zing

In every vagina ever

1. Sand
2. Blood

-- The Real Esteban Buttez (estiebuttez...), October 10th, 2006 7:30 AM

3. Esteban's "calling card"

-- teh_kit (kittenslikemil...), October 10th, 2006 7:30 AM. (g-kit)

Sorry, "the_kit", but you presence isn't required until "In every shitty thread ever"!

-- The Real Esteban Buttez (estiebuttez...), October 10th, 2006 7:34 AM. (EstieButtez1)

hah. this weekend i met a friend's girlfriend for the first time. she's a resident doctor in girlie parts in ny. i asked her if she ever see's patients with sand in their vaginas

did she get creeped out?

yeah, she didn't get the joke. (she probably had sand in hers)

less memes more ned zings

there was a ned sideburns zing somewhere i tried to find but no dice

oh god, fuck nanowrimo

ned + no editing = my everest

he has this on his webpage

http://kuci.org/~nraggett/bird-winner-100.jpghttp://kuci.org/~nraggett/nanowrimo2003_winner_icon.jpg

heres his novel http://kuci.org/~nraggett/gordon/

Chapter 1

It was a warm night, as well it should be. Given that it was summer and all

http://www.jimgaston.com/snoopy/snoopy_typewriter.gif

It was a warm night, as well it should be. Given that it was summer and all.

haha xpost

omg i shit you not its a code-based conspiracy thriller set in rome

Not as good as: http://www.hawaii.edu/powerkills/NH.HTM

Nightingale nodded, and gesturing to the others said, "With the assistance of these fine people -- and for a share of the profits, in the form of selections of what we are acquiring -- I am going to rob the most exclusive stamp collection in the world. That of the Vatican."

Ned's second chapter begins with a chat-room transcript.

i swear to god he's the only man alive to still maintain a personal home page

A dude w/ bookjacket covers that shd feature Michael Dudikoff SHOULD be nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize.

From chat room #philatelyrox:

HingeLord: U kno it wll be the best
Serrated: Fuck you! Tha shit iz played. Argentina 1950 complete set iz da bomb.
Angelus: Can't you people talk calmly?
HingeLord: Angelus, u are so old.
CancelMaster: You're always complaining
Angelus: A bit of restraint wouldn't go amiss.
SlyStampCat: He's right, but for the wrong reasons.
HingeLord: Haha, I knu Cat would step in.
STAMPGOD has joined.
STAMPGOD: HeY! I aM lOoKiNg FoR cOoL sTaMp WaReZ!
HingeLord: Stupid nubie.
UpsideDownPlane has joined.
UpsideDownPlane: OMFG!
Serrated: Whut, UDP?
UpsideDownPlane: http://www.gordonnightingale.com/new/greenland1915/
HingeLord: Not him again.
Serrated: Shut up, HL, you're jealous.
UpsideDownPlane: READ THE LINK
Angelus: Can't get through.
SlyStampCat: Yeah, traffic crunch or something -- oh, hold on...
STAMPGOD: GoRdOn NiGhTiNgAlE rOxOrS!
HingeLord: Go away!
Serrated: Holy...
UpsideDownPlane: See?
Angelus: He can't be serious.
SlyStampCat: He's usually been right before.
HingeLord: He's already had it verified by InterStampPol too.
Angelus: A SECOND Greenland 1915 black polar bear stamp? UNCANCELLED?
HingeLord: Haha, Angelus might actually swear now.
SlyStampCat: Doesn't say anything about where he got it. Zingh must be going nuts right now, I'll bet. She's no longer the only one.
Angelus: Yes...hm.
HingeLord: Her guards will let people in now for free haha.
Angelus: I'm going to have to talk to some people about this.
Angelus has departed.
Serrated: Fuckin' fool. He's just talking to his bankers.
SlyStampCat has departed.
CancelMaster: What, is everyone leaving?
STAMPGOD: I'm HeRe!!!
HingeLord: DIE.

Tha shit iz played. Argentina 1950 complete set iz da bomb.

Teletubbies -- amazing, how drug use can create such wondrous things as acid rock, rave/techno, and these guys.

Nightingale and Ivey had returned to the mansion, and as it turned out -- to Ivey's surprise but evidently not to Nightingale's -- that a fair amount of the attendees had joined them and were still joining them, and not merely from the select dinner table either.

PLZTONOMOMO

i haven't even looked at it yet, so i hope nobody takes this the wrong way, but is this one of those things that's supposed to be bad / bad-on-purpose??

"I call it...Billy and the Cloneasarus."

From chatroom #philatelyrox:

HingeLord: What's happening at the Festival?
Serrated: Don't know, something about a bomb
CancelMaster: Who'd be crazy enough to do that?
UpsideDownPlane: Something got past InterStampPol.
Angelus: I always thought they were overrated.
Serrated: Fuck U, Angelus, get the stick out of your ass.
Angelus: * sighs * -- are you ever going to grow up?
Serrated: Only when you shut up.
CancelMaster: Not again, cut the crap.
STAMPGOD: BoMbS! cOoL!
HingeLord: Speaking of growing up...
UpsideDownPlane: Hey, that's weird?
HingeLord: What?
UpsideDownPlane: Report just came in, Nightingale's exhibit is closed.
CancelMaster: Huh? Why?
UpsideDownPlane: Hold on...something about an emergency, Nightingale was called away.
Angelus: Was he. I have to wonder.
Serrated: Don't think too hard, you might hurt yourself.
Angelus: I can deal with your obnoxious quips, Serrated, stop trying to impress me.
Serrated: Whatever dude.
SlyStampCat has joined the chat.
SlyStampCat: Heya
HingeLord: Hi SSC!
Angelus: Greetings.
STAMPGOD: SlYsTaMpCaT! YoU R HoTT!
SlyStampCat: Sorry, no time for little boys today.
Serrated: Haha.
UpsideDownPlane: lol
SlyStampCat: Reporting in from the Festival
HingeLord: Hey yeah, what's the haps?
SlyStampCat: Bunch of Russian stamps got shredded by a small bomb, they're already blaming everyone from the Mafia to Checnyans.
CancelMaster: Ouch
SlyStampCat: But the weird thing...
HingeLord: Yes?
Serrated: So weird not even SSC can report it!
SlyStampCat: Sorry, I was distracted by something. Weird thing is out front, they found somebody dead.
CancelMaster: Who?
SlyStampCat: Not sure -- seemed to be some sort of priest, but he looked more like a bouncer.
Angelus: Hm, really.
HingeLord: Gotta be the Holy Office pulling some shit. Stupid fucktards.
Angelus: The Holy Office is more powerful than you know, HingeLord
Serrated: The Holy Office is run by some freaked out insane old guy, you know that Angelus. You seem to know a lot about it anyway!
CancelMaster: Yeah, Angelus, stop kissing his ass.
Angelus: I see I'm just going to be insulted again.
Angelus has left the chat.
HingeLord: Haha!
STAMPGOD: DoOd, ThAt GuY sUxOrS!
HingeLord: Not as much as you.

UNNNNNNNNNNNNGH

why are you two doing this to yourselves?

lol

no special reason, just your garden-variety cocktail of boredom, stress and self-hatred

some serious zing deficiency going on here

no, i think someone mentioned ned's sideburns a few posts back

im getting bored of the whole variant question/same answer routine, so heres a little play for you all i call "Equally possible ILE threads: Two threads in two acts" (Pls allow for some creative license ie the unlikelyhood of the party in act two)

Act 1, Thread 1:

My neighbours are having a party again! Its loud!
-- Bee 1

Im SO sorry, Bee 1! How dreadful. *hugs!*
-- Bee 2

OMG!! They should burn in hell! Call the cops. Take it to the city. Youve got rights!
-- Bee 3

Yeah, but you don't have an apostophe. :P
-- HotGrammarCop (imustbeintelligentbecauseicanpunctuate@mommysaidso.org)

Show up at their door with a knife!
Better still...AN AXE!
-- Bee 4

LOL!!!!1!11 OMG You should totally do that.
-- Random Kiss Ass

Act 2, Thread 2:

Someone showed up at my door with an axe last night! I was having a party!
-- Bee 1

Im SO sorry, Bee 1! How dreadful. *hugs!*
-- Bee 2

OMG!! They should burn in hell! Call the cops. Take it to the city. Youve got rights!
-- Bee 3

Yeah, but you don't have an apostophe. :P
-- HotGrammarCop (imustbeintelligentbecauseicanpunctuate@mommysaidso.org)

You should have another party next weekend!
Better still...A LOUDER PARTY!
-- Bee 4

LOL!!!!1!11 OMG You should totally do that.
-- Random Kiss Ass

-- sunny successor (he hates my guts, we had a fight)

Did the stag film resemble your plans for Rachael Ray, Shakey?

-- milo z (wooderso...), Today 7:32 PM.

I was once involved with a nu-metaller-type bloke. He wanted to combine our tastes in music and call our offspring (ha! no pun intended) Zombie Jarvis. That would have totally rocked.

-- ailsa (ailsa_watson7...), October 22nd, 2003.

rocked a bag of dicks

-- oops (don'temailmenicelad...), October 22nd, 2003.

xxpost - that sunny post is a classic

24. Simpsons quote thread
25. Minor board member commiting suicide and being over-eulogised by people who didn't actually know who he was
26. Hilarious David Hasselhoff photos
27. Someone explaining what Godwin's Law is
-- Sadly, he will be the next Alexis Petridish. (juror...), October 11th, 2006 5:28 PM. (Dom Passantino) (later)

has 25 ever happened here?
-- electric sound of jim [and why not] (electricsoun...), October 11th, 2006 5:36 PM. (electricsound) (later)

god willing.
-- shabba ranks (wt...), October 11th, 2006 5:38 PM. (dubplatestyle) (later)

^^REAL LULZ

You two are like the Wonder Twins of ILM. Except your secret powers are "Form of a sexless shut in," and "shape of a virgin."
-- Mr. Que (pelagi...), October 12th, 2006 11:21 AM.

lolololololo

haha where is that from?

i shouldn't encourage them but this had me laughing:

Is "catch a ride with a Yankee" the new "subsequentially meet the Brooklyn pavement"? I like it better than the old one, it's catchier, funnier, showing significant improvement. A-.

-- Allyzay lives aprox. 200 feet away from a stadium (allyza...) (webmail), Today 10:06 AM. (allyzay) (later) (link)

http://www.stlouiswalkoffame.org/images/phyllis-diller.gif
-- Dr Morbius (wjwe...) (webmail), Today 10:10 AM. (Dr Morbius) (later) (link)

'Marquee Moon' LP is overrated xpost

'virgin' is just the greatest insult

You two are like the Wonder Twins of ILM. Except your secret powers are "Form of a sexless shut in," and "shape of a virgin."

-- Mr. Que (pelagi...), October 12th, 2006. (Mr.Que)

omg, someone already posted that and i didn't even look. i guess it was THAT funny.

who was that in reference to?

god, you're making me start to agree with TOMBOT ffs

-- cousin larry bundgee (bge...) (webmail), October 12th, 2006 4:58 PM. (bundgee) (later) (link) (admin) (userip)

ANDWHAT: have you ever seen the in living color seinfeld sketch
SHIPLEY: i'm not sure
ANDWHAT: jim carrey as seinfeld & the fat guy as george
ANDWHAT: its on youtube
ANDWHAT: i highly recommend it
SHIPLEY: yeah this is good
SHIPLEY: why does George look like Newman, though
ANDWHAT: cmon in living color only had so many white dudes
SHIPLEY: isn't that djdee's blog
SHIPLEY: somanywhitedudes.com