Damage ContrLOLz 2: LOL Harder

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An idea whose time has come.

phooey and nuts and phooey (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 16:37 (seven years ago) link

ac transit bus fight never4get

scott seward, Tuesday, 22 May 2012 17:39 (seven years ago) link

http://www.heraeusamba.com/

phooey and nuts and phooey (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 17:43 (seven years ago) link

and thanks. i don't know why i couldn't just do it myself. i just couldn't.

scott seward, Tuesday, 22 May 2012 17:44 (seven years ago) link

just a relief to be out of there. felt like being at the bottom of a deep pit and all those old lolz were gonna come crashing down on my head.

scott seward, Tuesday, 22 May 2012 17:45 (seven years ago) link

an avalolche, as it were

phooey and nuts and phooey (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 17:53 (seven years ago) link

scott you should learn how to use bookmarks it will take you approx 8 seconds to learn

♆ (gr8080), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 18:09 (seven years ago) link

do they enable you to look at an entire 5000 post thread?

scott seward, Tuesday, 22 May 2012 18:15 (seven years ago) link

i just opened that thread up to see if i could. almost 6000 posts actually.

scott seward, Tuesday, 22 May 2012 18:19 (seven years ago) link

my computer is still working on it...

scott seward, Tuesday, 22 May 2012 18:19 (seven years ago) link

no :(

but going to settings and turning off images will! (not very useful on a lolz thread tho)

♆ (gr8080), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 18:21 (seven years ago) link

yeah i just think if a thread gets that long nobody will ever be able to look at most of it again? a 2000 post clusterfuck thread with mostly comments is pretty easy to open up quickly. but the video/picture-heavy ones will be unreadable for future generations. maybe computers will just get really good at that kind of thing. but i like going through the old stuff i missed and that thread made that kind of impossible. i'll try the bookmark thing.

scott seward, Tuesday, 22 May 2012 18:24 (seven years ago) link

i am glad you consider future generations when you think about ILX, i do too

♆ (gr8080), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 18:25 (seven years ago) link

Grubby little future ingrates...

Love Max Ophüls of us all (Michael White), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 18:26 (seven years ago) link

i believe the children are our zingers

phooey and nuts and phooey (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 18:27 (seven years ago) link

yeah i just think if a thread gets that long nobody will ever be able to look at most of it again? a 2000 post clusterfuck thread with mostly comments is pretty easy to open up quickly. but the video/picture-heavy ones will be unreadable for future generations. maybe computers will just get really good at that kind of thing. but i like going through the old stuff i missed and that thread made that kind of impossible. i'll try the bookmark thing.

― scott seward, Tuesday, 22 May 2012 19:24 (17 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

yuh im p certain future computers will be fine

a hoy hoy, Tuesday, 22 May 2012 18:42 (seven years ago) link

its not like apple are gonna be all 'eh... they are alright as they are now, we just cannae be fucked to keep improving'

a hoy hoy, Tuesday, 22 May 2012 18:43 (seven years ago) link

Apple. Think Cannae Be Fucked.

phooey and nuts and phooey (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 18:50 (seven years ago) link

are we lol'ing harder yet

shit_ebooks (am0n), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 18:54 (seven years ago) link

GET OUT OF HER!!!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ymanPS6VAF4

scott seward, Tuesday, 22 May 2012 19:15 (seven years ago) link

GAGANESS IS NEVER NEXT TO GODLINESS!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9zeVo-tpok

scott seward, Tuesday, 22 May 2012 19:19 (seven years ago) link

OUR MASTER IS NOT THE MONSTER

???

shit_ebooks (am0n), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 19:30 (seven years ago) link

seriously better than the original:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=9GTAIhksPcw#!

Mad God 40/40 (Z S), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 22:45 (seven years ago) link

sorry, i meant:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9GTAIhksPcw

Mad God 40/40 (Z S), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 22:46 (seven years ago) link

3:30

Mad God 40/40 (Z S), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 22:47 (seven years ago) link

Hey ZS.

pplains, Wednesday, 23 May 2012 00:45 (seven years ago) link

Went to the Avatar store today.

pplains, Wednesday, 23 May 2012 00:45 (seven years ago) link

Got you a little something.

pplains, Wednesday, 23 May 2012 00:45 (seven years ago) link

Hang on. Where did I put it.

pplains, Wednesday, 23 May 2012 00:45 (seven years ago) link

Oh.

pplains, Wednesday, 23 May 2012 00:46 (seven years ago) link

Here it is.

pplains, Wednesday, 23 May 2012 00:46 (seven years ago) link

http://img835.imageshack.us/img835/7162/screenshot20120522at744.png

pplains, Wednesday, 23 May 2012 00:46 (seven years ago) link

hahahahha
YES

Mad God 40/40 (Z S), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 02:21 (seven years ago) link

Nope, disagree!! Zooey is a tree hugger and a marijuana activist.....she probably asked if it was raining, then smoked a big bowl and then found enough energy in her stoned ass to make it to the window. Hence the fact that her next course of action was to order in food. But Zooey is an actress AND a supermodel....therefore she has a supermodel appetite....a very insubstantial appetite I might add considering she would burden a restaurant delivery employee to simply deliver some tomato soup...

AppalachianKnight77 in reply to mary schmidt (Show the comment) 4 hours ago

sanskrit, Wednesday, 23 May 2012 13:47 (seven years ago) link

tbf, ordering in a bowl of tomato soup is some stoner activity

phooey and nuts and phooey (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 14:26 (seven years ago) link

"Burden"? Dude gets to leave the restaurant (probably smoke out, himself) and I'm sure twee-princess Zooey will tip him well.

Love Max Ophüls of us all (Michael White), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 15:06 (seven years ago) link

siri... burden a restaurant employee
I FOUND THREE RESTAURANT EMPLOYEES NEARBY

phooey and nuts and phooey (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 15:36 (seven years ago) link

the shackles of door delivery

Matt Armstrong, Wednesday, 23 May 2012 17:41 (seven years ago) link

did gr8ee see this? i know he likes restaurant talk

http://www.arbys.com/Statement_05-17.pdf

http://now.msn.com/now/0517-arbys-finger-sandwich.aspx

scott seward, Wednesday, 23 May 2012 22:58 (seven years ago) link

https://p.twimg.com/At-yeqKCEAEKdQJ.jpg:large

Matt Armstrong, Monday, 28 May 2012 22:23 (seven years ago) link

^ lol

pet tommy & the barkhaters (darraghmac), Monday, 28 May 2012 22:26 (seven years ago) link

Wait - you guys have never seen that before?

wolf kabob (ENBB), Monday, 28 May 2012 22:27 (seven years ago) link

It's a classic.

wolf kabob (ENBB), Monday, 28 May 2012 22:27 (seven years ago) link

i'm way behind on my bieber studies

pet tommy & the barkhaters (darraghmac), Monday, 28 May 2012 22:34 (seven years ago) link

loooooooool

Mad God 40/40 (Z S), Thursday, 31 May 2012 14:42 (seven years ago) link

What?!

"Wet chunks of China people and queers fly everywhere." (Stevie D(eux)), Thursday, 31 May 2012 15:34 (seven years ago) link

RIM = Research in Motion, maker of an early precursor to the smartphone

this guy's a gangsta? his real name's mittens. (Hurting 2), Thursday, 31 May 2012 15:38 (seven years ago) link

"an early precursor"

haha

goole, Thursday, 31 May 2012 15:50 (seven years ago) link

i have two theories on the absurd number of times that they require the customer to turn the light on and off after 2 or 8 seconds, and i have no idea what i'm talking about:

1) they were worried about a customer accidentally resetting the light, so they added more steps to make it less likely. e.g., if there were only 3 steps, then someone might accidentally reset their by turning a light on, turning it off 2 seconds later, then turning it back on 8 seconds later. so they added another step to make that more unlikely. with each additional step, a deeply paranoid project manager was still not convinced that the possibility of accidental reset was low enough. so they kept adding and adding. things got out of control.

2) they completely forgot to add a way for the customer to reset the device until the very last moment, just before shipping. some engineer realized that the whole device could be reset if a password was entered: 22822828882 (or whatever). as a bandaid fix, they decided to make the input the number of seconds between the light turning on and off. (or some other post hoc solution along these lines)

i will never make a typo ever again (Karl Malone), Thursday, 20 June 2019 17:01 (two months ago) link

i think (1) is actually the case tbh

gbx, Thursday, 20 June 2019 17:10 (two months ago) link

3) The method described at length in the instructional video doesn't actually work, but it's fun to imagine people trying to make it work.

Morrie Antoilette (Old Lunch), Thursday, 20 June 2019 17:12 (two months ago) link

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_of_Stairs_(Sleator_novel)
― El Tomboto

This sounds like a pretty cool YA dystopia - have you read it? Any good?

(Nothing to contribute about the video itself that hasn't already been expressed by other gobsmacked viewers)

emil.y, Thursday, 20 June 2019 17:13 (two months ago) link

i think (1) is actually the case tbh

same, but even then, it's like...obviously this is a wild ass guess and based on nothing, but consider the probabilities of this stuff happening on accident

0) start with the bulb off
1) turn on the bulb for 8 seconds, then off (1% chance of this happening by chance(<<this is a exceedingly generously high estimate)
2) after 2 seconds, turn the bulb back on (1% chance)
3) after 8 seconds, turn the bulb off (1% chance)

already, we are at a 1 in a 1,000,000 odds of that sequence happening, using conservative estimates (if give a 0.5% chance to the individual steps above happening, it would be a 1 in 8 million.) adding each additional step (at 1% chance of it happening accidentally) makes it 100x more unlikely:

4) after 2 seconds, turn the bulb back on (1% chance)

with this 4th step, we're already at a 1 in a 100 MILLION chance that this would happen accidentally

i will never make a typo ever again (Karl Malone), Thursday, 20 June 2019 17:26 (two months ago) link

...but then they added maybe a dozen more steps after that? the odds of that happening are so low that i don't think numbers can express it

i will never make a typo ever again (Karl Malone), Thursday, 20 June 2019 17:28 (two months ago) link

It's better to play it safe and add another iteration or two. Or fourteen. Or seventy-two. Because can you even imagine the resulting catastrophe if someone accidentally restored their bulb to factory settings? Can you?

Morrie Antoilette (Old Lunch), Thursday, 20 June 2019 17:29 (two months ago) link

These are like Anally-Retentive Chef-levels of overprecaution here.

Morrie Antoilette (Old Lunch), Thursday, 20 June 2019 17:30 (two months ago) link

maybe this is genius viral marketing. because now i kind of want to buy one of these bulbs just so i can show someone how to reset it

i will never make a typo ever again (Karl Malone), Thursday, 20 June 2019 17:31 (two months ago) link

lol I thought the video was just repeating the procedure over and over so that the user would remember it.

brownie, Thursday, 20 June 2019 17:51 (two months ago) link

/https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_of_Stairs_(Sleator_novel🕸)
― El Tomboto/

This sounds like a pretty cool YA dystopia - have you read it?


i vividly remember reading this and sleator’s singularity when i was maybe eight and being scared in a very enjoyable way by them

no idea how they’d hold up in adulthood but they’ve stayed with me for like 30 years so there’s something to them i guess

RUSSIA’S SEXIEST POKER STAR ELECTROCUTED BY HAIRDRYER (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 20 June 2019 17:56 (two months ago) link

1) they were worried about a customer accidentally resetting the light, so they added more steps to make it less likely. e.g., if there were only 3 steps, then someone might accidentally reset their by turning a light on, turning it off 2 seconds later, then turning it back on 8 seconds later. so they added another step to make that more unlikely. with each additional step, a deeply paranoid project manager was still not convinced that the possibility of accidental reset was low enough. so they kept adding and adding. things got out of control.

You make it sound like the project manager was watching some old episode of the Bob Newhart Show where Emily's all "Goodnight, Bob," and he's all "Goodnight", turns off the light and realizes something. Turns on the light and says, "Em, but you said the garbage man –" and back and forth even though the show was set in the 1970s before they had this goddm fucking bullshit.

pplains, Thursday, 20 June 2019 18:24 (two months ago) link

I mean, just think of the consequences if the light were accidentally reset. My God.

jmm, Thursday, 20 June 2019 18:30 (two months ago) link

once you reset a smart bulb there's no going back to life you had

brownie, Thursday, 20 June 2019 18:35 (two months ago) link

The children of tomorrow will snicker when we try to explain that we used to merely flip a switch to turn on a light, and that we certainly never needed to call in a FEMA task force to change a light bulb in the event that one blew out.

Morrie Antoilette (Old Lunch), Thursday, 20 June 2019 18:45 (two months ago) link

xp you can go back for eight seconds but then it's off to your new life for two seconds then back for eight seconds then off to your new life then

Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Thursday, 20 June 2019 18:45 (two months ago) link

We're at DEFCON 1, people. Start the reset, and may God have mercy on us all.

jmm, Thursday, 20 June 2019 18:46 (two months ago) link

Eight seconds...two seconds. Eight seconds...two seconds. Eight seconds...three seconds, oh god no are those Cenobites oh god help me help meeeeee

Morrie Antoilette (Old Lunch), Thursday, 20 June 2019 18:50 (two months ago) link

We have... such sights to show you... for eight seconds... followed by two seconds of torture...

brigadier pudding (DJP), Thursday, 20 June 2019 18:53 (two months ago) link

i think my favorite part of the video is how the demo actor hightails it out of the camera frame as soon as their role in the debacle is over

i will never make a typo ever again (Karl Malone), Thursday, 20 June 2019 18:54 (two months ago) link

'and finally, step 523: wait 8 seconds and then turn the light back on. 1...2...3...*sounds of coat being put on*...4...5...*quickly receding footstep noises*...6....7....8 *door slams*

i will never make a typo ever again (Karl Malone), Thursday, 20 June 2019 18:56 (two months ago) link

wait...that would mean they forgot to hit the light the last time because they were already out the door

well shit, gotta start the reset process over

i will never make a typo ever again (Karl Malone), Thursday, 20 June 2019 18:56 (two months ago) link

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fULNUr0rvEc

Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Thursday, 20 June 2019 18:59 (two months ago) link

you need a buddy and a pound each of red beets and fresh asparagus to factory reset your GE smart toilet

Cecil replies to your e-mails (Sufjan Grafton), Thursday, 20 June 2019 19:00 (two months ago) link

This clearly should've been a HowToBasic video.

Morrie Antoilette (Old Lunch), Thursday, 20 June 2019 19:06 (two months ago) link

to emil.y & bizarro: yes, House of Stairs has stuck with me for ages. Not to spoil the ending but it’s basically a hybrid of Rock Band and the video we’re all discussing here

El Tomboto, Thursday, 20 June 2019 20:54 (two months ago) link

one month passes...

pic.twitter.com/jxo5Yb87Xr

— Unusual Videos 🤔 (@UnusualVideos) July 19, 2019

another no-holds-barred Tokey Wedge adventure for men (bizarro gazzara), Monday, 29 July 2019 13:29 (three weeks ago) link

pic.twitter.com/XWGTk9pTJL

— Drug Art (@Art_Relatable) July 31, 2019

Funky Isolations (jed_), Wednesday, 31 July 2019 09:44 (three weeks ago) link

a+, the true purpose for which extremely high framerate cameras were developed

another no-holds-barred Tokey Wedge adventure for men (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 31 July 2019 10:38 (three weeks ago) link

two weeks pass...

[continues for 2,000 words]

Captain ACAB (Neil S), Friday, 16 August 2019 09:14 (one week ago) link

still, it's good to see the editors at Conservapedia are keeping going

Captain ACAB (Neil S), Friday, 16 August 2019 09:15 (one week ago) link

Took a picture of myself every day for 10 years. pic.twitter.com/3DYlEYAoXV

— Jack Bensinger (@JackBensinger) July 25, 2019

pplains, Tuesday, 20 August 2019 23:55 (five days ago) link

lol

ilm jive mind (FlopsyDuck), Wednesday, 21 August 2019 13:25 (four days ago) link

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EEg11pHZhzI

Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Friday, 23 August 2019 14:40 (two days ago) link

https://i.imgur.com/Jbqbjmp.jpg

pplains, Saturday, 24 August 2019 13:23 (yesterday) link

ahahahahaha

Vape Store (crüt), Saturday, 24 August 2019 14:35 (yesterday) link

lolll

world's #1 piece of shit (rip van wanko), Saturday, 24 August 2019 16:51 (yesterday) link

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lrc-AMjhrkY

del griffith, Sunday, 25 August 2019 01:06 (nineteen hours ago) link

if u couldn't find the 'people who seem to have figured out how to live' thread you should of asked, we would of helped u

McGrief the Crying Dog (Old Lunch), Sunday, 25 August 2019 01:34 (nineteen hours ago) link

oh don't think I didn't. it's for pictures, and this is a video. so you're welcome

del griffith, Sunday, 25 August 2019 02:34 (eighteen hours ago) link

p.s. wosop in the house tonight

del griffith, Sunday, 25 August 2019 02:34 (eighteen hours ago) link

WOSOOOOP

If, despite my persistent efforts, I do not become some pale simulacrum of this man over the next decade or so, please just bury me alive for I will basically already be dead.

McGrief the Crying Dog (Old Lunch), Sunday, 25 August 2019 03:18 (seventeen hours ago) link

We’ll keep a lookout for your YouTube channel

El Tomboto, Sunday, 25 August 2019 04:06 (sixteen hours ago) link

wosop

del griffith, Sunday, 25 August 2019 04:42 (sixteen hours ago) link

wosop everybody in the house tonight

Karl Malone, Sunday, 25 August 2019 04:57 (fifteen hours ago) link

it's good to see boomba back on the wav, haven't seen him there in a while

Karl Malone, Sunday, 25 August 2019 04:58 (fifteen hours ago) link

WOSOP
WOSOP

jmm, Sunday, 25 August 2019 12:09 (eight hours ago) link

JMM OTM

alomar lines, Sunday, 25 August 2019 17:14 (three hours ago) link

wosop
BALLOON

Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Sunday, 25 August 2019 19:15 (one hour ago) link


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