zing

looooool

contenderizer a+

cold

Maybe one of the things people are taught in rehab is "telling people to fuck off"?

Instructor: "Hello, welcome to 'Telling People To Fuck Off 101'. First of all, I want you all to cough."
Class: "(cough)"
Instructor: "Excellent! Now say the word 'fuh'."
Class: "fuh?"
Instructor: "Try and say it a bit more clearly. Like this - 'fuh'."
Class: "fuh!"
Instructor: "Very good! Now we're going to combine the two together. So I want you all to cough, and then immediately say 'fuh'. Let's all try that now."
Class: "(cough) fuh"
Instructor: "Now I want you all to cough, say 'fuh', then cough again, and say 'fuh', and keep coughing and 'fuh'ing like that."
Class: "(cough) fuh, (cough) fuh, (cough) fuh, (cough) fuh"
Instructor: "Keep going, but a little bit faster!"
Class: "(cough) fuh (cough) fuh (cough) fuh (cough) fuh"
Instructor: "Faster!"
Class: "(cough)fuh(cough)fuh(cough)fuh(cough)fuh"
Instructor: "Louder!"
Class: "fuckofffuckofffuckoffFUCKOFFFUCKOFFFUCKOFFFUCKOFFFUCKOFFFUCKOFFFUCKOFFFUCKOFFFUCKOFFFUCKOFFFUCKOFFFUCKOFFFUCKOFFFUCKOFFFUCKOFFFUCKOFFFUCKOFFFUCKOFFFUCKOFFFUCKOFFFUCKOFFFUCKOFFFUCKOFFFUCKOFFFUCKOFFFUCKOFFFUCKOFFFUCKOFFFUCKOFFFUCKOFFFUCKOFFFUCKOFFFUCKOFFFUCKOFFFUCKOFFFUCKOFF"
Instructor: "And... STOP!"
(class stops, slumping back in their chairs visibly out of breath)
Instructor: "Excellent. That ends the lesson for today. Tomorrow we'll learn about the importance of being able to raise the middle finger!"

― Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Friday, August 27, 2010 3:58 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

[...]

Was that from the Edinburgh Fringe Festival?

― lavender hotel kumquat (kkvgz), Friday, August 27, 2010 4:14 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark

I'm pretty sure I already SBed you and Kerm, but I kind of lost track so I'll do it again just to be safe.

You should try eating more and relaxing a little and maybe you won't be such a judgmental grump about other people's bodies.

― Jenny, Friday, August 27, 2010 8:01 PM

Millions of doctors are just talkin crazy talk with their "lose weight"! It's all just a fashion industry ploy!

― Ground Zero Mostel (Hurting 2), Friday, August 27, 2010 8:02 PM

No, I just think you're a dick.

― Jenny, Friday, August 27, 2010 8:02 PM

zing! i think...

I have been fired from more service industry jobs that I can remember, and that's no shit. I can't remember all the job's I've been fired from. My first job was as a bagger at Kroger. I had no idea how to bag groceries, and customers kept telling me how I should be doing it instead, usually in the meanest possible way they could think of. As in, "You put the cans in the bottom. Are you retarded or something?" I quit after the first day, and lied to my Mom about it. I said I was fired. She called the store, found out the truth, and threw me out of the house for two nights. I slept under a bush for the first night, and a a friend's place the second. I think I've been terrified of getting a regular job ever since.

― blood and organs, cruelty and decay (kenan), Thursday, September 2, 2010

Also, women.

― blood and organs, cruelty and decay (kenan), Thursday, September 2, 2010

Wow, that is interesting.

― next person tries to teach me about JOY IN LIFE gets a tubgirl in return (Jesse)

Fuck you.

― blood and organs, cruelty and decay (kenan), Thursday, September 2, 2010

XD

bringin iiiiiiiiiiiiit

Pavement :: Pitchfork as Sgt. Pepper :: Rolling Stone

hands up if you're surprised by any of this...

― Elvis Telecom, Friday, 3 September 2010 21:32 (16 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

hands up if you're tired of shitty analogies

― Gucci Mane hermeneuticist (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Friday, 3 September 2010 21:34 (14 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

i was just thinking about this on my way to lunch and then typed it up when i got home, eesh

― miccio kurihara (Whiney G. Weingarten), Wednesday, September 1, 2010 1:30 PM (4 days ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

They don't have wifi at subway yet?

― J0rdan S., Wednesday, September 1, 2010 1:32 PM (4 days ago)

never gonna get old

I want to make some kind of bird/bush/hand joke but... argh.

― The Jung Ones (Trayce), Monday, September 6, 2010 1:21 AM (18 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT

― lieutenant jimmy john (kelpolaris), Monday, September 6, 2010 1:46 AM (18 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

What are you, twelve?

― The Jung Ones (Trayce), Monday, September 6, 2010 1:53 AM (18 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

^^ effective zing because kelpolaris is most likely twelve

IQ, anyway

oh snap

<3

that "loser" song. i remember that from when it came out! absolutely dreadful. it's like a fucking parody of every socially inept indie mumble there's every been! "i'm a loser so why don't you kill me?" - OK THEN, happily!

― لوووووووووووووووووووول (lex pretend), Friday, September 3, 2010 3:34 AM (6 days ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Rap? More like CRAP!

― symsymsym, Friday, September 3, 2010 3:52 AM (6 days ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

^^ effective zing because kelpolaris is most likely twelve

Lollll thats precisely why I said it =)

The reason I like this idea for a poll is it bolsters my already strong conviction that I don't really wanna write about music that's less than 10 years old anymore. A couple of years out, all these songs pretty much sound like shit to me. Fuck you and your debut. Wake me up when your fifth album drops.

― Born In A Test Tube, Raised In A Cage (unperson), Sunday, September 12, 2010 4:59 PM

i think its cool that not only do u listen to 10+ year old music, but you make 10+ year old arguments too

― *sets trend* (deej), Sunday, September 12, 2010 5:00 PM Bookmark

ha!

tight zing

hoooooooooooooot

hahaha

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goodnight

― false prophets talk in metaphors (CaptainLorax), Tuesday, September 14, 2010 12:25 AM (7 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

good formatting

― banaka socka flame (J0rdan S.), Tuesday, September 14, 2010 12:26 AM (7 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

http://twitter.com/50cent/status/24512538825

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh omg

wau congradulation 50 cent

u_u

this is schoolyard stuff, kanye getting sonned by the crim kids

really we shouldn't approve

not sure that's a zing? 50's mom is dead too, you know

yeah that's how i took it
i think whiney just thought that cuzza dom's tweet

shiv hidden in an olive branch, kanye best advised to ignore

but that's the sort of paranoid mentality you get growing up in areas like ilx

i dont think he was dissing

50 zings are usually sharper than that

yeah, 50 is a v zingy dude when he's up for it

delete this thread, i have random outbursts of "i think im funny" which has been recently provoked by my arm breaking and thus vicodon/pain-killer prescriptions off the hizzy, whereas i laugh at everything i say like i am now. haha... i said hizzy.

― time for a chimmy changa run (kelpolaris), Thursday, 16 September 2010 04:19 (4 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

I'm sorry to hear that you were born with a broken arm, kelpolaris.

― tickle me lmao (unregistered), Thursday, 16 September 2010 04:31 (4 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

hahaha damn

Ca. 300 Finnish Jews fought in the War alongside the German Army[3][4]. The field synagogue operated by the Finnish army was probably a unique phenomenon in Europe.

Guess they didn't have Google then either.

― http://tinyurl.com/vrrr0000m (Pleasant Plains), Tuesday, September 21, 2010 2:00 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark

wow wow wow wow

:O

Yeah, except Tuomas' statement was actually reasonable, fleshed out, and didn't really require any googling. I think PP had been waiting to use that one and may have been a little too quick on the zing.

zing analysis

omg

i don't get the google zing - t wasn't even asking anything?

neither were the swiss

i wonder if there's a certain kind of person who really gets no enjoyment from popular entertainment that creates the experience of a broader (invisible) community. like listening to radio DJs take callers, or watching sports games with the same announcers day-to-day, or watching sitcoms with laugh tracks.

I don't enjoy any of these things, mostly because they're just so goddamn boring and repetitive and predictable, they just make my eyes glaze over

also I am a jerk

― Gene Shalit in a Child's Sailor Hat (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, September 24, 2010 3:39 PM (4 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

I guess you don't enjoy your own posts either.

― congratulations (n/a), Friday, September 24, 2010 3:40 PM (4 hours ago)

ME-OWWWWW

this trife/$$ dude really is a farkin twunt, t'aint he?

-- 0", Sunday, February 8, 2004 11:22 AM (4 years ago) Bookmark Link

has morbius moved onto "and twunt" yet?

― Alex in Baltimore, Wednesday, April 16, 2008 1:46 PM (2 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

morbius can move on?

― and what, Wednesday, April 16, 2008 1:49 PM (2 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

::wheelchair joke::

― Alex in Baltimore, Wednesday, April 16, 2008 1:50 PM (2 years ago) Bookmark

I don't think ILX has been this collectively wrong since the grime blog era.

― srsly dudes pastiche aesthetic + amiable nihilism (Display Name), Saturday, 2 October 2010 08:37 (3 days ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

I don't think my dick has been this collectively in your mom since the grime slag era.

― world class wrecking (crüt), Saturday, 2 October 2010 09:25 (3 days ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

http://i54.tinypic.com/33u6a6v.gif

J0rdan, if u wanna resurrect zings at me from 2+ years ago, we are gonna hafta rassle.

::arthritis joke::