I close friend of mine had a hysterectomy at 27 because her endo was so bad. She had even tried chemo to get rid of it but it was completely debilitating and that was the last resort.
― o sh!t a ˁ˚ᴥ˚ˀ (ENBB), Wednesday, 9 June 2010 17:41 (thirteen years ago) link
Yeah. The presacral things was a last resort for me. I would get stuck in the bathtub and not be able to stand up to get out.
harbl - did your mom have the endo before the kids or just after? was she relieved from pain during the pregnancy at least? that is sad!
― Kelsey Glamour (Nijoli), Wednesday, 9 June 2010 18:20 (thirteen years ago) link
i dunno i think it was after. the hysterectomy was when i was like 22, 19 years after 3rd kid. i could be wrong. fwiw i have not experienced any symptoms, not even bad cramps.
― harbl, Wednesday, 9 June 2010 18:33 (thirteen years ago) link
i really have no idea. i just never want to have my uterus removed, it didn't seem like fun.
― harbl, Wednesday, 9 June 2010 18:35 (thirteen years ago) link
being newly single after a very long time, i've gotten plenty of dating/relationship advice, a lot of it conflicting. But a lot of it is of the "don't worry, it will just happen when you're least expecting it" variety. It seems like this type of thing is something that women get told a lot about various things...it just feels so passive.
― sarahel, Monday, 21 June 2010 18:04 (thirteen years ago) link
Have personally told it to a lot of men too, tbh. Think this is more of a universal truth about trying to make your life run in directions that require the involvement of other people and/or chance opportunity.
― the soul of the avocado escapes as soon as you open it (Laurel), Monday, 21 June 2010 18:08 (thirteen years ago) link
but compare it with what we're commonly told about looking for work - another example of something that requires the involvement of other people and/or chance opportunity? I'm not arguing the truth of it, because I obviously don't know.
― sarahel, Monday, 21 June 2010 18:28 (thirteen years ago) link
My advice, as someone who was habitually single until recently, is just to make your life totally awesome. If you already like the life you have, it will be more fun every day AND make you a more interesting/engaged and happier person, which is a great set-up for potentially meeting and/or being attractive to another interesting and happy person.
Also, and you must already know this from yr recent events, never underestimate the pleasure of going to bed when YOU are tired, watching a movie of your choosing that no one criticizes, not worrying about food until YOU are hungry, getting up when you wake up and leaving the house at your leisure and not returning until you run out of fun things to do, and other delights of the single life.
― the soul of the avocado escapes as soon as you open it (Laurel), Monday, 21 June 2010 18:30 (thirteen years ago) link
being not-single sounds shitty
― Hans-Jörg Butt (harbl), Monday, 21 June 2010 18:32 (thirteen years ago) link
being not-single has a lot of enjoyable aspects
― sarahel, Monday, 21 June 2010 18:35 (thirteen years ago) link
it's just interesting how advice/perspectives on love and romance differ from other things in American culture. But maybe not?
So far the most pragmatic advice I've gotten was the suggestion that I invest in a quality eyelash curler so that my eyes will appear larger and more "bambi-like"
― sarahel, Monday, 21 June 2010 18:42 (thirteen years ago) link
That's completely bizarre.
― the soul of the avocado escapes as soon as you open it (Laurel), Monday, 21 June 2010 18:43 (thirteen years ago) link
the theory is that by appearing more like a defenseless woodland creature it would activate the male protective instinct - or something like that.
― sarahel, Monday, 21 June 2010 18:45 (thirteen years ago) link
Being not-single is a big adjustment for me, I complain about it rather a lot because my life before was built on being free to commit my time to all my friends and other hobby-ist activities like biking, reading for hours, being gone from home all day for days in a row for dance gigs or practices. I spent very little time actually relaxing at home, and I only involved other people in my activities when it was convenient for me.
This is your prerogative when you're single and childless but it does result in no one being there for you and you alone when you want them. I want someone to miss me, someday.
― the soul of the avocado escapes as soon as you open it (Laurel), Monday, 21 June 2010 18:48 (thirteen years ago) link
Sorry, not trying to unleash any universal truths on anybody else with that last two lines. Just to say that my previous life was extremely busy, even over-scheduled, and possibly an extreme of independent. Would NEVER have gotten a pet, for instance, b/c it would need something from me and cramp my schedule.
― the soul of the avocado escapes as soon as you open it (Laurel), Monday, 21 June 2010 18:53 (thirteen years ago) link
Would NEVER have gotten a pet, for instance, b/c it would need something from me and cramp my schedule.
Getting a pet was a frequent piece of advice - but I just don't have the time to devote, plus i don't like cleaning up poop.
― sarahel, Monday, 21 June 2010 18:56 (thirteen years ago) link
I want to get a pet but schlepping a small poodle (what I'd get, I like a dog to be smarter than the other dogs) between countries, even with pet passport, or having to leave her for long stretches is a giant pain in the arse.
― WHEN CROWS GO BAD (suzy), Monday, 21 June 2010 18:59 (thirteen years ago) link
offended that deer have been described here as defenseless
― (roxymuzak) ((((d-.-b)))) (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 22 June 2010 13:43 (thirteen years ago) link
I was almost attacked by a deer once. Had to run up a hill to escape, truly terrifying.
― peacocks, Tuesday, 22 June 2010 21:19 (thirteen years ago) link
ps. what guys look that closely at your eyelashes?
pps. what guys are attracted to defenseless woodland creatures? ew
― peacocks, Tuesday, 22 June 2010 21:21 (thirteen years ago) link
It's a well-known fact that deer can't run up hills. Always head for high ground.
― the soul of the avocado escapes as soon as you open it (Laurel), Tuesday, 22 June 2010 21:22 (thirteen years ago) link
Eyelash curlers scare me.
― tokyo rosemary, Wednesday, 23 June 2010 04:23 (thirteen years ago) link
well, he couldn't see me anymore anyway.
― peacocks, Wednesday, 23 June 2010 11:15 (thirteen years ago) link
because of eyelash curlers?
― sarahel, Wednesday, 23 June 2010 20:22 (thirteen years ago) link
Yeah he curled them the wrong way that poor, clumsy animal.
― peacocks, Wednesday, 23 June 2010 20:33 (thirteen years ago) link
i've never owned or used an eyelash curler - they look too much like surgical tools
― sarahel, Wednesday, 23 June 2010 20:35 (thirteen years ago) link
they pinch. and they put little bends in your eyelashes...i never could manage to get a curl instead of a series of bends.
― JuliaA, Wednesday, 23 June 2010 20:50 (thirteen years ago) link
I always wondered that. They should call them eyelash crimpers.
― the soul of the avocado escapes as soon as you open it (Laurel), Wednesday, 23 June 2010 21:06 (thirteen years ago) link
Some of them are horrible but I have a lightweight metal pair that are fine (and you can warm them with a hairdryer) - they shouldn't pinch. My eyelashes stick straight out but I look 100x more awake if I curl them.
― Not the real Village People, Thursday, 24 June 2010 01:13 (thirteen years ago) link
you put on mascara afterwards and the bends become a curl
― (roxymuzak) ((((d-.-b)))) (roxymuzak), Thursday, 24 June 2010 02:16 (thirteen years ago) link
So I've been on a few dates with this guy who is really awesome, and I click with well. As its so soon after the billshit I went thru, I obviously just want things to be fun and non committal.
...he has a gf in a compeltely open relationship (he's poly, basically, from what I can gather). I'm not put off by this - its all up front and everything - but I do feel weird.
I'm conflicted, truth be told. I just want casual fun, but I cant let go of that little nagging thought that says "but once you start to have fun you start to get attached and then the poly thing becomes a problem because its a bit of a dealbreaker"... and ARRRGHHH this is fucking doing my head in overthinking things.
I was just *enjoying the moment* all last week. Then reality checked me upside the head. FML.
― C.R.E.P.E (Trayce), Thursday, 24 June 2010 02:19 (thirteen years ago) link
I dont know what to do.
― C.R.E.P.E (Trayce), Thursday, 24 June 2010 02:20 (thirteen years ago) link
well, obviously it seems like what you want to do is have fun, feel desirable, and not get too attached to this guy. So, it seems like the question is, how to avoid getting too attached?
― sarahel, Thursday, 24 June 2010 02:28 (thirteen years ago) link
this is gonna sound super negative and probably a bunch of ppl will disagree but imo you should quit while you're ahead: you've had some fun, end things now while it's all still good. the absolute truth of the matter is that casual sex funtimes NEVER EVER EVER last in 99.99999999999999999999999% of these situations. someone always gets more attached than the other. don't put yourself through the heartache so soon after the last one.
imo.
― just1n3, Thursday, 24 June 2010 02:33 (thirteen years ago) link
also: the trick with eyelash curlers is not to clamp them too tightly - just a gentle pressure is sufficient, esp if you heat them for a few seconds first.
― just1n3, Thursday, 24 June 2010 02:35 (thirteen years ago) link
I agree with Justine in regards to both cas sex and eyelash curlers.
― o sh!t a ˁ˚ᴥ˚ˀ (ENBB), Thursday, 24 June 2010 03:44 (thirteen years ago) link
that was a really adorable sequencing of posts, just1n3
― horseshoe, Thursday, 24 June 2010 05:06 (thirteen years ago) link
^_^
― just1n3, Thursday, 24 June 2010 05:16 (thirteen years ago) link
<3 you gals.
― C.R.E.P.E (Trayce), Thursday, 24 June 2010 05:38 (thirteen years ago) link
i just generally steer clear of anyone who is "poly" or in an "open relationship" because it tends to result in an unbearable amount of drama, and there's enough drama when it comes to simple one-on-one relationships as it is.
― sarahel, Thursday, 24 June 2010 05:40 (thirteen years ago) link
Yeah hell me too. When I first started hangin out with this guy he'd said his gf had moved out six months ago. I knew the vagu situ, so I made the (silly) assumption that they'd broken up. Apparently kind of sort of.. not.
And he's a poly type person regardless, and I'm not sure I'm up for the challenge. Prob a good thing: it'll stop me being dumb and getting too attached, hey? Sad though. He's a lovely guy.
― C.R.E.P.E (Trayce), Thursday, 24 June 2010 05:52 (thirteen years ago) link
take the experience for what it was - helping you get back on the horse, so to speak. you needed some of your confidence back, and he's given that to you. that's a pretty awesome thing, and now it sounds like you've also made a good friend. bonus!
― just1n3, Thursday, 24 June 2010 05:55 (thirteen years ago) link
otoh it can still hurt - confidence booster that it was - i think Laurel's advice is good here - focus on having an awesome life and doing stuff for yourself.
― sarahel, Thursday, 24 June 2010 05:58 (thirteen years ago) link
Ya I got plenty else to be busy with tbh.
Such as having stinky boys moving back into my house and making a big mess! >:"|
― C.R.E.P.E (Trayce), Thursday, 24 June 2010 06:06 (thirteen years ago) link
i don't know what that emoticon means, but good for you!
― sarahel, Thursday, 24 June 2010 06:06 (thirteen years ago) link
It was a typo but it looks like a cranky hitler, haha!
― C.R.E.P.E (Trayce), Thursday, 24 June 2010 06:20 (thirteen years ago) link
Any beauty regimen that involves heating up metal objects and placing them near hair just does not sound worth it to me. That and over thinking are two forces possibly keeping me from cas sex experiences.
― peacocks, Thursday, 24 June 2010 18:42 (thirteen years ago) link
I don't mind hot objects near my hair, it can't feel anything anyway. Not a big fan of potentially scorching my eyeballs, though.
Agree w just1ne re the other thing.
― the soul of the avocado escapes as soon as you open it (Laurel), Thursday, 24 June 2010 18:55 (thirteen years ago) link
"leave the party while you're still having fun" applies here in spades
― an outlet to express the dark invocations of (La Lechera), Thursday, 24 June 2010 20:07 (thirteen years ago) link
I think that unless you are also poly or are really seriously considering adopting the lifestyle, it's kind of a dead end to date a poly guy, even if he is lovely. There are so many issues to navigate if you want any chance of doing this without getting your feelings hurt, you know? It's kind of exhausting. Plus also, I think for a lot of guys (maybe not him, but pretty much every "monogamy is bogus, I am poly!" guy I have ever had any romantic interactions with), it's not about really believing in the poly lifestyle. It's just about getting as much no-strings-attached tail as possible.
― sinister chemical wisdom (Jenny), Thursday, 24 June 2010 20:15 (thirteen years ago) link