or dealing with a traumatic event and then having sex.

Okay, fine! Just me being over-sensitive, then. Nothing to see here.

No, you're not being over-sensitive at all - I realize that what I initially said was ambiguous.

I thought she meant the sexual histories of the characters. Whoops. Yes Laurel, I agree with you 100%.

Consent is instrumental to BDSM, though.

My perspective was that I was very uncomfortable with that scene. It was ambiguous enough with regards to consent that it seemed like it could be rape. But I don't remember the context well enough to be able to consider it beyond my memory of my reaction to that scene.

spacecadet, aren't you in oxford? </.xls> i'm moving there sept/oct -- seriously, if you haven't learnt by then i'll set you loose on my bike (i am q short, the saddle can be raised if necessary).

http://chicago.craigslist.org/wcl/fuo/1849586554.html

Let's talk about whether these end tables are awesome enough to warrant a trip out to the 'burbs. I vote yes. Jeff is skeptical, but I think if we put the coffee table... somewhere else the end tables won't be too ridiculously overwhelming.

omg yes i want those

they're amazing! i can see how it might be hard to resist the impulse to redesign the room to match them, though.

They're great!

those are great, Jenny!

GIS has opened my eyes to the prospect of leopard print office chairs!

Our living room furniture would all more or less coordinate, color-wise, although it would end up being a serious RIOT of random prints. We've been meaning to get a new rug for like, seven years (I love our rug (here - http://farm1.static.flickr.com/7/11135542_404d9d0697.jpg - it's hard to tell but the main color is navy blue), and I've had it forever but it's getting pretty beat to shit and is probably not worth the expense of having repaired, so maybe these crazy ass tables would be the catalyst we've been waiting for.

That particular sex scene in History of Violence – Cronenberg brought his wife on set, so they could act out for Mortenson & Bello how to do it on screen. Which made me lol at this sentence: "It’s especially frustrating for Bello because of the efforts made with co-star Viggo Mortensen before shooting the scene to ensure that the choreography couldn’t be misconstrued." Is this the "choreography" they were referring to?

I could defs see AHOV making people uncomfortable, esp. sensitive people. OTOH after someone did something really abuse-y to me, this was the first movie I wanted to see. I think I watched History of Violence four times that week. Then I made some friends come over & watch it with me a fifth time. I think I just wanted to see a movie I liked that featured bad guys getting their asses kicked.

btw by "act out how to do it on screen" I mean Cronenberg fucked his wife on set, right in front of them.

Whoa!!!

Oh shit that's right! I'd heard that before but totally forgotten about it.

wow.

also, jenny, BUY THAT. k votes for you to buy it too.

Jeff firmly vetoed. Curse his sleek, clean, modern sensibilities. Or my chaotic, borderline tacky, Hollywood Regency/Art Noveau/Rococo, Victorian clown barf design preferences, either one.

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_HV7mKwSRGNU/Rw4VQRZgCGI/AAAAAAAAATQ/hzo-gVZoCps/s320/grimaldi+scary+clown.jpg

Representative GIS search for "Victorian clown barf."

PS David Cronenberg is a weirdo.

That clown looks like Londo from Babylon 5 /nerdface

sleek, clean, modern has nothin on those tables, nothin!

i liked history of violence. i also like d cronenberg - when i heard abt the sex on set thing, i was like, yep. i only wish to one day be that free and crazy with my freak flag (in my own way, not his way, i mean, i'm not going to make a movie like Dead Ringers either, so..)

Jenny those end tables are beautiful!

The only Cronenberg movie I have seen other than AHOV is Spider. I remember liking that one, I got sucked into it. I can also understand how that sex scene could be a turning point for the wife's character but I remember it moving so seamlessly from me being freaked out about him getting rough with her to them f-ing. I don't think I've ever had angry sex or had sex after a fight like that, so maybe I just can't relate. The main thing is there was so much more in the movie that I didn't care for.

I rly like those tables too, although they're quite busy! Tell Jeff you can put some white cloth napkins on them as drip-catchers that will calm the pattern down. I bought retro-printed yellow cloth table napkins at Target and use them to protect the top of my teak coffee table. Spread them flat, iron flatter if you're feeling OCD.

Or go to second-hand stores and buy old embroidered handkerchiefs or linens for same thing. Very handy.

crush i tried to stop having on someone i thought was kinda just too flakey has returned! with heart-stopping vengence...
dammit. i mean, hm. i mean, ow.

Aww. Do you still think he's too flaky?

ooh i hate that. i had that experience semi-recently - return of crush - it went away a lot faster this time than the first time. the feeling, not the person.

i think that b/c the crush waned, i was able to see him more clearly as a person, which was good, but also i didn't see him that often in general - partly b/c i never chase people and make all these assumptions abt others' 'busy lives' and how i don't have a place in them (am working on changing that ridic pattern...) - and now i just spent well over an hour w him and am just like omg kindred spirit.

totally done w/chasing people

it's good when you can see crushes more clearly as people, though sometimes crushes become crushes because the person in question sorta obfuscates their identity and is aloof

I know some girls who get guys to fall for him by remaining aloof for as long as possible. I can never do that, I'm so transparent.

for them* ugh.

http://www.tallkiss.com/

oh internet

but yeah, there's aloof and knowing that you're going to be chased, and then there's aloof and feeling like they might or might not chase you, pretending you don't care, but actually caring, etc.

the same person i've been plant-watering for (and using washer & dryer of - ALL my laundry is done! unprecidented) has a lot of self-empowerment books, not crappy ones, but fairly intellectual ones tbh, and i've been browsing through them. it's been interesting. so i'm rethinking what 'chasing' means, and while i wldn't chase in many forms, i need to at least put effort/energy in and see myself as chase-able - i mean, i have all kinds of evidence of that having actually and in fact happened throughout my adult life and yet i discount it these days. being 30-something is so weird. better than 20-something, but weirder.

i don't care anymore

i dunno -- i think chasing makes sense if you genuinely like the person. otherwise you just sit there pretending to not care and that doesn't work when both people do it, now does it

chasing worked for me, though i didn't do it with the embarrassing fervor i had done it in the past

also this is like 150,000 xposts, but riding to and from social events is pretty much the reason that i can get myself to go to social events like 90% of the time

i'm seriously thinking abt winterizing my mountain bike this year! at least for neighbourhood jaunts (my road bike is too much summer fun, don't want to wreck it)

i think my new answer is to just let my true loving self shine through any silly anxieties these days tbh. getting over caring abt what people think as long as i'm not hurting anyone, right? embrace the weirdness

that's my motto
it's part of the true unfettered glory of one's 30s imo

the only time i have to rein it in a little is at work, but students aren't allowed to see full on 100% me anyway. too vulnerable!