Deal breakers

but are you an honest guy?

if I was completely honest about how much of a nice guy I'm being most of the time I wouldn't be a nice guy anymore

think about that shit, cause it's true

man you think too much.

^^^^ deal breaker (to ladies)

should also possibly go in truth bombs

Israeli military t-shirt

Birthright Israel

^ actually, I'd like a free trip so forget about that

Is the Israeli military t-shirt part of a viral marketing campaign for that new Adam Sandler movie?

i either am or aspire to be approx 95% of these DBs

ungodly snoring

from NYT.com comments section, tips on how to sell you house

Two words: Remove Stains. I learned that lesson selling my first house. A wonderful selling point of my house is the large two-car garage. Impeccably maintained, with sturdy shelves, cabinets and solid workbenches - perfect for a man's man dream workshop. Now, I'm a hunter; killing game is what I do. Normally not an important detail when selling your house, but cleaning animals is, like or not, a part of the hunting process. The problem is that after years of slicing, dicing and hanging fresh kill to drain in the garage, a rather large crimson-tinged stain has formed in the center of the concrete floor. Kind of hard to explain away to prospective buyers, especially when they see the stain first, then the meat hook hanging directly above (a permanent fixture, unfortunately - or fortunately, depending on how you look at it). Take my word for it, "suspicious stains" are a sure deal breaker!
- zef, NYC

ladies and gentlemen, the suspicious stains

haunted garage

my neighbor found a wooden dildo from late 1800s/early 20th c under their floor

that would make for an interesting episode of Antiques Roadshow

that reminds me of a popup book my family had when i was a kid called "Naughty 90s" referring to the 1890s. it was mostly drawings of women whose skirts and/or legs would pop up when you turned the page.

my friend found a ouija board in the crawlspace of his house along with a creepy photo from the '70s taken in his living room.

with a creepy photo from the '70s taken in his living room.

THAT would be creepy. I need to make my own and stick it in one of the upper cabinets.

"I'm iN yr house, dRANING my fresh K1ll"

dbs lately:

LONG DISTANCE FUCK YOU

no LA
no San Jose
no Cupertino
no Palo Alto
no Redwood City

NO MORE, DAWGS

lets dog watch us do it

vegetarian

whoops i meant to type 'vegetarian who only eats meat replacement foods and not actual vegetables' but got itchy on the trigger finger

ie tacos w morningstar veggie crumbles, etc

so otm about meat replacement foods. i don't even care if u wanna eat actual meat just stop eating veggie crumbles please

mentions FEMA camps

lol nick. both of those are dealbreakers for me!

srsly, the dog is not going to stay in the room while we fuck, is he? i'm out.

(x)

unless you're joining in, stay out doggie

uhhh

*evil grin*

uhhh

a puppy otm

never on time

what about cats in the room?

i wouldnt say no to a little pus- aaahhh stop it

I remember one time in college I went to a little outdoor eating place to see a friend and meet his friends. Some girl almost immediately told me that facial hair and unkempt finger nails is an automatic turnoff for her. "nice to meet you too (weirdo)"

trim your nails ffs

shave your beard ffs

i... don't have one.

so you caved in did you

whoops i meant to type 'vegetarian who only eats meat replacement foods and not actual vegetables' but got itchy on the trigger finger

I'd ask if you were dating my roommate except she only goes for girls. EAT VEGETABLES. IT'S SUMMER, FFS.

LORAX IS BACK BABBIES

(in replay to my story) - It was just weird how this person spouted out these deal breakers from seemingly nowhere. It was like she was telling me "no dice" when I hadn't even talked to her let alone hit on her. And it's not like my nails or van dyke were in bad (let alone mediocre) shape either. But "that's a deal breaker" (30 rock reference for my homies)

"tats," "tatted up" etc.

You getting hit on by the boondock saints or what?

"Why doesn't this music have any words?"

Too much excessive repetitive punctuation in email!!!

Thinking that if you do stupid hateful shit while drunk, it doesn't count at all.

To quote achewood, church-faced retards