DEAR NABISCO

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i dont know

― acid waffle house (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 19:43 (nineteen years ago)

anyway i was just kidding

― acid waffle house (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 19:44 (nineteen years ago)

phew.xls

― m@p (plosive), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 19:44 (nineteen years ago)

"fuck-want" surely has a corresponding finnish idiom

― elmo argonaut (allocryptic), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 19:52 (nineteen years ago)

Sometimes the pictures are a little scary, though. I remember this one girl showing me the framed pictures of her family in her room, and talking about them a little, in that nice intimacy-creating way, but then half an hour later I was faintly disturbed by this photo of her dad kinda ... looking over us.

Gear, I came across that "fuck-want" here before seeing the original come from Beales, so I spent the past fifteen minutes thinking you were REALLY GROSS as opposed to REALLY FUNNY.

― nabisco (nabisco), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 20:27 (nineteen years ago)

the truth is possibly somewhere in between, nabisco

― ‘•’u (gear), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 20:33 (nineteen years ago)

(Also she was like 27 or something and I was in high school, so possibly the "rejection" stung more? Though the age difference was half of why it never occurred to me that she'd be coming on to me. And if you're 27 and trying to get with high school boys, c'mon, make the first move.)

dude wtf

ps i think you should be more creepy

― AllyzayEisenschefterBDawkinsFlyingSquirrelRomoCrying.jpg (allyzay), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 20:42 (nineteen years ago)

And if you're 27 and trying to get with high school boys, c'mon, make the first move.

duh!!

― trans pacific donkey cell phone (sleep), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 20:57 (nineteen years ago)

It was a very small town, Ally. Also she was weird and liked my band.

― nabisco (nabisco), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:00 (nineteen years ago)

the collegiate "sit next to me on the bed and look through this photo album with me" part

haha

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:07 (nineteen years ago)

one time I was starting to go out with a guy and he made me sit with him to look through a photo album, half of which was photos of ex-gfs in various states of undress. WEEEEEEIIIIIIRDO.

― AllyzayEisenschefterBDawkinsFlyingSquirrelRomoCrying.jpg (allyzay), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:11 (nineteen years ago)

and the next page was pictures of all the mountain dews

― say it with blood diamonds (a_p), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:12 (nineteen years ago)

as soon as someone you are dating tries to make you look at a photo album, you run away

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:13 (nineteen years ago)

it it's just someone shy's excuse for sitting directly next to you on the couch, it's not that creepy. but movies are obv better.

― say it with blood diamonds (a_p), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:14 (nineteen years ago)

oh don't get me started on the "let's watch a dvd together" scenario, I once had someone put the moves on during AMERICAN PSYCHO.

― AllyzayEisenschefterBDawkinsFlyingSquirrelRomoCrying.jpg (allyzay), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:15 (nineteen years ago)

IT DEPENDS ON THE MOVIE, YOU APPARENTLY ONLY DATED CRAZIES

― say it with blood diamonds (a_p), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:16 (nineteen years ago)

she married one

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:17 (nineteen years ago)

APPARENTLY THAT IS MY "THING"

― AllyzayEisenschefterBDawkinsFlyingSquirrelRomoCrying.jpg (allyzay), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:17 (nineteen years ago)

Oh geez yeah, you're never seeing the end of all this date movies.

― Laurel (Laurel), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:17 (nineteen years ago)

I BLAME MY SHADY PAST

― AllyzayEisenschefterBDawkinsFlyingSquirrelRomoCrying.jpg (allyzay), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:17 (nineteen years ago)

I took a first date to see "The Fisher King" in college. In my defense, I thought it was going to be a romantic comedy. (I was similarly tricked by "When A Man Loves A Woman".)

― The Android Cat (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:18 (nineteen years ago)

I had three different boyfriends take me, semi-against-my-will, to the three different LOTR films. The middle one spent the entire film asking me if I wanted to fuck either Liv Tyler or the blonde girl. Every single time either was on screen!

― AllyzayEisenschefterBDawkinsFlyingSquirrelRomoCrying.jpg (allyzay), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:19 (nineteen years ago)

(that was the same dude with ex-gf panties photo album)

― AllyzayEisenschefterBDawkinsFlyingSquirrelRomoCrying.jpg (allyzay), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:20 (nineteen years ago)

Once went on a date with a woman who chose "Showgirls" on it's opening night.

AWKWARD.

― John Justen says Toonces was one of the most talented cats on televison (johnjus, Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:21 (nineteen years ago)

OMG JOHN, BEST DATE EVER!

― The Android Cat (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:23 (nineteen years ago)

and the next page was pictures of all the mountain dews
-- say it with blood diamonds (a|e...), January 17th, 2007.

HA HA HA HA

― Mr. Que (Mr.Que), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:23 (nineteen years ago)

OK that reminds me of a hilarious story that has nothing to do with any of this. My friend L1berty's was visiting her family in Kentucky and her...not-that-swift it seems brother-in-law refused to go to whatever movie they had wanted to see, claiming it was "girly" or some such (forget what it was, something like, I dunno, Mona Lisa Smile or Crash or something or other) and then insisted on going to see BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN, because, and I quote, "It's a cowboy film, that's a MAN'S film."

During the anal sex scene he apparently yelled "WHAT THE HELL KIND OF MOVIE HAVE YOU TAKEN ME TO"

― AllyzayEisenschefterBDawkinsFlyingSquirrelRomoCrying.jpg (allyzay), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:24 (nineteen years ago)

allyzaybookcontract.doc

― Mr. Que (Mr.Que), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:26 (nineteen years ago)

what if someone wants to show you a photo album after you've already had sex with them once or twice?

― acid waffle house (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:40 (nineteen years ago)

should you still run away?

― acid waffle house (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:41 (nineteen years ago)

depends whether its photos of you having sex once or twice with them or not

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:41 (nineteen years ago)

it's usually just photos of them with their family

― acid waffle house (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:42 (nineteen years ago)

depends on how the sex was?

― say it with blood diamonds (a_p), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:42 (nineteen years ago)

sex not necessarily involved

― acid waffle house (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:42 (nineteen years ago)

i respectfully decline any photo albums that are thrust upon me

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:43 (nineteen years ago)

do other people's memories haunt you?

― acid waffle house (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:44 (nineteen years ago)

Yeah, it's one thing if you ASK to see a photo album, or if you spot one and are like, "Oh can I look LOL!" but I wouldn't really go and insist you look at my photo albums, you know what I mean? It's kind of weird to ask someone to look at the photos with you. Unless they are photos of cats, then it is A-OK.

― AllyzayEisenschefterBDawkinsFlyingSquirrelRomoCrying.jpg (allyzay), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:45 (nineteen years ago)

otm

a horrible thing to have to feign interest at someone else's photos

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:46 (nineteen years ago)

oh wow, there's you

hey it's you again

oh, it's you again

what's with the midget in the corner?

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:46 (nineteen years ago)

i have sadly feigned interest in photo albums

― acid waffle house (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:47 (nineteen years ago)

next time say no thank you, you will feel better about yourself

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:48 (nineteen years ago)

I don't think I have ever recruited anyone to share in a photo album with me BESIDES my parents' wedding album, which is fucking hilarious thanks to my dad's ridiculous baby blue tuxedo.

― AllyzayEisenschefterBDawkinsFlyingSquirrelRomoCrying.jpg (allyzay), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:50 (nineteen years ago)

i'm too much of a "nice guy" to do that, cutty

― acid waffle house (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:50 (nineteen years ago)

besides debasement of self is kinda my shtick

― acid waffle house (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:51 (nineteen years ago)

I think the pre-makeout photo album is about more than the sitting-close thing. I think it's basically protection against feeling like a one-night stand. For one thing, it's an activity, so it's not like you just came through the door and started stripping -- more like you were "hanging out" for a bit and then just happened to get it on. And then, more importantly, it's like a hardcore "learn about me" activity, which seems ... well, I've encountered people for whom this seemed psychologically important, I guess? Like they needed to ground themselves and introduce you to photo surrogates of their friends and family before they were ready to fool around.

I think you mostly get this if you happen to be a quiet person, though -- like if those first "well, here's my room" moments are a little quiet and tentative, then hey, let's talk about these pictures. Suddenly I'm almost nostalgic for the slow lead-ups these things could take in one's late teens.

― nabisco (nabisco), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:51 (nineteen years ago)

and then fuckwanting yourself while listening to the Cure

― Mr. Que (Mr.Que), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:54 (nineteen years ago)

i respectfully decline any photo albums that are thrust upon me

-- cutty (holle...), January 17th, 2007.

heh "thrust"

― latebloomer needs to be less creepy (latebloomer), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:54 (nineteen years ago)

dry humping to the cure

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:54 (nineteen years ago)

xpost You people are freaking me out: what do I have to do differently in my life to not have to look at everyone's photo albums ever? People are constantly making me look at that shit, and mostly not in the "seductive" way.

― nabisco (nabisco), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:54 (nineteen years ago)

i just do a larry david

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 21:55 (nineteen years ago)

Skipping 149 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

wow. awesome!

― dmr, Monday, 27 September 2010 17:34 (fifteen years ago)

hi 5s

― Muscus ex Craneo Humano (forksclovetofu), Monday, 27 September 2010 17:36 (fifteen years ago)

That's super cool & super deserved!

― Mormons come out of the sky and they stand there (Abbbottt), Monday, 27 September 2010 21:18 (fifteen years ago)

AMAZING! yaaaaaaaaaaay congrats!!!

― horseshoe, Monday, 27 September 2010 23:16 (fifteen years ago)

congrats nabisco! looking forward to reading lots more of you.

― ♫ Ba-sic space, o-pen air ♪ (sic), Monday, 27 September 2010 23:19 (fifteen years ago)

this doesnt mean the end of his pfork column does it? cos i likes reading that

― a hoy hoy, Monday, 27 September 2010 23:22 (fifteen years ago)

holy fuckbuckets! congrats!!

― If Airplanes Could Fly This Place Would Be An Airport (s1ocki), Tuesday, 28 September 2010 00:19 (fifteen years ago)

wowowww! :D

― obliquity of the ecliptic (rrrobyn), Tuesday, 28 September 2010 00:40 (fifteen years ago)

good work, nitsuh!

― not everything is a campfire (ian), Tuesday, 28 September 2010 02:48 (fifteen years ago)

many many many congrats, well done, super happy for him :) :) <3

― i'm gonna be straight with y'all, my name is banaka jones (Z S), Tuesday, 28 September 2010 03:38 (fifteen years ago)

that's awesome. congrats, dude.

― jeff, Tuesday, 28 September 2010 07:34 (fifteen years ago)

three months pass...

just reread this via maxs recommend on gawker http://agrammar.tumblr.com/post/359990238/the-rules-of-the-game-a-fuller-thought-on-j-hopper and its sweet that nabisco is writing for nymag now and his reviews are typically brilliant but you know really he should be in the nytimes opinion section telling people what to think abt life - its not an unreasonable expectation

― ice cr?m, Saturday, 1 January 2011 17:42 (fifteen years ago)

come back to ilx, nabs -- we need you now more than ever!

― markers, Saturday, 1 January 2011 17:47 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.allanjosephbatac.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/princess-leia.jpg

― predeep natsvitika (forksclovetofu), Saturday, 1 January 2011 17:52 (fifteen years ago)

two years pass...

― ice cr?m, Saturday, January 1, 2011 12:42 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Strangely, I just read this piece because a friend posted it on facebook. Only after I finished the whole thing, nodding to myself the entire time how OTM* it was, did I realize it was from 2010, and only after that did I realize it was by Nabisco.

*OTM isn't even really an adequate term honestly, because it implies "this is shit I already thought but hadn't put into words this well" and I think this piece goes way beyond just stating well what I already thought.

― signed, J.P. Morgan CEO (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 4 December 2013 19:50 (twelve years ago)

nabisco's point that the tumblrers whoops i mean "the game" players tend to use the people in their stories more as props than actual people strikes me as v right

― k3vin k., Wednesday, 4 December 2013 20:45 (twelve years ago)

If nabisco would be still active here, most other posters could shut up.

― Skatalite of Dub (James Redd and the Blecchs), Wednesday, 4 December 2013 20:57 (twelve years ago)

you're at least half right

― Strangers look on with a discernible, barely contained ‘wow’. (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 4 December 2013 21:03 (twelve years ago)

he posted today fyi, break out your commemorative otms

― lag∞n, Wednesday, 4 December 2013 21:05 (twelve years ago)

*scoops noodle*

― am0n, Wednesday, 4 December 2013 21:32 (twelve years ago)

^love that place

― From the Album No Baby for You! (Matt P), Wednesday, 4 December 2013 21:34 (twelve years ago)

so sad he keeps talking about The Game but never actually references the rapper

― mh, Wednesday, 4 December 2013 21:47 (twelve years ago)

but you know really he should be in the nytimes opinion section telling people what to think abt life - its not an unreasonable expectation

please god let this happen

― flopson, Wednesday, 4 December 2013 21:48 (twelve years ago)

You guys are gonna take life advice from a cookie?

― you are kind, I am (waterface), Wednesday, 4 December 2013 22:14 (twelve years ago)

i always liked that nabisco would have the dense intellectually rigorous multiple paragraph posts but would also bust out the zings and hardman styles as well. a complete artist.

― slam dunk, Thursday, 5 December 2013 02:31 (twelve years ago)

nabisco is not a cookie, you twit. nabisco is the national biscuit corporation, you fool, and is worth more than 20,000 of you put together (considering just the capital assets alone).

― Aimless, Thursday, 5 December 2013 03:03 (twelve years ago)

considering just the number of cookies

― lag∞n, Thursday, 5 December 2013 03:15 (twelve years ago)

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