no boys allowed in the room!!!!

i've noticed a lot of women do this as they get older - dye hair in lighter shades - like my mom dyes her hair light brown, which i think is weird because her natural hair color is dark brown/almost black - is it a skin tone thing?

Yeah total skin tone thing bc skin tone needs more 'warming up' as we get older. Like I know older ladies who stopped wearing black even bc it started making them look washed out.

I really need to get my hair fixed too right now, along w the bad haircut. and get dif make-up bc I am summer darker/pinker.. And teeth cleaned. This never happens to me - feel like I'm falling apart!

xp - yeah the first thing - things to do, so many of them, but my skepticism + an often-unexpected shyness needs to take a hike.

Like I know older ladies who stopped wearing black even bc it started making them look washed out.

what a sad thought - i hope these ladies were thin/slender at least ...

xp - maybe find a friend that is also interested in said things, or at least is willing to say, "WTF - if it's horrible or lame at least I'll have a good story to tell" to go with you?

They started wearing dark brown instead! True stories!

okay, that's not so sad.

It's funny bc I am usually that friend! I do go to many dif places and things - I just don't nec socialize. Need to bring along my more outgoing talk-to-anyone friends and re-learn that skill.

if i lived near you rrrobyn i would totally be the talk-to-anyone friend! i was shy once, so it is totally possible to learn or re-learn that skill.

a good way to start is at a bar or party where everyone is drinking/drunk, because if you embarrass yourself, or feel embarrassed in the slightest you can always blame it on alcohol, or at least, it is much more likely that the other people won't remember

Wld kiw u for sure - yeah my talk-to-anyone friends all moved away or now have boyfriends, which has changed things. I used to be the get a little drunk, talk to guys, get asked out girl. and then sthing happened, like feeling too old or some crap. But when in sf or nyc all's well on that front. I maybe should just act like in on vacation all the time haha.

xpost/I used to wear a lot more red than I do now but that's the only 'tone-down' I can think of that really applies (the hair colour difference is minimal and I've been covering grey since I was 19, so whatevs). As far as the aging process goes, I have good genes and a grandmother who seems to have left me her legs (she could go bare in above-the-knee skirts up to age 70, srsly) and her cheekbones. When I am older it is going to be very difficult to give up the dark hair part of the very dark hair/very blue eyes combo.

In other news, yesterday my new editor gave me best thing ever - soon MAC are doing new lines in tribute to Disney villains soon and I am therefore rocking the Cruella de Vil lipstick tube containing a colour called HEARTLESS. Launches late September: http://www.temptalia.com/mac-disney-venomous-villains-collection

totally having a "all my friends are in relationships and i'm not" bout of glumness now - but, i just got out of a really long relationship less than a year ago, so i feel like it's my turn to feel like that or something ...

but yeah, the "on vacation" thing - seems like it's a concern about consequences or self-image or i dunno

Haha yeah i have some issues there and re: permanency

I'm thinking about going dark, or darker at least, in terms of hair color come fall. I've done it before but never been totally sure if I liked it or not. Kind of feeling the idea now though tbh.

how is when you go gray genetically determined? More precisely, is there a simple way of knowing this based on looking at family members or is it more complicated?

My parents were barely grey in their 40s but I was rapidly greying in my 20s and fully so by my mid 30s :( I still have nfi how.

(tho I suspect stress/booze may have added to it)

huh. i'm in my mid-30s and have no gray hair - my mom started going gray in her early 40s, and my dad didn't do so until his early 60s, but it sounds like this means nothing

Yeah I always wondered too, but I sis read somewhere that (for eg) heavy druggers/drinkers go grey fast cos of the stress on the body, erm, heh I wonder if thats why i did :(

I DID read, guh.

Data point: I def fell into the heavy substance user category for my 20s plus a few years on either side and I'm 37 and just starting to get enough gray hairs to make it worth my while to color. And it's prob not as noticeable as I think it is.

I always wanted to be the kind of woman who refuse to dye her gray hair but I'm going gray in this washed out, sad way and I guess I am more vain than I realized.

i've not been a heavy substance abuser and i'm getting a lot of white hairs in my 20s (can't really call it going grey yet) - apparently my grandmother was fully white-headed by her mid-thirties so i've been assuming i have that to look forward to. But it did start when i was emotionally pretty stressed. I'm hoping that if I can keep calm and restrict the stress to small bursts i'll end up with just one white streak rather than depressing salt-and-pepper. (my mother had white streaks like highlights when i was a kid)

i don't have any grey hairs, but every rare once in a while a lone white one appears. i wonder what will happen re: that one day - maybe i will be one of those older ladies who tint their white hair platinum blonde! rad. but yeah my natural quite dark hair colour has dulled out a bit in the past couple of years, plus the summer further dulls it. plus colour is kinda fun! going to go a warm brown-red (as prescribed by 'the good hairstylist' who has been out of town for two months) :)

for all my whare i go meet nice mans, i ended up having a really nice time hanging with newish guy friend yesterday. we have an affinity. not letting it make me nervous, not jumping any guns...

My mother went gray early––she had visible grays starting in her 20s, and was completely gray by 40. She was a pretty, steely gray then. Now her hair is completely white.

The way my hair is looking, it seems like it might just go white, though I'll most probably be salt and pepper for a while before that. I can't imagine my hair completely turning gray in the next four years. I don't dye it yet, but I will have to see how it looks when it's more heavily transitional. For now, anyway, I'm still mostly brunette. Or so I like to think.

I was never much with substance abuse, but I've got plenty of stress, unfortunately.

XP yay for enjoying your time with newish guy friend, without putting pressure on any of it mentally. :-)

I have about a dozen white hairs that I just pluck out. My coworker says 'nooo, ten more will grow back in their place' but she also wonders what would happen if an IUD floated out of your uterus and into your body.

what would happen if an IUD floated out of your uterus and into your body? The image reminds me of those garbage barges that just float around the ocean...or the big piles of garbage that also float around the ocean, just not on barges

ut she also wonders what would happen if an IUD floated out of your uterus and into your body.

It always startles me when an adult female friend says or misunderstands something fundamental about ones own body. In my early 20s a friend of mine shuffled up to me one day and whispered "can you like, actually go to the toilet when you're wearing a tampon?" She'd been reluctant to use one as she thought it'd come out, or get in the way, or something.

wau.

Yeah that was kind of my reaction. How can you get to yr 20s and not know how a tampon works? :/

I have a pretty good grey streak in the middle of the left side of my head. It started when I was about 15 and friends in school used to pull the greys out but now when people see it they are like "cooooool!" I've never dyed my hair and don't plan on it.

My dad had all white hair by the time he was 50. My mom has always dyed her hair so I don't know but she HAS done the thing where she gets more and more blonde as she gets older. She used to dye her hair dark red, and her natural color is plain ol' brown. As for wearing different colors, she tans really well and is outside a lot now because she's retired so she can still wear black and look OK I guess.

I just got out of being in 2 / 3 consecutive relationships for 5 years. Not that long when put into persepective, but I haven't had to worry about being single for my entire 20's and now I don't really know what to do. I went to a punk show by myself Friday and I only knew one other person there. I talked to some dudes but it got boring so I left and fell asleep watching Arrested Development at my friend's house :/

That sounds like a perfectly reasonable way to spend a Friday night to me.

It was certainly fun and reasonable! But was weird talking to guys I didn't know. I felt like I maybe should have been trying harder to flirt or talk people up or something.

Man, fuck that!

I found that one of the best things about biking to things, weather permitting, was that no matter how inconsequential a time I had at The Actual Thing, I never, EVER felt like it was a waste of my time if I got a nice pedal out of it. Night rides, warm breezes, seeing funny things and viewing views that no one else is there to see at that moment -- this is a great kind of freedom and the pleasure of it really cut me loose from all other expectations.

i drove to the grocery store this morning and i saw some people riding bikes and i wanted to ride a bike so bad even though it's so hot. but i haven't ridden mine in over a year. one i sort of broke (temporarily) and it needs work. and i won't have health insurance until next month. fwiw i can't wait to have gray hair but i have blonde hair so i'm not gonna notice it until i'm old.

Riding bikes to Activities is really fun and I should do it more often. I walk almost everywhere and if I'm feeling down after work or something the walk home gets me into a better mood.

The thing (actually Saturday, not Friday) was that having a bf became a sort of barrier and I felt exposed without a person standing next to me that I could make off hand comments to or laugh at things with. I'm getting over that though! Hopefully soon that feeling of exposure will be more like freedom.

Sometimes going to things alone means that you'll be that person who's hanging out by herself, smiling and listening or watching the action but not obviously being the center of something. So what? That's okay too. It did give me some food for thought re what things I was really going to enjoy in a focused way, and rule out some things that were only interesting if I went with a friend. That's okay too.

Plus on the off chance that you DO start talking to someone or you hate the event or w/e, you are FREE TO DO WHATEVER YOU WANT. Go home. Go to the afterparty. Kiss someone. Meet some people who seem cool and accept their invitation to grab a burger after the show. You know? Circulate, chat with casual acquaintances, don't have to explain to anyone where you are or where you'll be in 20 minutes, or plan to meet up again later, or anything. It's really pretty awesome.

NB: I have been known to go to shows where I knew no one and no one talked to me but I knew I'd like the band so I took a book and read until they started.

This is by all definitions totally lame. But spend your time the way you WANT to spend it, right? And I want to be reading.

again, GREAT idea! I don't think reading is ever lame.

I never really learned to cycle as a kid - ok, I did have a bike when I was 7, but I was too scared of falling off to go anywhere on it; haven't touched one since about 8 or 9 - it but it would be a convenient way of getting around now.

Wish I knew someone of similar height whose bike I could borrow in the hope of finding out whether I might ever actually be safe using the thing without spending (much) money.

thrift stores always have cheap bikes! Garage sales too.

Or you could steal borrow one that someone left unlocked and unattended.

I have come to a place of acceptance w/ my preference for walking/public transit over biking as a way to get around. I tried to be a Bike Person, and while I did pretty well with a bike as my main mode of transpo when I lived in college towns, I'm a big old chicken when it comes to any real urban riding. I did fine when I lived in a quieter 'hood and could ride side streets to work (and had a job that was pretty close to my apt. and where arriving all sweatified from riding a bike there was okay) but now that I have a grown up, business casual lawyer job and live in a very busy area (where like three bikers in four months were killed by traffic a couple of years ago), I have decided to let that whole bike riding thing go, and I am very happy w/ that decision.

spacecadet, does your council offer bike training? my council's bike training scheme will lend people bikes for the duration of the 2hr training session - it might be worth seeing if yours does as well? I learnt to ride a bike at age 24 so signed up for bike training to make sure i wasn't doing everything wrong, it was pretty useful.

i like riding my bike about the city but pretty much every trip will involve some kind of stuck-behind-a-bus/undercut-by-a-motorcycle/badly-rolled-up-jeans-caught-in-chain/shouted-at-by-with-driver type incident of screaming terror. but it's kind of balanced out by the bits where it's all joy!

C'mon, I've gone weeks, even months without any terror whatsoever!

I'm not saying everyone's gotta love biking or w/e but don't scare her off before she even starts!

I am just offering the example of contended self-acceptance if it turns out for spacecadet that riding a bike is not for her.

I found that one of the best things about biking to things, weather permitting, was that no matter how inconsequential a time I had at The Actual Thing, I never, EVER felt like it was a waste of my time if I got a nice pedal out of it. Night rides, warm breezes, seeing funny things and viewing views that no one else is there to see at that moment -- this is a great kind of freedom and the pleasure of it really cut me loose from all other expectations.

― the soul of the avocado escapes as soon as you open it (Laurel), Monday, July 19, 2010 11:03 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

THIS! Freeeedom! :D

oh i was trying to say that there is a lot of terror but the bliss of being on a bike outweighs it - i think i would feel really bad about my biking, esp the learning period, if i were led to believe that it was supposed to be all joy and freedom and that most people didn't have moments where all thought in their brain was replaced with the word BUS in red capitals.

Yeah, fair enough to Jenny & C#. I think maybe I'm unusually unconcerned about my physical safety -- there's a spike of adrenaline when something bad seems to be happening, but afterward I forget about it and somehow I just don't feel like The Bad Thing can happen to me. Which is clearly statistically false because Bad Things happen to SOMEbody, but it just doesn't sink in or seem important.

i really try to avoid the major bus routes... i'm sure i would spend a few months in terror learning how to bike right in manhattan. i spent a few months in terror learning how to bike in montreal and now a lot of it is total comfort-zone (except semi-suburban route-to-highway busy ridic bus-route streets. fuck those.)