DEAR NABISCO

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one time I was starting to go out with a guy and he made me sit with him to look through a photo album, half of which was photos of ex-gfs in various states of undress. WEEEEEEIIIIIIRDO.

― AllyzayEisenschefterBDawkinsFlyingSquirrelRomoCrying.jpg (allyzay), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:11 (seventeen years ago) link

and the next page was pictures of all the mountain dews

― say it with blood diamonds (a_p), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:12 (seventeen years ago) link

as soon as someone you are dating tries to make you look at a photo album, you run away

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:13 (seventeen years ago) link

it it's just someone shy's excuse for sitting directly next to you on the couch, it's not that creepy. but movies are obv better.

― say it with blood diamonds (a_p), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:14 (seventeen years ago) link

oh don't get me started on the "let's watch a dvd together" scenario, I once had someone put the moves on during AMERICAN PSYCHO.

― AllyzayEisenschefterBDawkinsFlyingSquirrelRomoCrying.jpg (allyzay), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:15 (seventeen years ago) link

IT DEPENDS ON THE MOVIE, YOU APPARENTLY ONLY DATED CRAZIES

― say it with blood diamonds (a_p), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:16 (seventeen years ago) link

she married one

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:17 (seventeen years ago) link

APPARENTLY THAT IS MY "THING"

― AllyzayEisenschefterBDawkinsFlyingSquirrelRomoCrying.jpg (allyzay), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:17 (seventeen years ago) link

Oh geez yeah, you're never seeing the end of all this date movies.

― Laurel (Laurel), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:17 (seventeen years ago) link

I BLAME MY SHADY PAST

― AllyzayEisenschefterBDawkinsFlyingSquirrelRomoCrying.jpg (allyzay), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:17 (seventeen years ago) link

I took a first date to see "The Fisher King" in college. In my defense, I thought it was going to be a romantic comedy. (I was similarly tricked by "When A Man Loves A Woman".)

― The Android Cat (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:18 (seventeen years ago) link

I had three different boyfriends take me, semi-against-my-will, to the three different LOTR films. The middle one spent the entire film asking me if I wanted to fuck either Liv Tyler or the blonde girl. Every single time either was on screen!

― AllyzayEisenschefterBDawkinsFlyingSquirrelRomoCrying.jpg (allyzay), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:19 (seventeen years ago) link

(that was the same dude with ex-gf panties photo album)

― AllyzayEisenschefterBDawkinsFlyingSquirrelRomoCrying.jpg (allyzay), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:20 (seventeen years ago) link

Once went on a date with a woman who chose "Showgirls" on it's opening night.

AWKWARD.

― John Justen says Toonces was one of the most talented cats on televison (johnjus, Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:21 (seventeen years ago) link

OMG JOHN, BEST DATE EVER!

― The Android Cat (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:23 (seventeen years ago) link

and the next page was pictures of all the mountain dews
-- say it with blood diamonds (a|e...), January 17th, 2007.

HA HA HA HA

― Mr. Que (Mr.Que), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:23 (seventeen years ago) link

OK that reminds me of a hilarious story that has nothing to do with any of this. My friend L1berty's was visiting her family in Kentucky and her...not-that-swift it seems brother-in-law refused to go to whatever movie they had wanted to see, claiming it was "girly" or some such (forget what it was, something like, I dunno, Mona Lisa Smile or Crash or something or other) and then insisted on going to see BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN, because, and I quote, "It's a cowboy film, that's a MAN'S film."

During the anal sex scene he apparently yelled "WHAT THE HELL KIND OF MOVIE HAVE YOU TAKEN ME TO"

― AllyzayEisenschefterBDawkinsFlyingSquirrelRomoCrying.jpg (allyzay), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:24 (seventeen years ago) link

allyzaybookcontract.doc

― Mr. Que (Mr.Que), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:26 (seventeen years ago) link

what if someone wants to show you a photo album after you've already had sex with them once or twice?

― acid waffle house (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:40 (seventeen years ago) link

should you still run away?

― acid waffle house (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:41 (seventeen years ago) link

depends whether its photos of you having sex once or twice with them or not

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:41 (seventeen years ago) link

it's usually just photos of them with their family

― acid waffle house (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:42 (seventeen years ago) link

depends on how the sex was?

― say it with blood diamonds (a_p), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:42 (seventeen years ago) link

sex not necessarily involved

― acid waffle house (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:42 (seventeen years ago) link

i respectfully decline any photo albums that are thrust upon me

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:43 (seventeen years ago) link

do other people's memories haunt you?

― acid waffle house (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:44 (seventeen years ago) link

Yeah, it's one thing if you ASK to see a photo album, or if you spot one and are like, "Oh can I look LOL!" but I wouldn't really go and insist you look at my photo albums, you know what I mean? It's kind of weird to ask someone to look at the photos with you. Unless they are photos of cats, then it is A-OK.

― AllyzayEisenschefterBDawkinsFlyingSquirrelRomoCrying.jpg (allyzay), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:45 (seventeen years ago) link

otm

a horrible thing to have to feign interest at someone else's photos

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:46 (seventeen years ago) link

oh wow, there's you

hey it's you again

oh, it's you again

what's with the midget in the corner?

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:46 (seventeen years ago) link

i have sadly feigned interest in photo albums

― acid waffle house (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:47 (seventeen years ago) link

next time say no thank you, you will feel better about yourself

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:48 (seventeen years ago) link

I don't think I have ever recruited anyone to share in a photo album with me BESIDES my parents' wedding album, which is fucking hilarious thanks to my dad's ridiculous baby blue tuxedo.

― AllyzayEisenschefterBDawkinsFlyingSquirrelRomoCrying.jpg (allyzay), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:50 (seventeen years ago) link

i'm too much of a "nice guy" to do that, cutty

― acid waffle house (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:50 (seventeen years ago) link

besides debasement of self is kinda my shtick

― acid waffle house (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:51 (seventeen years ago) link

I think the pre-makeout photo album is about more than the sitting-close thing. I think it's basically protection against feeling like a one-night stand. For one thing, it's an activity, so it's not like you just came through the door and started stripping -- more like you were "hanging out" for a bit and then just happened to get it on. And then, more importantly, it's like a hardcore "learn about me" activity, which seems ... well, I've encountered people for whom this seemed psychologically important, I guess? Like they needed to ground themselves and introduce you to photo surrogates of their friends and family before they were ready to fool around.

I think you mostly get this if you happen to be a quiet person, though -- like if those first "well, here's my room" moments are a little quiet and tentative, then hey, let's talk about these pictures. Suddenly I'm almost nostalgic for the slow lead-ups these things could take in one's late teens.

― nabisco (nabisco), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:51 (seventeen years ago) link

and then fuckwanting yourself while listening to the Cure

― Mr. Que (Mr.Que), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:54 (seventeen years ago) link

i respectfully decline any photo albums that are thrust upon me

-- cutty (holle...), January 17th, 2007.

heh "thrust"

― latebloomer needs to be less creepy (latebloomer), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:54 (seventeen years ago) link

dry humping to the cure

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:54 (seventeen years ago) link

xpost You people are freaking me out: what do I have to do differently in my life to not have to look at everyone's photo albums ever? People are constantly making me look at that shit, and mostly not in the "seductive" way.

― nabisco (nabisco), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:54 (seventeen years ago) link

i just do a larry david

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:55 (seventeen years ago) link

be more creepy

― say it with blood diamonds (a_p), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:55 (seventeen years ago) link

nabisco, maybe you should be more like Robin Williams in this movie with peoples photo albums

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B00007976U.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

― Mr. Que (Mr.Que), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:56 (seventeen years ago) link

marty schottenheimer?

― ‘•’u (gear), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:57 (seventeen years ago) link

truly, deeply nabisco otm

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:57 (seventeen years ago) link

i'm always up for looking at a photo album i love photographs. sure sometimes they suck, but that's the chance you take. recently i learned that my friend's wife (who is also my friend but not as much) used to be a lesbian by looking at her photo album. it was all you used to dress a little weird oh is that some sort of parade hey wait a second.

― jhoshea (scoopsnoodle), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 22:00 (seventeen years ago) link

i solve the photo album dilema by only having photo albums filled with pictures of my dog. everyone likes pictures of an awesome fucking dog.

― chicago kevin (chicago kevin), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 22:02 (seventeen years ago) link

Uh, I once house-sat for someone who kept a photo album on the cookbook shelf in the kitchen...and there were nude photos in it. I would've felt guilty for intruding on their privacy but: IN THE KITCHEN.

― Laurel (Laurel), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 22:03 (seventeen years ago) link

two joys of brought together at last

― acid waffle house (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 22:03 (seventeen years ago) link

the other problem is the people getting offended when you flip through the photo album too fast

ARE YOU EVEN LOOKING AT THEM?

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 22:04 (seventeen years ago) link

laurel, sounds like someone gets their jollies from a "whoops how did that get there?? ....so whatdya think?" moment.

― chicago kevin (chicago kevin), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 22:07 (seventeen years ago) link

Skipping 149 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

that's awesome. congrats, dude.

― jeff, Tuesday, 28 September 2010 07:34 (thirteen years ago) link

three months pass...

just reread this via maxs recommend on gawker http://agrammar.tumblr.com/post/359990238/the-rules-of-the-game-a-fuller-thought-on-j-hopper and its sweet that nabisco is writing for nymag now and his reviews are typically brilliant but you know really he should be in the nytimes opinion section telling people what to think abt life - its not an unreasonable expectation

― ice cr?m, Saturday, 1 January 2011 17:42 (thirteen years ago) link

come back to ilx, nabs -- we need you now more than ever!

― markers, Saturday, 1 January 2011 17:47 (thirteen years ago) link

http://www.allanjosephbatac.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/princess-leia.jpg

― predeep natsvitika (forksclovetofu), Saturday, 1 January 2011 17:52 (thirteen years ago) link

two years pass...

― ice cr?m, Saturday, January 1, 2011 12:42 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Strangely, I just read this piece because a friend posted it on facebook. Only after I finished the whole thing, nodding to myself the entire time how OTM* it was, did I realize it was from 2010, and only after that did I realize it was by Nabisco.

*OTM isn't even really an adequate term honestly, because it implies "this is shit I already thought but hadn't put into words this well" and I think this piece goes way beyond just stating well what I already thought.

― signed, J.P. Morgan CEO (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 4 December 2013 19:50 (ten years ago) link

nabisco's point that the tumblrers whoops i mean "the game" players tend to use the people in their stories more as props than actual people strikes me as v right

― k3vin k., Wednesday, 4 December 2013 20:45 (ten years ago) link

If nabisco would be still active here, most other posters could shut up.

― Skatalite of Dub (James Redd and the Blecchs), Wednesday, 4 December 2013 20:57 (ten years ago) link

you're at least half right

― Strangers look on with a discernible, barely contained ‘wow’. (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 4 December 2013 21:03 (ten years ago) link

he posted today fyi, break out your commemorative otms

― lag∞n, Wednesday, 4 December 2013 21:05 (ten years ago) link

*scoops noodle*

― am0n, Wednesday, 4 December 2013 21:32 (ten years ago) link

^love that place

― From the Album No Baby for You! (Matt P), Wednesday, 4 December 2013 21:34 (ten years ago) link

so sad he keeps talking about The Game but never actually references the rapper

― mh, Wednesday, 4 December 2013 21:47 (ten years ago) link

but you know really he should be in the nytimes opinion section telling people what to think abt life - its not an unreasonable expectation

please god let this happen

― flopson, Wednesday, 4 December 2013 21:48 (ten years ago) link

You guys are gonna take life advice from a cookie?

― you are kind, I am (waterface), Wednesday, 4 December 2013 22:14 (ten years ago) link

i always liked that nabisco would have the dense intellectually rigorous multiple paragraph posts but would also bust out the zings and hardman styles as well. a complete artist.

― slam dunk, Thursday, 5 December 2013 02:31 (ten years ago) link

nabisco is not a cookie, you twit. nabisco is the national biscuit corporation, you fool, and is worth more than 20,000 of you put together (considering just the capital assets alone).

― Aimless, Thursday, 5 December 2013 03:03 (ten years ago) link

considering just the number of cookies

― lag∞n, Thursday, 5 December 2013 03:15 (ten years ago) link

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